It’s Time To Stop Pretending Abortion Is Always A Guilt-Ridden, Difficult Decision

[Sara413]

It’s time to stop pretending abortion is always a guilt-ridden, difficult decision.

I was inspired to write this MyTake after reading this article that popped up in my Facebook feed this morning.

It was written by a woman who had an abortion and – gasp! – did not regret it nor feel bad about it. It was such a breath of fresh air to read. Not every woman who has an abortion feels guilty about it. Not every woman who makes that choice finds it a difficult choice to make. But for too friggin long, women have been socially pressured into furthering the narrative that abortion is always a difficult decision, fraught with moral difficulties. The reality is that for many women, that simply is not the case. I truly believe that a lot of the time when women say it was a hard decision to make, they’re just saying what they’re expected to say. Any woman who truly believes there is a moral line being crossed by choosing abortion would quite likely not make that choice in the end. I honestly believe most women who make that choice do so without moral qualm, and rightly so. In the early stages of pregnancy, which is when the vast majority of abortions are performed, the “baby” is little more than a parasitic bundle of cells. It’s not a person. It doesn’t feel things or think things or have any sense of being. At that stage of development it is physically comparable to a tumour. Removing it does not end a life and it does not cause pain. All it does is give the unconsenting host her freedom back.

I am sick and tired of this bullshit narrative that anti-abortion advocates continue to force on society that abortion is always a difficult decision. It’s not. And it’s time for women to stop bowing to the social pressure that forces them to pretend it is. It’s time for women who have had abortions to stand up and say “you know what? It was the right decision and I feel GOOD about the decision I made”. For anyone here who has had an abortion and knows full well it was the right decision – you are not a bad person or morally bankrupt because you feel good about the decision you made!!! You chose to make a responsible decision by not bringing a child into this world that you could not care for properly or who you may have grown to resent. The world has enough pain and suffering as it is. We have enough unwanted children who are abused and neglected and forgotten. Every child deserves to be WANTED.

Anti-abortionists like to label themselves “pro-life” but they’re not. They are pro-birth. If they truly cared about LIFE, they’d care about QUALITY of life with equal fervor. But they don’t. They care more about punishing women than they do about saving children.

I know I am going to get a lot of angry comments on this Take, but before you lambast me as morally corrupt, or call me a baby killer, or tell me how evil abortion is, I ask you: just how many unwanted children have you adopted? How many unwanted children have you fed and clothed? How much of your time, energy and money have YOU given to the hundreds of thousands of children who are rotting in the foster care system? How many impoverished single mothers and their children have you fed and sheltered?

If you TRULY care about children, you’d care about them being wanted and cared for and loved. You wouldn’t force women to give birth to children they either cannot or do not want to care for.

I have never had an abortion – I have been lucky enough not to have fallen pregnant. But you can bet your holier-than-thou ass that I would. My partner and I have no desire to have children. We take every precaution not to, but sometimes precautions fail, and if my birth control were to fail me I would not hesitate to have a bundle of cells removed from my uterus. And I would not feel bad about that decision. And I would not pretend do just to save face.

Social Conservatives are constantly shilling this narrative of the guilt-stricken abortion choose and it’s time for women who’ve made that choice to stand up to them and say “NOT ME.” Stop letting them tell your story, and stop letting them pressure you into giving lip-service to guilt that isn’t there.

[Ananchor]

I was thinking about this the other day.
If the pregnancy is wanted it's a baby and if it's not its a fetus
If you're prolife you refer to everything as a baby
If you're prochoice it's only a baby at a certain point and they will flip out if you say something other than a fetus.
I myself am prochoice but I think that it's healthy for the state of the mind of the woman to say "it's ok, it was only a fetus, not a baby, no big deal"
Because it is, if I had gotten pregnant at 16, I probably would of had an abortion, but someone pretending I didn't end a life would make me go crazy.
There is still a grief no matter how small that is necessary to fully move on and trying to pretend it didn't happen isn't healthy. It's denial
Not to mention there are the women who had to abort for medical reasons and telling them, it's ok that you aborted because it was only a fetus anyway... Is going to crush them
I don't think a single woman should be made to regret her decision but she should also not be forced to minimize it because it makes other people uncomfortable.
You stopped a child from being born, because you are strong and knew it was the right thing to do. You had a tough choice and made an informed decision. End of story.

[Sara413]

I totally see where you're coming from, but I do feel like there is a great deal of pressure put on women to make them feel guilt they don't need to feel over making the decision that is right for them.

[Ananchor]

Maybe some, I just want them to be able to accept and move on. I don't think they should feel guilt, but I do think if the woman wasn't treated like its nothing, then it means they can do it all the time without guilt. A woman having 6 abortion because she doesn't like conforms. Not ok in my opinion. She needs to find a better way of birth control other than abortion. Abortion isn't birth control, it's the end result of a lack of birth control in most cases. I feel like if we call it what it is, we can face the problem with our lack of adequate sex-ed. If we had better sex ed chances are the abortion rate will decrease, on top of if we had readily available birth control :)

[John_Doesnt]

They shouldn't feel any guilt at all, any woman. It's the responsible thing to do if a woman isn't ready for a child. They should feel more guilt if they bring an unwanted baby into the world then neglect it and abuse it because they're not ready to be mothers.

[EmoKate97]

Before i start i have to say i'm pro-choice but my logic is get an abortion but dont say it isn't a life because if you were pregnant and someone stabbed your fetus you'd feel as if it was a life. Abortion however is a necessary evil, i just dont like people trying to make it as if it isn't "a life" when it is but again i acknowledge abortion is necessary because iv worked at an abortion clinic and women who get abortions for the most part aren't the good and innocent people everyone makes them out to be.

"They care more about punishing women than they do about saving children."
That's not true. You may not agree with them (I DONT) but those people do care about life, that's why they're so zealous. Talk to most people who are pro-life and they'll explain that they feel that children are being murdered. Hell its not even men, 44% of women are pro-life! Its not about "trying to control women" its about them under the pretense of wanting to save a life.

Abortion itself isn't the issue for me. The issue is women making bad choices. It hurts to say this but WOMEN are empowered when it comes to sex and women need to wear protection and not let some random guy have his way. Sugar coating isn't helping anyone. Iv worked at an abortion clinic, most of the women that check in aren't exactly winning at life. You can tell they made bad choices and i feel bad for them. If its a case of abuse / rape then of course those people deserve sympathy but that's such a small percent.

[Mustachekitteh]

Awesome take and agree 100% with everything you said.

Reading the article the chick wrote, I would seriously feel the same way as she did if that ever happened to me.

[fauchelevent]

Nice take! :)

[Sara413]

Haha I'm stoked my first comment was a positive one lol Did not expect that!

[fauchelevent]

Yeah, when I read the title I kinda braced myself because I was expecting the comments for this to be a shit storm.

[Sara413]

hahaha it will be - stand strong soldier :P

[ObscuredBeyond]

Some women are so selfish and eager to dehumanize their children, that they are gleeful to have their uteri vacuum-sucked by a painful machine and their money eaten by Moloch-and-Mammon-worshiping psychopaths who funnel half the money into DNC campaigns and then sell the body parts to buy Lamborghinis, and then brag about it on video.

Hard-hearted women do exist. Brainwashed sheep of Heidegger's Screwl of Thought, turning the entire west into the Fourth Reich, do exist. With zero moral compass, and would laugh while stabbing a born-live baby to death in the back of the head for kicks and giggles just as gleefully as they would pull the plug on your grandpa for being a "burden" on society simply for being old and helpless.

Yes, these types of women exist. But that doesn't mean we discount the pain of those who are not monsters, who do not have hearts ruled by 2-story-tall reptilian abomination fallen angels.

[somebodysaycheese]

How can anyone mentally healthy feel ok with killing a human life?

[Spiorad_Aisce]

I find myself flip flopping a lot on this issue as I hear arguments for and against. I think my safest position is that I am exactly in the middle examining each case as they arise. I think early terminations are appropriate because in most cases they are "Oh crap I am pregnant " moments and the first thought is termination and if all things were equal the woman would have used birth control or it would have worked properly.
Safe to say there will be lots of different views but that is my view on early terminations, I am not arguing for pro abortion but I feel we have to look at each case individually and decide whether we are for it or against it rather than have a blanket position.

[cipher42]

The trouble with looking at each case individually is that it's just not viable in regards to actual law. You can't make a law where abortions are only legal in certain circumstances because not only is that clunky and near impossible to implement, but it's honestly a violation of privacy rights. Besides, if abortion is morally wrong, then the reason for it shouldn't matter. And if it's fine, then again, the reason shouldn't be an issue. But in any case, I believe we need to trust people to make their own decisions about their bodies, and not force them to do something with their own bodies they're against, regardless of their reason for being against it.

[Sara413]

@cipher42 100% agree

[Spiorad_Aisce]

@cipher42 This is where I find myself flip flopping. To come down to heavily on either side, the other side can quickly cite examples where the line can be crossed, that is why I find myself searching for a solution that can somewhat assuage the concerns of the most amount of people while infringing on the rights of the fewest people.

[Josht11]

Good take I'd want my girlfriend to have an abortion if she was pregnant.

[xXiTacoXx]

People never stop being bundles of cells... Does this mean people can kill you? Having an abortion is a big deal to quite a few people out there. My mom had one before I was born and she regrets that choice quite often. Treating it like it's nothing ain't right. Have o e if you want to, but don't get mad when people call you out for being a sick puppy.

[Sara413]

It's a big deal to some people, to many others it is not. Depends on how you view the bundle of cells at the time of the procedure. The point in this Take was that people who are NOT ashamed and guilt ridden should not have to pretend they are just to save face.

[Oldandconfused]

Recently, I chose abortion. Until that point, I never knew exactly where I stood on the topic.

I am 28 years old, have a child (with a manipulative fool), have a college degree, and I found out I was pregnant with my second child. The father of the second child was out of state and it would be difficult on both of us, plus the baby, and my son.

Yes, I chose abortion and I do not regret it!

I believe that the biggest issue I had were the "pro-life" idiots that chose to stand outside of an abortion clinic and scream about "murdering" babies, instead of offering guidance. I would have been open to talk to them until the point where I heard them scream, "why do blacks always have to kill?" ... I ALMOST LOST IT!!

To top it off, I also found out that the state "funds" the "sidewalk counselors"! WTF? People have their priorities screwed up.

I'm sure that there are people who choose abortion for financial reasons... Why can't the state "sponsor" those children? I don't know... it is fucked up.

[beautifulangel76]

Killing a child is not something anyone should ever feel good about. You are really heartless and selfish if you are just readily willing to kill a baby because you just don't want a child. If you are going to have sex then take responsibility for the consequences. You can get rid of most STDs so you shouldn't be allowed to get rid of an unborn baby.

And that little bundle of cells is a baby by the time you find out you are pregnant. It is also breathing with organs and a beating heart. Abortion in my opinion should only be legal if the woman should have one for medical reasons such as if she has a horrible disease that would kill the child anyway or something like that.

[the_rake]

If you're gonna have an abortion, then ladies please at least TRY and have it at an early stage in the pregnancy (I realise that this is not always possible). Scientifically, we don't actually know much about the early life forms yet, but it's quite possible that a semi-developed foetus could still experience pain in the mother's womb. That would definitely be grounds for reconsidering the ethics of late-stage abortion. Anyway, when we consider the ethics of abortion, we definitely need to understand and consider the differences between destroying a mere embryo and a doppler foetus.

After the first month of development, the foetus has already developed a central nervous system (brain and spinal chord). By the end of the third month, the foetus can already open and close it's hands and eyes. By the fourth month, it has a heart beat.

Let's look at what the abortion process consists. In UK, abortion can be carried out in uk before 24 weeks, barring special circumstances. That's five months during which a baby can develop a central nervous system, have a heart beat, learn to perform certain functions and can even start to move around.

Now in UK (which I assume is not so different to US) an early medical abortion simply involves taking two different medicines 36-48 hours apart. However, after seven weeks, procedure could also involve the more drastic vacuum aspiration - a procedure that uses suction to remove the foetus from the womb. Later still, there is medical abortion and surgical dilation. The foetus could theoretically be experiencing a severe amount of physical pain during some of these procedures (especially if it has a developed cns which it should do by the second month). Enough to make anybody who is not a psychopath question the ethics of letting a woman who made a calculated risk of getting pregnant (even with contraception there is still a chance) have her unborn child killed.

It might be your body, but the foetus definitely did not choose to be there. I don't pretend to know all the facts about abortion, but the ethics definitely require a thorough examination.

my.clevelandclinic.org/.../hic-fetal-development-stages-of-growth
www.nhs.uk/.../How-is-it-performed.aspx
my.clevelandclinic.org/.../hic-fetal-development-stages-of-growth

[aliceinwonderland69]

I find the reference to unborn children as tumours and parasites disturbing. If women genuinely don't feel bad about killing their unborn children I don't see this as anything to celebrate. I have had a difficult life but I prefer it to no life or not being born. A hard life is better than no life at all.

[Sara413]

"I prefer it to no life or not being born" ... you wouldn't know. If you were never born you'd have no idea you ever "existed" or could have existed...

[Sara413]

And I'm not saying they're the same, but physiologically? They are comparable. And removing one is just a medical procedure.

[aliceinwonderland69]

If I died I wouldn't know I would be dead. It's a medical procdure that kills a potential human life.

[Sara413]

OK, so what of these options is more respectful of human life and dignity? A. Forcing a woman to give birth to a child who is financially, emotionally and/or physically incapable of raising that child in a healthy, secure environment. B. Allowing a woman who is not ready to have a child to have a bundle of cells removed that has the *potential* to develop into a human being. Or how about out of these two? A. Forcing a woman who does not want a child to give birth to one, and allowing that child to be raised in a home where it is unwanted. B. Allowing a woman who is not ready to have a child to have a bundle of cells removed that has the *potential* to develop into a human being.

[Sara413]

Or how about out of these two? A. Forcing a woman who was raped to give birth to her rapist’s child, with the very real possibility that that child will one day learn how it came to exist in this world. B. Allowing a woman who was raped to have a bundle of cells removed that has the *potential* to develop into a human being.

[aliceinwonderland69]

Not all pro-life are anti-abortion as you seem to think. I am not about forcing anyone. People have to make their own decisions. But I am allowed to have my opinion on the morality of that decision.

[dudeman]

generally if you have an abortion you're a bad person, if you dont even feel guilty about it then you are evil.

[dudeman]

also at no time is a fetus a parasite. it does not fit the scientific definition of a parasite.

[dudeman]

hitler also thought he was a good person and serial killers feel good about murder. just because they are ok with the decisions they make does not make them good people.

[Sara413]

Yes because scraping a few cells out of your uterus or taking a pill that flushes your uterus is toooooooootally comparable to rounding up millions of people, torturing them with forced labour and starvation and then killing them. Totes the same.

[dudeman]

they are not the same thing you're right but they are fair comparisons in ones moral character. she is killing her own child thats a fact. life begins at conception that is a fact. you can't argue with facts no feminist can you people simple rephrase things to fit your argument.

[Sara413]

Except, it's not a fact. Lol When "life" begins has been aa debate in the scientific and religious communities for decades... though science tends to lean a little more toward the viability end of the spectrum, while the religious side leans toward the "at conception" side.

[dudeman]

it is fact. there is no debate in science.

[dudeman]

after all i am a scientist.

[dudeman]

this is freshman biology.

[Sara413]

Oh you're a scientist? Well then... I'll just take your word for it. clearly a self-proclaimed scientist who claims there is no debate where there is quite clearly a long standing debate is a reputable source for factual information.

[dudeman]

nope not a long standing debate. its only really debated with developmental biologist and even then the debate is about a matter of hours. for the topic of abortion it is not applicable.

[Waffles731]

Thank you for writing this,
I've got mental disorders that can be passed on genetically.
I'll get married someday but I am not the right person to bring a new soul into this world and I WILL NOT inflict this on another living soul.
Its for those reasons that I will ALWAYS respect a womans right to abortion

[skeptic007]

this is dumb

[Sara413]

Thank you for you well-reasoned and intelligent contribution...

[Anonymous]

Girls can feel guilt?

[Anonymous]

"I have never had an abortion – I have been lucky enough not to have fallen pregnant. But you can bet your holier-than-thou ass that I would."

I hear this and the opposite all the time. I wouldn't bother putting stock into a person just because they say this as there is a lot more to it than just a quick and simple decision and people change their minds all the time when faced with the actual nature of the situation. There are many abortions in which people don't feel bad but most abortions are actually performed for families that already have children in them, and by families I mean women, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Of course abortion isn't always a guilt-ridden decision, but it should have been.

Just because she did not fell any guilt, doesn't mean it isn't very wrong, I am sure many SS guards in Auschwitz didn't feel any guilt either.

[Anonymous]

the “baby” is little more than a parasitic bundle of cells. Yeah, acute scientific reasoning there. When will feminists stop thinking with their vags eh?
I'm pro choice BECAUSE I believe that abortion is a right, can you speak about morals when you refer to a foetus as little more than paristic? So all moms are gonna be like 'my baby's a parasite until its too late?' No. That's just dumb.
Even though abortions are legally justified, never ever will it gain moral ground. So stop trying to justify it morally because you read someones article about how its ok, when they, like you, possibly never had an abortion before. You're not qualified to say this just cause you're a woman, a would be mother or an abortionist is the one I want to hear this from.
Don't speak for all women, please, that's just stupid, like this take.

[Sara413]

Lol at what point did I claim to speak for all women?

[cipher42]

The point is not just equating the fetus with something bad. The point is that the fetus does legitimately feed off the mother's body and affect her negatively, and if she doesn't want it, then it should be her right to cut it off from using her body in such a way. It's her body, and it's her right to decide what to do with it, and I simply don't understand how people can legitimately think that's not true.

[Opinion Owner]

@cipher42 the point is I want this on account from someone who had an abortion. I did say its her right, if you didn't READ. I'm pro choice. But stop winging this as morally acceptable. Especially when you've never had to abort. I've never seen a woman, and I've see quite a few, who haven't regretted an abortion. This take insinuates the wrong meaning in every which way. If you're so blind to see it.

[cipher42]

I did "READ". Apparently you didn't? My issue is not about whether you're prolife or pro choice here. My issue is that I think the argument you're calling idiotic is at least somewhat valid and that you seem to be completely misrepresenting it. And I'm sorry if I'm not gonna trust anecdotal information from a biased source, but your personal experience don't mean shit to me.

[Opinion Owner]

@cipher42 hey, simple question. Have you had an abortion before?

[cipher42]

No, but I've done my research, and the actual science on this issue says that the majority of women who get abortions don't regret it. So again, excuse me if I don't put much weight in your anecdotal evidence, particularly being as the actual studies that have been done on this prove you very wrong.

[Opinion Owner]

@cipher42 no. Right? So. Shut. Your. Trap. I don't care how much research you did. That counts for shit compared to the firsthand experience someone who had an abortion does. Especially, when I have met them vs your research. You saying you did 'research' counts for nothing. Its as anecdotal or more so than mine. When you debate if abortion is moral or immoral. Everybody has the right to an opinion. What a women does might not be anybody's concern. What people think about it, is not the woman's concern.

[cipher42]

Do you legitimately have this little understanding of how science works? Saying "scientific studies don't count because of my personal experience" is like saying "global warming doesn't exist because it's been cold where I live". That's just plain stupid. I'm sorry, but if you're legitimately this ignorant then I really don't give a shit what you think.

[Opinion Owner]

@cipher42 I thought we were talking about gulit here, please read the title again. And please try not to shift the argument out of its scope. As a nurse, I'm sorry, but this is my job. I see women console themselves everytime. And its not a pretty sight, they're always lonely when they come, no friends, no family to accompany them. We're talking about morality here. God knows why you can't understand that much. Its a moral debate, not a scientific one.

[cipher42]

We are? You were talking about women regretting abortions, no? Claiming that most do regret it? When in fact the science says that that's not at all true. That's what my issue was. You're trying to use anecdotal evidence to support a claim that scientific studies have already proved wrong. And why exactly can't science and morals be linked? A very large part of the arguments about the morality of abortion are based in science, though often flawed science. To claim that science is not relevant to the debate is to admit complete ignorance of what the debate actually is.

[Opinion Owner]

@cipher42 don't be stupid. And don't complicate it, most of these women aren't sure if they're killing or just removing the foetus. And then they look for reassurance whether it was right thing to do. Have you seen a dead foetus 16 weeks old? Do you know what it looks like? You're just one of those protected runts in front of a computer, know how real research is done? Its called fieldwork, visit a abortion clinic, don't just spew what you read on the net.

[cipher42]

You understand that I'm citing a scientific study here? And you're not? You can't just tell me I'm wrong when the actual science disagrees with you. If it were just some random article or forum post, sure, but this ain't that. This is the sort of shit where if you're disagreeing with it based on personal anecdote, you're clearly an idiot.

[Opinion Owner]

@cipher42 funny cause I haven't seen a single ounce of fact yet. This is stupid.

[Anonymous]

I work in a clinic and see the same women come in more than once or twice. They act all sad and broken when they arrive but it doesn't stop them from doing it again.
I know it's a generalization, but personally I get the general feeling that women have little care for lives other then their own. When I look at stats , women are the primary murders of children even after birth, and women are less likely than men to put their lives in danger for other people. SO my general perception is that women care mostly about themselves.

[Sara413]

Women who murder their children are generally dealing with severe mental health issues, including postpartum depression, so I think it is a bit irresponsible to draw a correlation between that issue and women "not caring about others". With regard to your comments about women being less likely than men to put their lives in danger for others, do you have any stats or studies to back that claim up?

[Opinion Owner]

I don't allow excuses for child murder. Men don't get excused for their actions, a male who kills a child is simply "a monster" and society has no problems burning him at the proverbial stake. Women are excused for their horrible actions and crimes was to often because of "mental health issues". It is irresponsible to excuse the actions of half the population based on their sex. I don't have "stats" per say because no one actually takes the time to do a survey, but if you want to do a quick google search for "Man saves" then a search for "woman saves" you will quickly find that there are endless pages of articles where men put their lives in jeopardy to save all living creatures, and almost none of women doing the same. Also if you look at the number of male deaths in combat vs women, or number of males in jobs vs women where lives are at risk. It's a fairly easy number to arrive at.

[Sara413]

I'm not making "excuses" for child murder, just pointing out that you cannot extrapolate to an entire gender actions that are taken by the severely mentally ill. Postpartum depression is a major issue that needs to be addressed in the health care sector. It's not an excuse for anything, but it's foolish to pretend it doesn't matter...

[Opinion Owner]

Well this is why I stated, "I know it's a generalization, but personally" and "I get the general feeling" before I made the comments. They are generalizations based on my observations and I am making a hypothesis based on patterns. I also agree that postpartum is a serious issue but I don't think it should be used as an excuse for insane actions.

[cipher42]

What does your acknowledging that your statement was a generalization have to do with anything? You clearly thought there was some basis to it, or else you wouldn't have said it. So acknowledging that it was a generalization doesn't at all make up for the fact that it's clearly deeply flawed and actually probably without legitimate basis. You completely fail to account for several factors, including the one the Asker pointed out, so obviously your generalization is not in fact at all legitimate.

[Opinion Owner]

@cipher42 Acknowledging it points out the fact that it's a PERSONAL opinion and although others may not agree or think there is basis... I do. I have enough evidence in my own personal experience and observation to make the personal statement. As with all general statements it obviously doesn't mean ALL. But putting money on one vs the other would be a solid bet based on the observable sample I have seen. Also I actually did not fail to account for anything. I was asked for data to support my belief and I gave it.