My wife never asks to have sex. what can I do ?

i do a lot of things for her.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • well, a lot of people are "mentally selfish" (and I'm not talking about her here, I'm talking about you).

    by that I mean, they externally or consciously have good intentions, and "care" about the other person's happiness, but "not enough" to try and really "understand" what, how or why the other person's happiness is. instead, they use "their own" model or perception of what happiness means to them, and simply project it into the other person and think they're being caring.

    want an example? high school girls under 17. their idea of a "happy" relationship is one where they're together for 10 months, she's still a virgin, until she finds the "right guy" who "really loves her and cares about her", and the longer this guy is with her, she takes it to mean he really cares about her as opposed to him just being desperate, etc. now, she'll eventually wind up here on GaG asking something to the tune of "why are guys such jerks?" or "he's stopped talking to me, why?", etc.

    what really happened? she was projecting her model or idea of her own happiness, and insisting or trying to force it to be his; without actually caring about what his actually was, or willing to accept it if it was different from her own, or bothering to understand him at all. if his idea of happiness wasn't like hers, then he's a jerk, or there's something bad or wrong with him.

    that's the basis for immature and selfish relationships. and it's okay in high school, but not when you're 36 - 45 and married.

    if you really care about your wife, then try to understand her!

    maybe she's shy. maybe she's insecure or needs a self-esteem boost, so she's waiting for you to be the one to initiate and show her how much you want her. maybe part of her sexuality makes it so that she's turned-off if she initiates, but turned-on when the guy takes control and leads sex from beginning to end.

    the list and possibilities can go on forever. I don't know your wife better than you do. but maybe the reason you're stuck asking yourself why she's not asking to have sex with you has less to do with her, and more to do with you.

    a big part of why I feel the urge to have sex so often with my girlfriend, is because of our relationship! I just love her so much, and she loves me so much too. we respect each other, we care for one an other, we understand each other, we're comfortable, we trust each other, we take care of each other, etc. our relationship is perfect, and THAT actually builds up my attraction towards her, and my desire to have sex with her.

    maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to take a look at how your relationship with your wife is, and think of anything she might feel she's not getting from you in terms of the relationship.

  • A lack of intimacy with a committed partner can be a result of other problems.

    You need to have a conversation with her about how she feels about the relationship, what problems she is facing, and that can lead into what is lowering her sex drive.

Most Helpful Girls

  • There's a number of reasons why a woman might not ask for sex.

    - work, all the things that need to get done in a day, taking care of your children (if you have any), etc. can be exhausted and stressful. At the end of the day, sometimes you just want to go to sleep and sex is the furthest thing from your mind.

    - sometimes life becomes such a routine that you might not even think to have sex

    - if you have children, she may also feel weird about having sex when the kids are home, even if they're sleeping

    - she may have low-self esteem and doesn't feel sexy, therefore, she doesn't want to have sex

    - if there are troubles in your relationship, it might be difficult for her to feel like she wants to have sex with you because of the things that are bothering her

    - she may have become less attracted to you over time

    - she may be a more passive person when it comes to sex and thus not feel comfortable asking for it/initiating it

    - sex may have become boring and routine

    The thing is, you can't know why she doesn't ask for sex unless you ask her. Sit down with her and have a conversation about it. Tell her you've noticed that she doesn't seem to have much interest in sex and you were wondering why that is. Try not to come across as pressuring her into having sex. Listen to her answers (if she can provide you with any), and talk to her about them or give suggestions on what the two of you can do to help peak her interest more.

  • A woman needs to feel desired...if she has to ask for sex, she probably feels not desired by you. So she would need to ask if you want to have sex with her...no woman would feel good about that! I speak from experience of this...I would need to initiate sex all the time...and I'm an attractive woman...I could of gotten sex anytime by anyone...but I felt not desirable because the one person who should want to sleep with me never seeemed to want to!...I broke up with him...Feeling much better and more desired than ever! We were togheter for 6 years!

  • Tell her the truth, that you feel you are always initiating sex with her and that you would love it if she would surprise you with her taking the lead. If she is willing you when have sex but you feel that you are the only one getting things started just tell her that. You can always use the : "I don't want to feel like I'm being selfish or pressuring you" line. Let her know that you want to be desired by her as much as you desire her.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Have you tried to romance her? Intimacy really helps a lot. Try making her feel beautiful, woo her, make her feel like you want and appreciate her. Kiss her all over gently, touch every part of her body, whisper in her ear how much you love her... That always works for me and gets me going when my boyfriend does that. Much more than when he just charges straight for the goal. :P

    • Also, take your sweet time with her. Show her that you want to make her feel good.

  • DIVORCE HER.

    Seriously though, sometimes time apart, helps. not divorce but just leaving the house.

    Women love relationships, they love being around you, and sometimes they love just yelling and venting at you, the way you punish a woman is by leaving and not being around.

    They will typically try and punish a man by not giving a man sex, before she even has a chance to say no to you, your just not there.

    Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder in a marriage.

    • Or you could just tell her that you feel that you are the always the one who's initiating and you feel like she's just doing you a favor by having sex with you. But typically if you do that, she's just going to feel guilty and get defensive. So you tell her that and then leave.

    • Wow.. that was pretty low, (and if "I'm" saying that was low), then you best believe that was low. you don't even know the situation. why do guys always assume the girl is "withholding" sex with some malice intention at the first sign of not having sex? take some time to put the whole picture together first. sheesh.

    • A girl who is my wife who never asks for sex, to me is withholding it. Then again I would never marry a woman who didn't ask for it.

  • Sex isn't something you should have to ask for. It's something you do spontaneously. Or do you mean she doesn't initiate it?

    If you want us to give real advice, you should give us more details of your situation.

    For example: what sorts of things do you do for her? How often do you have sex? How often do you initiate it? Are you both in shape? How is the housework distributed between you?

  • Women only want sex from guys they find hot. If she doesn't find you hot, you better find some ways of improving yourself, or else you have no reason to expect any amorous advances.

  • Schedule a regular time, shower and prepare and escort her to bed. She may not think it her place to "ask" but will respond positively to he call.

  • It may be a lack of communication. You are also going to have to be specific, exactly what are the things you do for her? Perhaps she is tired and needs to be romanticized.

  • talk 2 her 'bout it and propose to have a fantasy like dressing up like your favorite caracters or taking her to some special place, if she does'n ask is because she is bored of the same old same old everyday and also she might be tired, worried 'bout something and most importantly she is not feeling "that" excitement.

  • Why is she supposed to ask you for sex? Why can't you just tell her that that is what you want?

  • what do you do to her?

  • She's a woman. You should know by now that they NEVER ask for sex.

    • Not true... like I have initiated sex before. So your assumption is false.

    • Probably once. So, for women- you're 1:16,708,384,428,459,660

    • I ask for/initiate sex all the time. And I'm a woman! OH MY GOD.

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