Tried giving husband head while he was asleep but he didn't wake up, should I be mad?

Ok, I am a newly married and I wanted to have sex lastnight and my husband said no. He was tired. So, I tried to go to sleep but couldnt. So, I decided to try giving him head while he slept to see what he would do. Maybe it would change his mind and I really wanted to have some fun. But, he slept through it. I did it for about 30 mins. He even got hard. He even moaned but still snored and never woke up. I am so hurt by this and I feel rejected and he doesn't want me. Help!
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Most Helpful Guys

  • The first Anonymous User (guy) seems to have got it quite right, and deserves Best Answer status! I particularly agree with him on avoiding sex when one or both are tired, finding ways to cope with a sexual mismatch, and that rejections can be VERY frustrating.

    As for your husband, just curious to know -- how old is he? How long have you'll been having sex or in a relationship? Were one or both married earlier?

    I ask because it's far, far easier to get quickly charged or wake up easily when in your 20s, for a guy. Also, it's easier to get tired so badly in your 40s!

    Frankly, from your description, I wouldn't take it personal! As someone else commented, sounds like the was VERY TIRED. As you know, we guys do get "wet dreams" at times, when we dream of all kinds of sexual things, and can actually climax while in our sleep. (This happens when one has not had sex, nor masturbated for a long time.) Sometimes, it's very hard to distinguish between a wet dream and reality!

    Since I have sex or masturbate pretty regularly, I've hardly had any wet dreams. But when I did get them, it was like the real thing! I guess your hubby could easily have imagined that he was just dream, while you were really stimulating him.

    Strangely, in my case, whenever I'm having an erotic dream, it's always my partner (99% of the time) whom I'm dreaming of. So, it's really hard to distinguish between dream and reality, sleep and wakefulness. It's only that you get up with a oh-it's-only-a-dream feeling.

    Don't let anyone plant suspicion in your mind that your husband is "selfish". We really don't know the facts, how tired he was, etc, etc. A mismatch in a sex drive though can be really a problem. If that's the case, just try to work to sort it.

    As hinted by someone, try morning sex. Both tend to be far more fresh at that time, provided you have the time, and are not in a hurry. I do know that sometimes sex can be the best sleeping pill. I'm relaxed after a good bout of sex. But then, we can't always get it when we want -- or when insomnia becokns. In which case, I think going solo is the best solution for me...

  • Over many years, I've learnt two things (i) don't even try to have sex when one or both parties are tired -- you could end in a major scrap (ii) don't expect things to work every time.

    You shouldn't be angry with yourself or him. Perhaps he was simply too tired. Maybe he thought he was dreaming! A guy getting hard can be quite an involuntary thing, which he is not quite in control of.

    When we were newly married, there were times when I was so tired that I virtually did sex sleep-walking! I didn't enjoy it, but didn't feel confident enough to say so then! So please be considerate...

    The thing you need to watch out for is if one party in the relationship / marriage has an unmatched sex drive. That can leave you pretty frustrated. It did to me. And took me a lot of time to realize how to ask for sex in a way (and at a time) I didn't get a 'no'. Hint: mornings, rather than nights.

    Also, feeling rejected can only make you feel more disappointed. If you accept that a mismatched sex-drive can be a reality among many couples, then you will find ways to minimise its impact. I did.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Curious, what was the color of your tongue after a 30 minute blowjob?

    • She was hoping it would be frosty white, but as it turns out, it sounds like it was pretty red to me.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • This has nothing to do with him not wanting you. If he didn't want you he wouldn't have married you. When guys are ready for bed that's it. We don't wanna talk or play or have sex. When we fall asleep we aren't waking up till the alarm goes off. I guess my ex gave me a bj while I was asleep one time too and I even came apparently but never woke up. He was probably dreaming about something sexual so the feeling he was getting from the bj didn't wake him up because he thought it was part of the dream. Don't be offended by this. If the same situation happens again then climb on top of him and have fun. Even if he wakes up I doubt that he would be mad at the sight of you riding him

    • ^Lol. This answer rules.

  • So he told you *at the very beginning* that he would rather sleep than have sex, and you're upset that when you blew him, he slept?

    He is not a sex toy. He's not required to want what you want, when you want it--no one is--and unless you understand this VERY soon, this could end up a short marriage.

    • thanks I guess your right...it was my fault! never looked at it that way.

  • It sounds like he really, really was tired.

  • He was asleep!

  • Try setting your alarm for 30 minutes before he gets up. Give him head then. Since he has slept through the night he should wake up to what you're doing. Be warned at the possibility he might wake as he is cumming and might not return the favor. You could also ask him when the best time is for having sex. If all else fails, get some toys.

  • Talk about a heavy sleeper :$

  • sometimes I feel tired and I want no sex really... but sometimes my wife gives me headjob, handjob and I enjoy it all the while I am sleeping / pretend to sleep...

    this is not to worry about... or nothing like you should feel rejected...

    you should try again in mid of the night when he had a sleep of 2~3 hours

  • Lol! I guess he must have been really tired

  • he was sleeping how are you supposed to be mad at him he probably doesn't even remember. He was tired don't you respect that? It's not like he must have sex with you every time you want if he doesn't enjoy it because he's too tired :)

    • I understand but he does me this way all the time...When he wants it he wakes me up and I give in . He also gets mad at me if I tell him no! So kinda of confused now. Just wanted to clearify

    • ahh well then he's selfish and you would also be selfish if you got mad, maybe you should both discuss when it's okay to say no. Unless of course you both agree that it's like 'rights of the husband' but also 'rights of the wife' just the same. I'd never really consider such a thing before, but I guess it could be done that way :)