My boyfriend doesn't like it when I initiate sex?

Recently I moved in with my boyfriend and since then we haven't had sex, but I know he looks at p*rn everyday. I have tried to initiate sex with him, sending him sexy texts, sexy pictures, tried coming on to him telling him where I wanted his hand etc... Yesterday we got into a huge fight because I took his hand and said "hey babe, you know where I want your hand right now", he looked at me all funny and said "Stop it. I told you I don't like when you talk sex all the time, everyday its sex, sex, sex" So I confronted him about the p*rn, I look at the p*rn he looks at, its all girls shoving toys you know where, girls giving bjs, doing dirty things but its dirty for his girlfriend to want sex with him? WTF kind of logic is that? He said he is stressed out about lot of things and lately me and him having been fighting because I feel insecure that he doesn't want to have sex with me, it makes me feel unattractive and unwanted. I don't understand, why is it okay for him to watch p*rn, masturbate to it while THOSE GIRLS ARE DOING DIRTY THINGS, ACTING LIKE SLUTS, but he doesn't like me doing it. He even said "I don't want my girl acting like a slut"... I know he isn't cheating, and he asked me to live with him, he talks about kids and marriage so what's the deal?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Your boyfriend is broken; take him back where you got him and get a refund.

    Seriously, some guys DO turn to p*rn when they are under a ton of stress, because they feel like everything is out of their control, so they find solice in something they have complete control over (porn/masturbation). That doesn't make it RIGHt, but it isn't uncommon.

    But there may be some deeper underlying issues here. As a rule, guys don't want their girl "acting like a slut" around OTHER GUYS, but when in their own bedroom, anything goes, and the dirtier the better. Your guy seems to have some distorted ideas of how things normally work, and that's something you really need to be able to talk with him about, and find a way to compromise on, if this relationship is going to have a chance.

    I think nearly everyone will agree that your feelings and desires are completely normal, and in fact, plenty of guys would LOVE to have a girl who initiates and says what she wants and likes, so you aren't the one who is outside the norm here, he is. And if he can't or won't talk about it, there's no future in this relationship, because it's THAT big a deal. It's already affecting your self-esteem, and it will only get worse if it's not dealt with. Even if he will talk about it, you may find that you two simply aren't compatible. You can't MAKE someone change, after all.

    Try to talk with him, and see if you can get to the root of his feelings about this, and maybe you can work out a compromise that you can both live with. Otherwise, be ready to cut the cord.

    • What do you think the deep underlying issue could be though? Is there something wrong me with? Does he not find me attractive? Like it made me feel real dumb when he said he doesn't like when I talk sex all the time, but those bimbos on the internet are doing nothing but dirty things

    • This

    • There is NOTHING wrong with you. And I don't think it's that he doesn't find you attractive. Rather, he might have some hang-up about "keeping you pure" or something, which doesn't really make sense, but as I said, he has some distorted ideas. WHY he feels that way I can't say, but it's nothing that you did. From your description, you are completely normal, and perhaps a little better than average in your attitude about sex. He's the one who is screwed up.

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  • it sounds like he is afraid he will not meet your expectations. An easy counter to this is to be very approving of him during sex - body language. try to have multiple orgasms: fake them if you must. Occasionally ask him during sex to be gentle, but respond with ecstasy if he doesn't. It'll take time but eventually it will build his confidence is his own sexual powers, and he'll be more generous with them.

    Alternatively, while all men have a natural distinction between sex and love, a rare few go further and try to keep them as far apart as possible - over idealizing feminine attributes. I can never pretend to understand this in terms of anything but insanity. If the above doesn't work out, then this is his problem. My best advice is to get as far away from him as possible, but there is the extremely small chance that he'll grow out of this.

Most Helpful Girls

  • You need to be real careful with guys who say things like "I don't want my girl acting like a slut" when it comes to stuff you do with HIM. That means he has a warped sense of women's sexuality. He is so brainwashed by the idea that good girls don't have sex and bad girls do, that it'll eventually ruin your relationship. He'll force you to always keep the good girl image which will keep you from getting the sexual satisfaction you need, and at the same time he'll want his "bad girl" needs fulfilled elsewhere. Be that through p*rn, cheating, etc. It's a very dangerous thing. I see it happen a lot where I'm from because it's a traditional country town with more old-fashioned views. So take it from me, there is *nothing* wrong with being a total slut with your boyfriend, fiance, husband. If he doesn't like it, trust me when I say there are about a million other guys who would kill for you.

    • well he has said, when and while we are having sex he doesn't care if I talk dirty but he gets upset when I try to iniate it...

    • Again, he is in a very small percentage of men who feels that if a girl initiates sexual things she is a "slut." With him, that shouldn't even cross his mind and most men who love the way you act. He has a distorted view.

    • most men **would love the way you act

  • First I wouldn't tolerate my Boyfriend masturbating over p*rn, but since your OK with it you should let him know that you have sexual needs just like he does and would like him to please you, if he doesn't then its up to you to wait until he wants to have sex with you, or leave him.

  • I think he wants you to be more wife material, and less hook up material. Just because he masturbates to it, doesn't mean he wants it in real life. He wants you to be serious once and a while and have fun with him outside of the hormonal world.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • This is the first I've heard of this...There's something really distorted in the way he thinks and views about woman and sex. So I agree with some of the gentleman that posted about keeping you pure and stuff which I find kinda off.

    Why would any normal guy prefer p*rn to a REAL WOMAN who WANTS to have sex?!? What does stress have to anything? Sex is a stress reliever! If my girl talked dirty just a bit and initiates sex (for once!), the clothes comes off in a heartbeat! XD

  • WTF?!?! weirdo. sorry that wasn't helpful at all lol. I've just never heard such a thing.

    • Yeah exactly so it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, and normally I'm not that insecure. I'm in good shape, I'm pretty...so I don't get it

    • you have every right to be confused lol

  • proooobably shouldn't have moved in with him..

  • It’s called madonna whore complex, just ditch him. It will get worse and he will cheat On you eventually. Happened to me. No sex on my wedding night. All dressed up in lingerie and nothing! Trust me it’s a huge red flag.


  • He gay bye bye

  • i think it's really odd...something is up with him

  • I'd get a toy (if you don't already have one) or something and stop saying stuff about sex for a few, just kind of ignore it and him sexually and see if then he takes more interest. Don't put yourself out there for awhile and see how he reacts.

  • I don't think that's his real reasoning. I think it's just an excuse to try and make you stop confronting him with sex while he's going through whatever it is that's making him so emo about it

    • It hurts my feelings that he looks at those girls though. I'm not gonna lie, it wouldn't bother me as much if he was actually having sex with me too, but he isn't. It's like those girls are better then me and that's a sucky feeling.

    • What is he stressed about? Maybe he's stressing about work or school and it's making him feel like a loser and internally feels in him mind that he's not good enough for you now and not allowing himself to have sex with you because he's not worth. That's about all I can think of that would cause this

    • Actually when I over heard him talking to his friend and he said "Bro, I love her so much, sometimes we will be sleeping and I'll look over to her and think she deserves so much better, her dad is rich and I don't make that much money" Could this have something to do with it? Stressed about making money like my dad does so he'll think I'm good enough?

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