Virginity = Good

In the short time that I have been on this site, I have seen a lot of girls worrying about being virgins and not being sure how to break it to their boyfriend, as if it was some kind of a bad thing. Well, let me reassure you:

Virginity makes you more attractive, not less attractive.

Of course, there are always exceptions. Older guys -- and I am *not* talking about 24 here, I'm talking 40+ -- might not be interested in teaching a younger girl anymore and might want a more experienced partner who knows her way around in bed. But I promise, a guy who would find virginity a turnoff is an extremely rare find, and you should just not worry about that happening.

By and large, nine out of ten guys you date are probably going to be thrilled if they find out you're a virgin. So stop worrying about it already, and feel free to instead use it as surprise present or something. When you're cuddled up with your guy, snug for warmth, maybe getting a little hot and heavy, just lean close and whisper in his ear that you've never done it before, and just see for yourselves if the corners of his mouth don't turn up a little in a smile.

In fact, some religions promise their faithful 72 virgins when they get to paradise. (That's actually a simplification of a complex issue, but bear with me here.) I think that well illustrates that throughout world history, virginity has been a carrot for humans, rather than the stick.

Now, why do guys like virgins? For some guys, it's real easy: they get "man points" from popping a cherry and brag about it to their friends and carve a notch in their bedposts. This is the worst motivation of them all. Another is that you're much less likely to have any STDs (not guaranteed though, as even virgins can get HIV infections from drug needles, among other things) and there are some people who are very health-conscious and for whom it might be a minus if their partner has had a lot of past experiences, particularly if they've been unprotected ones. But I'd say this is probably one reason that most people don't think about very often so we might skim over that one.

So we've had one bad reason, and one that probably doesn't occur to most people at the time. But what about all the rest? Why do the rest of guys like virgins?

The remaining big reason, I would say, is that it really shows a guy that you appreciate them. If you haven't put out for any guy you've ever known before, and are ready to do it for him, then that shows just how much you like him, in a very real, tangible way. That he's more important to you than any guy you've ever known. The guy gets a very very strong reassurance that he actually means something to you and isn't just some random guy among dozens. If you've managed to save up your virginity for the right guy, you probably won't *ever* have to do any convincing that you love him -- he'll *know* in a very real way.

We've all seen the movies and read the stories where the characters are all, "Oh, I've never felt like this about a guy in my whole life". Well, talk is easy. Lots of people say that even if you're their fifth or sixth or even number sixty to them. Being a virgin is like saying that *and having proof* that you mean it. Having proof that the guy really *is* very special to you. So of course, they're going to feel terribly flattered and reassured that you like them more than anybody. So in effect, virginity -- or rather, being willing to part with it for someone -- is the ultimate compliment to that person.

The trick, however, is making sure that -- if you want your first time to be with somebody who'll last -- you'll find somebody of that latter type. Somebody who will take it as a compliment. Rather than the first type I described higher up -- the guys who hunt for virgins for their cherry-popping scorecard. To the first type, once they've gotten your virginity, they'll be off to the next virgin (and you obviously won't be that one anymore) so they can keep increasing their "man points". But the third type -- the complimented -- they're the guy who's gonna really like you and stick with you. It's up to you which type you want to lose it to.

Unfortunately, sometimes it can be tough to tell the difference between the two. The guy who wants to pop you just for your virginity and has no interest in you beyond that -- and the guy who likes *you* as a person and who only takes your virginity as a bonus on top of everything else he already likes about you. To both, your virginity will be great -- so again, don't worry about it being a negative thing -- but how do you tell the difference between the two?

Waiting is one way. Taking your time before doing it. The guys who are interested in scoring points often measure themselves against other guys in a race, and if a girl takes too long to warm up, they'll move on to the next target. If you give it up in under a month, you'll be a prime target for these kinds of guys.

Big talk is another way. If you let guys believe that you're already experienced, then cherry-hunters might move on to the next target. I'm not saying straight out lying about your experience, but there are ways to create the illusion of being experienced without actually confirming anything. (But getting deeper into that is beyond the scope of this article.) So that could help screen out the guys who are only pursuing virginities, and just leave the guys who are more interested in you for your sake rather than for a bit of membrane between your legs. And like I said before, even those guys who are interested in you for your sake are very unlikely to be disappointed when you later privately fess up and admit to them that you're not as experienced as you've let people believe.

If Big Talk is the strategy you pick, though, be careful not to overdo it because there's the risk of seeming promiscuous if you seem *too* experienced, and that will again attract the guys who are only interested in sex. So it's a bit of a tightrope-walk between not seeming like a virgin, and not seeming like a girl who'll put out easily to anyone.

In any case, if there's anything I want you to take home from this here wall of text, it's that you girls really need to stop thinking of virginity as a negative thing. Most guys will like it. Really they will. Just try to find the guys who like you *first* as a person and the virginity as a bonus. And not the guys who will like you *only* for your virginity and then drop you after they've gotten it.
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Virginity just means a person either doesn't want to or hasn't had the opportunity to enjoy sex. It's as simple as that. For some, the only worthwhile opportunity will be with someone they love, and that's fine.
    If they think they get bonus points by refusing someone they love, it doesn't work. They're just telling that person "I don't find you physically attractive, and I can reject you".
    Mistranslations of the Bible led people to believe that premarital sex was immoral.

Most Helpful Girl

  • As far as dignity and self respect if course these things are immensely important. The idea you can reduce your dignity to a two inch hole is laughable and the opposite of self respect and dignity

    • lol it's not about the hole, it's about the sexual activity and the submission of intimate feelings and love to someone else other than your husband

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What Girls & Guys Said

24 14
  • uality is a God given power--She didn't give it to us so we could use and abuse people! Also, if someone cares about you, they don't care about virginity, just being with you is all that matters.

  • While some things you make a good point on, depending on your age, everyone is going to assume you've had sex or at least gotten naked with at least one person unless you say so otherwise. And from what I can tell, the "conquistador" guys don't care about virginity--they just care about how many "conquests" they have and making an even bigger slut of themselves, which is an abuse of power.

  • All one can really say is.. "it takes one to know one".. and there's a very good reason you'd tapped into the POV of a "cherry-hunter"..

    But "by and large", nine times out of ten.. no guy.. no matter what age.. wants to bother with a virgin..

  • Sure is 1950s in here.

  • soon as I looked into his eyes, something clicked and my mind, heart, and body all screamed in unison "he's the one!" so a week later after I broke up with my boyfriend I started seeing that guy. we'd hung out during that last week as friends. and if I hadn't been on my period I would have given it up that night. when we did do it, I was so happy. and even though we only lasted about 6 months I never regretted that decision.

  • while I agree this article is good overall, some things stand out on the otherside. if you are all hot and heavy with a guy and say to him you've never done it before, he might take it to mean you want it right now. instead, tell him when he's not horny. and from personal experience: I had the mindset that I would wait until I had been with a guy a while and knew him well blah blah blah. but what ended up happening is I was in a failing relationship, met another guy through a friend, and as

  • If the guys who value virginity in women and they are having sex themselves then they are delusional.

    Do the math if you're having sex with OMB they are having sex with guys and are not going to be virgins bc you tucked them moron

    I think the hymen should be removed when the make onus is circumcised that way women can avoid a great deal of pain during first sex and there'd be nothing fir anyone to discuss. Virginity would basically not exist bc you'd already be open big tucking deal

  • wow! this a really good article! I agree with what @maryyyyy said: You have convinced me to stay a virgin. Thank you!

  • Most guys like virgin girls. Virginity means purity. It means you're likely STD free and you have this innocence about you. It's a very attractive thing. Be happy you're a virgin. I know I'm not looking to sleep with a woman who's slept with 50 different guys. To me, her vagina is just a Petri dish of disgusting

  • Thanks for writing this much-needed article!

  • Thank you. Ya I know only 2 words so lame but seriously. Thank you. Youve cleared a lot up 4 me. Can I marry u? please? :)

  • I think this is a great article. You have people on here who are just being pessimistic, but ignore them. This is gray! Virginity is definitely a good thing, I don't know why all these prior are in such a rush to lose it. So quick to believe the hype.

  • You I'm a rare find and I'm 24. I really don't need a girl complaining about pain when she pees after having sex with me If I can avoid it. The guys that like virginity are those creepy rich guys who pay millions of dollars to take a girls virginity, so if your a virgin and of legal age, why not sell it? If I was a girl that's what I'd do.

  • Virginity is good. Any body saying to the opposite is just weird lol.

  • To all those women out there who are worried about still being virgins... I had plenty of offers, but waited until I was 27. I'm glad I waited! Additional bonus was I got to honestly say I was a virgin school teacher to a number of guys and that was apparently mega hot! :-D

    • Ouch... 27 lol damn you started late. I felt behind at 16 yes even 16 seems late to me already!!!

  • So the guy who thinks virginity is good is clearly obsessed with sex ironically.

    Why does virginity have inherent good or bad? That's stupid and this article is stupid

  • Don't place your self-respect between your legs. Period. That will end in disaster.

  • virginity sucks, i'd not want to mess with a virgin

  • this is awesome. thank you :)

  • Very good article that needed to be written. It's amazing that somehow the media/internet/horny guys managed to convince young girls that there's something shameful about being a virgin. Just a few years back girls were proud to declare their virginity and men DEMANDED to marry a virgin. Whatever a woman's choice, never have sex just because you think not doing so will mar you with some stain of societal disapproval. Virgin girls are very attractive to men.

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