My boyfriend won't let me give him a blowjob :(

Ok. so he tells me its not fair to me and he prefers sex but I really want to. when I ask he tells me he will allow it but he doesn't want it. (makes me feel like a rapist). what do I do?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I think I may be able to help answer this, as I am the same way with my wife. We have been married many years, and I have never allowed her to give me a blowjob. I give her oral sex, and have fingered her to many huge orgasms and I love doing that for her, however I have never (and will never) let her give me hand jobs or blowjobs. Here are the reasons why:
    1 – I do not like all of the attention being on me, and I see it as purely selfish. I was raised to always think of others first, and to be respectful of women, so I do not like feeling like I am the center of attention and I think blowjobs are disrespectful to her.
    2 – I don’t feel “worthy” of receiving pleasure that way. Honestly I suffer from feelings of self hatred, and don’t feel like I deserve to receive any pleasure if it’s all about me. I do love to have sex with her, because it gives her so much pleasure, and I love that she orgasms from sex at least 95% of the time (it’s very rare when she doesn’t). However if she didn’t orgasm from sex then I would be totally disinterested in it, since it would again just be about my pleasure. In fact, there have been a number of times when she has an orgasm and I don’t. Once she is finished with her orgasm then I figure my job is done and I’m finished, and if I can’t come within a minute or two of her then I just stop and go take a shower or something. There have been times when she feels bad and wants to finish me off with a handjob or blowjob, but as soon as she mentions that it feels like a punch in my gut and I instantly lose my erection. Same thing if she tells me that she’s not going to be able to have an orgasm for one reason or another, then I am just done. I will never orgasm if she can’t.
    It's not just about sexual things either. The other night we were about to sit on the couch to watch a movie, and she said she wanted to bless me by giving me a foot bath/massage. I guess she wanted to return the favor because I give her massages all the time (I used to be a massage therapist). If she is sitting in a chair I will sometimes just come up behind her and give her a shoulder and neck massage, or if she has had a bad day I will break out the massage table and give her a full body massage, or if we are sitting on the couch watching a show I will start to massage her feet. But I couldn’t stomach the idea of her focusing her attention on me to give me a foot bath and massage, so when she left the room I took the foot bath, towels and lotion and hid them in the garage so she couldn’t do it. I just DESPISE the thought of anything being all about me, so I will not allow it. I realize that I probably have some deep seated issues that need to be worked out, but I really don’t care. If I’m not hurting anybody but myself by it then who cares?

  • Explain to him how you desire him and want desperately to please him like he pleases you, and that it's something that you really want. Describe how it would feel to you physically to have him in your mouth, and how it would feel to you emotionally. That will help him realize that he's not taking advantage of you, but that you REALLY DO want to do it. He'll feel better about it and might actually let himself enjoy it.

    • where have you been all my life and why do you know EVERYTHING! <3

    • Something about seeing Quagmire's face and hearing GOOD advice about sex is just so off putting. XD Gonna have to agree with your advice.

    • lol. true

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Most Helpful Girls

  • In all my life, I have NEVER heard of a man that doesn't want a blow job. I've heard of men who sometime prefer a blowjob to sex. That is so strange. I think you have to have a talk with him and tell him that this is something you want to do and love to do. Tell him how much it turns you on when you perform a BJ for him and how you love the idea of giving him pleasure. If he's still against it...I'm not saying you should dump him but it will create problems in your relationship. And it will really piss him off if one day you meet another guy who is everything he isn't and lets you give him a BJ. So I guess you have a choice to make. If this relationship doesn't last, I'm just letting you know, there are men out there who would kill for a woman who wants to give them a BJ. You shouldn't have to beg for it because you're the woman and he should be begging to please you. I feel so bad because I don't want to tell you to dump him because he could be a really great guy but then again I don't want you to keep begging him for it because you're going to start resenting him and might look elsewhere. So it's your decision to make girl! Again, no woman should have to beg for a BJ. I hope he's at least going down on you because if he's not even doing that for u, then I'd have to say dump him...he's selfish!

    • lol. I'm not a dumb chick who looses interest in a guy because of a sexual issue! also, (just realized I'm a hypocrite) I don't like people going down on me. the difference is that I let him because he's the only one whos done it right. but anyway. sex is never an issue with us. I just thought it would be fun to give him a blowjob but he won't let me. I respect where he's coming from because he doesn't like to demean women (even though giving head isn't demeaning.)

    • Well maybe you should tell him that :) I don't know how you feel about p*rn but maybe you should watch some together sometime and choose clips where a girl is giving a guy a BJ and see how he reacts. Ideally, he might like it and want to do it to you. Never said you were dumb...just think you deserve to have a fulfilling sex life. And if he's a good guy then he should understand.

    • yeah. true. and maybe ill try that p*rn thing but neither of us watches p*rn because (believe it or not) neither of us masturbates (I don't know how, also, don't care to learn)

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  • I sure hope your boyfriend soon realizes the prize he has for a girlfriend! He needs to understand that many of these sex acts no matter how degrading it might seem or look, in the right atmosphere is as pleasurable for the girl as for him.

    I love sucking guys off and it is hard for me to understand why your boyfriend would be so adamant against it.

    • Hes too nice :( its a hassle. lol

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • The thing is that some guys will say this een though they really do want blowjobs but they might make them anxious. I have had a few bad experiences and so even though I would love a good one I feel weird during them. It isn't that the girls were bad but that I was made to feel bad for enjoying them. If this is the case you have to talk to him and change the way he looks at oral sex. He needs to know that you enjoy doing it because you like the feeling, not just because you like to please him. We feel guilty in that case, BUT if you can make us think we are denying you otherwise we might be more willing.

    • yeah, I understand that. some dudes are uncomfortable in controling positions

  • I don't like blowjobs either, too impersonal

    • yeah. that's probably one of his issues

  • I feel where he's coming from. I feel the same way I don't really want blow jobs because I don't feel like they're fair and I feel demeaning when I do it, but then I realize that I like going down so I don't really feel bad. If I hated going down maybe I could see not feeling right, but if I enjoy something why shouldn't they. I think maybe he'll open up to it over time.

    • hopefully, thanks

    • You should let him know how you feel. Tell him you really like doing it and that it makes you happy and you want to.

    • yeah. he can be stubborn though. lol

  • What is wrong with him LOL? I would sit and let him know this what you really want to do. I don't understand why he would say no. Maybe just sit him back and give him an amzing one and he will understand.

    • rape him? lol

    • Yes LOL,

  • hahah what an idiot but yet, just respect his wishes.

    • yeah, I guess I have to (dont want to rape him) but I'm going to try to convince him

  • I don't like blowjobs. Your guy is absolutely right.. Enjoy the other aspects of sex.

  • And my partner won't GIVE ME a blowjob. So we're quits :-) Same reasons. Believes it to be unhygenic

  • I think you should just respect his wishes and not do it. If it makes you feel sexually deprived then your relationship might not be meant to be.

    • lol. no, trust me. I get all I need (and then some) :d. just want to do something for him because he deserves it.

    • Sex does feel better. Give him more of what he wants but try dressing in sexy lingerie and costumes for him and do different positions. If you want to specially treat him ride on top so he doesn't have to do much work.

    • our sex isn't the issue. we got that down. its the fact that I want to do this and he won't let me

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