The Sexual Health Risks Nobody Thinks About

[the_rake]

While I'm a known advocate on here for promiscuity without all the negative dogma and social stigma that's attached to this way of life, I accept that there are plenty of potential risks attached to having casual sex, many of these are STI related. To be honest, I'm not as educated on the subject as I would like to be and a lot of the information that comes up from research is quite vague in a lot of ways: it's hard to say how well-sourced or credible this information is. If you have better information, then by all means post in the comment section. However, I notice that most of the advice on the subject people give online and in schools is simplified to 'use a condom', 'only have monogamous sex', so I believe that what I have to say on this can be of use. There's a few reasons why this traditional advice misses the mark.

1. STI from long term relationships

'Even people who are in long term monogamous relationships can get STIs. Some STIs, such as herpes or HPV, can lie dormant in a person for months or years before they are diagnosed. For example, the most common test for herpes is a swab of a suspected lesion; testing for herpes is not standard practice, so it is possible that a person may have herpes for years and not know it until they pass the infection to a partner.

Sometimes STIs are spread in ‘monogamous’ relationships because one partner is secretly having sex outside the relationship. Having more than one partner or having a partner that has more than one partner increases the chances of getting an STI.'

https://www.optionsforsexualhealth.org/sexual-health/sexually-transmitted-infections/can-i-get-sti-if

This is not to mention the question of what happens if your partner cheats on you and gives you a virus.

Also, there are many STIs that take a long time to show on test results. HIV can take a long time, so even if you and your partner have been tested it's a good idea to wait a while until the remaining results come out before you have sex without a condom.

2. Using a condom

'A condom can act as a barrier for fluids but it does not eliminate all skin-to-skin contact. As a result, transmission of STIs such as herpes, HPV, syphilis, pubic lice, or scabies can occur even if a condom isused.'

https://www.optionsforsexualhealth.org/sexual-health/sexually-transmitted-infections/can-i-get-sti-if

And conditions like herpes or HPV are often treatable but there is the risk, especially with genital herpes, that the virus will never go away. It is true that you can visually identify sores and lesions on the skin that would suggest genital herpes, HPV or scabies but with some of these conditions.

You also have to account for the fact that people often make mistakes putting condoms on:

putting the condom on wrong, putting the condom on too late (whatever that means!) and taking it off too soon are three of the most common errors people make according to this quick quiz:

https://www.webmd.com/sex/rm-quiz-condoms

Also, it is important to squeeze the air out of the nib of the condom and make sure it is not put on too tightly

STI from Oral Sex

Skilled lovers nowadays are expected to indulge in a little foreplay before sex. However, it seems that there are still risks attached.

'Herpes simplex virus (HSV), human papillomavirus (HPV), syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydiacan be passed between genitals and the mouth or throat. If you are concerned about STIs during oral sex then condoms or dental dams can lower the chances. Using flavoured condoms may add to the pleasure of sex.'
https://smartsexresource.com/about-stis/my-chances

This is not to mention how unsexy dental dams can look and how awkward it can be to suggest you use a dental dam or flavoured condom in bed: "why, don't you trust me?"

Sometimes if a guy refuses to go down on you ladies, it's NOT because he thinks your vagina is unsexy!

I'm not even sure if regular condoms are fine for oral sex or if a flavoured condom is recommended.

Anal Sex Condoms

The anus is a higher risk for contracting HIV and thus it is recommended you use a thicker condom. But strangely enough it seems that there is not a kitemarked condom for anal sex in UK and in the US there is no FDI approved brand. This is because the respective governments do not 'recommend' anal sex as a healthy activity. How homophobic!

I don't really plan on having anal sex personally but if I was homosexual or my partner wanted to try it, I would be very irritated about having to buy them online:

https://www.condom-sizes.org/best-condoms/best-condoms-anal-sex

Dura extra strength seems to be the best bet.

[Mekkalyn]

Honestly this myTake just proves my beliefs that you have to really know someone before you have sex with them. I know everything about my partner and his history, and we've both been tested and have come up completely clean (even though we only had 1 partner before we got together we still wanted to make sure we were safe).

And based on our values and our strong connection and our ability to manage through tough times together (been extremely poor, and if finances don't break you up you know you have a strong relationship) and have always been happy together.. well I know cheating won't be an issue.

I'm on the pill and he hates condoms (so do I, really), but we're completely safe because we don't have any sexual diseases. It is a huge trust thing for us because basically we just have to trust that the other person won't cheat. But I know he won't with all of my heart (and I'd rather die before doing that to someone).

Obviously 99% of people shouldn't be doing what my partner and I do because it IS a risk (but a small enough one that I'll risk it for my forever partner).

[the_rake]

I used to disagree but I am coming more and more to this same conclusion.

[Anonymous]

I got an HPV infection (one small gw that I got surgically removed) after being in a long term monogamous relationship. I was completely devastated at first, but I later learned that HPV is extremely common but very few people get infections. I was a lucky lotto winner.

Since then I've slept with four other women and I was upfront and honest with every one of them. None of them cared. One of them ending up liking me even more because I was honest.

However I wish there was a anti viral gel that would protect against herpes/hpv. A condom only gives partial protection. Does anybody know of an anti viral gel/cream available?

[the_rake]

that's good to know

[Opinion Owner]

do you know of any anti viral gels/cream?

[the_rake]

*'Since then I've slept with four other women and I was upfront and honest with every one of them. None of them cared. One of them ending up liking me even more because I was honest. ' that's good to know

[the_rake]

'do you know of any anti viral gels/cream?' no, sorry man.

[Opinion Owner]

I know they is an anti viral condom available in Australia. I wonder if the fucking FDA is going to drag its heels on getting this approved in the USA. www.medicaldaily.com/vivagel-coated-condom-kills-stds-antiviral-lubricant-soon-be-sale-294168

[dartmaul15]

TL:DR don't be an idiot, and get yourself and your partner checked BEFORE doing anything.

[the_rake]

tbh, even that is not necessarily true. as I quoted in the article, 'Even people who are in long term monogamous relationships can get STIs. Some STIs, such as herpes or HPV, can lie dormant in a person for months or years before they are diagnosed. For example, the most common test for herpes is a swab of a suspected lesion; testing for herpes is not standard practice, so it is possible that a person may have herpes for years and not know it until they pass the infection to a partner. Sometimes STIs are spread in ‘monogamous’ relationships because one partner is secretly having sex outside the relationship. Having more than one partner or having a partner that has more than one partner increases the chances of getting an STI.'

[dartmaul15]

blood tests, bro. And don't date a hoe XD

[the_rake]

true, although you don't have to be a hoe to get an STI from one guy that's slept with 20 girls or so.

[BeautifulWreck]

I actually know a couple who had been together for 6 years. Both were very much committed to one another. From what the woman had told me, they tried anal sex for the first time and the very next morning they both ended up breaking out in sores. When they went to the doctor they actually told them that it was caused by the anal sex. Stating that anal sex is a very big percentage of the reason why HIV/AIDs/Herpes are transmitted, even if you are not cheating. Apparently (once again, from this woman said) one of them had herpes and was unaware and the anal sex (fluids) caused there to be an outbreak. I didn't even know this was possible until she told me. All the more reason for me to stay away from anal sex.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

"Stating that anal sex is a very big percentage of the reason why HIV/AIDs/Herpes are transmitted, even if you are not cheating." That statement must come with caveats. The rest is just herpes, if they had been together for six years then they both had it. It's just that the infection reached a new area. It can happen the first time having vaginal sex or oral as well. Future anal for them probably won't result in more outbreaks. Point is, that's sex, not just anal.

[the_rake]

that is such a freak incident, lol.

[BeautifulWreck]

Right, this is true lol However, it scared me enough to steer clear of it. I'm the biggest freak when it comes to anything like that. If there is a possibility of anything along those lines then I tend to stay away from it. Especially in today's society when you never truly know. I was watching a live interview of the cast members from the Doctors show (not sure if you guys have seen it?) Where it stated that there has been a increase of 19% of children who were born with the Herpe virus because their mothers had transmitted the disease during child birth. Its a scary thought.

[the_rake]

sure, although herpes is not really that big a deal - it goes away in most people with only minor outbreaks and even for the rare people who get bad outbreaks it's treatable. still, anal sex is not very pleasurable for a woman so I can't understand why she would want to do it other than to please her partner.

[BeautifulWreck]

I've done anal once and it was definitely to please my partner at the time. It was beyond painful. But I think that a lot of women actually enjoy that? I'm not sure, where I can't speak for most women. But Herpes is a virus that you live with for the rest of your life. I don't think cold sores are a big deal, where a huge majority of individuals have it and that is a form of herpes. However, a vaginal form of herpes or herpes of the penis can have an outbreak at anytime, even while being treated. Its a medication you have to be on for the rest of your life. But with the treatments and antidotes they are coming out with these days, it won't be long before a cure is found regardless.

[the_rake]

Well, there is no way for a woman to orgasm like that (although men can! - the prostate gland), still it probably doesn't need to be that painful, e. g. with lubricants and prepwork to relax the woman. I don't know that much about herpes but from what I read 80% of the population has it and for most people herpes goes away after a while. But you're right, I would not want to have the condition with bad outbreaks for the rest of my life. Still, it seems highly likely that most people, myself included, will contract the virus at some point.

[BeautifulWreck]

Indeed! It is said that 79% of the worlds population will contract some form of STI/STD during their lives.

[cavmanier]

"Well, there is no way for a woman to orgasm like that"

www.reddit.com/.../

I've heard her experience many times.

[the_rake]

@cavmanier yea, I found other articles also proving that since I had this discussion:

www.cosmopolitan.com/.../

www.quora.com/Can-women-reach-an-orgasm-from-anal-sex

thoughtcatalog.com/.../

I guess it's just important that is done correctly (lube, preparation, etc.).

[cavmanier]

I was surprised you've never heard of that before, based on how much you know about stds or stis. Yeah for any kind of potential orgasm there is a correct path or multiple ways towards it. A lot of girls do enjoy anal though.

[hellionthesage]

Well their is well known documentation of the negative affects of promiscuity on the mind. Promiscuity has been linked to depression/anxiety, increased disatisatisfaction in relationships/marriages, increased divorce rates ( a person with one partner has a 1% chance of divorce, it jumps to 16% with the addition of another partner) increased probability of cheating (people who score in the upper 50% of the sociosexually unrestricted scale have a 50% probability of cheating) its been shown that depression creates promisucity and proimiscuity leads to it, the greater the enviormental stressors the more likely to be promisuis (women who have poor relationships with their fathers are far more likely to be promiscuis and at a younger age then women who do not.) So their are ample issues with promiscuity, all of which have been thouroughly documented.

[the_rake]

good points on the psychological drawbacks of promiscuity but here is another perspective. 'Promiscuity has been linked to depression/anxiety' unwanted celibacy and virginity late in life can be linked to this also. 'increased disatisatisfaction in relationships/marriages, increased divorce rates' to be honest, being in a relationship where you are inexperienced is like to lead to feelings of both dissatisfaction and inadequacy. over time you might feel resentful towards your partner if they had a significantly larger sexual history than you prior to the relationship or marriage.

[hellionthesage]

According to studies people who have fewer partners are actually happier with their relationships then people with more. Some call it a short term strategy (promiscuity) which would explain why it increases with external stressors, but this is actually not a preffered method of reproduction (we are investment parents after all and thats hard to do when your divorced/fighting) for the offspring as well as society. As for stress from being celibate, yes their are but that is as much to do with external forces (pressure to have sex as is ramapant in all forms of media and in all parts of society) as well as a negative view on sex to begin with ie its sinfull/dirty. These would be the cause not necessarily the lack of sex itself. I am obviously not promoting celibacy until marriage, it was a viable option historicly but with how society is now both with how men and women both work, both have to go to college if they want a carrer, longer life, all make that less viable.

[hellionthesage]

I do think their is issues with mismatched sexual histories but from what the data says its more of an issue for men ie men are more likely to have issues if their girlfriend/wife have had many partners rather then the other way around (though it seems to be only a moderate margin) The adverse affects of promiscuity are also more prominent in women then men most likely due to biology as promiscuity has a greater detrimental affect on a woman what with childbirth being a far more energy/resource intensive process with potential fatal complications while for a man sex is a incredibly low cost/high reward situation hence them being less adverse to promiscuity.

[EasyForYouToSay]

I completely agree with all of this.
I think it's incredibly important to discuss your sexual history with your partner (my newest partner knows about a chlamydia infection I had a couple of year ago), and for both to get tested. Most STIs can be tested for with a urine and blood test.

[the_rake]

yea maybe monogamy is better...

[EasyForYouToSay]

Maybe, but it's really personal preference. If you have casual sex, just make sure you take every precaution. Use a condom, make sure he/she doesn't have any rashes/sores, etc.

[the_rake]

with a condom you can still get herpes, HPV, etc.

[EasyForYouToSay]

You can, yes, but it's not very likely. For genital herpes, transmission can usually only happen if there is a current outbreak of blisters, which is why I said check if your partner has any rashes or sores. I believe HPV is unlikely to be transmitted with a condom, because the skin around the genitals is not often infected, and it often needs an actual wart from the infection to be passed along but I'm not 100% sure on that one.

[the_rake]

I read that there is only a third in reduction of probability for genital herpes although you can check for sores, like you said. I don't know what the likelihood is for HPV either. The article I referenced mentioned that monogamous partners who have been tested can still contract these diseases since they do not show up on tests sometimes. One might assume that these partners would have noticed if the other one had signs of lesions on the other. There's still the question of oral sex however, since most women will want you to go down on them at some point. It's easier for them to cum that way and I don't really want to whip.

[EasyForYouToSay]

This is true. The only accurate method of testing for herpes is to swab a blister, though I think a blood test for antibodies can provide an indication of infection. Oral sex, unless you again use a condom or dental dam, really should only be done when you know you're both clean. That's rarely going to happen though, and it's very hard to make it any safer.

[the_rake]

basically using more than one form of contraception seems to be the most reliable and safe methd: BC + regular testing (monogamous relationship) + condom.

[CanPenguinsBendOver]

I'm such an idiot. And here I thought a condom was bullet proof. Informative article.

[the_rake]

actually, I had made that mistake also. I didn't realise you could still contract herpes or HPV.

[the_rake]

I just figured crabs were worth risking to have a sex life since they are not permanent.

[Blonde401]

Great take! It's sad to see there are still ignorant people out there who believe having a small amount of partners makes you immune to STI's. No, it doesn't. You can get HPV even if someone wears a condom, it's less common but it can happen. Also the people born with an STI without knowledge of having one can then pass it on. Great informative take, thank you.

[the_rake]

I guess it's just worth it to take some of the risks.

[Blonde401]

That's true I suppose

[xXiTacoXx]

Isn't all of this just common sense?

[the_rake]

first time I was with a girl I remember she went straight down on me without using a condom. I remember I felt too nervous / bashful to stop her, even though I was afraid about the possible STI transmissions (Herpes simplex virus (HSV), human papillomavirus (HPV), syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydiacan) so it seems not everyone is aware about this stuff. either that or some people just don't care. as for STIs from relationships I mention it because people onthis site seem to reject the notion of safe sex with a stranger but think being in a monogamous relationship with someone who has been tested is fool proof. BUT at the end of the day there's no point overanalysing these risks because a life with no risks is a life not worth living. e. g. herpes is relatively harmless and treatable if not curable. HPV can be tested for and cancer risks in women can be reduced.

[abundantlyrich]

The risks are always going to be there. People should know who da fuck they are sleeping with but they don't.

[the_rake]

it's easy to see why people think using contraception is sufficient to have a safe sex life.

[front2back]

That's what I've always said, there is no such thing as "safe" sex, and believing there is will get you burned hard. That's why I don't do casual or move fast in relationships. You really gotta be picky with your partners because you have no idea where they could have been otherwise.

[jacquesvol]

Good take.

[the_rake]

on the other hand, I recently found this Mark Manson article which explains why the risks of these STIs are actually exaggerated:

https://markmanson.net/std-guide

'1 in 1800 people is diagnosed with syphilis in the United States each year... syphilis can be cured with a little penicillin'

Chlamydia and ghonorrhea are curable

HPV 'typically leaves on its own after a few years. There is also a vaccine for women and men... there are over 100 strains of HPV. All except for about six of them are basically harmless. For men, all but two have no symptoms... The two that cause symptoms in men cause genital warts... they’re completely harmless and can be removed within the matter of days with basic surgery... The other four high-risk strains can, if left untreated, lead to cervical cancer in women... HPV throat cancer rates are still insanely low and the other rare types of cancers caused by HPV are insanely uncommon and almost never fatal... The good news is that women are getting checked mor

[the_rake]

' more and more for lesions and/or abnormal cells on their cervix these days. ' most people have herpes (80%) but 'the vast majority of people never show symptoms and don’t have the viral load required for it to show up in their blood levels... even if you do get breakouts, most people stop getting them after a couple years. And if you’re one of the unlucky few who actually does get bad break outs, you can take medication to suppress them.' 'As of 2011, the life expectancy of someone who contracts HIV is 40 years from the day they contract it...80% of all HIV cases come from gay men or drug addicts who use dirty needles. as of 2013, we’re getting some very early accounts of people possibly being cured of the disease.' and you should use a condom anyway.

[jacquesvol]

ghonorrhea is becoming resistant to antibiotics Primary syphylis can easily be overlooked by a woman: once the primary sore is gone it goes to sleep, till secundary, which easily overlooked too, in both genders. Tertiary syphilis wrecks the brain completely. No fun thus.

[the_rake]

that is true about gonnorhea and resistance to antibiotics is quite a big problem in general. still, on your last point, women with an active sex life should check-up routinely. siphilis certainly should not be able to reach the tertiary stage with the modern developments we have in medicine.

[jacquesvol]

It should not reach the stage3 nightmare indeed but reading G@g in general and seeing stats about unwanted pregnancies I can only hope checks are done, not be certain. Every unwanted pregnancy is the result of taking the std risk. And BC doesn't protect from stds. That's an awful lot of risks token.

[the_rake]

it kind of amazes me how people talk about how risky promiscuity is. of course it's going to be risky if you don't use contraception. like I said in the original post, even in monogamous relationships, the partner can cheat or it can take a long time for certain STIs to show up after initial blood tests.

[jacquesvol]

@he_rake
Indeed, last time I read about it, HIV incubation (and thus probably earliest detection) was still 3 months.
I remember reading, gonorrhea burns after 2 days or so.
Syphilis : en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syphilis#Signs_and_symptoms
HPV doesn't give many symptoms.

[jacquesvol]

@the_rake

[VampireEmpress]

good take!!! Love it when people post things from different perspectives.

[Marinepilot]

These are definite things to consider.

[Grungeteen]

Yepp kids never have sex! Otherwise you'll get pregnant and die

[the_rake]

lol I wouldn't quite go to that extreme

[Grungeteen]

I wasn't being serious lol It's a quote from Mean Girls

[the_rake]

haha ok fair dos!

[Anonymous]

Just jack off to porn and you won't catch anything not even a cold.

[the_rake]

hah that may be true but I don't think it is a viable alternative for most people to having sex.

[Anonymous]

Beware of people with ultra high sex drives more than likely they have been around and have std's. Casual sex is like playing Russian roulette.

[samhradh_leannan]

Not necessarily. Having a high sex drive doesn't stop you from being responsible unless you choose to allow it to.

[the_rake]

'Casual sex is like playing Russian roulette.' I wouldn't go that far.

[Opinion Owner]

What is Russian roulette? It increases the odds of an undesirable outcome with each time. There is only a small chance the first time but that chance will approach 100% the more people you have sex with.

[Opinion Owner]

@samhradh_leannan Most people I knew with high sex drives were cheaters. Many were smart about it though and their partners never found out. I'm talking about extremely high sex drives.

[Anonymous]

If everyone waited until marriage to have sex, then there would barely be any STIs

[the_rake]

that's a good point.

[Anonymous]

Good rule of thumb: if you don't have sex of any kind, then you don't get STIs or unwanted pregnancies.

2nd rule of thumb: always tell the truth about your sexual history. Being afraid of shame is normal, but you must be willing to face your shame and realize your error. Admit you're wrong, and live on. That's just life.

[the_rake]

true to the first one although we can probably both agree that realistically, most people want to have sex of some kind in their liftetimes. on your second point, it's great when somebody is honest about their sexual history but it only takes a mistake with one person to get infected. like I said in the OP, even when you get tested, some STIs can take months to come through in results and sometimes your partner is unfaithful in the meantime.

[Opinion Owner]

That's why I resolve to find a life partner when I'm thirty and have an established career job. I also hope that my partner is not very sex-driven and has a similar lifestyle as I do. Some people say that "most people" lose their virginity in their teens and early twenties, but I think the stats are biased. My mother and father lived with their own parents while maintaining professional/skill-oriented/knowledge-based jobs, and in their country, casual dating and sex just didn't exist. Marriage was not just about a fleeting attraction, but a bond between two families, so parental consent was expected and sought for. Also, my parents are part of an older generation, so they tend to have a more realistic view of marriage, and they don't have over-idealistic expectations. I also believe mutual obligation and respect are much more valuable than attraction and pleasure.

[the_rake]

true: questionnaire are hardly a fool-proof method (although it doesn't really seem logical to lie on an anonymous questionnaire unless you are deeply insecure). as for these traditional arranged marriages versus the western system of promiscuity and optional marriage, I'm not sure which is preferable. on one hand you don't get to choose who your partner is. on the other hand, you can choose, but the system is far less naive and people may be hurt and disappointed by their partner's sexual history.

[Opinion Owner]

My grandparents never had total control on the marriage partner. My parents were free to choose, but their choice also involved taking into account of many things, like social status, education. My maternal grandparents were both college-educated, but my paternal grandparents were more rural and less educated. As far as I know, my dad's mom only received an elementary education. And my dad was the first in his family to be college-educated, so that might have been attractive to my mom's parents. My mom told me she put an ad in the newspaper, and she got a handful of suitors that way. I'm just saying that there is middle ground between total control and total personal freedom.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, I thought this was just common sense, but reading the other comments...

I don't understand why people would take off the condom too early, haha. No point in using it then.
I'm sure they're aware of that too.

[the_rake]

yep even stupid people believe in the effectiveness of the withdraw tactic haha. taking the condom off too early is some kind of chaotic reverse stupidity.

[Mekkalyn]

Like what was the point of putting it on in the first place? lol

[the_rake]

For a few reasons, mainly personal. For example I did not realise until recently that some STIs could still be transferred wearing a condom. Also personal experience with a girl that went down on me. She did not seem to care I was not wearing a condom for oral sex. Because I was too inexperienced I was afraid to stop her in case she might take offence and think I that. As a result of this my first sexual experience was negative and could not get hard. In fact I could theoretically have contracted herpes or HPV since these diseases sometimes take years to show up in the system and I was only ever tested for chlamydia and gonorrhea. 80% of the population has some form of herpes.

[the_rake]

* in case she might take offence and think that I thought she was infected.