Sexual Health
+1 y

Let's talk about herpes?

Guys, I waited until I was 24 to have sex because I wanted to be in love. I picked the wrong guy and he gave me herpes. I am beautiful, educated, and truly a catch. However, my self esteem is gone. I feel like I will never find love. I don't know how I will tell a potential partner. Or when. I just ended a successful almost relationship because I was too scared to tell him and lose him because of something I am so ashamed of. Is this a total deal breaker? I am feeling so low, so those that think it's a deal breaker, just tell me, please no mean comments because I am desperate for something uplifting right now.
I would date the right girl, despite herpes
Vote A
Herpes is a deal breaker
Vote B
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Unfortunately, I work with people coping with all sorts of new diagnoses, herpes included, and I understand the emotional anguish you are going through. Genital herpes (HSV2) is virtually the exact same virus as cold sores herpes (HSV1). They have slightly different 'preferences' but basically behave the same way, spread the same way, and are HARMLESS in the same way. People freak over the 'genital' part though. Those oral cold sores can and do spread through oral sex and become a genital HSV1 infection, but you don't see people freaking out and turning down blow jobs, saying cold sores are a deal breaker. Do not take this too much to heart, sister. It's just ignorance, since somewhere around 20-25% of the adult US population carries herpes simplex virus (I didn't check your location, forgive me, it's where I am and what I know). Be thankful you are not symptomatic, and that you don't have a serious medical problem. You are going to have to get used to talking about it, as threatening as that may sound. You owe it to your partner. And I PROMISE you this: anyone you feel unable to talk about this with because it's personal and leaves you vulnerable... is NOT worth giving yourself to anyway. Right? Right. So take your time. Get your mojo back. Focus on everything that is right about you. You are still a healthy, beautiful, educated catch. And then move your kickass self on.

    • You blew my mind. I have friends that are supportive but I never expected such optimism from a stranger. Thanks for the positive thoughts and for putting me in a good mood before I go to bed. Don't underestimate the power of a kind and open minded response on a website like this. :)

    • Glad I could help

  • Aww weet baby sorry tot hear this keep your head up things happen just protect yourself I heard that it passes if u have outbreaks. I know a person that has it.. and yea if I knew I would be scared and u brave cause most people won't tell it... I google a lot of stuff stds just women stuff about the vagina cause I be wanting to know hell Im a woman u have to know. u can live a normal life its not deadly smile... and if u ever need to talk holla at me.

    • I meant sweet baby... but what te message says below mine just don't hv sex while having a outbreak

    • Thanks so much girl!!

    • welcome sweety

  • It's a deal breaker. Even if they were fine with catching it because they were "the one". There's always a chance the relationship will work out. If the relationship ended, they would be left with herpes that will forever remind them of you. Why don't you try finding a nice guy who also has herpes? Then you wouldn't have to feel self conscious and you would be in the same boat.

    • How would one find a nice guy with herpes. We don't typically advertise our virus, ya know? Seems like only creeps on dating sites

    • I understand, but maybe you could find a dating site for people in the same situation.

Most Helpful Guys

  • First, what an asshole for doing that to you. Second, I'd be honest and up front about it. Before you go on even the first date. Getting it out of the way will save both of you time, and for you, it will provide releif from the anxiety.

    Also, keep in mind that herpes is a common disease. One out of ever four people you sleep will has it.

    I proposed to a girl I knew to have genital warts. Like you she had got them from a bad husband. We used protection and I never got it. In the end she broke up with me because she didn't want to get married at all.

    Point is, your life is not over. It's just more complicated. The right man will not run away. He will be a partner and the two of you will deal with this.

  • If I'm in love and its been given time, I would spend the rest of my life with said herpes person. Hell I'd maybe catch it too but who cares because this person makes me happy and its all I will ever need.

    Also, if they come up with a cure or whatever that'd be cool too. But that would be a plus on something that I don't see negative in this situation.

    • Thanks for your take on my situation. It means more than you know

    • You're welcome. And I hope you know that I mean it, more than you know. =P love is blind. If someone can't accept who you are, they aren't worth your breath. But I do have to say you need to be more comfortable with who you are now. Don't let this one little mishap be the thing that shapes who you are inside.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 10

  • i know someone with HSV-2 right now and even she said its a deal breaker and almost pointless to even try dating these days because no-one wants her baggage

    same here i wouldn't even risk it

    • oh im sorry i didn't see the no comment line

    • What's hsv2?

    • genital herpes man hsv1 is oral "Herpes HSV-1 & HSV-2" @275153

  • Didn't vote. Don't know.

    Can you heal it? If so, I'll be there to hold your hand darling until your cured.

    If you cannot heal it, sorry miss, I'll have to pass.

    • Until a cure is found, I have it for life. I don't get outbreaks, but I have it according to a blood test

  • I don't have genital but I get cold sores and are frustrating. I would definitely date someone with herpes as I am mature enough to know that STD's can happen to anyone and herpes is just frustrating. We would just have to be careful in the event of an outbreak. Funny story, my insecure brother demanded his now wife to kiss him as a sign of love for him while he had a cold sore. She did it. That shit is contagious. I wonder if he ever went down on her with a cold sore (that's how it can be transmitted). Makes me wonder lol I don't kiss or go down on my girl when I have a cold sore. We wait for it to clear and get back to it;)

    • Thanks for the laugh and encouraging words. I think it may be helpful if I start dating older men, they are more mature and can look at my situation logically. Thanks again! :)

  • I mean chances are there will be a cure for herpes in the next 20 years. Look forward to advances in medicine.

  • 3 out of 5 adults have herpes (most of them don't know that they're carrying the virus though since it doesn't always show symptoms), so yeah I'd date someone who had herpes. It's definitely not a deal breaker.

  • It depends on what kind of herpes it is. Did you know cold soars, chicken pox and shingles are all herpes viruses?
    If it's any of them I'm fine with it because they are pretty unavoidable. If it genital herpes, then yes major deal breaker.

    • It is genital. But, I don't actually get outbreaks. I just know I have it because of tests. Did you know 1 in 4 women have it? Are you saying, no matter what it is a deal breaker? And yes, I am looking for honesty

    • It kind of is a deal breaker because even though you can do things to avoid it they just majorly detract from intimacy at its purest and the complications from the disease later in life aren't something to look forward to. I'm sure there are men out there who have a different view on it from me so don't be too disheartened.

    • MHO!

  • What type of Herpes do you have? Genital Herpes? type 2?

    • yeah but without outbreaks.

    • Well Herpes honestly is not even that bad, majority of Americans will have herpes by the time they get old and gray. Type 1 Herpes in my opinion is no big deal because it is just centered near your mouth having occasionally outbreaks near your face being nose or mouth.

    • Many people do not even know they have herpes because they are asymptomatic.

  • If the girl I like right now had herpes and was willing to date me, I'd still date her. But that's because I already caught feelings. The thing about herpes is that it's usually something you know about before the relationship progresses. So yeah, it's tough but I wouldn't say impossible

    • Thanks I really just needed to hear someone say something about my situation that wasn't entirely negative.

  • If she was the one, I wouldn't care.

  • First of all that guy is a ass for doing that to you. Second believe me you will find someone who loves you for you.

  • Herpes is a deal breaker to me.

    No matter how much I liked the girl, I would just be worried about catching it all the time. I just can't put my sexual health on line.

  • Sorry, I clicked on the wrong one by accident. :/ Mean to click that it isn't a deal breaker for me. Just don't do anything while you're having an outbreak and take your meds. That's easy enough. :)

    • Thanks, you're sweet :)

    • You're welcome and thank you in return. XD Keep up the hope. You'll find the right guy. :D

  • Hey! Their are good guys out there! The right one will be with you regardless of what you have! My best friend has genital as well, I was right there with her through it all. She was raped... And it took her a couple of years to get her self esteem back but she's had sex with guys (with protection of course) and they didn't mind her having herpes.

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