Is it my job to sort out my boyfriend's erection?

[Rosina]

Me and my boyfriend have lived together for 2 years, and he often wanders around naked before getting dressed in the morning, or after a shower. He will often get a hard on and make no attempt to hide or disguise it, and seems to expect me to get rid of it for him, he doesn't care how (sex, hand-job, BJ). I usually do this for him, but my friends say they wouldn't do it for their men automatically, so I just wondered what others thought.

[QueenKatie]

No! His arousal is not your 'problem', and you should not feel any obligation to 'get rid' of it, any more than you should feel compelled to have sex with your partner, even if you don't want to.

Sex should be a consensual and mutual act between two people, both of whom enjoy themselves and are fulfilled by the experience. It shouldn't ever be an expectation where one party is demanding and the other reluctant, nor should it be a deeply unequal situation, where one party gives and gives and the other just takes and takes! It sounds like that may be happening here- that your enjoyment is being neglected in favour of his?

Thinking of sex as a duty often leads to someone being taken for granted, or sex becoming a chore - both of which are terrible things to happen to a relationship. Talk to your partner about this now, in an open and honest way. Tell him how it makes you feel, and see if you can find a way around the problem. It may simply be that he needs to learn to express his desire in a more loving and caring way than simply pointing to the wood! :)

[Rosina]

Thanks for this, although I wouldn't say I feel pressured really, he never actually "demands" that I do anything about it, I just feel kind of obliged to do it. He does satisfy me between the sheets too, but I just wondered if it was normal for him to casually wander round the house with a total boner on display, wanting me to sort it out, rather than put up with it and even hide it till the moment's right.

[QueenKatie]

In a way, his parading around the house with it on display could come over as a kind of demand - 'Look at me, I'm horny! Service me!' OTOH, it's cool that he feels confident, and you don't want to knock that back. He may not realize that he comes over as a bit cocky (pardon the pun) and self-assured! He sounds like a good guy, so he probably doesn't even mean to give this impression. (And we all know guys can be amazingly narcissistic about the beauty of their 'equipment'!! :)

[Starling]

Does he order you to do anything. Just because he walks around naked with a boner doesn't mean he's telling you to do something about it. Why would he try and hide it from you? You're his girlfriend. Whether people like it or not, sex is generally something that comes with a relationship, and guys have more needs then women do, and I'm sure he appreciates it. But if you don't like doing it, simply stop.

[Rosina]

Yeah, you're right, he doesn't order me to do anything about it but I kinda feel obliged.lol. I never know if it's comfortable for a man to have an un-resolved boner, and it sort of looks to me like he must be yearning for relief sort of thing, I could be wrong. So it's kind of fallen into a habit of me helping him out when he gets one, either via sex, or if I'm not in the mood then a hand-job. I don't mind doing it, I just wondered what others did.

[Snorkledorf]

If girlfriends took care of every single erection guys had... ... ...sorry, was lost in thought there for a moment. Anyway, if girlfriends took care of every erection guys had, they'd never have enough time to do anything else in their lives! Neither would the guys for that matter. Erections happen. Ignore them, and they go away. Guys do this four million times a day. They often fail miserably at this, true, but they do try...

[cekendria09]

Wtf you need new friends if your man is walking around with a hard on and you don't give him oral or even get naked and f*** his brains out then why should he walk out on hard he know he will get your attention if he does this and you should do the same men like when women take control so do it and don't be ashamed

[drakal76]

Well, the reality is that it is NOT you job to take care of it for him. Sex/sexually oriented acts are never mandatory (for anyone).

Now, bare in mind that if you don't get him off, he will likely resort to getting himself off. With this now in mind, what are your feelings about him masturbating?

[Littletad]

Why not? He's your boyfriend. Don't listen to what others say, they might just put some feminine nonsense into your head.

If he loves you, respects you, and holds on to this day job; then he is a legitimate boyfriend who deserves to be treated as such.

[stercor]

Does he love you?

He may love you more for "helping him out."

Or, he may be using you.

There's so much complexity in relationships that no simple answer suffices.

Hope this helps.

Ted

[Suzannehope21]

If you want to do it, or like doing it go for it...don't listen to other people that's how relationships go wrong

[ItsNotShaved]

Are you kidding? I love being surprised by a nice hard erection! I wish it happened more, lol. I would just happily take care of it!

[katiesmuff]

I'm thinking that a good hard smack on it the next time, it will disappear very quickly and he will probably in the future find a better resolve for his erect problem!

[QueenKatie]

Hahahaha! *high fives*

[Rosina]

Hahaha, will bear that one in mine!

[QueenKatie]

A guy has no obligation to sleep with a girl, any more than a girl has an obligation to sleep with a guy!

[Rosina]

I don't think she was advocating that, and neither am I. My issue is with him wandering around naked with it on display, throbbing away expectantly. I don't think you'd get many girls acting like that (if they could! lol).

[armyant]

Are you sure? Because it's not like what she said was in any way ambiguous or open to much interpretation.

[armyant]

You hadn't posted your last comment while I was writing mine, so I was responding to what the question asker last said.

[Rosina]

Hey everyone, when I said I didn't think she was advocating it, I meant the comment about having an obligation to sleep with someone, I thought the comment about smacking it was just comical, and personally I would never entertain the idea.

[l-hedoniste]

Sometimes, people have silly expectations. You're not required to fulfill them.

[l-hedoniste]

Right. They might have to talk about it, or even--*gasp!*--compromise

[Smurfguy]

Your not his right hand hun, he wants it then he can make a move if not just let it go unless you want to do it

[Dela1111]

I think it'd be great if you just did it without being told but at the same time its not exactly a duty.

[mav0502]

u don't have to do anything for him automatically. tell him to take care of it himself and you can watch if you want or just let it be...but you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

[lapeters]

I think if you've lived together that long and everything, he just really likes it. It makes him feel special.

I think you should do it. Maybe you could get him to 'return the favor' sometime.

[Blankname1]

Now I will just say this...it's about how you truly feel about it.Don't stop just ,because ur friends don't do it,because that's just following.Stop,because you feel like stopping,because if you don't mind doing it and are just feeling pressure,because of friends,then keep it up,but if it's bothering u,then stop.

That's all I gotta say and I hope it helps.

Just be You!

Peace!

[Blankname1]

Thank you nemesis!!!

[motocat]

I think you are being a very very good girlfriend, and would love to be with someone as caring as you. At the same time, he is being a literal prick.

[lunchbox22]

He isn't asking you to. But getting stuff in the morning then is really good

[vampretta]

try walking around like he does for a month and see if he complains about having to take care of your needs whenever

[gracie_011]

well what I do is grab his d*** and just suck on it till I make him cum!

[hotraisa]

One of my exes used to move around like that.

Some times the sight of the hard on used to get me all excited and we used to end up having sex. Some of the times I used to make him come off with bj or hand job. Other times, if I was feeling lazy, I would not do anything.

So, do what you feel like.

If he really wants something, he would tell you.

[Snorkledorf]

That's actually about the optimal response: he doesn't know what he'll get, so there's some extra thrill there...

[Anonymous]

If you are in the mood, great, do it. But it isn't your responsibility. I mean it is sex, which is fun, not a job you should be mandated to do. Personally it could be fun some times to just make it happen but it would also be great for him to approach you and start some foreplay rather than have this be all about him and "getting rid of" his erection.

[Anonymous]

okay the thing with my boyfriend is, if I fkn want him to get an erection he's like I'm not even proper hard and the moment I don't want him to he's hard as f***. just be lucky he's like hard all the time haha ^^ I would prob do the same as you, just f*** other pples opinions

[Anonymous]

eh. just let it go lol. but, if you seem to make it routine every time this happens, then he's going to expect it and then when you decide not to "fix his problem" he'll wonder what's going on. so if you're in the mood, have at it. but if he wants it bad enough, he'll come to you and initiate something. hope I helped! :)

[Anonymous]

i say make him work for it