I'm a virgin, he's not

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. He's two years my senior (23). We haven't had sex yet because I'm not ready to. I'm a virgin and he's definitely not. We fool around (up to oral), but I don't feel like I'm ready. I always wanted to wait for marriage, but with him around, I'm considering an alternative route. I love him a lot and he loves me, but I know I'm just not ready. He's been really patient and I've asked him if he was okay whenever I stop us and he says he's fine and can wait, but idk... I feel "bad" because I know he really wants to, but then again, I don't want to force myself. and I have really big trust issues and sometimes I'm scared he'll cheat (even though he's given me no reason to believe he's not loyal to me). i was wondering what your thoughts were. if you guys out there have had to wait for someone, how did you really feel?

[miyoko-renfro]

Oral and other types of non-intercourse acts, are only going to make your decision harder. And eventually, maybe YOU reach your breaking point. Listen, it is rare to find a virgin. A virgin to non-perverted guys that is, says, you are responsible. You are a person in control, strong and not easily manipulated or lured. It shows you aren't wishy-washy, that if you believe so strongly in YOUT virginity, you have other strong beliefs. Also makes guys feel like you are the loyal type if somehow you are being loyal to your convictions.

Yeah, sure, we're guys. We almost are always ready to go. Doesn't mean we have to because we want to. Same with you, just because you think he wants ( or at least I'm sure you know he wants to) doesn't mean you have to get it to us. It's ok. We haven't always gotten what we wanted in life, and this isn't any different lol. You know how when we were little and we wanted a toy and our parents said "no." Just cause we wanted that toy doesn't mean they were gonna get for us. We get over it. And if this guy really loves you, you don't have to worry about. But do know, oral sex and messing with anything sexual will more than likely lead to more and more until you ended up doing it anyway. It's hard, I can imagine. But he can masterbate. So can you.

Besides, if you get to the nitty gritty, you are having sex in some ways. So his hand/mouth over your vagina is not sacred, but having a piece of meat 4-5 inches on average, is? That SPOT should be sacred in general, right?

This must sound weird coming from a non-virgin. But sex is sex. It's good, yeah. But I hear waiting 'till marriage is greater. And less likely you will divorce. With a divorce rate of over 50% here in the U.S, waiting sounds real promising. Plus, if you abstain, and the guy sticks it out 'till your married, you KNOW he thinks you are worth it. A real guy, in real love, will stay with you, sex or no sex. Because he should be more into you, than trying to be inside you.

[royalwalter3]

I totally agree to a certain point I agree with everything accept the masturbating part that will just build the girls temptaions and make the guy feel bad that she would rather finger herself than sleep with him so ya that's my take on it but dude well said

[Asker]

We don't have oral daily or anything. I was hesitant to do it, but he practically begged, ya know? idk...now I'm starting to feel like I'm less valuable or something :/ but he's been the only guy and it took him over a year and a half to go down on me. took me another two months to go down on him and I did it for his birthday :( I feel like such a slut now, honestly. I should've waited all together :(

[naturelover]

Let me just say the word slut is all relative. It really doesn't mean anything if you don't want it to. I personally believe in sexual freedom. I would never wait until marriage because I don't need a legal document telling me when to express what I'm feeling for someone else. I'm not saying that you should or shouldn't I'm just saying let yourself, not society make your decision. Also that statistic about marriage means nothing there are many outside factors for abstaining couples like religion

[Subotai]

Well I agree with Chica that he loves you. I can't answer this question for you I see both sides of the argument you are having with yourself. I would say trust that if he says he's fine with waiting he's fine with waiting. It sounds like he's gotten around and gotten his fair share of sex and now he's looking for something new with you and I think he's found it. If he want willing to wait he would have broken it off with you and be gettin some from someone else. So he's made a commitment. I think lots of kissing and hugging and touching and some oral are good and probably a good way to have the benefit of a physical bond without having actual intercourse. There are a lot of ways to show love

[Iadoreyou87]

Guys have needs, nothing to do with being sexist but is the truth! I'm not saying he's cheating or he will, I'm just telling you they just need it... you wait till you ready although at that speed you're getting into your 30's... however I don't understand why do you have to put marriage into it, a paper signed is not gonna make the difference and is not going to be better because of it, what makes the difference is the passion and feelings between both, you're lucky he does seem to loves you, that should be enough between 2 people... and just because you did a blow job, does not make you a slut, or what are we us who did not wait till got married?...having said this is really up to you... you want it to be special yeah sure, who doesnt? what's more special than doing it with someone you love?...SEX is GOOD, SEX is FUN, SEX is HEALTHY... you'll find out!

[ChicaLuv]

well...funny thing is I had a situation like yours only it was the other way around. My boyfriend was the virgin and I wasn't. after he found out, he felt that he had to step his game up to be up there with me, but I wasn't feeling that. I told him that he should only lose it when he felt he was ready, not because he felt he had to catch up with me. I was patient and didn't rush him into anything he didn't want. I didn't think he would have wanted to have sex with me for his first time, but he surprised me by saying that he wanted me to be his first.

I think...and this might sound a little crazy, but I think he loves you more because he is waiting for u, and when you two finally are together, he's going to make it memorable :)

[Asker]

:) I love this opposite here. that doesn't really happen. my boyfriend's very patient, but idk... I have this whole "he's a guy" thing in my head. I don't want him to reach a breaking point. sometimes I just want to break up so he can find somebody who'll sleep with him, lol. uh...i hope you're right. he's a good catch, ya know? girls check him out sometimes, but I'm not a really jealous person, but I do get self-conscious about it. :/

[ChicaLuv]

I believe he is :) i have not come across a guy who has stayed in an ongoing relationship, remaining faithful, with a girl who is a virgin, for two years! yes, you have a good catch because if he was going to leave, he would have already done so

[ChicaLuv]

I believe he is :) i have had yet to come across a guy who has been in an ongoing relationship, and remained faithful for 2 years with a girl who was a virgin. lol...for them a month without sex is a long time! so I think you have a good guy on your hands if he were going to leave, he would have done so already

[Asker]

Aww, thank you. I'm really happy I have him. took him long enough to come along (lol) but yeah... just worried. he's my first everything thus far (kiss, relationship, etc) and he's been real good about that. sometimes he laughs at me (jerk LOL) but other than that, patient as ever. it's too good to be true, I guess.

[ChicaLuv]

Hunni you better hold onto him! cuz good guys like that are hard to come by :)

[trod199]

Really someone banged you?

[ChicaLuv]

And then of course you have that one ignorant asshole who has to say something that is of no concern to him. but to answer your question trod199, no, no one has ever "banged" me, banged is the same as f***ed, and in both cases, there is no emotional attachment. It's a hit em and leave em type of situation...which I never take part in. hmmm when was the last time you got some? or are you still a virgin as well? it doesn't look like you get much play, but I could be mistaken, just as you were :)

[TayloQueen]

I was going to wait til marriage too. but then I fell head over heels for my boyfriend. I love and trust him more then anything and we wereboth virgins so no one was pressuring anyone it was because we both wanted it and were sure. I was so happy and now we have a healthy, sexualy active relationship. But it is all about when you are ready and when he is honestly ready to make that step with you.

[tngmania]

Wait until it feels right. I'm a virgin and I am 21 and if the guy loves you he will wait.

[Verbal]

You know when you are engaging yourself in any kind of sexual acts be it touching, or even oral it is much harder to not only resist the urges that develop but to sustain from them all together. If you are not ready for sex then don't do it but also don't do the other crap. What is one worth if you continue to do the others? Where does that get you?

[Asker]

So you're advise to me is to cease all sexual activity?

[l-hedoniste]

There's waiting, and then there's waiting. There's waiting with a girl who'll fool around until she gets around to intercourse, and there's waiting for a girl who won't do anything beyond advanced hand holding. In other words, there's waiting with a (non-intercourse) sex life, and there's waiting FOR a sex life.

I don't deal with the latter. I can expand, adapt, or change my sex life to fit the woman I'm with, but I won't throw it away because she's not ready for one.

[Asker]

So if a girl wouldn't do oral, you'd be out the door?

[Verbal]

I would say to cease it, if you are not ready for it you are not ready for it and if the guy can not respect that then say.... Peace Out

[l-hedoniste]

"So if a girl wouldn't do oral, you'd be out the door?" Depends on why. If it's trauma that's stopping her, then I could let that slide, but if she's unwilling to make the effort, I'll have to think "If a BJ is this much trouble, what will I go through when the blindfold comes out?" I can forgive a bad BJ, but bad attitude is a dealbreaker.

[Littletad]

I think you should stick your ground and wait until your ready to have sex. If you feel that is best, then do so. If he really loved you and cared about you, he will wait. If he complains, then he doesn't really respect your wishes.

[adammaudite]

Yeah, I think good communication is really important, and so is going with how you feel. If you have sex, and it's something you really don't want, it probably won't be a positive experience.

[aussie-bloke]

if he has waited that long.. I'm sure your the only girl on his mind.

make sure YOUR ready when you deside to have sex, because a girl NEVER forgets

her first time.

[Marrryyyyy]

sigh..i feel like you too :(

[Asker]

I'm glad I'm not alone in the world :/ I talked to my boyfriend tho and he's still so reassuring like 'no, relax, babe. it's cool, blah, blah, blah...' but it's like... come on, man. I kinda want him to scream and tell me he's frustrated, haha.

[Michael22]

wait it out. wait till your ready. don't let him convince you that your ready.

[jacquesvol]

That's what happens if you date older boys: their experience, expectations (and liberties!) aren't the same as yours.

[Iadoreyou87]

hahaha is just 2 years difference!

[Asker]

exactly! still together :)

[will79502]

marriage holy f***in sh*t

no don't wait

take it slow ask him if he is

adam is right

and make sure he gos slow k DON'T DO DOGGY

[JBelm]

Do not give your morals up. If you really want t wait till marriage, wait. tell him about it, if he is the one, he really will understand.

[Anonymous]

He must be a real keeper if you have been with him for 2 years and still haven't done it yet!:) I don't think anyone's ever really ready for it, ha, its better to get it over with if you ask me! You both love each other, what's holding you back?

Good luck! :)

[Anonymous]

I personally would not consider waiting beyond the third date. If you are not putting it out by then, what am I wasting my time with you for? I will find a girl with more mature views.

[Asker]

Wow, I hope you're not serious. you have some nerves talking about maturity.

[Opinion Owner]

I am serious and I gave you my opinion. If you didn't want opinions, maybe you should not have posted a question.

[royalwalter3]

Dude your an idiot and its people like you that are ruining girls lives

[peace-love-couture]

I know who this is.Haha.using the term "putting out" makes a woman wanna have sex

[Tofukitty]

Pathetic. I get the feeling you don't get laid much.