My boyfriend is close minded and I'm wondering what to do.

Anonymous

i don't understand him, last time we were about to have sex I told him I want anal badly and I get a lot of pleasure and fun out of it and he freaked out and refused, it's like he's the one who'll take it, he kept saying stuff liek that my butt is small and I'm not fit to have anal and stuff like that, I told him I won't have sex without anal and now I'm thinking of dumping him, I've never dated a guy like him -.- any advice?

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Most Helpful Girls

saphirasilverwings Xper 5
+1 y
If you absolutely must have anal sex and he's not comfortable with it, I guess your only choice probably is to break up with him. But he's not necessarily a closed minded person in general just because he won't do anal. Keep that in mind. Very few people, if any, are truly open to EVERYTHING. And while I know that some people really love anal, I can think of a million reasons why other people might not. So try to be understanding, and think about whether or not this is really a deal breaker for you. You could always try to come up with something else to do that you'll BOTH enjoy.
1 1 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  Lol if he tried it I'm sure both of us will enjoy it, and yeah he is close minded if he's running away from such a simple thing -_-
- saphirasilverwings
  +1 y
  He might try t and end up enjoying it, sure. But you shouldn't dismiss his feelings- that's unfair to him. He may have legitimate reasons for not wanting to have anal sex. It's not something that EVERYONE enjoysouRs ember that different people like and dislike different things. You can talk to him about this and try to come up with a compromise, but ultimately it's important for you to respect his feelings.
- saphirasilverwings
  +1 y
  Wow, something went very wrong there. It should be: It's not something that EVERYONE enjoys. Remember that different people like and dislike different things... It's fine for anal sex to be important to you. And yes, if he tried it he might end up liking it. But right now, you're not looking at this from his point of view or respecting his feelings at all, and that's wrong. You're assuming that he's being closed minded and silly about this. But EVERYONE has dislikes.
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- saphirasilverwings
  +1 y
  You obviously like anal a lot, so maybe it's hard for you to understand why someone else might not. But the fact is that anal is not for everyone. You don't have to stay with a guy who won't have anal if that's a deal breaker for you. But you DO have to treat the topic with respect and care. I suggest talking to him about why he does t want to do it. Maybe there's something you can do to eliminate the problem or comfort him about it. Maybe you can compromise or make a deal.
- Asker
  +1 y
  "You obviously like anal alot" What, I'm just being a normal girl like most of em, and is it wrong to like sex? I'm not saying a relationship is all about sex because it's not and it will never be, I'm just saying that I can't understand him he seems to be complex, that's all <_<
- saphirasilverwings
  +1 y
  There is nothing wrong with liming anal, and I never said anything to suggest that there was. You're twisting my words. I'm saying that while it's fine that you want to have anal sex, you do have to respect his feelings about it. Which means not acting like he has a mental disorder just because there's one thing he's hesitant to try. It's normal to like anal, but it's equally normal not to, so don't be so hard on him. Again, I suggest talking to him about it. Good luck!
- saphirasilverwings
  +1 y
  Nothing wrong with LIKING anal*
Brookelynn122 Xper 6
+1 y
If he just won't do it, and it's something that's really important to you, you need to realize that you two are just not sexually compatible and that you'll never be fully satisfied in the relationship.
3 0 1 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  yeah it seems so

Most Helpful Guys

sannysanchezz Xper 5
+1 y
Perhaps he's never done anal and is scared because he doesn't know wtf he is doing? Perhaps it's a turn off for him? One of the best ways to find out what the problem is with him and your request is to simply ask him. Since you seem unafraid to break up, it couldn't hurt to ask him yourself?
0 1 1 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  all he said is that my butt is small and not fit for anal, while I'm 100% sure its big enough lol
- sannysanchezz
  +1 y
  Yea but that is just his excuse to not do it. The real reason isn't "oh I'm concerned about your butthole size hunny", it's something else.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Yeah, gotta figure out what the f*** he's thinking
Anonymous
+1 y
I think the issue is that the world wants us to be miserable. WHich is why I'm with my wife and you are with this guy.

GAAAAAAAAAH.

Oh advice, dump him, most guys would think they'd gone to heaven with you.
2 1 3 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  Yeah, gotta find a normal average guy -_- and what's going on with your wife btw?
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Won't do anal, never did. :( Is he just worried about hurting you, or does it turn him off btw? If you think it turns him on, suggest watching p*rn together. He can pick first. When its your turn, wait for your period but don't tell him, then have him watch an anal only p*rn with you, then pull his pants off, tell him its your period, and refuse to give him head. :D
- Asker
  +1 y
  i've never actually met a female who didn't do anal, but I do know some women are scared and don't wanna try it, and those women are the kind that a lot of men hate, no offense but I think your wife doesn't deserve you, anyways, I don't know if it turns him off or so, but he said that my butt is small and he doesn't get turned on with it, and I'm sure my butt is big just like any other girls, also may I ask what makes you think p*rn will work? I mean it's a bit weird but can you epxlain please?
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- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  It probably won't. It would only work IF he was only concerned. If it turned him on but he was worried about doing it, then watching girls take it like that over and over would excite him and make him want to do it, and he'd be aroused ... and then you'd take other options off the table. In the moment, that excited, having just watched it for a while I think he'd be worrying a lot less about hurting you. I doubt that's the issue though. But for me, I'd be ready to pound you senseless.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  No anal used to be the only hangup with my wife, but over the years she's added more and more and more ... Urgh. Standing back, I don't think she deserves me, but I'm still trying to turn things around. TBH, reading questions like yours makes me just want to end it and find someone else. But not yet.
- Asker
  +1 y
  But don't you find it weird that a guy would reject this? also he's not concerned about hurting me, I don't know what he's thinking, which is why I find it way weird and abnormal to think that he would refuse, and about your wife, what did she add on top of that? lol I'd like to know
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  I suspect its the 'that's where feces comes from' thing. I crave anal more then anything else, so I'd be assaulting you twice a day.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  As for my wife, things were slowing down somewhat even before marriage, but when she got pregnant, and hated her body post pregnancy (stretch marks not weight), things dropped a ton. Its not that she says she'll never do XYZ again, she just in practice won't do XYZ. She also used to say she'd maybe do anal, now she says never. She used to mainly have me finish in mouth, occasionally on face, now never. BJ are almost non existent. Just hj/sex, and I have to push for those. Urgh.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  If you want to chat more or later, let me know, and I'll BRIEFLY remove anonymous status, you can message me and I'll flip it back on.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Lol to be quiet honest your wife is weird, and I mean no offense by that, and yeah I'll post here whenever I get back so we can have a little chat.
- saphirasilverwings
  +1 y
  I have tried anal- I tried it twice just to be sure- and though I did everything I possibly could to make it comfortable, it was EXCRUCIATING. So... it's great that you like anal, but remember that not everyone does. That's just how it is. There's nothing I could have done to make it work.
- saphirasilverwings
  +1 y
  So please stop calling everyone who doesn't love anal weird. Its normal to like it, but this guys's wife and I are not the only people in the world who don't. With tons of lube, relaxation techniques, and going slowly, it still felt like someone was stabbing me in the butt with a knife. Am I really weird for j not loving that?

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 3

l-hedoniste Master
+1 y
Dump him. You can do better, much better.
1 1 2 0
MarkMyWords Xper 2
+1 y
Yes. Message me.
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Anonymous
+1 y
I think the thought of anal is really gross. I would be willing to try it only if I knew it was really important to the girl. Who knows, maybe I would love it, and once this guy tries it, he might love it to. Some people need to be eased into new sexual situations. You have to talk with him about it and more, and give him the chance to get use to the idea.
2 0 2 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  honestly, I think anal is gross only when the butt belongs to a guy.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  I don't like the thought of someone's poo, getting on me. I don't understand why so many men are okay with that.
- Asker
  +1 y
  that's a big fat lame stereotype
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- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  How so? I don't see any way to avoid it from happening.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I Think you should trying before saying some non sense bull that you heard from other people.
- saphirasilverwings
  +1 y
  I think it's probably unlikely that it will happen, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. Bodies sometimes do inconvenient or unexpected things, and there's not always a way to prevent it. The anus was created as a route for waste, so it certainly wouldn't be a huge surprise if some ended up in there. Plus, no matter how much you clean things out, there will still be different kinds of bacteria in the anus that isn't meant to end up outside it. Remember when you were little, and people told you
- saphirasilverwings
  +1 y
  to wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands after you go to the bathroom? That was actually for a good reason. And just because you're a big girl now doesn't mean that those risks don't still stand. I'm not against anal- if you enjoy it, more power to you. But enjoyable activities can still have risks, and it's better to acknowledge them and take precautions than to deny that they exist. And if you think that just because you love anal, everyone should, YOU'RE the closed minded one.