Sexual Health
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Sex with someone else during a breakup period - is it okay with you?

1. what do you think about this? Do you think they should stay loyal even when you're broken up if they have any intention or desire to get back with you? Or do you think its all fair game during a break up? 2. Do you think its fair to hold sex with other people during a breakup against your boyfriend (or gf) when you get back together and find out they had sex with someone else? 3. What if the sex with someone else during the breakup ends up in pregnancy and the pregnant girl decides to keep it (or for guys, your girlfriend decides to keep the baby)? Do you think its fair to hold it against them then? I'm in this situation. My boyfriend and I were broken up for 3 months and he had sex with other people, mainly this girl toward the end of the breakup period. We got back together a few weeks after they had sex. Everything was great. We love each other, we always have even during the breakup but didn't know if the relationship would work out. but now we were back together. And then she called to say that she is pregnant and she doesn't believe in abortion, nor does she want one, and she is keeping the baby. sh*t storm. He took a paternity test and it is definitely his child. What would you do in this situation?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I wouldn't be okay with that. If someone jumped at the first opportunity to have sex with someone else during a rough patch, that would not be loyalty. And just because you are broken up does not mean you do not have to be loyal, definition of loyalty is is constant commitment/support. Not sleeping with someone else during a relationship is obligation, not sleeping with someone else during a break up, now that is loyalty.

    I think it's totally fair. Especially if during the whole break you kept constant contact and it qas quite apparent that at some point you would make amends and get back together. In fact, I'd even question if him wanting to sleep with someone else was part of the reason things took so long. And another thing, if sex with that other person resulted in a pregnancy, obviously no condom was used and hence there is a risk of transmission of diseases and you are well within your rights to not want to engage in any intimate behaviors with that individual because they are in essence "tainted."

    The cold hard fact are, he slept with someone else and got them pregnant, that shirt storm is not one you need to deal with.

    • so if someone tells you that its over, you think you still have to be loyal to them?

    • If it was most definitely over then obviously not. But if it was left under the impression that it was just a temporary break then yes.

  • 1.This is a really tough question and the answers depend on lots of things. If they want to get back together they probably won't want sex with anybody else but then again they might crave sex and feeling close to somebody because they were used to that before and that is what they're missing so they might just do it with anybody that will give them that feeling.

    2. I don't think you can hold sex against them because you were broken up and even if you knew you would get back together you don't know what the other person thought or their emotional reasons behind doing it.

    3. Again you can't hold it against them no matter how bad it sucks that happened. At this point the baby is the most important thing and everybody needs to adjust their life to make the baby have the best life possible. He should pay child support and visit or take the kid as much as he can since it's his child. If you decide you can't deal with it leave and let him handle his business and if you love him then stay and be as accepting of the kid as possible because it's not the child's fault.

Most Helpful Girls

  • If you and he were broken up, then what you do during the break up period is your business. Now he is going to have to take some responsibility for this child. I don't think you should hold it against him for having sex with this girl. Where I would be upset is why didn't he use a condom. Your feelings are important. But if you are planning a long term commitment with this guy, this child will be a part of your life for a long time. You will have to either accept this situation or end the relationship.

  • If you're going through a "working on the relationship" period then it's not okay to have sex with another person. I've seen it too many times on those divorce court shows. But if you two broke up, then that's your business and your business only to have sex with another guy. Your ex has no right to know or judge if he does know. It may make things awkward if you get back together but Its not his business.

  • 1) No. You're broke up. It's fine.

    2) No. You were broke up.

    3) Fair to hold it against them? No - but it doesn't mean you have to be okay with the whole thing. Accidents happen and honestly you have no right really to be made with him about the whole thing; but it doesn't mean you have to be okay with it. A baby is a massive thing, and it will effect your relationship.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 6

  • 1. If you're not married, then separated or broken up or taking a break does not mean loyalty; it means play the field

    2. Not fair, in fact ... these are the matches that will later burn down the house you build = divorce

    3. Not fair, even though you now become part of the support/upkeep team

    You do have the options to keep him or let him go & be the live-in father & husband to another. I assure you if you do the latter, it will be horrible at first but you will at last find someone better. Someone that would never consider a break-up/separation, so much more in love will you both be. I am selling the second route from experience.

    Those that break-up should remain that way; it's the forecast that a horrible divorce that will affect many others is coming someday.

  • You're together or you're not.

    You weren't together. You don't get to demand people be celibate in case you get back together.

    On the other hand having a child with someone else is a big deal. Its not that you should be mad at him, but you should be calmly assessing whether you want to be with someone with kids.

  • If you were in a relationship (marriage, living together, etc) and separated for a chance to examine the relationship in a more objective way, but with the understanding it was temporary, that you would be getting together, and it was understood that yo were still to be faithful, then it is not okay.

    But if it is a breakup, where it is not understood that both would remain faithful and that you would definitely be getting together, then you are each free to go your own ways, including sexual contacts. And if you then decide to get together again, you start over, and no holding things against each other that happened in between.

  • I mean, yes you can hold it against people IMO, but you probably need to let him go deal with this. They have a lot of work to do...

  • No. Just no.

  • I would leave. Right after breakup he has sex with other people. And she's pregnant, you don't need that drama.

  • 1) No, I don't think they should stay loyal. Loyal to what?

    You can't break up with someone 9even temporarily) and still expect to control their actions at a distance. You lose all rights to having a say in who they sleep with, the moment you decide that you're on a break.

    2) No. It's not fair.

    3) No, I still don't think it's fair. Shit happens, but you were not together, you were not a couple, you were both free agents, when the pregnancy happened.

    What would I do? Well, I wouldn't have had sex with a girl who didn't believe in abortion, but that's no help to you.

    In your situation, I would have no choice but to follow the law. The child is his responsibility.

    • the law isn't going to tell me to stay with him or break up? lol and I don't even think she's pushing for child support, her family is helping her mostly.

    • The law doesn't have sh*t to say about you or breaking you two up. But he is financially liable for the child.

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