My boyfriend and I don't have sex like we used to!

[Anonymous]

We have been together for five years now. He has been my first in every way.. I'm 22 and he is 27, he doesn't even let me go down on him. We have sex like twice a month! I feel so unwanted and my self-esteem is so low now. I'm not an ugly girl I consider myself to be attractive but not to him... We have been living together for like 3 years now. We get along, I mean we go to clubs and to the movies, like a normal couple would. But something just isn't right. I'm thinking of breaking up with him! But I love him so much and that's why I want to make it work, but I have become very unhappy and I know I deserve better, I don't know what to do please help me! Thanks.

[Firmwear]

TALK TO EACH OTHER!

Sorry, I don't mean to be rude but you need to find out what's going. As you suspected, it is quite unusual - to say the least - for a 27 year old man to not want to have sex more often than your boyfriend (even after 5 years). Likewise, turning down oral sex is even more of a red flag. I don't want to speculate on the cause(s), but I do agree with you that something is definitely not right. You do have to be prepared for what you may hear when you talk, but avoiding something that is clearly wrong would be immature of both of you. If you both still love each other, it's very likely it's something that can be worked on and solved. I recommend having this talk outside of the bedroom and during a time when you're both relaxed and as non-stressed as possible. Absolutely don't have this talk as part of an argument, etc.

I wish you the best and hope things can be repaired. Good luck!

[John-Bee]

It's normal for things to slow down over time. It is NOT because you are unattractive so don't even think that or blame yourself.

You raise a good point as to why he will not let you go down on him. That does seem to be odd.

I would really have a heart to heart talk with him. Try communicating that to him before breaking up. You have a lot going as you get along well & don't seem to argue more then you have fun with him.

Maybe a Dr.s visit is in order for him? He's only 27 so his libido should not have slowed down that much, but it's still the fact that he won't let you go down on him because (only he knows & isn't saying) or will not initiate with you. Tired is only a reason for once in a while.

[John-Bee]

Here is a question that you may want to take a look at; Do men lose their sex drives? So my husband and I were having sex like, everyday this week, and it turned my sex drive to wanting it everyday... But when I went to make the moves on him... He said "I'm totally not horny AT ALL" wtf? Why have sex all week and then stop? Serious, I think that's Fed up, I DO NOT believe in making... more

[Asker]

Thanks, for your advice I will take into consideration!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my relationship, only opposite. I am the one still trying to get things going, and she just seems to have given up. It ended up with her breaking up with me.