My wife wants us to go to a swinger club but I would never do that?

She mentioned it and I do want to make her happy, so I seriously considered it but I could never do that. I don't feel the need to sleep with other women and certainly don't want her to sleep with other men. She said we didn't need to do anything, just watch. But still, I can't bear the thought of other men seeing her half naked. She's never been with another men. I feel bad for rejecting her with that but am I really that horrible for not wanting this? Will she be more likely to cheat if we don't do this?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Ok look at the facts. She has made a request to try something out of the norm in your relationship. Why would she want this? Ask her if there is something sexual she is not getting at home. Nothing bad against you some times woman are imbaressed to bring a desire they have up for fear of you rejecting it and they think you will think bad of them. So see if a swingers bar is a attempt to hint or bring a desire she has to light. Maybe that simple

    Now on the other Hand if that's not it she may want to be with anouther man. And you anouther woman. It may be a fantasy she has. Or she have met a couple or you may know a couple who swings and she may feel they have a better relationship. Swingers tend to be more open with there partners because of there shareing habbits

    Just talk open and honest about it. But do not do this unless you are prepared to see your wife with anouther guy. Yes she said just watch but you 2 will be drinking and things happen. Don't risk your marrage on a night out and a mistake happiens

    Just tell her to Bowen and honest about why she wants to go then you can make the best choice for you because in the end you will have to deal with it on the inside can't have it eatting at you

  • Laura Corn has some fun books for spicing up your relationship/sex life with your partner. There are a couple that involve some "first meeting" role play. You could plan a date that gives your wife some new excitement without involving anyone else. It could go something like this: Give her an anonymous note (but she knows it is from you) that tells her to meet at some where for a "blind" date. Then you show up all dressed up and chat her up like you just met. Take great interest in her, asking what she likes, where she has been, what she likes to do, etc. Offer to take her to dinner, for drinks, or whatever. Eventually end up at a nice hotel that you have already setup: candles, music, etc. and seduce her like it was your first time.

    It certainly isn't a swingers club, but might give her some new exhilarating feelings that put some spark back in your relationship.

    As for your reaction, by all means fight for your woman. Let her know you want her, value her, and that you have a righteous jealousy to protect her. If she is still wanting to go, consider seeming a marriage councilor and see if you can't figure out the two of you can do to satisfy her at home.

    • This is good stuff!

Most Helpful Girl

  • She has never been with anyone else sexually? if so, then she is looking to fulfill an urge. How old is she? She wants to experience other partners with out having to leave/cheat on you. This is what I hear as a woman. On one hand at least she is communicating her need. Give her that credit. On the other hand you have your limits. her needs and your limits must be respected. No one here can tell you what to do. This is where some serious talking and perhaps counseling comes into play. Do not discount her desire. It will not go away I assure you. You two need to reach a place where both your need are met. or the marriage is doomed sooner or later.

    meanwhile suggest watching some p*rn together.

    • she's 23, we've been together since we were 17 and married out of high school. I realize that was a risky decision but we have been happy so far

    • I thought so.. You need to work this out to both your satisfaction ASAP. Do not let it snow ball. Get counseling NOW. Nip it in the butt if you will.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • No you are not horrible for wanting this. Something like this has to be mutual for both people involved. Witht that said though, you should at least induldge a bit. If she said that you two don't need to do anything then just stick to that and watch. You'll make her happy. Besides, she likes the allure of it all. Once she gets there she may not like the reality of it and not want to go back again. You might be the one who enjoys it more than her. Talk it over with her though, find out where this interest comes from, and just go check it out for the hell of it.

    • Lol, if it was her idea, chances are she really wants first. First it starts off as watching, then soft swapping (sex with each other in front of other couples, and maybe a little oral with the other couples) then full swap (all out sex). Then this guy will start to feel a little jealous and then it all ends.

  • Just tell her you aren't comfortable. Neither partner should be forced to do something they aren't comfortable with. She'll either be understanding or insensitive to it.

    As for her likelihood of cheating, that's only something she would know. Maybe the swinger fantasy is a legitimate interest of hers, or it's her curiosity of other men. We can speculate on that, because it's her individual thinking on it.

  • I'll start with the last bit ... maybe.

    Are you horrible for not wanting this? You want what you want.

    You could talk to her about what parts turn her on, and see if there's an intermediate zone.

    Maybe she wants someone to watch you two? Maybe she wants to see another couple.

    Maybe you'd be comfortable with a woman watching, but not men? You could try doing things on webcam with another couple or with a woman.

  • Yeah that's not right..that's like her askingvfir a ménage a trois. WTF you know

  • shes gonna cheat on you