My girlfriend just told me she had a threesome during her freshman year of college

Im not sure how I feel about this, I definitely don't feel good about this and now I see her differently. I guess my question to you is, would breaking up over a past threesome be a dumb thing to do.
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+1 y
i guess I just don't want my wife to have been somebodies slut
0 1

Most Helpful Guys

  • I want you, on your next trip home to visit family. When they are all sitting there to a long hard look at your mother, your grandmother, cousins, aunts, and or sisters.

    Can you imagine the things some of them have done that you don't know about. Can you imagine your mom or your grandmother doing things that you secretly watch others do on the internet? Trust me females cna keep certain secrets and take them to the grave if need be. I don't judge and you have a right to think the way you do , doesn't make it right, but you still have that right none the less. but if your going to be like this, your going to be one very VERY lonely person in your lifetime.

    My Girl: "I had a threesome when I was in college"

    Me: o_O! "Lol seriously?"

    My Girl: "Yes. I wanted to try it and I did and I liked it. but it was years ago. Like you said no games no secrets right"?

    Me (smiling): "That's right bella. Sooo does this mean I call you fingercuffs "?

    My Girl laughing smacks me on the arm "Uhh NOO. Sir I protest this new name to the highest degree. And I'm calling sha-na-ni-gans on the nickname"!

    Me: "Did I hit a nerve FingerCuffs? Hey I wonder how you say that in different languages. I'm going to look that up"

    My Girl: o_O "NO! lol or I am going to smite thee . Prob in the naughty bits area. Sheeesh"

    Me ( smiling) : I love you bella =) Want to go crack open some wine and finish that show we started baby girl"?

    My Girl (smiling ): "I love you too =) And yes sir I thought you would never ask =) ".

    That was a verbatim actual conversation we had once. See, some of us are real men who don't worry about trivial, judgmental bullsh*t and can love someone regardless of their past or faults. I would expect my partner to treat me the same way.

    Lol z godz know I am MORE then a handful to date lol.And I have my past and my faults as well.

    But hey like I said to each his own. Like you said she's gone now... just remember.. Your gonna carry that weight... For a long time...

    • alright I don't think I will be alone because women love me but whatever have fun knowing your girl was somebodys slut I just feel I deserve better but again to each his own

    • Lol thxs! And I will =) And you too, enjoy tonight sitting at your desk, alone and proud and munching on a microwaved burrito. Nothing says victory like going to bed alone. You keep this up and the war on sluts will be won in no time. VIVA LE REVOLUTION! Oh ya almost forgot. You get 1 ptn to spend on any skill of your choosing for successful trolling. Congrats =) You - 1 | The sluts - 0 (keep up the good fight!)

    • why do you got a problem with me your the one that was being an asshole

  • Girls always say "it's part of the past" but if you told them you'd had a threesome, it'd be different, I know I couldn't be with a chick that done a threesome. No, I'm not a virgin hunter, or whatever you want to call me, but a threesome is different, there's no emotional connection, she just wants to have sex with 2 guys, so what's stopping her from cheating on you with another man?

    • What if it was a mistake?

Most Helpful Girls

  • So to prove my point and I'll see how honest you are because I already know the answer lol. Lets say the shoe was on the other foot. You are in a relationship and she found out that you had a 3-some. How would you feel about her dumbing you because of that? Don't get me wrong I agree with you that if it is something that weirds you out then you have to do what you have to do but my point is that if you came on here and said that you knew you were bing unfair and a sexual prude but you can't get the mental picture out of your head I'd understand. My issue is that you seem to be judging her like she did something wrong and how dear she before she met you explore sexually and live her own life lol and then calling her a slut because of it was classy (sarcasm) cause I'm sure you would never have a 3-some with "sluts" if you had the chance (more sarcasm). Wish you luck, because you seem to think that your future wife wouldn't have done something sexually that you wouldn't have a problem with, good luck with that cause you can't find a pure girl in 2011 even if she was a virgin lol. I was a virgin til I was 25 and at 25 I still did things that I'm sure you wouldve had a problem with if you were dating me lol. What you really need to say is that you want a woman that won't tell you the truth. Good Luck

    • i would be OK with it because its a choice I made I would be disappointed but she owes me nothing she can go on with her life and find what she looking for I have also turned down a few threesomes and no I want a women that's doesn't treat men like their her husband when their not

  • Wow... having a threesome is a slutty experiences? I really don't see that. And I didn't even had a threesome and I still don't see it...

    Well... since you already made up your mind and let her go (which was the best thing you could do I guess, since she clearly shouldn't be with someone who calls her a slut) to answer this is kind of pointless but whatever ;)

    I think it’s not so easy to say: doesn’t matter, it was in the past. Because when you with someone, you also with his or her past. So in fact it does matter and if your partner did something you just can’t live with it’s right to end it.

    But you said it yourself, your pride was in the way… the thing is, we let things like pride or fear get in the way too often… and we never know how happy we really are. We just can look back and see that we had something good.

    Maybe you find someone without a sexual past, or the sexual past you can live with and you love her just as much or more. But maybe not…

    All I want to say it that things like pride often cost as the best things in our life…

    Good luck to you.

    • right but I'm only 24 its a gamble I'm willing to take if I was old and broke then I would settle but I'm not so I wont

  • lol its whatever you want. I think she deserves someone who isn't a moron about sex. I love sex and I like guys who embrace sexuality as I do and don't sit in judgment over something like that. if I were your girlfriend I would want you to break up with me. it will be for the better. just as you wouldn't want a wife with a sexual past, many of us wouldn't want to procreate with someone who thinks like you do. god think of her children! to have a simple minded, judgmental, conservative father who would probably judge them just as well over sex.

    just break up with her. do her at least that favor.

    • alright but I'm not a moron and who says I don't embrace sexuality I think sex is a beautiful thing thing just cause I don't abuse it doesn't mean I don't embrace sexuality, simp l em not simple minded or conservative and I am just as judgmental as you look at all the judgments you made about me

    • right.

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What Girls & Guys Said

23 25
  • Have you ever seen the movie, "Chasing Amy"? Very similar story to yours.

  • I see where you are coming from. But unless you find yourself a virgin, I'm pretty the sure the next woman in your life will have some " unforgivable" sex stories. She may not be as honest as your soon to be ex, but believe me she's going to some skeleton in her closet.

  • I see where you are coming from. unless you find yourself a virgin, I'm pretty the next sure the next woman in your life will have some " unforgivable" sex stories. She may not be as honest as your soon to be ex, but believe me she's going to some skeleton in her closet.

    • so what are you suggesting

    • If overall she is a good person, good girl friend, I don't think you should let a past experience overshadow what she can bring to you

    • i don't think I can get passed this I want kids and I don't want her to be their mom I don't think my pride will allow it

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  • Yeah, you should break up with her. She deserves to be with someone who isn't insecure and judgmental.

    • how does this make me insecure

  • yes, I believe it would be, the past is the past, and from what I hear even attempting a threesome is kinda the kiss of death in alotta relationships.

    my current intrest told me she had tried one once, and I felt kinda odd about it at first, but w/e. she said it was awful and she was the 3rd party. the couple broke up after

    • how do I see her like I did last month, I figured this felling would pass and I would see her the same as I did before but its just not happening

    • people change, and think something's a good idea before hand and regret it after. I've always had extremely accurate character judgements of people even from 5 min convoes, and I know who she is now, forget who she was then. I don't really understand why it would cause such a huge issue with you... its not like it was last week or something. if you only take 1 thing from its convo its this: the past is the past, and irrelevant. live here and now. goddess knows I regret things I've done.

  • Sice when does being in a threesome equals being a slut?

    She had fun, the two other persons had fun.

    Nothing wrong with that.

    She's yours now, so all of that doesn't even matter.

    • well it does matter and we are no longer together

    • Aw, too bad for her. I hope you let her down gently, though you must not have really loved her to care about that. Good luck with finding the perfect wife! :)

    • im not looking for the percect wife I'm not stupid I'm just not looking for that, and your right though I feel I could have loved her my pride did not allow it

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  • at least she didn't lie to you. she made a mistake in the past, but that's why its IN THE PAST and you need to let it go. the happenstance occured in a time where people were horny and wild. cut her some slack. maybe she's not proud of it. if she is... THAT is when id be worried.

    • i did let it go and I let her go, if she hide things from me we would just have broken up over time because when people hide things from you stories don't match up all the time and you are just basically not right for each other if you have to hide things so we would have broken up over time anyway, I am cutting her slack I don't thik she is a bad person I just don't want to be with her, she made her decision and I made mine I feel that I am at no fault here

    • alright. to each is own.

    • So someone is to be congratulated for not lying to someone they claim to love? Sorry but where I come from that is expected behavior.

  • Your past makes you who you are. So teh threesome has most certainly affected your wife to become who she is today. Every one has a past and you just have to accept it even if you might not like it.

    • shes not my wife I'm not sure she's even going to be my girlfriend much longer, I think I could do better not as in a better person but just less complicated

    • Complicated? How sheltered are you. Sex is not complicated its simple.Monkeys do it. Lice do it. Complicated is growing up in a war zone. being raped. beaten. living in abject poverty. schizophrenia. kid napped. loosing your parents. growing up in concentration camp...etc All these things & more severe, should be dealt with with compassion, acceptance , humility, love. I think if you must look to he past and can not see her as the person you fell in love with-then yea she deserves better.

  • um, well, you see.

    college! experimentation happens and she was brave enough to tell you! what if she hadn't told you and you happen to spend the rest of your life, not knowing? she's honest and you should accept her. if you love her, you will. if you do not accept her for who she is, you do not love her.

    • well I would have had the same reaction if I found out 5 or ten even 15 years from now and love is conditional and I'm tired of hearing that she was honest you know what people should be honest and if she wasn't an honest person I would figure that out and I probably would have left her for other reasons over time but she is honest which is good that makes her a decent person however I cannot accept this, so what if its time for experimentation she has loose sexual morals

  • If I might be a little flippant in this answer w/o creating hard feelings ...

    don't break up with her quite yet. She might show you some wild sex and good times - even a threesome replay if you've never tried it. Live on the wild side for awhile, get your head into where she's been and achieve a grander understanding of where she's at today. Only after all that are you in a position to judge & not be judged.

    Why in such a rush to judge & move on or in?

    • non of that stuff interest me

  • That is wrong for you to judge someone. God is the only one that should be judging others. I don't see why you even bother asking this question if you already made up your answer. You also know that you will never find a girl if past life stuff is going to get in the way. Maybe you should just be alone.

    • thats not true at all, some girl had very tame past lives. some are even virgins, and no judging people is not wrong, however treating people bad is wrong I did not treat her bad, I simply do not want to pursue a relationship with her, what's wrong with that, when was the last time you dated a homless man, its the same thing really. also is human nature to judge I'm sure you judge people all the time, if people are trust worthy or not if they are safe to be around or not.

    • so, you are saying that someone should not date me because I was homeless because I needed to get away from my crazy roomie that was obsessed with me. I had to jump from house to house just to stay in school and keep my job.

    • nope never said that, and that's not really homless homelss is like dead broke living on the streets for years.

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  • That is mean to say. Because that is in the past. I have known more men to be sluts then girls. I bet if she was doing the threesome with you, you wouldn't have cared.

    • your partner is a reflection of yourslef I don't live that way and I don't want it in my life at all, I would feel ashamed if I married her does that not matter do my feelings not matter

    • It does matter but if god can forgive then y can't you. especially when it is in the past.

    • well their is nothing to forgive her for, I don't think she is a bad perosn or anything and this is not a matter of forgivness this is a matter of me not wanting to have children with a women that has done these things

  • Have you given her a chance to explain why she had the 3 some? I think this is important if it do not remain a bad thing in your relationship that every time you have a problem you can bring it up again.

    • it doesn't really matter why she had a threesome what would that change

    • Im sure you have done something before that you regretted. Doesn't she get the opportunity to explain why she did something that she might regret? I know a saying that is 'the first time is a mistake, the second time is stupid'.

    • no this is over the line it doesn't matter why she regretted it, I regret buying a cheaper car and wasting money when I should have just not been so cheap but this has something to do with your integrity as a person and it doesn't matter why she did it

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  • uhh no. IMO what a girl does in her past is her past, but there's somethings that just shouldn't be mentioned. like "she used to give bj's for lunch money" as an example. no one wants to hear that stuff about the girl they with, its embarrasing and the stories make her much less attractive in the eyes of a long term relationship

    everyone has standards and if your girls past drops her below the line of tolerance you should move on

  • Monstrously stupid thing to do, yes.

    • why is that

    • Because her past doesn't belong to you, didn't involve you, has nothing to do with you. You have no claim on it whatsoever. The only possible problem would be your failure to cope--a crazy reason to dump someone.

    • agreed- it dies not belong to you. well said as usual. :)

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  • Wait? Your girlfriend had fun her freshman year in college? Unacceptable! Leave her now and never say a word to her again!

    But seriously, is this 1951 or what?

    • what are you trying to say

    • Hey, if it's something really important to you. More power to you. But I personally think it's dumb to get mad at her for something she did BEFORE you were even together. People need to learn to let go of the past. Live for right now.

    • what does it matter if she did it before she meet me I never understood that logic

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  • Dude let me be honest with you. a lot of girls have had threesomes and they take it to the grave. I mean I know of 12 girls of the top of my head that have been with two dudes at once or a guy and girl, that just makes me think of the girls that have had threesome that I don't know about.

    The point I'm trying to get across from you is that she was HONEST with YOU and it was before you even met her. If you really care about her then it does not matter.

    • well it does matter and things that matter need to be met before I can allow myself to care for a person

    • also I believe in being honest so I will always choose to believe a women that I am in a relatioship with if she is the type to hide things then we will be fundamentally different and we will split down the line do to many little things I am sure of it

  • I'd be upset about it too, if I had been dating her for a while, and then after all this time she finally decided to tell me this. I'd like to know why she didn't tell me about it earlier, when we first started dating, or at least when her and I first started to become intimate with each other. It would have been a totally hot thing for her to share when we were making love, and would have probably led to even better sex, so I'd want to know why she took so long to tell me about it.

  • its her past. I wouldn't worry about a 3some. doesn't make it bad. pretty much the same as having 2 past partners. those were at the same time though. that'd be like telling her that she's had 2 past partner at different times in her past so that's bad. it doesn't make her a slut.

    • actually its nothing like having to past partners its completely different

    • i decided to move on without her but thanks for you opinion I really don't want to spend my life with a women like this

    • Thats BS, there is a huge difference between casual sex and relationship sex

  • I think it would be very dumb, yes.

    link

    • why would it be dumb

    • Because what someone did in their past shouldn't have ANY bearing on your relationship with her today. If you get a chance, seek out and watch the movie I linked to. It's about the exact same thing.

    • i did watch the movie I wouldn't want to be with her either

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