Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health This isn't supposed to be a rant and I hope it doesn't read like one. It's more like me thinking out loud. See I've been hooked on this site since I found it and I've noticed a lot of questions and answers regarding virginity and/or sluttiness which is something that's always bothered me. Not so much the words but the concepts behind them. I just think they're archaic remnants of a culture obsessed with purity and Victorian morals in a more enlightened age.
For starters, I don't see anything useful in making the distinction between virgins and non-virgins. Sure sex can be a big step in your life but so is getting your driver's license, graduating school and owning your first home but we don't attribute any special significance to those. I think the concept of virginity doesn't really have a place in modern society. All it really does in practice is to stigmatize people based on their sexual experience. For a guy being a virgin past a certain age can be a source of ridicule. For a woman not being a virgin can lead to alienation as well.
The whole concept of virginity seems to suggest something is taken away or even stolen. But what is really lost? You're still the same person you always were. Whether you've had sex or not doesn't make you less or more of a person. And while some decide to save themselves for the right person in order to make it special (as is their right if they so choose), the very idea of virginity suggests the viewing of sex as a commodity, as something to be used for barter, something finite. Instead of an expression of love it becomes something that should not be "given up" to someone. If the first didn't mean anything or it was bad it can still be just as special in the future. Sex isn't a tangible object and it makes no sense to allude to it as such. Virginity looks at sex through the wrong end of the telescope. It's a negative way of viewing a positive thing.
Now "slut" is a concept I like even less. It's a fun word though and I admit to saying it a lot, just with inanimate objects instead of people. It's derogatory to women but if my computer starts giving me error messages it's "slutty". But the concept needs to go.
I have a very liberal attitude towards female sexuality. It's beautiful in the same way art or music is to me. I'm not personally bothered at all at the thought of female "promiscuity" and I have no loss of respect for women who have had many previous sexual partners. I want a women who knows what she likes and is confident and unashamed of her sexuality, I respect that. I don't care if she's slept with other people, I care if she can hold faithfully to a relationship with me.
I feel like I'm missing something here because unlike most men a woman's sexual history doesn't matter that much to me. Women are sexual creatures just like us and I acknowledge and love it. They have wants and needs and desires not unlike ours. Labeling women serves only to shame them. It causes them to repress their emotions and that's just not healthy. In fact it's almost oppressive in my eyes.
Am I the only one who thinks it's very sad that some women go their whole lives without having one orgasm or even feeling any sexual pleasure at all? While humankind is able explore the bottom of the sea or the surface of the moon we have yet scientifically pinpoint the causes of female desire and attraction.
I just don't understand this sexual double standard we seem to have as men. We're almost expected to have an insatiable sexual appetite and we pride ourselves in our sexual conquests. And of course we all want that girl who is willing to do ANYTHING in bed, and do it well. A virgin with the skills of a porn star. Yet the thought of women behaving as we do and unleashing their sexuality disgusts us? For us a notch on the bedpost is a badge of honour but for women it's a humiliating stain on her reputation? I just don't understand that mentality.
There still exist in the world cultures where "honour killings" take place. I read a news story of one woman who was murdered by members of her own family so as not to besmirch the family's good name. She was found in a shallow grave in the garden buried alive. Her crime? She was caught talking to boys.
Now while that is far, far more extreme then the North American culture I live in, my point is that it has it's roots in the same place. In a narrow and possessive view of women's sexuality. In the name of an unfair and irrational notion of purity which comes from the view that sex is something that is dirty and dishonorable. Our fear of female sexual expression is relic of past repression that has no place in the 21st century. We've come so far as a society, why not lose this concept and encourage women to be themselves.
While I'm at a stage of life where having kids is not on the agenda, if I ever do I have children I want to make sure they grow up with a healthy perception of sex. That it's a natural and wholesome thing that's an innate part of us and to attach shame to it is wrong.
For me it was an area that caused a great deal of confusion and guilt when I was growing up as a Catholic and I wouldn't do that to someone else. When I left the religion it was a liberating feeling and it really made me feel better about myself.
I'm not trying to push any set of religious beliefs on anyone but I just want to people, girls in particular to have that same sense of freedom and to be able to put aside the embarrassment and shame and learn to love their bodies. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that women in our society are unfairly held to a more prudish standard than men. I think they should be encouraged to explore ,experience and play without interference just like boys (in a safe manner of course).
I think women have the right not to be kept in the dark about their anatomy and things like birth control. And they ought to be able to pursue casual sex or FWB relationships if they choose to without fear of being labeled a slut. I truly believe that sex is what we make of it and while it definitely can be the ultimate expression of mutual, monogamous love I also think it can be viewed and enjoyed as a good thing purely in and of itself. Men enjoy it as such all the time and perhaps women would too if they weren't afraid of being labeled.
+1 y
Virginity and Slutiness - Two Concepts I Can Live Without.
sa230e Guru
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What Girls & Guys Said
22 26This article was amazing! If only more people thought like you! I have a guy friend who will sleep with any girl he can get, just to get his number up, and yet he's constantly calling girls sluts for having slept with a few different guys. The double standard really annoys me, I mean some people need to get a grip and realize which century were living in. Haha reaally good article though! :)
I love your article. There is absolutely nothing wrong with women being sexual and being aware of all sexual things. It can be and is a very beautiful thing between a man and woman. Women should be allowed to express themselves with the person they feel attracted to. We spend too much time in this world putting words, labels on people and situations. Who we are, how we love should be up to the person or person involved.
Ah nice article! Couldn't agree more ^_^
The whole need for women to be "pure" or whatever is just dumb crap to be honest
When was young virginity mattered to me because sex is a big deal. My first time was going to be with someone special and she and I were going to get to explore sex together. It was something really special. I was a virgin and certainly didn't want to miss sharing that with someone who meant a great deal to me. I'm still skeptical about promiscuity. It makes me wonder if the persons idea of sex is rovers idea of sex and not a human one involving affection.
"it's very sad that some women go their whole lives without having one orgasm or even feeling any sexual pleasure at all?" My response to that is this:https://www.nydailynews.com/money/2009/05/12/2009-05-12_intelligent_women_have_better_sex.html
How is it that you still have respect for a woman that has had many one night stands with random guys? "I want a women who knows what she likes and is confident and unashamed of her sexuality". I also want that however, I just don't want a woman that has many one-night-stands with random guys. I don't care if she's had many boyfriends in the past or had a long-term FWB.
Thank you, hearing this from a man, if only there were more men/women open minded like this!
Aww...he's like a feminist for women. lol That's a really good article. Thanks for writing this, its really helped me. :)
I barely made it through ur first paragraph. "Enlightened age?" Are you retarded? You mean a society swarming with single mothers, std's, etc? Yea definitely, we're so far beyond those backwards victorians. lol.
You liberal idiots have really taken this whole BS too far. I wonder if you even believe this sh*t?
I'm about tired of slutty people trying to redefine our cultural norms when it comes to sex.
OOPS, damn dmartphone , the writer of course !
I agree with the arguments of QA.
Really great article, refreshing views!
there is to sides to the same coin in this, yes certain things no longer have a place in modern society, but that goes for the same with relationships and family structure. Those things to have little place in modern society, so its more about what kind of life you want to have more then anything.
*sigh* And society moves one step closer to becoming the setting of Brave New World.
I think women should be able to have any kind of relationship with whomever they choose without being ridiculed for it. However, I find the idea of saving sex for marriage to be incredibly romantic. If you're both virgins, you both start out fresh. You both have a lot to learn. It's like setting out on an adventure together. Just the two of you... I hope my future wife is a virgin, because I will be.
I think you've got a few things backwards. Last I checked, the biggest slut shamers of women are actually other women. Most guys couldn't care less. That's a double standard that's just a media stereotype, it's not actually an accurate description of how men think. And men have double standards placed upon them too. We're told to pride ourselves on sexual conquests and numbers, and at the same time told we're supposed to be loving gentlemen who only date one woman at a time.
I really enjoyed this. Thanks.
well said, if only more people thought like you!