Is it illegal not to tell my ex boyfriend I'm pregnant with his baby?

Long story short he cheated on me and lied about using drugs. He's a bad bad fit for a father. I broke up with him before I knew I was pregnant. I don't want to tell him because I don't want him to be a part of the baby's life. He has quite a bit of money and when I left said if I was ever to break up with him and was pregnant he would do everything in his power to take my child away from me. I don't believe in abortion and couldn't do adoption. I want to raise my child but don't feel the need to tell him.
Updates:
+1 y
Thanks for the advice guys. I'm not gonna need it though anymore. I miscarried yesterday evening. Went to to doctor too and she told me that. I'm upset but there's not much I can do about it. I've always had fertility issues so I'm not surprised. And my exes fiance before me was pregnant and she miscarried too.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • You don't have to tell him. There is no law stating so. But the consequence is that your child will grow up never knowing who their father is and that can sometimes be emotionally devastating and confusing to the child. Really in my opinion, unless the ex was abusive, you should tell him. And he won't be able to take your baby from you, he has to prove you're an unfit mother. And since he does drugs, if he did take you to court you can have him ordered to get drug tested and that will look very bad on his part and you will prob be rewarded sole legal and physical custody. But 9 times out of 10 the mother is awarded sole physical and then you both have joint legal. I have been through a custody battle before with my son so I know all this from experience. My ex did drugs and is abusive and I have sole legal and physical while he gets supervised visits every other month and has to pay child support. So I would take his threat with a grain of salt.

    • Thanks. He is abusive. He actually tried to kill me before. I'm pressing charges right now, but it is a long process. He's moving in two years anyway, he was going to sooner but he is on probation right now for drugs.

    • Well the odds are definently against him. I suggest you go file for custody of your child now. That way if he does find out and you guys go through a custody battle then he CANNOT take the child out of the county without your permission. If he were to do so and a custody order is already established then he would be charged with kidnapping. Most likely you will be awarded sole custody tho die to his record, that also allowing him to be drug tested, and also you pressing charges against him

  • If he's a drug user, I'm pretty sure there's no way he can get full custody of your child.

    Also, congratulations!

  • You don't need to tell him. I think you are making the right decision.

    • Thanks. It sucks my child won't know its own father, but that's his fault. I've given him chances to change but he'd rather screw around with other women and get high 24/7. I can't have that in my child's life. I have a job now and got offered two jobs today as well. I can make it work, I just don't want a deadbeat dad. I have a lot of support from my friends too.

    • That's great about your friends. I'm sure you can find a good guy in the future if that's what you decide.

Most Helpful Guys

  • No, you don't have to tell him, but its not cool. Maybe he would quit using if he became a father, you really never know. It is about what is best for the child, but he would not be able to take it aay from you. The courts will protect you. I've been tbhrough it. At the end of the day, your child will judge you if you made the decision and gave no one else the option. That can hurt the child and your relationship. Do what's right and tell him. I'm biased as I think mothers should have to disclose, but it is ultimately your choice legally.

  • You have no legal right to tell him, it is your choice, there is nothing wrong in you not wanting him to be a part of the childs life, but what you must consider, is what would the child want if it had a choice, because just because its right for you, does not mean its right for the child, would you be okay for someone to take your right to a father away, so think wisely, but whatever you choose, it is still your right to do so, good luck,x

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I think you should tell him at some point. It's inevitable.

    And get child support payments from him. It took his sperm to get you pregnant. So he's partially responsible for the child.

    Otherwise, if you pay for the kid yourself, I can only bet that he'll move on and get another girl pregnant. It's not cool that he doesn't own up to the consequences.

  • Sorry to hear about the miscarriage and I hope you have friends nearby who will help you to cope with your loss (both physically and emotionally).

    Good luck to you in the future!

  • It's not illegal to refrain from telling him. Given his threat, however, I would write down everything you can remember about all of his bad behavior. Include dates, names of others who were present at the time, etc. Be as detailed as possible and keep the records up to date for as long as possible, including documenting any future incidents that may occur.

  • He pretty much lost the right to know, so that is on him. You made a wise decision.

  • If you can afford to give the child a good life. I wouldn't. Its not worth the headaches. You may want to move away if he's that crazy.

    • Sorry. But maybe it was a blessing in disguise.

    • Ya. I believe it was. I think it happened for a reason. Like the child wouldn't have been able to live having a dad like him. It still sucks though because I'll always be thinking what if, but in this case I can go through with the charges on my ex now.

  • its not illegal, a lot of girls have done it but one way or another he will find out if you do keep it

  • I don't think you have to unless you filing child support on him.

  • As a Pre law student you are under no obligation to tell him you are pregnant with his child and since he does make quite a bit of money he would be forced to pay child support and those threats he's making does not make him fit to be a father so I recommend you take down everything he says for records if he were somehow discover you were pregnant with his child providing family court why he shouldn't have custody of the child if he were to attempt to take custody of your child.

  • As long as you are not going to go after him for child support, you do not have to tell him.

  • Just don't try get child support from him