Is it ethical or unethical to sleep around?

Teenagers going to parties to get laid,getting drunk,possibly drugs, and "messing around" with other people they never met before. My ex is doing that tonight. Although she is a girl with a 4.0 ,and is generally taking a self destructive path, I must say I hate her actions, but I care for her. She blew me off 10-12 days ago over some stupid sh*t. I was concerned for her, she made it dramatic and dragged it on not telling me sh*t. She also has self esteem issues, which is why she isn't in a relationship. so she I believe she is sleeping with people to feel self worth. I personally am not a party person at all, and to me this is the most illogical/rational thing anyone in their entire life could do considering the consequences of STD's,Disease in general (mono), and even pregnancy.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • i don't think ethical is the word here. ethical is usually in terms of decision making for or heavily involving the future of other people.

    i wouldn't ask "do you think its ethical to be single and drink, have drugs, and hookup?"

    you could ask if its immoral, but that's kind of different. anyway...do I think its right or wrong?

    i see absolutely nothing wrong with it, personally. gpa has absolutely nothing to do with your lifestyle. some of the most intelligent people I know, including people in top schools with great gpas, are some of the most hardcore druggies I know, hook up all the time, etc. lol

    i don't think you can say she's sleeping with people to feel self worth, but that is your opinion and you're entitled to it. its still not a valid argument against what she is doing though. a lot of people go into relationships to feel self worth as well. are you going to tell them not date people either?

    this has absolutely nothing to do with logic or reason. sex with just one person in a committed relationship can give you an std and get you an unwanted pregnancy. simply sharing a bottle of water with someone can give you meningitis and *cause you to lose your limbs. if you live in certain areas, the drinking water itself can give you diseases and infections, etc. to say that not partying (I assume you mean the hook up part and not just having fun and dancing, etc.) is logical because you won't get an std or disease is an illogical argument. you may very well get one any number of ways. the simple fact that you can get stds and bacterial infections, diseases, etc. in a relationship as well, or in any number of situations weakens your argument here. more to the point, in actual logic, we call this an appeal to consequences fallacy. you haven't given a logical or rational reason not to do anything here. all you have done is say that something may have consequences. well, lots of things may have negative consequences for our health. that isn't a logical reason not to do anything. its just a possible outcome. the reality is that she can hook up and party and come out totally disease and std free. many people have done it before her. and if she does, what argument can you possibly give for her decision being illogical? she hasn't suffered your predicted consequences. now what? what you have done is basically appeal to emotion and personal morals, but they have no place in logic. just saying...dont claim that something is logical if its simply what you think is right, and nothing more.

    shes an adult. she can live her life any way she chooses. partying and drinking are fine. drugs are okay, but be careful with what kind you take and how much. hooking up is fine but you always risk consequences, ANY time you have sex. its better to have a consistent f*** buddy on call if she's going to have sex. just tell her to be careful and give her advice if you really care. don't just impose your morals onto other people and call it caring/concerned.

    • I love this answer so much. <3 fallacy of relevance terms.

    • Point made. Although, I didn't mention the part where she was mentioning how she felt like killing herself every 10 minutes,and using people to relieve "stress". Self-destructive way of doing it. Still doesn't effect your point though.

    • lol thanks elijah. and good luck to your friend, QA. she should seek professional help from a counselor or therapist and surround herself with positive, helpful people. in the end, only she can make the decision to help herself but real, good friends can really make a difference.

  • She's not hurting anybody so I don't think ethics come into question here. It's just a difference in opinion of right and wrong. If your opinions differ that much, and she's no longer your girlfriend, I don't really see why you should further waste your time thinking about it. You two clearly won't work out.

    Also simply trying to play devil's advocate here but I know tons of guys with this same lifestyle and no one seems to bat an eye. Just because a woman sleeps around at parties does not mean she has low self esteem and self worth. No one assumes this of men.

    • VMW I don't advocate any individual sleeping around what so ever. There is no favoritism. I think ethics is involved if it is self destructive.

  • Those parties are the biggest waste of time ever plus they are disgusting and demeaning especially to girls. If she's going to bring herself to that level you should try talking to her about it and what she's doing let her know that you stilll care for her and only want the best for her.

    • Haha, oh I have.. I have.. for 12 days and I got ignored. I've been treated worse than a slave. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I just forgive her and try to help, but she thinks I'm still trying to fix the relationship.

    • you still care for her you can't help it, I def don't think that's fair that she treats you like that, but if she's not willing to accept the help, I don't think anything is wrong with you, maybe she needs to learn the hard way then. Which is unfortunate to say

    • Yes, she tried to blame me for a lot of things earlier, such as being "possessive" and being "overly sensitive", however at the start of our relationship she stated "I don't know if I'll cheat on you later on"-which I think that would make any man go nuts, especially if that same individual who isnt' trust worthy started talking to your best friend. Which we had a lot of conflicts over. She likes to play victim a lot.

Most Helpful Guys

  • I agree with you on some parts, and I disagree with you on others.

    Well, I agree that she's probably not traveling through the safest road right now, but I disagree in that there's something horribly wrong with it.

    In my opinion, as long as a person is of legal age, and as long as the same person is not directly damaging anyone else, that person is free to do whatever they want to themselves, and we should not judge them for the choices they make.

    Plus, when someone takes a destructive path, they usually know what they are doing, and therefore they usually know what people are going to say to them. I think she's smart enough to figure out even which sentences you will use before you actually use them. However, do not forget that no argument in the history of mankind is simply solved with logic. US humans are not logical creatures. We do something because we like it, and don't do something because we don't like it. We simply generate reasons that support our behavior, but all those reasons can easily be undermined. What keeps us going is the like / dislike we have for something.

    Therefore, don't even waste your time trying to argue with her. Some things can only be learned if they are experienced first hand. May be she will turn back one day and see what she did as a mistake. Or, may be she will turn back one day and she will just smile at her past, thinking she did what was right to do for her. Either way, there isn't anything you can do, and there isn't much you should do anyways.

    • Perhaps, but she doesn't understand anything about me. So, I'm not sure that is the reality, she is acting a bit immature, but that is a given considering her age.

    • Just leave her be. She should decide what is right for her. Your role can not be anything more than a friend who has a suggestion to make. Not even "advice", but a "suggestion". Anything more is just going to because her to ignore you.

  • Completely ridiculous use of the word ethical. People need to understand that just because they don't like or agree with something it's not inherently wrong.

    I think that you don't her being out living life while you're doing something a lot less fun.

    I disagree with so much of what you said, but I'm not even going to waste my time picking it apart piece by piece.

    Bottom line, if you're truly concerned, you open a dialogue with her other friends. If there's a consensus that she's ruining her life, you all try to help her. If no one else agrees with you, you leave it alone because you're petty and jealous and biased.

    • Has little to do with which is more "fun", I'm more for delayed gratification than instant. I look at the pros/cons of both options before I do it. I stated it is wrong, because it is self harm. Without self respect, no one will grant respect to her, and that leads to a bigger issue, which could very well destroy her life. Personally, I believe people who don't look out for what is in their best interest, are generally doing things that are wrong. If we can't state this act is wrong..

    • whose to say doing meth etc is wrong? Abuse of any thing is wrong? I say nothing to excess. self harm, even if it is just good for the moment, doesn't mean its good in the long term.I'm petty? I'm jealous? and I'm biased. what would I be jealous of? Sex isn't something I'm going after, at least not with strangers, and I already been offered plenty. Petty? I don't see it. Biased? eh perhaps.

    • Count how many times you said "I" in those responses. This is all about you, and has very little to do with her. From what you described, I'd say that she is engaging in pretty common behavior for college age people. Is there risk? Of course, but risk does not equal harm. By your account every single person in the armed forces is morally wrong for putting themselves at risk for the benefit of others. What you consider self harm, could be the greatest thing that ever happened to her.

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  • I wouldn't say its unethical. Perhaps a bad choice, but at the same time its her life and she's the one making decisions. if she wants to do it, she can. Not saying that she should, because she definitely shouldn't, but you can't really judge her for doing so.

    • I'm not so much judging, but more so concerned with her health. She is doing it for the wrong reasons.

    • True, true. I'd try and talk to her about it, then. Or, if she refuses to for whatever reason, try and help her limit the damage she does to herself and be as safe as possible because you certainly won't be able to stop her if she's determined to party herself out.

    • Yes, and that is where she basicaly pushed me away, I got her family involved,or tried to. I'm not sure it'll do much good, they are the influence, and she is no longer living in my state. So, I hate her attitude that she gives, but regardless of what she does or says to me, I still care about her, even if it is just as a friend. But I seriously do not see friendship or any kind of relationship happening, and not because of my lacking of interest..i spent 10-12 days trying while she ignored me.

  • I think, perhaps, she had her own reasons to leave you.

    Anon female gave a better response than I ever will, read hers twice. [snicker]

  • you didn't sound like a party person

    So why do you give a sh*t about your ex? You're moving on... yes? You shouldn't care what she's doing.

    be a little selfish and think about YOUR happiness

    • Yeah, I plan to, but you know its not so much that, I just see her as a human being, not a piece of meat to pass around.

  • If you are askind if her behavior is unethical, yes, regardless of the fact that teenagers can be shortsighted. I work as a security guard at my county's court services and the number of juvenile delinquents is quite heartbreaking. I've seen plenty of shortsightedness.

    • Yeah, she is doing this in hopes she will "figure things out". Although I don't see it doing much,i will be observing from afar. hopefully she doesn't ruin her life.

  • you still care about her a lot huh?

    i do this party and have fun not sex though but don't worry she will be fine everyone

    has a few drinks in high school

    • Yeah.. sadly. I doubt it, she is going to do a 3 some for the first time (sex for the first time to) she is 15.

  • you sound like a good caring person who puts your friends and family as well as well as the ones you love, and I know you still care about her and love her in some sense but you have to let her go and totally keep her out of your life and not even think about her, because the more you think about her the more you will get depressed. she may be self destructive but your better then that, let her go and you will be better off, I had to do the same with my ex but I'm better without her you will be too, :-)

    • Thanks, I have, I can't change a person, I realize that, she is her own person.