Sex does nothing for me..?

[Anonymous]

i can orgasm through masturbation but I can't though sex, I know only 15% of women can reach orgasm through penetration but nothing gets me off! oral does nothing, sex does nothing and fingering does nothing, stimulating the clit does nothing. I've communicated and communicated and he tries his best but nothing. I'm getting really frustrated because I want one. I'm not forcing anything so please don't say relax because I am relaxed. it just doesn't feel good

[MrOracle]

Have you been masturbating for a long time, or only recently? Was it hard to have orgasms through masturbation?

The reason I'm asking is this: what you're describing is common with girls who haven't been very sexual in their lives. In order for sex to "work" for you, you have to have a bunch of different connections in your brain that connect your body parts, your emotions, your attractions, your fantasies, and your sensations. You aren't born with those pathways, just like you aren't born with the pathways that will allow you to play the violin or speak French, but you can learn to do those things, and as you do, those pathways in your brain get created.

Girls who were abused, or come from ultra-strict upbringings, or had abandonment issues, often grow up asexually, meaning that they never allow themselves to (or are allowed to) be sexual in any way. They don't dream about celeb crushes, they don't dance suggestively, and they don't kiss boys in jr high. Most of all, they rarely masturbate. Then, they hit college age, when sex is on everyone's mind all the time, and they want to give it a try, but it just doesn't work for them.

The problem is that it's like picking up a violin and expecting to play a concerto the first time; you don't have the pathways in your brain that will let you do that yet. You need study and lots of practice. And for a while, the progress you make will seem small, and the practice tedious, and you'll be tempted to give up. But if you keep at it, things will start to fall into place, and it will start getting more and more enjoyable.

With sex, it's also going to help things greatly if you are REALLY emotionally connected to the guy that you're with. For a girl, that is kind of like "band camp" for a musician; it concentrates your efforts and keeps your brain working overtime to get those brain pathways up and running quickly. Many girls who "feel nothing" from sex with partners they are only mildly attracted to often find that when they finally get together with a guy that they are really emotionally connected to, sex suddenly becomes that amazing experience that everyone always said it was, but wasn't for her before.

Be patient, and keep working on it, and it will happen for you.

[Asker]

ive been masturbating for 6 years and can orgasm easily. I was brought up to save myself although I didn't but I never came from a bad home or environment. also sex is not emotional to me or for me. its just sex. I guess I have to learn how to orgasm through sex

[MrOracle]

It isn't normal for sex to be non-emotional, particularly for women. You need that emotional connection, along with a little time and practice, and those brain connections will form and things will be VERY different for you.

[Asker]

lol not every woman is emotional during sex so I'm sorry but you cannot say what's normal and not normal. sex does nothing for me emotionally period! sorry but true. my guy is more emotional during sex than me. its based on the individual than sex/gender. I do agree I need more practive and time but sex will never be emotional for me. not every girl is like that

[Matrim]

Have you only had the one lover or are we talking many guys here? Maybe you don't feel safe with him or something? Sex seems to have many emotional ties for girls. So there is something you mentally need to work on. I don't think anything is wrong on your body because you can climax by your own. So it must be something that has to do with your partner. Maybe you are not even heterosexual... Could be anything.

[Asker]

i have no emotional ties with sex so I know it can't be that and it can't be mental... its just it doesn't feel good. I've only had one lover

[Matrim]

"So this* is something you mentally need to work on.." I didn't mean you are mental but that the problem is not your clit not working but rather your head is not into it. Maybe you don't want to have sex with him, or he is not doing things right. Maybe not making you hot enough, or just doing things the wrong way. Try taking things really slow and focus a lot on foreplay. Let him rub your p**** in circles while you two make out. No penetration. It will work :p

[Asker]

lol no I know you didn't mean mental in that way. he did oral for about 20 mins, played with me for a long time and still nothing. we did the whole make out with p**** play thing and it did nothing for me. beyond frustrating

[superdudeman]

This is because of low testosterone.

Either go have your levels checked and have a doctor prescribe some medication or get some over the counter, and even if they are "normal" its due to low testosterone.

You can try natural female testosterone supplements like link

Macafem.