She likes to tell me about her sexual exploits, what's the deal ladies?

[Anonymous]

So I've been buddies with this girl for a while, and one day she starts talking naughty so I join in. Just a couple of friends talking about sex in general, right? Eventually, we joke about what we'd do to each other and for a minute she suggests she's serious and that just as friends she might consider doing me at least once, just because I'm a good friend. For a while I was like, "Yeah, sure", but then I started calling her bluff and asking "when?" to which she was non-committal, but at a certain point I have a feeling she may actually offer to share an encounter with me. So tell me something girls, not that you're all like this of course (there's no way there are many people with this way of thinking), but what would be your mentality behind telling a guy all your sexual exploits before possibly possibly offering to have sex with him? Are you be trying to get the guy worked up with dirty talk and never do it or are you thinking it makes you more sexually exciting to give the impression that you're that wild and unpredictable? She's not a dumb person, in fact she's almost a genius so I doubt it's a self esteem thing and she claims to only have done this with 3 or 4 guys in between relationships so it doesn't sound particularly habitual. Is she just disinterested in regular relationships maybe?

[Freetobe007]

I think that she thinks it's sexy and it's her way of trying to be hot and show she has sex appeal. But that's really not a very smart idea. I've seen some highly intelligent people make the dumbest decisions. For example, I went to the club for the very first time with this super intelligent girl who had a full ride scholarship to college. We were in the ghetto part of town and she LEFT HER CAR DOORS UNLOCKED then put the key in the glove compartment because she said she didn't want to put her key in her bra or her jean pocket. WTF. While we were dancing the night away, her car was being robbed along with her ipod and my cell phone >:(

[Asker]

Wow I wouldn't call her intelligent at all. Intelligence would be coming up with a way to not leave your car doors unlocked even if you were in a GOOD part of a neighborhood someone could still rob an unlocked car. I wouldn't call myself particularly smart and even I know THAT!

[Freetobe007]

lol, she was book smart, but when it came to a lot of really obvious, simple concepts she was stupid as hell. by the way, we're nothing near friends anymore so I'm not being a phony sh*t talker. just sayin lol You'll find a lot of people who are highly book smart, but not emotionally intelligent or interpersonally intelligent (people smart) or sexually intelligent ect...

[Asker]

Okay, still an unlocked car is an unlocked car, that's really not smart, See this girl I'd say she's mentally more with it than that. Everyone has their dumb modes but she's got streetwise and book smarts too a good balance.

[Freetobe007]

lol who you tellin! :P that was an awesome phone too :(

[SimplyLexi]

You'd think "trying to get the guy worked up with dirty talk and never do it or are you thinking it makes you more sexually exciting to give the impression that you're that wild and unpredictable" is the reason... Which I say it is, because I do that. It's fun to tease and that's all I do to my boyfriend, because I won't have sex with him. I think you already knew the answer..?

[Asker]

Are you saying you do thing because you aren't sexually active with him and you just want to drive him crazy sexually?

[SimplyLexi]

It's a sick way of having fun.. I know. I'm horrible, but yes. He hasn't dumped me yet, maybe it's coming soon? haha

[yopyopyop]

I hope you'll have to endure this someday. You'll understand how "fun" it is, then.

[SimplyLexi]

It comes around.. But is it really that bad?

[yopyopyop]

Yes, it's one of the worst vibes you can get from someone you love.

[SimplyLexi]

So I should stop if I'm not going to have sex with him?

[Asker]

I think what Yopyopyop is trying to say is that you're tormenting him. If you're giving him the impression that sex is in your future but you have no intention of doing it, then it's damaging to him and he'll probably end up being pissed at you when he finally realizes it. Unless he knows that and he's putting up with it, then he just likes suffering which makes him already insane!

[SimplyLexi]

My biggest fear is losing my virginity, so I don't know if I'll ever be ready. The idea of it is fun though, so I do it to tease him.. I want it, but then I don't.

[Asker]

Fear is a good things to have if you're not sure he's the right one. But if you are sure you shouldn't have to dangle sex over his head to get him to stay with you. If he knows you;re saving yourself until you;re absolutely sure he should be prepared to wait... and probably have a lot of kleenex on hand.

[SimplyLexi]

I'm not using it to have him stay with me, I'm pretty sure he would leave me if that's all that was keeping us together. He isn't the one, but he's my best friend and I don't want to break up with my best friend. I'll stop teasing him, but I'm going to miss it. I love how you're the one who is asking for help and you help me... hahahaha

[Asker]

lol it's what we're all here for, mostly right?

[SimplyLexi]

I guess.. but I didn't even help you! hahaha somehow my own problems got into this.. What did you do to me? haha

[Asker]

Your situation still helps me though because it's all something to take into account, For all I know she is just leading me on just to get a rise out of me.

[SimplyLexi]

I'm sorry if she is leading you on for that! I had a talk about it with my boyfriend last night and it didn't go so well ha ha so yeah, it was a bad idea to begin with. I don't deserve him. I think you should stop encouraging it unless it benefits you in a good way. I wish I knew about this earlier, but he never complained.

[Asker]

Well I don't know for sure until she finally put her money where her mouth is if you know what I mean. but I try not to push her to talk like this, I think she may be just looking for the right opportunity to get me alone on her terms. Sorry to hear things didn't go well, for you, He probably didn't complain because he really thought he was getting somewhere.

[SimplyLexi]

What if she doesn't? Would you give up? Yeah he probably did, I'm now just practically waiting till he decides to dump me. Is it too late to ask to stay friends with him?

[Asker]

We were originally just friends before I developed feelings for her. When she started telling me these sexual things I realized she's not really into traditional relationships and probably would not have the type of romantic relationship I hoped for and had already given up chasing her. I was disappointed but I still enjoyed who she was before that so it didn't fully change my opinion of her. I don't know how your talk went but if you approach it cautiously he might forgive enough to stay friends.

[CrystalMinds]

Maybe she needs a friends with benefits but she's afraid to ask you straight away. So she gives you hints about the sexpart and seeing if you join in or not.

But I don't think intelligence has anything to do with selfesteem btw.

[Asker]

She's a super hot girl, she could have a FWB relationship whenever she wants all she has to do is ask! It just seems like maybe she wants my expectations high for some reason.

[CrystalMinds]

I don't think it's about expectations rather than making you want it. And most girls aren't gonna ask explicit if a guy wants to be her fwb..

[WolfTrinity]

Personally I think you have one of two situations:

1. She is just teasing you and enjoys winding you up so she can see you squirm.

2. She's treating you like her gay best friend (does she know if your straight or not).

Unfortunately It's unlikely (though possible) that she is actually interested in sex with you.

[Anonymous]

Many girls do this to tease and/or show they are available for that. What they don't know is that it is a big turn-off for many men. And then we find all the "why has he suddenly lost interest?" questions here.

[Asker]

I've seen those and they're usually written by naive girls who have sex way too early in a relationship and the guy leaves because he's gotten all he needed of of her so soon that he doesn't think she's worth pursuing. I actually like her as a person, I would date her if given the opportunity but as a guy with needs if she were to just offer a FWB relationship I wouldn't mind I guess, it's just she brings up wild sex discussions almost as easy as talking about the weather sometimes.

[Opinion Owner]

I have seen that in all age groups. And it won't get less, I can tell you that. I have lost interest in many girls over too many stories about sex with others. I was even advices by a girl that they do it only to show interest. But it always has the opposite effect on me. FWB or not.

[Asker]

I hear you, after a certain saturation you can get a feeling like she's nasty if she can't stop talking about things she's done. On the plus side it's not as if she will have sex with anyone so she does have standards, it's just her standards seem so bluntly defined. Something like "You're someone I can tell my deepest secrets to... let's go to dinner and then I'll have all kinds of sex with you." She definitely exercises control of her situation. :P

[Opinion Owner]

I generally don't find anything wrong with the bluntness you describe. I like that in girls. Control over their own sexuality? Great. That a modern woman. I support that. But that shouldn't give one the right to blurt out all exploits at any given time. That's rude and has nothing to do with emancipation.

[Asker]

Yeah I suppose it's her delivery, it's not so much rude as it just sort of comes up at random times: "yeah I was meeting my friend for lunch a year ago, instead of food I took him home and screwed him for an hour" and then maybe she'll go into detail for a bit until she thinks she's talked enough about what she did to him, suggest she might do the same again one day to me and then changes the subject .

[Opinion Owner]

That would certainly close the dating door for me. I might listen to that as a friend. But if I had feelings for her I would be put off.

[madiocre]

Maybe because she is trying to get a feel for you, like get you to talk about sex what you like have done and general sexual philosophy. she migth just really like sex and talking about it. I mean it's one of my favorite topics...

[Asker]

I get where you're coming from. I'm a little repressed, but I try to avoid judging people unless they do something really illogical and blatantly stupid, which I guess makes me hesitant to talk about how many girls I might have "blown my load inside of" (an actual topic.)

[yopyopyop]

Clever and whore aren't incompatible. Welcome to the realm of psychological disorders ;)

[Anonymous]

She wants your d***!

[Anonymous]

Personally, if I was saying all that stuff to a guy that would be a sort of subtle sex invite from yours truly. I'd be trying to make out that It's worth wild to give me a shot and in a lot of cases nearly 100% any female would say the same thing.

[Asker]

Even if you're talking about other guys? You wouldn't say it for any other reason than to suggest you want to have sex with the guy you're telling the stories to?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, even if I was talking about other guys. It's kind of a 'hint, hint, nudge, nudge' thing. Like 'you know we could do that'.