My husband is in denial about his Erectile Dysfunction?

For the last year and a half, my husband has had a problem reaching and keeping an erection. "If" he reaches erection, I might get 30 seconds. My biggest problem is that he won't acknowledge the problem and just says he is getting old (he's 45). I think he feels it's a blow to his ego. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I have strong sexual needs and I feel I have hit a brick wall in trying to talk with him. Any one have any advice for me?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I have it and it comes on at different ages for different reasons. Too much alcohol (guilty) and too much weight (guilty) are aggravators. A sedentary lifestyle, whether sitting at work or in front of the tube (guilty) is one as well. I have heard that all of this can convert testosterone to estrogen, cut libido and give us guyt*ts (I am a 48A)

    If you get onto him about the booze and the weight, it will compound the problem. Help him diet and get more exercise.

    Testosterone gel is not used on the genitals. It is applied to the shoulders and absorbed and can help improve his libido.

    Restore some of his confidence by warming him up orally so he can have a short fvck and come before he goes down. You may want to have him bring you off orally first, you will remain aroused long enough so he can spike your "existing" orgasm and you might actually come together.

    I prescribe to Ci@lis. It helps. Just 5mg each day will elevate his capacity to keep an erection. Then, if you are going to have a planned event, have him take 10mg the night before and he will be good for two days.

    In the end, I and he (if I am correct) have to lose weight and cut back on the booze. Easier said than done.

    • I do not know about your relationship and have taken the approach that this is a physiological problem.

  • Directness and candor's almost always best with guys. You two are married also so it seems like even if you beat around the bush he would sense a hidden meaning and get wary. Just be calm and non-judgemental. When he wants to talk, stop talking and listen until he's done talking. Tell him you want your old sex life back because you love him and you want to express it physically like you used to. Tell him you don't think less of him, you just know you'd be much happier if he talked to a doctor about viagra. Tell him that if he needed something from you, you would expect him to tell you too and that you are on his side 100%.

    Pretty much everyone over a certain age has viagara from what I can tell. One time I snooped my parents' medicine cabinet and found a bottle of it. All the pills were cut in half. Twice as much sex, go dad! LOL

    Good luck.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not a guy, but I think the way to go is to let him know that you would like him to work with you to solve the problem so that you can BOTH enjoy your sex life again. It's a sensitive topic, but it's not fair for him to ignore your concerns. If he really just shuts down when you approach the topic, try writing him a note and leaving it someplace where he will find it when he can read it alone and have some time to process it undistirbed. That way he will hear what you want to say without the pressure of responding to you right away or showing that he is upset about it. Tell him that you love him no matter what and you are not judging him for this, you just miss your old sex life and you need him to confront the issue and at least open up about it. Let him know that it is frustrating to you that he won't discuss it with you or acknowledge it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I had the same problem at that age. Turned out it was a sign of a bad heart, but I didn't think about that and ignored it. Had a heart attack in November that same year. He should go get checked out. The ICU sucks.

  • Vitamins with Gensing may help to start with. Else get him medical attention.

  • Buy some testosterone cream and give him a hand job, just pretend its lube and don't let him know. That way he gets something out of it and won't even know what you are doing while at the same time it will restore his labido