Sexual Health
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My cousin and I are sexually attracted to each other?

She's from the east coast and I'm from the west. We're planning to meet up in Miami this summer and stay a week there together. We visited each other twice in last year: she visited me first and then I visited her. She is my first cousin. Before last year I haven't seen her for more than twenty years. I'm 25 and she is 23. We have talked about sex and a condom is required at all times plus she must be on the pill. What's your take on this?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Ok, I read your situation, and after reading some of the comments. and I'm going to go to some other pages. I see it is Normal As I thought. My cousin Hasn't seen me since I was maybe around 1 years old. She is a few years older than me. I am 32 now. We Connected over facebook a few years ago. Still haven't met as she lives in another state. Our Bond got stronger. We tell each other everything. We never hide anything from one another. As time grew on. I became sexually emotionally and physically attracted to her. as she has me. We always said if we wasn't cousins She is my second cousin I believe. we would be together. Well recently, I have finally told was honest about some fantasies I have had. over the years. It started with me telling her about A dream I just had the other day of her and I. She guess the dream. As I thought she would brush it off, or thought I was mental. She told me she thought it was interesting and i was able to break the taboo. well, Well I came clean and she did as well. we known we were attracted to one another now sexually looking at each other. She asked me how do we go about this. She wants to take it day by day because she is a little confused about it. She asked me how did my dream affect me though. To be honest here, I feel as if it is Natural and I am very comfortable with it, Being we really are strangers. As I said, I Don't ever remember seeing her as I was One years old. Over the past few years we have became each others rock. We both been hurt bad by other people in relationships. and we always come to one another. She is afraid of losing that. I feel That we need to get it out of our system and see what is truly there. if it is just a fling, or serious. To me, It is more. I told her She wouldn't lose me for the world. Yes, We know it would be our Sexual Secret. our families don't really talk I seen her dad for the first time a year ago when My grandmother his sister passed away. she didn't make it. But it's just something about her I Love. I don't regret telling her about my dream. as we have entered another part of life. I'm just afraid she will turn away from her feelings over what is politically correct in this screwed up world. Also, I am 98% sure I can not ever have kids. So, that isn't a problem on that end. I actually want to see this through. Why? I don't know. I thought maybe I was too relaxed about this subject. And as I have read some of the comments, I see her and I are not alone. I thank you for that.

  • Incest is a heavy topic.

    I will freely admit to having incestuous desires (odd, seeing as I'm an only child) so I know kind of what you're feeling.

    I don't think it's wrong, but you need to consider the various implications. While I accept that you and I have these desires, I don't think that there are many situations where following them would lead to the higher good for the situation. I think you need to think about the results of what this relationship would create; Is it just going to be a one-off, or will this be ongoing for the rest of your lives? It sounds like there are some real feelings there, so, are you going to hide it? Are you going to hide this relationship and it's familial nature from your other relatives and friends?

    It's not about right or wrong, this isn't a moral issue, it's about helping and harming. What's going to help this situation and end up the best for everyone involved? Just think about this and make your own decisions based on consideration of all involved, directly or indirectly.

    Love is beautiful, even if society has taught us to think it's only beautiful in certain situations.

    • The point here is that no one will know about our little escape to Miami. Our families rarely keep in touch and we don't have any emotional ties or obligations. She has her own life and I have my own. We have discussed our plan thoroughly and thought it through.

    • Then, at the risk of being labeled "politically correct", I say good luck.

Most Helpful Girls

  • From the sounds of it, you aren't going to be dissauded. Most people hear about being attracted to a family member and freek out, but they are missing the fact that you aren't looking at that person as family anymore. Or at least, that is how it is for me. I was super close to my cousin growing up, but then my parents separated and I didn't see him again for 15 years. Next time I met him the bonds we had remained, but now he was also my type. Believe me, I was weirded out when I first felt attracted to him, but now I've become comfortable with it. I'm not going to be ashamed of who I'm attracted to, just because people say I should be. If I were a homosexual, I wouldn't stop being one to sooth people's disapproval, so why should I feel guilt over this? I'm quite sure he was attracted to me too, though we never talked about it. Given the chance I would have slept with him and enjoyed the dirty raunchiness of it. Plus I would have kept it as a cherished memory. People can say what they want, but it wouldn't change how I felt deep down. I imagine you feel the same way. There are a lot more people who are attracted to family members than society cares to admit. So don't beat yourself up for being a deviant in your social circle. You are not alone. Especially since it is mutual. Though I do abhor one sided forced sexual contact.

    As for why western society looks down on familial sexual relationships, I would blame religion. Specifically Catholicism, for having open rules against any form of incest. Before the height of Christianity in all its forms, society didn't see incest as so taboo. Despite the growing awareness of their children having a higher risk of birth defects.

  • this is so difficult. I feel this strong bond with my cousin, as he does me, and we're both attracted to each other. though we too live miles and miles away from each other, our parents keep in touch. we have talked a lot lately and I just feel closer and closer to him. if we ever get the chance to visit one another, I'm not sure what would happen. we both feel it, but we both think it's kind of wrong because we're cousins. it sounds like you have thought everything through, so I wish you luck that all goes well.

  • It's incest. Personally, I strongly feel that incest is very wrong, for a variety of reasons. As the majority of people do.

    But if it works for you, it works for you.

    Be careful about how far you take it and who you tell. Be aware that it might be hard to go back to a normal platonic relationship if things don't work out or if you decide to stop. Emotional attachment and/or awkwardness could stick around for the rest of your lives.

    • We are aware of the trouble we could get into if this were to leak. It's not going to leak. It would not do her image any good nor mine any good if it leaked. It doesn't benefit anyone one of so it's not going to leak.

    • Um... leak, as in people will find out? Ok, HOPEFULLY. But leaks don't usually happen on purpose, do they? And then there are the other possible consequences I mentioned. But as I said before, this is only my opinion. I'm not attempting to tell you not to carry on. I'm simply letting you know that *I* personally feel it's wrong. You asked for our takes, after all.

    • Ok. Thanks.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Incest is a super controversial topic, but when you unpack it a bit the basics of it don't hold up in the aggregate.

    Technically, having sex with your first cousin is illegal in most (if not all) states. This is for a very specific reason: incest reduces the variety in the gene pool and creates a higher likelihood of birth defects and higher susceptibility to diseases as a population. At the most basic level, this is the only reason.

    However, there is also a very strong societal distaste for the act of incest. The reason for this seems unclear to me. Perhaps our cultures knew that to avoid the scientific repercussions of incest they would have to make it extremely taboo. As far as I know, there is no other good explanation for why people think it's "gross" in the case of cousins (as long as both are over 18 and consenting). Yet, despite having no solid reason to dislike it, I think I speak for most people when I say that it just "seems" wrong. Maybe this is society's imprint on me, or perhaps there is some sort of genetic dislike for it. I'm not really sure.

    I think in your case, the scientific problems aren't present since you won't be having a family with the cousin. And even if you did have a child with her, that one instance would be so insignificant in the overall gene pool that it would be negligible. However, making that argument on a one-by-one basis would backfire over the aggregate of the whole population (if everyone said "it's just one time, so it's ok" then it would obviously add up far too much. So if you're both consenting and you've considered all of the fallout that would occur if anyone found out, then it's your call to make.

  • First cousin marriage is allowed in about half the states in the US. I don't remember the source, but there is recent research on the subject. The health risks of birth defects, according to the study, are very much over stated. First cousin marrigae is more of a social stigma than a health concern. I wouldn't marry my first cousin, but I grew up around all my cousins. I look at them as I would my sister; there is no sexual attraction.

    I don't know what to tell you except to google - "first cousin marriage, and look at the risks." If you guys fall in love, move to a state that allow first cousin marriage, and go for it. I would just keep the whole first cousin thing a secret!

    • Marriage is out of the question. we have our own lives. it's just a lust thing and it's spontaneous.

  • Though cousins having sex is technically still incest. Medically/scientifically there is nothing wrong with it. The genetic diversity is strong enough between you two that your possible children would inherit no heritable diseases. Thus given that information I would encourage you to do as you please.

    • Thanks scientist

  • it doesn;t matter if both of you are into it. just do it!!!

  • sh*t whattt?! mm idk

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