Should I feel violated after anal sex with my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Last night, I had anal sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After, when I went to bed, all I wanted to do was cry but I held it together. Now he's gone back home and I actually am crying. I don't know how I feel about it but I DO know I feel very violated. Is this normal? Should I tell him? If so, how? He lives a few hours away so I only talk to him through text messages, phone calls, or Skype. How should I bring it up?

[kheserthorpe]

From what you said, I don't know if I'd tell him. You proposed it, you said it was fine, you told him to continue. Hows he supposed to feel if you now say you feel violated? Should he not trust you to tell him if things are okay or not (probably not but lets assume you want him too).

He didn't do anything wrong. You made a mistake. You certainly CAN tell him you're not sure you want to do it again and I guess you could say it as emotionally weird.

[anupamagrawal]

I believe that having anal was a mutual between you guys. And you don't stopped him to do so. then when everything was with consent what makes you think violated!

Furthermore there is no use of shedding tears - the penis is not in your ass anymore. Now if you don't want to take it again - tell him clearly that you tried but don't feel like enjoying it. if he feels he will never bring the subject again.

[justme20]

i bet he pushed you to do it and you didn't want to right? NEVER do anything you don't want to do! I'm sorry you feel violated and you need to let him know. sex is about communication

[Asker]

He has been talking about it for quite some time, but hasn't mentioned it at all this weekend. But I know he secretly wanted to so I brought it up and said we could try it.

[justme20]

so you just did it to please him but you didn't want to do it?

[Asker]

pretty much yeah but he didn't know that

[Asker]

he kept saying "are you sure you want to? you don't have to? if you change your mind let me know" and all that kinda stuff. but I lied and said yes

[justme20]

well you not telling him honestly isn't his fault. he believed that you wanted to try it by bringing it up. you need to be honest with him and talk with him

[Asker]

i know it wasn't his fault and never said it was; I just need to know how to fix it now.

[justme20]

just talk to him and tell him the truth. that's really the only way

[ObscuredBeyond]

I second Ryosanada. Let him know you didn't enjoy it and are not intent on ever trying it again. It'd be right to feel defiled; because you know for yourself that you just used your own body in violation of its design. As for feeling wronged, well, he cheapened you by not saving you for marriage; but you knew that already. Aside from that; let him know that he shouldn't expect more anal play with you because you're not that kind of girl. He should be more than happy to respect your limits.

[Asker]

I told him it was okay because I know he REALLY wanted to do it, even though I was iffy. He was very careful and used different sized plugs to make sure I was able to take it, and went very slowly to make sure I wouldn't feel any pain. I just... All I want to do is cry and I don't know why.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Sounds like you're trying too hard to please him at your own expense. Now that his curiosity and yours are satiated, don't feel like you have any need or pressure to continue. It's okay to say no. And if he doesn't want to the next time, don't feel you have to.

[Ryosanada]

Just tell him you didn't like it. I know if I had something shoved up my ass, I'd feel violated.

[Prof_Don]

Tell him that you didn't enjoy the anal sex, and if he TRULY cares about you, he'll understand.

If he doesn't get it...then frankly he's too selfish to have a girlfriend and I question your relationship with him altogether.

[Prof_Don]

Honestly QA...i don't get why some guys are such insensitive a**holes on these answers. :-X

[rotinaj10]

No use crying over spilt milk. Moving forward just don't do anything you're not really comfortable with. You're better than that. Talk to him about it. I'm sure he'll be fine with you not wanting him in your backdoor.

Never compromise who you are or what you want for someone else.

[Elliot0_07]

But why are you crying? You did what was supposed to happen! You made him happy and please him.

You cannot tell him that you didn't like, you are supposed to please him and you did it, that's great!

Just keep doing for him, I'm pretty sure he would love you much more.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is what makes anal sex so hot

[Anonymous]

You must not have been mentally comfortable with the idea and he made it all about him. You shouldn't feel violated by your boyfriend so tell him you didn't like it now that you tried it.