My boyfriend's too big for me--it's painful! advice?

This is a serious question by the way, I'm not bragging or anything. My boyfriend is pretty big--like 8-9 in. I'd guess, I haven't measured. and I'm a small person. A LOT of the time we have sex it's painful. I have to be really warmed up, and even then it's uncomfortable in some positions. If I'm not as ready (even though I think I am), it can really hurt. Thankfully I have a pretty high pain tolerance haha, but I think if he was ever really rough and we were in a bad position, I'd pretty much die :P This is just annoying. Obviously I want to be able to enjoy sex too. And I want him to enjoy himself without worrying that it's hurting me, because sometimes he'll stop when I say it's hurting. What do I do? ha ha is this too big of a problem for a relationship? (no pun intended!)
Updates:
+1 y
ok, some are saying that I'll stretch or something--but I'm not going to stretch lengthwise, am I? It's the length that's really the problem, not the girth.
1 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • He is likely bashing into your cervix due to his length. The ONLY thing the two of you can do is for him to make sure he isn't going as deep into you. And, no, he isn't going to like that, but he'll need to get used to it. Otherwise, it will always be painful for you.

    There is a REASON the average penis length is about 5.3": the majority of women find that size to be the most pleasurable/comfortable size. If 8" was the most pleasurable/comfortable size, it would be the average size, and the "big guys" would be 12" long. Any biologist or anthropologist could tell you that.

  • It still may make others envious.

    Lubricant. That helps, if you haven't tried it.

    I would hope he'd be at least a little sensitive and try to be gentle.

    Even if YOU like it rough theoretically, it's just not working out for you that way.

    You indicate that maybe he's gentle as it is but... wow. For many it would be something to be desired. I wish I could add several inches like that.

    I've had dreams about it. Real middle of the night sleepy time dreams. But I would wake up afterward and be disappointed.

Most Helpful Girls

  • during foreplay while he is using his hand, make sure he gradually uses one more finger. by the time he can't fit any more fingers in, make sure he uses lots of extra lube. it should work fine then. if not then just keep trying /:

  • Ouch, my advice is use some lube and maybe try spooning that one might work

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

0 14
  • I heard this story before, something my grandmother would talk about... I think it's best for the both of you to figure out what the best and less painfull way is to have intercourse. You haven't got a d***-schrinking-wand or something like that I supose? And no vagina-expassion-set :-) "So, try to adjust to each other needs and the pain will dissapear."

  • 1) Relax. If you get nervous, it'll tighten the muscles down there and you'll basically be hurting yourself when it wouldn't even be that big of a deal anyhow...

    2) LUBE LUBE LUBE LUBE (or spit spit spit + massive amounts of foreplay for you, whatever you fancy more)

    3) YOU start on top first. That way, you can be in charge of the rhythm, the depth of penetration, etc., etc.

    4) Keep communicating.. Give feedback.. etc. etc.

  • if the length is continuing to be the problem he is an ass. He can very well control how deep he goes and so he needs to realize that if you have a penis like that you can't have sex like normal people. Maybe you need to be on top so you can control it or he just needs to get over himself and realize that it isn't right to hurt girls. Or he just needs to find a girl with a vag that elongates more.

  • people need to be compatible sexually too. It is very important. But if you keep having sex with him eventually you will become loose and it will be okay. But you for now just need to tell him he has to take it easy. It should be more about your enjoyment than his. Guys can just get one rubbed out and we are good but girls you deserve to be cared for.

    • yeah, he always goes down on me and stuff so I'm not complaining there. it's just that actual intercourse is annoying :P

  • Simple solution: Alcohol. Does the trick every time for my wife.

    Realistic solution: LOTS of foreplay. When you're ready physically, it'll be smooth sailing, or riding or sliding... Or whatever kids call it these days. xp

    • well, even with lots of foreplay, he's still just too big. He always hits my cervix. I don't know that there's anything to do about that.

    • Lots of guys (to include myself) take pride that we have that ability. He might be doing it on purpose. My wife has to tell me about the cervical beating that occurring and I have to take it easy.

    • HE NEEDS TO STOP GOING SO DEEP! WHAT AN ASSHOLE!

    • Show All
  • Technically you kind of do stretch lengthwise, but probably not enough to avoid him bumping your cervix. The vagina "balloons" during intense arousal, but again, if you're already aroused and he's still doing it...

  • I would stick to slow sex in a comfortable position. I'm about 9 inches as well, and though I'm not super experienced, the women I have been with were less than happy while we were doing it. I mean I was going as slow as possible, trying not to go too deep, and she was still reaching back and stopping me from moving. Again, I was inexperienced, but I knew better than to just go to town. I was careful as could be, and there was just no way. Honestly I felt bad, because no matter what I did she would squeak and stop me.

  • If its length, be careful with positions. Avoid any where your knees are up near your chest, they allow super deep penetration. Maybe make more use of some where some length is 'wasted'. Also the angle might help, if he's not aimed straight at your cervix it would be better, obviously.

  • What is your age? I think you are under age.

    • wow. I don't see why you'd think that. I'm 19. Of course you don't have to believe me, but that's the truth.

  • you need more sex

  • tell him to be careful and not so rough.

  • That sucks. But a vagina will definitely stretch to accomodate larger men, you'll just have to f*** a lot until you're used to his size.

    Sorry dear!

  • Not a way to spend your young life. For some women, my modest pintel has been like throwing a hot dog down a hallway and we parted amicably. You may have to do the same thing

  • Is the length the only problem you face, or does the girth cause you pain as well?

    I know that certain positions allow the guy to go deeper, I'm not sure what they are, but I've heard of them, plus he can angle his penis in certain positions to avoid hitting it. You might need to switch boyfriends, or get him to not put it in so deep, which is something that will probably p*ss him off.

    • It's the length, really. Girth is fine. That's why I don't think suggestions like "more foreplay" are going to help.

    • if length is the problem you will not be able to stretch over time, he hits your cervex, that's what's causing pain, however there is a way he can put his penis in you so that it goes around what ever he is hitting, experient, have him do you from different angles and things like that, you can work around it.