Sexual Health
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So when women lie about their sexual past

it seems they do this so a man won't judge her on her past. Some women seem to feel this is justified because they think the past is the past and its non of his business. Do women who lie about this sort of thing not understand its up to the man to decided if its his business of not and its also up to him to decide what is important to him and what sort of criteria he chooses for a wife? Any women on here lie to their current boyfriend or husband about their sexual past? If so why? Do you not respect him enough to let him make his own decisions? Possibly you just wanted to be selfish and deceive him for your own gain of a relationship?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • I don't lie. If asked or the guy offers his info up first, I'll tell, but I see no reason to volunteer the information if I'm given no indication that a guy even wants to know. If he can't handle what I tell him and it's enough of a deal breaker that he loses interest in me, then clearly we're not truly compatible anyway and he isn't someone I'd want to be with long term. My boyfriend adores me and has never asked, nor have I ever asked him, simply because we find it irrelevant. We care that we're both clean and exclusive.

    He's not stupid, he knows I've been with other men before him just like he's been with other women before me, and part of why we're compatible is that he doesn't consider me having a sex life before him to disqualify me from being 'wife material'. Instead, he judges by my current behavior and actions with and around HIM, how I treat HIM, how devoted and loving I am to HIM, what OUR sex life is like. I think similarly about him, so that is one big reason why we work, we have similar outlooks. I have no history of cheating, I'm clean, and when I like someone I'm monogamous and commit fully to that person.

    • aka i had sex with 50 people

  • I guess girls who lie about it are scared of being judged. You know, when a man gets a lot of women in his bed, he is usually called a womanizer or a player. When a girl sleeps with a lot of guys, she's a whore. And I guess that the idea of your loved one thinking of you as of a whore isn't really pleasant.

    Anyway, I don't understand how her past experiences (if it had no consequences on her health and on yours of course) should affect your relationship with her. What she did in the past has nothing to do with you unless she decides that she wants to share it with you. How does it affect your decision to be in a relationship with her ? Does it mean that even though you like her, if she had too many men or if she tried things you don't approve of, you would dump her ?

    In my opinion, it's up to each of us to decide whether or not we want to share our past with someone, but I think that if we decide to do so, then we shouldn't lie. And if we don't want to, our right to keep quiet about some stuff should be respected here.

    • to answer you questions yes it affects my decision to be in a relationship with her and yeseven if I did love her I would have to leave her

  • I never really understood why men cared so much, but I agree, lieing is stupid. You're making him think of you as something you are not.

    I wouldn't lie. It's not something I like to talk about early in the relationship, but I would still tell him if he asked.

    It's a bit selfish for sure, but from our perspective there are so few men that are willing to even wait a couple of weeks and so many men that will dump you if you had sex with more than I don't know 3 or 4 men, sometimes even just 1. So what are we supposed to do?

Most Helpful Guys

  • I'm sure many of them reduce their numbers if asked or they simply say "the past is the past."

    It is a matter of compatibility. If he doesn't want a girl that has a bunch of casual sex, he shouldn't have to have that. And on the other side of things, if a girl wants a guy that won't care about that past, she should be able to find that as well. Hiding it doesn't really solve anything. We all have that list of things we desire in a partner. This is on it for some people.

    Also, that "but guys do it" is old. Not all guys do it. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if girls generally have more partners than guys, especially in college.

  • they do this because women for the most part refuse to take personal responsibility for their actions and feel they shouldn't be denied what they want in husband even tho by them lying they are denying what a man wants in a wife. its disturbingly selfish and destructive to relationships. if they come out and admit their lie they do it when the man has already developed feelings for her and maybe even has kids. which is even more selfish seeing now he is stuck in a situation and has to deal with her deception.

    its deception and they do it to get what they want regardless of what he wants

    • This reminds me of some messages we exchanged a while back. I hope that since you realize how hurtful deception can be, you'll take a more responsible approach with your own behavior (or expected future behavior) too.

    • i have and figured you don't have to lie if it came down to it I could find a girl to just have babies with without a real relationship

    • I don't understand what you mean.

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What Girls & Guys Said

9 1

  • I don't think lying is ever justified. Honesty is important and lying about it is very unfair to your partner. But the past IS the past, and if you have real feelings for someone, their past shouldn't be the most important thing.

    Lying about sexual history isn't something every girl does. It happens, but guys do it on occasion too. I've had personal experience with it.

  • I personally think that a persons sexual past is no business of a new boyfriend/girlfriend as long as they have been safe, tested, or other things that could hurt or affect the person. I personally would not lie about my past. I would say it was none of their business until we were in a serious relationship. If they still wanted to know, I would tell them. I just want to say that your question makes it seem like women lie about it more than men. I have known lots of guys to lie about their sexual past. Either to 1) make it out like they had more experience, or 2) to not tell everything or all the girls they had been with. I figure, if I love the person, and we have both been tested, etc, who cares. I don't need to know everything about my love's sexual past because for me, its what we share together that matters. I would hope the one I love feels the same way.

  • I would never lie about my past. However, I might choose to keep it private. As long as I have always been careful and responsible, have been tested, etc. then my past won't truly affect them. If someone really needs to know (i.e. they will only be with a virgin) then maybe we just aren't right for each other, and that's okay.

  • Have mercy. Everyone is either humble now or about to be. If she lied to you, it was because she could tell that you could not handle the truth. She was probably scared of losing you which is actually a gain. She just doesn't know it yet. Before you throw stones, make sure that you are perfect first.

    • i disagree----transparency goes a lot further in the long run than a lie or omission.

  • I don't lie about my sexual past, if a guy I'm with wants to know I tell him.

  • Girls----NEVER lie to the guy your with. The truth will ALWAYS come out. ALWAYS and if you lie in the beginning and when it comes out it will damage the relationship. I told my wife everything and thought she did as well just to learn 13 years later I was lied to. It is a problem. When you think about what your about to do with intimacy---and i know its a double standard but its a fact----try to picture the man of your dreams and he wants to marry you and he asks that question? Are you going to lie to his face? Some men will accept it others may not but then you'll know who to stay with and who to get rid of and not waste your time. If she told me the truth from the start it would not have been a issue---now it is.

  • Well, I brought up the "How many girls have you been with?" question, because I was curious. When asked in return, I left one off of my number, because I "don't really count it". It was a time when I was highly taken advantage of, and further into the relationship I told him about it. So, it was a slight lie, and I told the full truth once we were closer in our relationship.

  • my sexual past isn't anyones business, you're not entitled to know anything except whether or not I have stds. that doesn't mean I won't tell certain people about it, but I don't owe you anything. if you think that, then we don't need to be in a relationship. its that simple. on to the next.

    • sure you don't have to tell, but would you lie if asked saying I am not going to discuss it is a lot different then lying

    • good luck

  • The past is important to some degree because its evidence of your character. By lying you take away the person's right to choose if your the type of person they want. Girls if you found out your boyfriend had sex with 5 guys in his past I'm sure that's something you'd want to know...And It wouldn't be right if you were the girl in the 2 girls one cup video and didn't tell the poor guy. I've never lied because I haven't done anything to be ashamed of. Most people who lie or don't want to talk about their sexual past, its because they have regrets or they did some shady questionable things.

  • If you really love Her, you'll never judge her whatever she did.

    So the past won't be the main criterion for your decision.

    But I think if you have meaningful relationships you shouldn't have any secrets between each other.

    • but it does matter because he decided it matters, he has to know to even know if he will allow himself to love her why is that hard to understand?

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