Is it a wife's duty to have sex with her husband?

Is it true that all wife's have to obey her husband & give him sex when he want's it? because I want to get married one day but I don't like the idea of giving my body away to be used like that. I don't even like the idea of sex for pleasure, because I would feel dirty & used.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Let me cut through all the crap and answer your real question:

    The vast majority of men want and expect sex in a relationship, and not only that, they want and expect the woman that they are with to WANT to have sex with them. And the vast majority of women DO want to have sex with the man they are in a relationship with. All of that is NORMAL.

    To NOT want sex with the person you're in a relationship with is NOT normal. As such, you need to expect that things are going to be more difficult and more work for you, since you are operating outside of human and societal norms.

    The BEST thing for you to do is to figure out your issues with sex, so you can become "normal" in that sense, and enjoy sex. But since you obviously don't have any intention of doing that, then your only other alternative is to seek out relationships with men who don't want, or can't have, sex. Meaning, you either need to find asexual men, or men who have injuries or whatever that prevent them from having sex. Then, you've taken sex out of the equation, and can have all of the other things you want out of a relationship.

    But make no mistake: if you want men outside of that group, then you're going to have a very difficult time with it, and those relationships are likely doomed from the beginning, because if you don't WANT sex, and want it with HIM, then you don't have a vital piece of what the majority of men want out of a relationship. Sorry.

  • Well, OK uhm...

    First of all - no, it's not a wife's duty to have sex. However, when you really REALLY like someone, it's natural to want to have sex with them. If you don't want to have sex with the PERSON YOU MARRIED, then something is seriously wrong with you.

    Now here are some good news - most decent guys won't want to have sex if they feel you don't want to do it with them. The bad news though, is that this is a problem. But think about it for a second - do YOU want to be with someone who doesn't find you attractive? Someone who doesn't want to have sex with you?

    If you think you can like someone without having sex with them, I suggest you try having sex first before saying something like that. It's really frustrating to hear, because sex is a part of us. It's natural for us to want to do it, and especially when it's with someone we care about. If you're unwilling to have sex with someone, it's unlikely they'll want to be with you in the first place.

    If you DO want to have sex with someone, it doesn't mean you have to do it every time, or whenever they feel like it. It's something the TWO of you decide doing TOGETHER! And I hope for your sake, and the sake of whoever you end up with, that the "dirty & used" feeling is going to pass. It's all in your head. Having sex doesn't make you dirty, and they're not "using" you for sex if you also want it.

    • I think maybe it's natural for a man to want to have sex with someone he likes... but as a women I don't need to do that to love someone or find them attractive... and I have had sex before & it was not nice & made me feel bad.

    • Then you have a serious problem and should get that looked up. Sex is not supposed to make you feel bad. I'm sorry you had a bad first impression of it, but I beg you to please not generalize - it's not a man thing to want to have sex with someone you love. I know this because I've met a lot of girls who go crazy if they don't have sex with their boyfriend or more than a week. Obviously, everyone is different, but that's what the NORMAL is.

    • Also, I've come across some girls who act as though they are better than sex. That they are "too good" for it, and therefore they act like they don't need it, or force themselves and/or others to believe they are fine without it. On top of that, they think they're better than other girls because of that, and think guys will like them for it (that, or they don't care about guys). If this sounds anything like you, I'm gonna break it down to you - NO ONE is going to like you.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Rape is rape regardless of your relationship with that person. You never have to do anything you don't want to do but marriage is something that will require lovemaking no matter how you twist it. You would have to decide that before you got married because if you don't see the idea of sex for pleasure then you will have a difficult time keeping your marriage together. Just laying there isn't going to work unless your married to a guy that sees women as a hole so to speak. I am assuming your a virgin and from a different culture which is why you are so concerned. Wive's have sex with their husband because they love them and want to show it by making love to them. It's a special bond between two people. If your culture believe's in arranged marriage's then that's different but you will think differently once your in love so don't worry.

  • God created sex for reproduction, for pleasure, and in order to create a deeper intimacy between 2 people. Why would you feel dirty and used if he is your husband? If you feel that its dirty then I think you should think the idea of getting married because your marriage will get into some trouble.

    • because he would be using my body for his pleasure & hurting me.

  • that was true for the 1800s yes but today it is much different. Men no longer own their wives, and now treat them as equals

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 13
  • So uh... I took the liberty to do a little research for you (as well as myself), to find out what other girls think about something you believe to be normal. Figure things out for yourself:

    link

    If after reading that, you still have a problem with your HUSBAND (who should be someone you love, by the way) wanting to have sex with you, then please - get some help. Psychiatric help, that is. Though personally what I think you need to do is find someone you love and have GOOD sex with him.

  • No that law was thrown out a number of years back, but there are a few exceptions. Some religious and cultures do still practice obedience to the male head of the house hold. Short of those very few exceptions, it is spousal rape for a husband to force his wife to have sex.

  • NO! If you are ever having sex against your will that is rape! No matter if it is with your husband or with anyone else.

  • You do not have to obey your husband and have sex every time he wants it, but if you are not happy with the idea of meeting most of his sexual needs, you should not even consider marrying him.

    From what you say, you have no interest in being a wife. You simply want some cash/sperm/support donator.

    • so I have to meet his sexual needs? well no I'm not happy about that, because that's him using my body for his release, probably not even for reproducing & it will hurt me. I do have interest in being a wife... to love & support & look after someone I love... But I'm not looking forward to the sexual chores.

    • You're either a troll or you're spoiling for a conflict. Keserthorpe clearly stated that a woman IS NOT obligated to satisfy her husband's sexual "needs". He said that if you lack the motivation to do so, then you should not marry.

    • Why would it hurt you? Is this by any chance the anon asker who has damage to the vulva from some kind of burning?

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  • No. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. But no sex at all is a device reason for many.

  • sex is for pleasure and intimacy. It is not your duty to provide sex to your husband all the time. However you should want to please your husband in the first place. Your not a whore if you love the person.

  • What, you again ?

  • "Depends on your culture" is my first thought. Ultimately, no, but it's really something culture specific.

  • In some cultures and belief systems, this is the standard expectation of a wife.

    In most western cultures, maybe all of them, this is not an expectation.

    But one of the inferred motivations for marriage in western society, is for each prospective spouse to try to make the other as happy and content within the marriage, as possible. And it would be logical to assume that this voluntary commitment to one's partner's happiness includes sex.

    If either partner in a relationship is not eager to at least try to fulfill the others' needs, then they don't need to be considering marriage.

    In my humble opinion.

  • having sex for pleasure when you do that with your love partner is very normal. If he wants to have sex with you then it is up to you whether you will accept or decline. If you are in a bad condition then he won't force sex on you if he truly loves you. And he won't cheat on you just because you refused him. You can have sex sometime when you guys are in good a shape. This is what we call true love.

    And sometimes, it's wives who ask their husbands for sex. So it is not about being used. It is just they way you and your love partner show each other how much you love. Love is more than just in your heart and words.

    I don't see any point why you think having sex with your love partner makes you feel dirty (sinful ?) or used. What about if someday you get turned on first and ask him for sex ? You are not using him just because you ask him first are you ?

    You and your lover must understand each others' position. This is something you must commit when you decide to have a relationship. Having sex is OK just don't do it if you are already tired.

    • Nice answer. However, I'd just like to say that this girl has some issues. If I may point to your third paragraph, you mention her asking her husband for sex after getting turned on first. By the looks of it, this girl either doesn't get turned on, or refuses to admit or show that she's turned on. The very fact that she's "turned on" makes her feel dirty and ashamed of herself. I've met a couple of girls like this before, it's pathetic. Someone must have really screwed with her mind.

  • You shouldn't get married soon..

  • whats your culture?

  • Yes, you should.

  • It is not your duty to have sex with your husband as long as you don't believe it is his duty to stay sexually faithful to you.

  • No, Of course not, but if you don't like sex at all you probably shouldn't get married in the first place.