My girlfriend's daughter wants me to get her condoms and not tell mom

I have no problem with getting condoms, we live together, I have been involved in her upbringing for the last couple of years, including sex talks between the 3 of us. She is almost 16 (3 weeks), but wants,me to keep the fact she has condoms between just us. I am not comfortable with that...I keep items she has told me at times to myself, it has built a trust. But she wants me to lie if my girlfriend asks if she has condoms. I said I don't want to lie...I won't say anything, but won't lie. She isn't sure if she is ready to use them, but, "in case". Thoughts?
Updates:
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Since this posting, the young woman and I talked. She is going to talk to talk to mom (wants me there, I said ok) and tell her she didn't want mom think she is jumping on guys. I thank everyone for the comments, we have good communication, but these thoughts improved it. So a big thanks :D
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Most Helpful Girls

  • you should tell your girlfriend, its her daughter and he has a right to know what her child is up to. I know you don't want to break her trust but your the adult, you can't be her friend, you have to do the responsible thing. Maybe warn her first that you'll have to talk to her mom about this so she won't feel too betrayed or like you went behind her back.

    I might worry though that she will have no one to confide in and will start keeping secrets from both of you so its important that your girlfriend doesn't freak out, but is supportive and lets her know that she can come to both of you without the hiding and secrets.

    • Check my comment below, I answered this. But given the comments, I may just talk to this young lady, see how much she minds. I know she is young, but one rule is how much she hates being called "child". That part I respect. Thanks to all, it is nice to see people care.

  • Tricky. Just emphasize the fact that she shouldn't feel pressured to do anything like that with a guy. But, I suggest making sure she has them. As bad as it may seem that she'll be ready to have sex, it's better than her not having them, and then getting pregnant. I agree with the don't say anything but don't lie concept. You won't give her away. Otherwise her mom will panic. But if her mom sees them, it's the daughters fault for keeping them in a place where she could find them, if that happens, it's between THEM. You've done your job.

    • We have talked. I have met the guy. I am sure he,wants to get laid, but he is not a preasure type. They have been seeing each other for 3-4 months, more serious last couple. She has the condoms...she may not be my daughter, but I care. And she has no desire to experience motherhood. She is cool I will not lie, but neither will I make a deal...

    • I'm glad you care about her even though she's not your daughter. To be honest, that's admirable. I'm happy you guys have good communication too. Keep it up, communication is key.

    • Thanks. I know she,isn't my daughter, but I care. And every so often shelrefers to me as "dad" when we are with friends. And thanks again for your answer, I am glad I did this, it opened the communication more.

    • Show All
  • I think you are like her father but you might have to tell her mother because she is planning on having sex and 16 is way too young. But at the same time if she is going to have it its better she's using protection and its good that she wants to be safe. I guess most 16 year olds are having sex so ide buy them for her and give her the talk again.

    • See above. Yea, 16 is young. But her dad is on his third wife (and a girlfriend somewhere) since he left my girlfriend. We have tried to teach the love of sex, not don't do it...after all, we are. I really have faith in her, don't think she will...but it proves to both of us she listens and is willing to come to us with questions.

    • Why did someone put a down arrow on mine :( You sound like a better father then her actual father. What if you told her mom without her know just so that her mom knows.

    • Don't know how down arrow got there. Thanks, see above about maybe her telling mom with me there...you wise ladies made me do some more thinking. But it is a slippery slope. As an adult, I want the information, how to be safe, but not the details. As a teen, it was hard to get good information, something I want to be sure I don't repeat.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Much like what amandathegoalkeeper said. she should have them just in case. but don't tell and don't lie. Talk with her first and tell her she shouldn't even be thinking about this stuff yet.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I think that you should I inform your girlfriend about the situation and add the fact that her daughter wants to keep it a secret, As a couple its not right to be hiding things fro each other, remember that you two are a team and you guys should work together. Instead your girlfriend should keep the secret that you told her and perhaps have another sex talk to with the daughter. I just don't find it right that you need to keep a secret from your girlfriend.

    • We do work as a team. I may end up saying something to both...what I am glad is she wants to be safe. Am I happy she wants to mess around, maybe have sex? No. but at that age and earlier, I wanted the same, but with no guidance...so I remember, and understand.

  • I think you were quite honest with her! And fair

    • Thanks.

  • It's great that she has trust in you. But whom are you loyal too? Without your girlfriend you will no longer have this relationship. Get her the condoms because she's is being proactive and prepared, but do tell your girlfriend that her daughter told you in confidence and you don't want to jeopardize that trust.

    • My girlfriend knows that I don't tell her everything, unless there is a need. The two of them (well, couple of times all 3 of us) have done the sex/STD/pregnacy talk. Girlfriend said once, be sure you have them, doesn't mean use them. So, at this point, I doubt I will clue my girlfriend in...

    • So when you girlfriend finds out you were hidding something she won't dump you? I hate liars and that's really like lying to her. take your chances but you might get burnt.

  • Did you really look for answers from a website what ever happened to talking to friends

    • A web site is just an option. I/we kick ideas off friends with teens, talk to others. Try to get as many views as possible. Makes us think, we can alter,or,change. And sometimes a rotal stranger sees something we/I don't.

    • That's true esp if its people that are different from you

  • Good to see no secrets were formed

    • Thanks...part of my asking. I want to learn, so does my gf...

  • Don't hide it what if it breaks..why doesn't her boyfriend buy them

    • Want her ready...he may well buy them. Point is to be safe. Been through care. Yea, they can break, only so much one can do.

  • dont do this because it is disrespecting her mother by doing that.

    • Check my comment above on rethinking...I care to much for.each, why.i asked.

  • Sounds like you are handling the situation well.

    • Thamk.ypu