Sexual Health
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My Boyfriend Won't Spoon Me?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 months, and we decided to make it official 2 weeks ago. I go to University, and he comes up on weekends to visit me. I believe he is serious about me because he'd gone and bought me a camera which I really appreciated. HOWEVER, when we're in bed he used always to cuddle me. Especially in the mornings but now he prefers to lie with his back to me OR he would have me spoon him, which I hate. I love for him to spoon me because I feel secure in his arms (call me cheesy). I'm tired of waking up, and feeling insecure about this. I'm also sick and tired of sleeping with MY back to him, hoping that he'll hug me from behind. Why has he changed? Is it because he feels comfortable enough to not hug me all the time, because he's secure in the knowledge I'm his?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • "Is it because he feels comfortable enough to not hug me all the time, because he's secure in the knowledge I'm his?"

    The latter. Many couples who have been married for years sleep back to back. It doesn't mean they hate each other or aren't in love anymore, or anything like that. It means they are comfortable with each other, and both are highly independant people in their daily life.

    As Anonymous says, tell him that. But don't insist on him hugging you all night long. The movie kind of "wake up" position is sweet, and romantic. Guess what your arm feels like if you have your gf/wife resting her head on your arm, or on your chest, ALL night long, i.e. 7-8 hours, for just a week, let alone for month/years? That being said, I admit that it is a very sweet feeling to hug your other half that way, and look at her beautiful face in the morning; the price of having a sore arm is very well worth it. Let life be a balance between pragmatism and romance. :)

  • Bittersweet could be right about the getting hard thing as funny as it sounds. It's probably easier for him to sleep without a sexy woman in his arms keeping him excited all night. He can't read your mind so next time you guys wake up together just say, "I really miss it when you used to hold me in the mornings." He should pick up on that hopefully.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I feel for you, dear. Spooning is one of the most intimate acts! So secure and safe!

    But lets look at it a different way. There is a science behind the way you sleep together.

    Him turning his back on you is not a bad sign at all! It is not as intimate as spooning you (which is called the "honeymoon position") but lying with his back to you means he trusts you 100%.

    A man will never turn his back towards someone if he does not feel comfortable & at ease with that person. Usually, as a relationship evolves you fall into this sleeping position. The only sleeping posture you should be concerned about is if you lie on the edge of your side & he lies on the edge of his!

    • Lol I never would have thought a guy who sleeps with his back to a girl, means he trusts her. But I reckon your'e right. Thanks for your help!

  • I can't give you much advice on this because I never asked, but I can tell you your not alone, my ex used to be the same, the first time, we slept really close, after that he generally always ended up sleeping like you said your guy does, back to me, or with me with my arm on him. I used to feel the same way you are but I don't think its meant in any particular way...their just used to sleeping in a certain way, he probably doesn't mean anything by it sweetie :-)

  • Am the kind of person who would like to be hugged before we sleep and then I need my space. maybe he likes his space in his sleep... I tend to bump and kick alot.

    Plus some guys get turned on easily.. or sometimes if the couple have been dating forever, they evantually lose interest in cuddling after all... you know what I mean.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 1

  • I'm guessing maybe he doesn't want to get hard? If your not having sex yet or if he doesn't feel it will go somewhere he doesn't want to get hard.

    Or, I know from personal experience, some people just feel comfortable that way when sleeping in a bed with someone else. I wouldn't take it personally its nothing to worry about.

    :)

    • We're sleeping together, and what do you mean he might not feel it will go somewhere?

    • I mean like maybe he just doesn't want it hard all night and/or have it be hard when he wakes up and not be sure if you want to have sex right when he wakes up because its hard and instead of risking that he just doesn't let it go up. Nothing personal towards you is what I'm meaning to say I think it's all about physical comfort for the time being. I wouldn't worry. :)

  • Maybe he just gets too hot spooning, or it's not a comfortable position for him to sleep in. You should ask him!

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