Losing my virginity didn't feel like a big deal. How come?

I lost it to my boyfriend of 6 months, at my apartment, and we were protected (pill + condom). I'm surprised that it didn't feel that special because it was his first time too, not just mine. Maybe it's because we had gotten used to doing some sexual stuff and foreplay for a few months prior to actually having intercourse. Or maybe it's because I was really ready and comfortable with my boyfriend. I feel like my reaction is inappropriate in the circumstances. How did your first time feel to you? Can you relate?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Because it's NOT a big deal! Girls hold virginity as being so special and as something they give to a guy (how does that work?) but really it's just a normal thing you do when you're really attracted to somebody and they're attracted to you. The feeling that it is so special and a huge event makes it a let down because at the end of the day it's just sex and the orgasm (if you even have one) is the same orgasm you've already had from masturbating. My first time was not great and I couldn't come because I wasn't comfortable with the girl and more used to my own hand than a girl. It gets way better after awhile when you love the other person and have a connection and trust though.

    • Thanks a lot for your input. It makes a lot of sense. I think us girls are brought up so to think it's a really, really important event in one's life. We make it to be something emotionally life-changing. I think that the first time is painted romantically in a way that doesn't meet our modern age. Growing up, I thought I'd do everything at once for my first time in the sex department, which would indeed make it an overwhelming experience. Truth is I made baby steps and got to that point instead

    • I'm reassured that you understand how it didn't feel like that big of a deal to me. It felt wrong to feel that way at first but now I think it all makes sense considering my upbringing as a girl.

    • Yeah sex isn't really that special until you've done it a lot with somebody and get to know what each other really wants and then it gets awesome.

  • "sexual stuff and foreplay for a few months prior to actually having intercourse" I think this can have a big effect on it because you probably felt more relaxed with your boyfriend who already done sexual things with you.

    "I was really ready and comfortable with my boyfriend" I think this is another part that played into it because you two already done foreplay type of things and you were comfortable around him.

    I was going to go into detail about what my first time was like but I might get banned for the detail I want to go into. I'll just say it was exciting because I never seen a naked girl before (offline) and we had fun.

    • could you send me a message if you want to respond?

    • Aah that's great that you enjoyed your first time. I'm glad you understand where I come from. I kinda felt like I was underreacting to this but it seems that it makes sense after all!

    • thanks it was amazing. if you want to chat you can message me. I'm going to sleep now it's almost 3am.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Losing your virginity is what you make of it. If it wasn't a big deal then it wasn't. it does not matter what other people think. you are your own sexual being and if you are okay with the decision you made that is all that matters. every woman has a different reaction to their first time. mine wasn't what I expected at all. I expected pain and bad memories but it was fantastic because I loved the man I was with and we were ready. I didn't make a big deal of.it because there wasn't anything to make a big deal about. it was sex plain and simple. And don't worry about regretting it in the future..as I am sure you wont.

  • It wasn't a big deal for me, either. I was already very sexual though, and it sounds like you may have been as well, so maybe that's part of the reason. Sex is more of a learning experience than anything else, though. It gets better with time and practice.

    • Yes, I agree. By sexual, do you mean being comfortable with my body sexually (aka masturbating) or being at ease with my sexual needs (aka being horny). It's still a bit blurry to me because I've been surrounded by guys my whole life, so I've been only used to their perspective of sex being a common thing. It's never been an open matter among girls here, unfortunately, so it's always felt like sex to a girl should be the most prudish thing ever, or else the girl was just a horny bitch/slut.

    • Sexual as in someone who masturbates and is basically instilled with all things sexual before the act. For example, I knew exactly, and I mean exactly, what to expect my first time. I talked about it and thought about it constantly. Basically I didn't feel like a virgin even when I was.

  • I felt the same way. I honestly didn't understand what the big deal about virginity was to begin with.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • It is not all that big a thing plain and simple

  • How come? No come.

    First time is rarely that great, especially for the girl. Practice makes perfect.

  • in my short life and even shorter life of what I would actually consider being "awake" I've come to the conclusion the choices we make at the moment won't actually hit us till a few years down the line