Sexual Health
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I want a vibrator, but I know my boyfriend would be upset...?

I really would like to get a vibrator for my boyfriend to use on me. I have had orgasms before (on my own, with a shower head) but I can't seem to have one with him. I need constant direct stimulation for a LONG time in order to orgasm. (I've tried masturbating and most of the time I can't get myself off, even when I know exactly where to touch). So... I'd love to get a vibrator. Problem is, I am quite sure he'd feel upset/intimidated/rejected/not-good-enough/embarrassed ... the list goes on. Also, I am very shy and can't even imagine the conversation. So how do I approach this situation? I'm beginning to feel resentful because it's so hard to orgasm with him, even though I love how/when he touches me.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Different people need different things in order to reach orgasm- especially when it comes to women. It's normal to have trouble, take a long time, or require extra stimulation. You deserve to be able to orgasm and if you can't normally with him no matter what he does, he should be happy that there's still a way he can help satisfy you.

    I think the important thing is to not suggest that anything is wrong with his performance. Let him know that you love what he does, that it feels great, but that reaching orgasm is difficult for you (you can't even do it yourself a lot of the time, after all- it might help to mention this) and you think using a vibrator might help.

    If it was me, I'd probably start off with, "You know how it's hard for me to reach orgasm sometimes? Well, I have an idea."

    • best answer right here

    • Thanks, I like your idea of how to suggest it to him.

    • Thanks! :) Good luck!

  • Well you have several options here. One would be get your vibe of choice and not exactly tell him you have it so it can be your friend during your alone time.. Another is letting your boyfriend know that you want to enjoy sex as much as he does and you think a toy would help.

    I do have a hard time thinking a guy would not be happy to see his girl or any girl for that matter doing herself or allowing him to use it on her or the combo of him and the toy pleasing her at the same time. Almost any guy would dig that!

  • Explain that a lot of girls are like you, needing direct and prolonged clitoral stimulation. Tell him he is good in bed but you need alittle extra help. And you could also try buying a **** ring. They go on his penis and help a man maintain an erection as well as stimulate the clitoris, and it feels good for him. If you have the $ there's also the we-vibe and its shaped like a "c". Part goes in you on the g-spot and the other part rests on the clit. It's the only sex toy you can use during intercourse!

Most Helpful Guys

  • You assume he will not like it. Don't make relationship decisions based on assumptions. You need to include him in this and let him decide for himself if it would bother him. So you are getting resentful over something that might not even be true. I find that to ba a lot of possibly unnecessary drama.

    So how do you go about this? Include him in the decision. Ask "How would it make you feel if I asked you to shop for a vibrator together for me". That way you include him in the whole decision-making process and honor his feelings too.

    Hope that helps.

  • Most girls have a vibrator and every guy thinks its the norm, so don't feel awkward, go get one, and also, try getting him to go down on you, and tell him not to stop until you cum, this will educate him as to where and what makes you cum, but you might need to guide him and tell him where and how fast to flick his tongue, or suck , let it be your choice and teach him what makes you go mmm. Any normal bloke would love getting you off with a vibrator, as long as he didn't miss out lol,x

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 5

  • I suggest you find a time where he's feeling good about himself and tell him that it's not about him, that no man could meet your need consistently. That you need a vibrator. If he wants to please you and this is what it takes, so be it. He needs to be man enough to show he values your orgasms enough to embrace the addition. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

  • well he will be okay if you sell the idea correctly. It's possible, you can do it just ask him like this

    "baby I'm thinking about a vibrator,if you used it on me it would be a huge turn on and a great experience"

  • Sell it as something for the both of you to enjoy. Most guys get turned on when you "do it yourself" anyways so make it sound like that. Also there are many other toys out there! Ones that you can still have sex with him but they hit that "spot" most of the time. Maybe start off with a smaller toy and work up to a vibrator! I got one while I was single and my boyfriend found out I had it and got kinda upset, but then we used it one day and he LOVED it!

  • It's not his body.

    It's not his vibrator.

    It's not his orgasms.

    It's not his business.

    Get it, and let him deal. It's about time he grew up.

  • explain he does a good job at it. but you would like to try new things together. I am sure he will be turned on when he sees how aroused and the joy you get out of it. . I know I would . I wouldn't mind if my girl wanted to use one.

  • you can try with another guy

    • did you not read what she said!?! that is horrible advice.. the guy isn't the issue if she can't even get herself off. it is just that it takes time

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