Is my husband wanting to dominate me in bed?

[Anonymous]

Recently he's become much rougher in bed. He'll go really hard and deep, and even if I say go softer he won't stop, or he'll say "why?" and keep going. and if I say its hurting he'll just keep going and say "is it?"... eventually he'll stop but I have to be much straighter with him for that to happen. And he sometimes holds his hand or an arm around my neck, or he pulls my hair really hard, or he smacks me really hard or holds my hands down to the bed... Sometimes he's like an animal or something that wants to eat me lol... just like a wolf and he'll bite me. sometimes he almost forces himself inside my a** even when I pull away, and if I ask him to get out he won't for a while. this may all sound really hot but, when it comes down to it, I feel kind of uncomfortable. it's too much, I mean the idea I find sexy, but it hurts and sometimes he scares me a little. sometimes I ask to go on top, but even when I do he grabs hold of my a** and starts doing me like that, so I still get no control of the speed or how hard. and after one minute he wants to go back on top anyway. thing is, I'm sort of worried that maybe he thinks it's what I want and maybe it's my fault. I always liked the guy to be dominant in bed, but I mean that as in, I like the guy on top, I like him to have MOST control over things, and I like being spanked. (softly). that's hot, but it's gone too far... do you think he's trying to please me? or do you think he just really likes to dominate and he's the one enjoying this? in our daily lives he's definitely more dominant then me, I don't mind that, but in the bedroom I guess I wanted just a little more balance. I tried to dominate him a couple times and I think at first he found it hot, but after a couple minutes he wanted to go on top again. if he really enjoys it, I can try get used to it, or just ask him to tone it down a little. if he's doing it because he thinks I like it, I want to ask him to go back to how we used to be...

[Anonymous]

not going to lie. I got into the bone zone reading that. on to your question though...

yes it seems he's trying to incorporate a new style and maybe it's one of his fantasies to turn you into his f***doll for the night or something. the best thing you can do is communicate with him. he enjoys it obviously but if you don't or you have something you want to do, I think you should try to talk to him about it and tell him you wanna take over sometimes. he probably thinks when you try to control that you're just fighting back a bit to make him go back at you harder.

[Asker]

i guess you're right. I can't know for sure until I talk to him, but the subject is quite awkward and I don't wanna embarrass him...

[Opinion Owner]

if you're going to ask him to be gentle I would do it before you actually get into the sex. itll be a lot harder to turn it off if he's already drilling away at you. and make sure you're stern with your wants but do it something like "babe, I really wanna try it so and so way tonight alright? that would be so sexy for me" if he's not super selfish he'll want to try and do what you can both enjoy instead

[animalwithin]

Ok, this is bad. You can officially label that as sexual abuse. If you're saying no, and it hurts you, an he's pinning you down so you can't move, that's definetely sexual abuse. You need to be VERY strict with him. It normal foe guys to go rough every once in a while, and I love biting more than anything, but if a girl says no, especially of it's hurting her, then I stop. Like I said, be very firm and strict with him about no. You getting hurt should be enough to stop him by itself.

[Asker]

well I mean I never said "no" as such or "stop it"... I think if I did he would stop, probably. but I say things like "don't go so hard" or "go softer" or "it's hurting" or "take it out"- if it's in my a**, maybe I'm not being straight enough with him. but I guess you're right if it's hurting and he knows it he should just stop... but last night you know he stopped for a few seconds and I said "baby, you're going too hard" and he said he couldn't help it.

[animalwithin]

Then yea you just need to be more direct. Guys need direct, if you're giving him whateverish answers he won't take it seriously and he'll keep going. A great thing to say is it's turning me off. If he's doing something uncomfortable to you or it's hurting you, just tell him it's turning you off and he'll stop. If I heard that from a girl I'm with id stop since I want nothing more than to be turning her on.

[Asker]

ok, thanks for the advice... I'll do that.

[Anonymous]

I was with a guy like that, it didn't start like that of course but it ended up like that. In the end my neighbour broke through my bedroom window to get him off me and took me to his place until my partner moved out for good.

You NEED to ask your husband if he thinks that you like it like that. If you tell him you don't and he still does that...you need to think with your head and not with your heart and get the hell out of that relationship.

[Asker]

wow... but that must have been really an extreme case for your neighbour to break in! like rape... I mean I wouldn't consider what my husband does as rape... I don't ever say "no, stop it right now." so it's not like I'm really straight with him and he keeps on, but like I said to the person above, I try more tactful ways like "it's hurting" or "go softer" or "take it out"-if it's in my a**. he normally changes the position or stops going so hard before I need to get really serious with him.

[Asker]

but he keeps going too long for it to be comfortable. and he asks me things like "why?" or "is it?" or "it's not hard" or "oh am I hurting my little p****..." it's like we have a whole friggin conversation before he'll even think about stopping...

[Anonymous]

Yup sounds like he wants to dominate ya :) if you don't like it stop being a puss and tell him you doing like it. Personally I'd love it! It husband has potential yuuuuuum ;) if y'all don't work out. I'll let him dominate me

[05Jueey]

That's is so hot. Try to talk to him seriously when you're not having sex. He should understand.

[uuhhhh]

If he doesn't listen to you when you say it hurts, what sense does it make that he's doing this for you? You should definitely talk to him seriously. He's being selfish and borderline dangerous.

[Asker]

well cos some women find that hot... that whole borderline rape thing. some women like it, it's just an extreme kind of domination and maybe he thinks I would like it too... like I said, I like to be dominated in bed, but only a little you know? like I think that's normal for most women to want a man take control... but not to that extent.

[uuhhhh]

Ok but what does it matter? He's not another woman's husband he's your husband. I don't know if he's watching too much p*rn, or he's taking some unresolved issues out on you in a sexual way, but it's not healthy. And are you kidding? Don't think about not embarrassing him, you're his WIFE. Talk to him, it's essential.

[WoIIie]

Come on, lets be honest. You're not gonna do sh*t about it.

[Asker]

why on earth do you say that? I'm gonna talk to him tonight.

[WoIIie]

Let me know how it works out.

[Asker]

why do you just assume I'm not going to do anything about it? your answer's completely confused me.

[Asker]

i talked to him about it last night. he ended up doing the same thing again, guess I'll need to be more serious about it next time... if I didn't want to do something about it why would I write it on here?

[WoIIie]

You can "guess" all you want. The fact is you're not hurt enough to do what's necessary to deter his actions.

[Asker]

uuhhh excuse me? look I'm not going to pretend he raped me when he didn't. I gave a completely honest account of what happened, and I'm not going to pretend I'm hurt when I'm not. but if something makes me a little uncomfortable then I want to fix it, and like anyone else on this site, I have a right to ask for advice on how to go about it, don't you think? don't pretend you know what's going on when you don't. you have no idea. and what would you consider "necessary" then? I might try it.