Opinions/experiences of a sex/relationship "hall pass" (like the movie)?

[Anonymous]

I recently gave my boyfriend a "hall pass" to be able to have a week off of our relationship to have sex with anyone or do anything he wants with no consequences or questions asked. I have been with my boyfriend a long time and I'm the 2nd girl he's ever had sex with and it REALLY bothers him because he sees his friends with one night stands and flings and stuff. He says he loves me and wants to be with me and doesn't want to cheat but his urges are bad and its better to give him permission than him hide it. Please don't and critique my relationship, just answer my questions please :) Guys- If you have had one do you think it helped your relationship with your gf/wife? Or if you haven't had one what is your opinion on it? Girls- Have you given one or would you? If you have what did it to your relationship?

[dnately]

I'm going to give a short answer here, but if you want we can talk about this more.

I have been in a couple of long term relationships where me and my girlfriend had an agreement about situations in which it is permissible to have sex with others. This had worked very well for both of us, although, in reality, we both very rarely actually took advantage of that "pass".

I think that for some people who have a liberal and mature approach to sex this can work very well. However, I'm sure this won't work for some people.

In my opinion, the basis of any relationship is the security of knowing that you can trust your partner, and that you are the one he wants to come home to. I would be devastated if my girlfriend preferred someone else. If she was having an affair behind my back. If it felt like there is someone else she's rather sleep with or that I'm competing with. However, if she's away on a trip and f***s someone there who she'll never see again, I'm actually happy for her that she enjoyed it. I don't feel threatened.

So I think what each person in a couple needs to do, is to ask himself: what things that my partner might do may make me feel threatened in this relationship. And you then need to negotiate a contract (I don't mean that you actually have to write it down) that takes that into account. Some people feel threatened when their partner has a good friend of the opposite gender, for some it's only a problem when sex is involved. You gave your boyfriend a hall pass. As long as him using it is not going to make you doubt how he feels about you, you're good. It'll probably make your bond even stronger. But if you will, that's a problem.

[Asker]

I'm not sure how I will really feel about all of this until it happens. I do have fears with it, I mean if I didn't that would be weird. But I think that the freedom will help him feel like he has choices but I'm not sure.

[dnately]

I don't think you'll ever be 100% sure, but it sounds to me like you're making the right decision.

[Justj700]

My wife and I are creating a HALL PASS for each other. We are ready to play outside of marriage we each others consent. The deal is we don't overnight the other party unless it's couples night.

[Danitarg3]

I am a girl and in the same boat as you. Been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years.19-23. He's been distant lately, and I know it's because he feels confused about another girl. (I over heard him talking to his friend about this) at first I didn't know how to act or what to feel. I had just learned he's crazy about another girl, a girl is doesn't really know, and I can't react to it in front of him. I wish he could just come out clean and tell me and be honest instead of fighting all the time because he's confused about whatever. I've told him if he wanted to sleep with another girl I would have to be there as a threesome. But maybe he'd be uncomfortable with that? He's told his friends he wished he had a hall pass (not that exact term haha)..
But my boyfriend has only been with 2 girls too. And I've been thinking of doing a hall pass for him. I would have rules stating we don't know the person, or not very well and will rarely see them. And I guess I'd use it more to see if he really does love me. Would he sleep with this girl he's crushing on? Would he leave me for her? Would it fill his desire and we would be happy again?

I'm just scared he'll sleep with someone he or we know very well and end up falling for them. If it was a stranger I wouldn't mind as much. And I honestly wouldn't use a hall pass for me, maybe I'd flirt, but nothing more than that..
I'm not sure when this post was made... but have you done your hall pass yet? Did it work out?

[Ashley8282]

I think I have read a question like the other day (assuming it was yours) it seemed like your boyfriend felt like he was missing out but didn't want to hurt you or break up.

Personally, I don't know what I do in your situation but it seems like the next option up compared to breaking up. And he was honest about these urges and told you when he could of said "f*** it and f***ed someone else behind your back."

One thing I have learned is to NEVER compare your relationship to that of someone else. If you feel this is best than do what YOU feel is best and not someone else.

While your giving him a hall pass why not give yourself one? I mean you don't have to sleep with someone but you can go out, have fun, flirt a little and keep your mind busy.

Best of luck.

[Asker]

I try not to compare but I think guys do it more than girls. I have had more sexual experience than my boyfriend does so I don't feel like me having sex with anyone else is a big deal but like I said I'm his 2nd and it bothers him. As other guys told me is, he tied himself to me while he should've been out spreading his seed. I think its dumb but whatever. And ya I get a pass too :)

[queenofpeen]

Can I just say... I'm the only girlfriend my boyfriend has ever had. If I gave him a "hall pass," he wouldn't do anything with it. He'd actually be upset that I think he would.

That probably sounds naive, but my point is, there ARE guys out there who don't feel the "urge" to have sex with other people.

[Asker]

I don't think a guy would ever be upset about getting one. But it also depends on how long you have been with your boyfriend that would make a difference

[queenofpeen]

I'm actually going to ask him what he thinks of it right now. While I'm waiting for a text back... we've been together for 2 years and I'm the first girl he's ever done anything with. "Let's talk about the concept of that stupid Hall Pass movie. If I gave you one, how would you feel? It seems to me that it's useless if you're in love." "I would wonder what you're smoking if you think it's of any value to me, yeah :P it would suck if you thought I wanted to do anything like that"

[Asker]

Well I'm glad my boyfriend can be honest with me and tell me his weaknesses. That is what helps build a relationship. I'm not saying that you have a weak or bad one but you need to be more open to other types of relationships.

[queenofpeen]

You're the one who said no guy would dislike getting one XD I was just responding to that, not trying to say my boyfriend is "better" than yours.

[littlenurse]

I would never give one. If a guy loved me, he'd only want to sleep with me and ignore his lust for others.

[Asker]

Well he has been with me from 18-22 and he hasn't experienced other girls and he needs that, ever guy does and its not fair to say otherwise or expect it not to bother them. Guys need that experience to feel like a man. As stupid as us girls think it is, its just a guys nature.

[littlenurse]

That's not necessarily true. Sex with you should make him man enough. Sleeping around won't make him a man. And if its his friends pressuring him, he needs different friends. How many of them are in long standing relationships? If he loved you, wouldn't he feel guilty about sleeping with someone else just to increase his numbers even if it was during a break? That seems kind of petty.

[Asker]

None of them are in a relationship. I'm hoping that the freedom to choose will make him happy enough without following through, if that makes sense.

[littlenurse]

That makes sense but if his friends are the ones pushing him to do it, he may. Then later on down the road he'll probably feel bad about it. And based on what you just mentioned, you're hoping he doesn't do it. So, won't you be a little upset if he actually does follow through? It seems like you've let others influence your relationship.

[Asker]

To be honest, I won't know if he does it or not so I'm trying not to think about it too much or I will drive myself nuts with worrying. Only one of his friends know and I even asked him to take my boyfriend out and I told him the situation. The friend I told is a nicer guy compared to his other friends. The only thing I am worried about is that a girl he hooks up with ends up a nutcase or something.

[littlenurse]

That would be bad, but I think not knowing will bother you too. Eventually you'll find out whether or not he went through with it and your relationship might suffer if he actually did it. You may not feel bitter now, but later on there's a chance you will.

[Asker]

Well if I have sex with my pass I won't have a right to get mad. He's told me he doesn't know if he can do it because he would feel guilty but I'm giving him a choice.

[littlenurse]

Well, I hope things work out for you then. Good luck!

[Asker]

Thanks. I will give everything you said into consideration, but if I decide I can't handle it I can't really stop it now :/

[littlenurse]

Just so you know, you could still stop it. Ask to speak with him and tell him you're having doubts about whether or not you could deal with him following through. Tell him you wanted to have the option of freedom but him sleeping with someone else might hurt you. If he really loves you he would be understanding. And if he gets mad, should sleeping around be that important to him, do you really want to be with him?

[Asker]

I get you.

[mid20sgirl86]

I don't think I could give him one. I discussed this with one of my friends once and she said I'd be insecure if I couldn't. I guess I'm insecure then.

I know a girl who did decide to give her boyfriend a hall pass, and he couldn't do it. He said he didn't want any girl but her.

[Asker]

I'm too possessive to have a threesome like he's asked for and I'm insecure but I am hoping my man will do what that girls guy did. But even if he didn't I'd never know so I guess I'm OK with that.

[Nonymo3]

Did you do this and if so, what was the outcome?

[Anonymous]

Honestly with reading your responses to everyone I think you have already decided that it will be the best for your relationship it sounds to me like it's what your leaning towards I mean in all reality it could either make or break you but the same thing could happen if you don't do it so I say why not! I'm actually considering doing the same right now I'm 24 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for 9 years but I think I want it more for me not so much for him it's kind of opposite of your situation

[Anonymous]

Did this actually help your relationship?

[Anonymous]

I think that if he has such a strong urge to cheat, you should probably get out while you can. Do you really want to be with someone who's making you feel like you aren't good enough? If he wants flings and one night stands, maybe he should be single. If he really loved you sweetie, he wouldn't want to be inside of some other girl.

[Asker]

He doesn't want to cheat. He is frustrated with his lack of experience. He's not making me feel like I'm not good enough. Its just a week its not a big deal

[Anonymous]

All it would do is tell me that she doesn't trust me or think I'm a good guy. If you're completely fulfilled in your relationship, why would you want to sleep around? Even if you haven't ever been with anyone else, love is love.

[Asker]

I think he just wants more sexual experiences so he won't regret anything or whatever. I don't get how guys think lol

[Opinion Owner]

I don't understand that mindset, either. I've had a few girlfriends but if I had the opportunity to ONLY sleep with the first and no one else, that would have been great. But if you two think you'll be fine after the hall pass is over, good for you. Not criticizing you or anything. Just make sure you use protection, ha.

[Asker]

I would hope to God he's smart enough to wrap his sh*t lol

[Anonymous]

I would only consider something like this if it extended both ways---if he could sleep with other people, I would be able to as well.

[Asker]

Ya it does go both ways

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't...if we didn't feel ready to make that big commitment to each other because we haven't experienced enough, maybe we aren't ready for the relationship at all

[Asker]

Well after being together so long we know we are what each other want. But I think the talk of marriage sorta made him think more about this stuff. I'm not sure though.