My boyfriend can only get an erection from direct physical stimulation, is this normal?!

So for example, if we are making out or he's giving me oral he is soft, but if I'm giving him oral than he is hard. Why would he need direct stimulation to get an erection? Please help, does anyone know why this happens? I try not to make him embarrassed but this is clearly very uncomfortable for both of us...
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Most Helpful Guys

  • When its been a while since a guy has has sex its much easier for him to get aroused from visual stimulation. If he has sex fairly regularly it may be that he actually needs some direct stimulation ie: you to give him oral. Hell maybe he just really likes oral. The the idea of Oral may get him going. Stand him up drop his trousers and act as if your going to get to it. If he gets aroused before you actually get him in your mouth then things are pretty simple. He's just more turned on by receiving oral then giving oral. That happens to guys all the time.

    If there is a sudden change in his ability to get an erection without there being a change in the frequency of sex. There could be a health issue causing this to happen. Drugs, alcohol, Weight gain, poor diet or excessive stress can effect erections.

    • It's not the oral thing its that he cannot get an erection from fantasy or visual stimulation - you actually have to physical stimulation...

  • I'm like this now. I still get hard from thoughts occasionally, but very rarely. I'll let you know if there's a reason ... I'm trying out a few things. But in my case, I certainly wasn't like that when I was younger.

    Rest assured, erection and arousal (excitement) are NOT the same. When I'm touching my partner, I'm really excited, I just don't really get hard until there is physical - most of the time.

    Now even when younger, I'd usually GET hard, but I wouldn't STAY hard indefinitely without stimulation. So if I was giving her oral, it would fade, but I was very excited, I just never stayed hard for 10-20 minutes from thoughts alone.

    • Thanks, that helps:) I was really worried that I wasn't arousing him. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I'm thinking it might be age related. My man is quite a bit older than me.

    • 36. It's hard to say but I feel like I've been much more this way in the last couple years.

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  • I'm definitely not that way, but I know of a couple of guys who were, and several have been with girls who had the same concern you do. But for some guys, this is completely normal and is just how they are. It has nothing to do with you; it's just the way they operate.

    Some women have similar issues that make them somewhat out of the norm; for example, some women don't lubricate very much, even when they are ultra horny and turned on. And it isn't the guys' fault, or how she feels about him; it's just how she is. A bottle of store-bought lube and all is well.

    You don't need to worry; everything's fine.

  • I don't understand why this makes anything uncomfortable.

    Most guys can get hard from thoughts or touching that doesn't involve direct stimulation of the penis. Our brain usually makes the connection between those things and having sex and gets our penises ready. Now, it seems to not work this way for your boyfriend, but you can still stimulate him directly and have sex.

    So as long as you can have sex normally, I don't see what the problem is.

  • Does he masturbate a lot? If so, tell him that may be a cause.