Sexual Health
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Virginity issues, should I lose it to a random person?

OK here's the story. I'm almost 22 years old and I have never had sex in my life. My family expects me to stay a virgin until marriage, but the thing is I don't want to save it for marriage. I don't want to do it with a random person either, but waiting for the ''right person'' can take me for ever. I haven't been lucky in love so far, and there aren't many guys that sparkle my interest so waiting for Mr Right can really take a long long time and as you can understand I want to get rid of my virginity. Many guys don't expect me being a virgin so whenever they hear that I am one they probably think that there is something wrong with me, because even 15 year old girls lose their virginity. So, if anyone gave up their virginity to a random person and didn't regret it please share your story. I need your advice. Also, I don't worry about getting ''attached '' to someone, like I said I don't fall in love very easily. I can get attached only to the person that I already liked from the start.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Hey there I just recently lost my virginity and wanted to see if I could help you sort your feelings out. The most important thing is finding the right person. Not necessarily a boyfriend but someone who will take care of you and help you enjoy it. I'd say if you're comfortable, attracted to him, and he treats you with respect and consideration go ahead with it. I know waiting sucks but if you just "get rid" of it your first time might be a horrible, awkward experience.

    I can't stress enough how important it is that your first takes his time and goes gently (my first went slow and I still spotted and felt sore for days after). A random guy will probably not take the time to go slow and will most likely not be focused on your needs.

    My personal experience was actually a positive one. Me and my first went out a few times and after about a month I finally confessed I was a virgin. We fooled around a little after that but he suggested we wait. When it finally did happen it was so good because I was comfortable and he treated me gently. We still see each other and he continues to expand my sexual world. If it's taking too long maybe join an online dating site (where I met my first) or ask friends to hook you up. I hope this helps at least a little. Good luck!

    • Thank you for your answer I will keep it in mind! I'm glad it was a pleasant experience for you, I hope it will be for me as well :)

  • Who gives a sh*t what others think about you, they are the weird ones for thinking there is a normal age for being or not being a virgin. Just like everyone has different finger prints everyone has different times for when they are ready.

    In my opinion you should wait until you are with someone you at least like and are comfortable with.

    But I get your pain, being an extremely hormonal teenage girl with a yearning for intimacy the thought of just giving it away crosses my mind form time to time. But then I think to myself will I die if I don't lose my virginity yet? Naw, I can wait a while longer.

    As a picky girl I don't want any schmuck off the street who may not have an inkling of what they are doing poking me and hurting me, and thus ruining my first time. Besides they mat have the bad kind of cooties.

    I want someone I know and am actually attracted to, the first time is never guaranteed to be the best but it's better if you share it with someone you really like.

    You are still very young, do not worry I doubt you will be a virgin forever.

    • Thank you for the advice, sweety :) It takes a strong person to be able to put everything aside and do what's ''right''. I'm just feeling the pressure at the moment.

  • I wouldn't recommend doing this but it's your decision. I say this because I had gotten to that point where I thought I would never meet "the right guy" to lose it to. I was the only virgin left of my friends, and I also knew I had super high standards regarding who I'd lose it to that expected no guy in the near future could meet them.

    Fortunately for me, I was very wrong. And a few months after I had seriously considered sleeping with an ex I knew was wrong for me just to get it over with, I met "the right guy." I didn't know if we'd be together forever, or even a long time, but I knew without a doubt he was the guy I was supposed to lose it to. And I still believe that now even though we are no longer together but still very close. Best decision I ever made. I haven't met a guy since that would've been a better pick either. I was so ready to have sex and was so sick of waiting, but it was the best decision I could've made.

    • I'm very glad it worked out for you! Wish the same can happen to me ... anyway thanks a lot for your reply, I appreciate it :)

Most Helpful Guys

  • Hate to say it, but I agree with the wisdom of your parents!

    Boys are horny creatures that tend to lose their ability to make rational decisions when blood is flowing to their penis.

    At LEAST this is their excuse for having sex with whoever they please, and not waiting until marriage.

    Note that not all boys accept this excuse. I certainly don't. I've remained a virgin and plan to stay that way for marriage, and I'm also older than you. I've accepted that it may take a while for me to find the "right person" and at this point, that's more a priority for me than losing my virginity. Screw the moment. I want something that will last!

    But the excuse you're giving for wanting to give up your virginity makes no sense to me at all. You are essentially saying you want to give it up because of peer pressure! Who cares if there are girls giving it up at 15? It's stupid for them to give in to peer pressure, and it's just as stupid for a 22 year old to give in to peer pressure.

    Now if it was a physical thing, driving you crazy, then I can sympathize with that. But not peer pressure. You shouldn't give it up just because all your friends did so and you don't want to miss out.

  • It should occur to you soon that there's someone between Mr. Right and Mr. Random, namely, Mr. Good-Enough.

    Mr. Right may never show, or, he could be five, or ten, or twenty years out. Hell of a dry spell.

    Mr. Random, may not be a good lay, may not like you (or women), may be generally bad at everything. That's random--you get what you get.

    Mr. Good-Enough will be around for a night, or a month, but probably not the rest of your life, or the rest of the year. He probably won't meet your parents, or even your friends, but he's nice to you, he'll answer your phone calls, and generally won't be a jerk. Is he better than a night alone? Your call.

    • Your answer is very practical, I like it! Mr Good enough sounds like a great option, because I'm not willing to introduce anyone to my family unless I know it's the real deal (serious boyfriend). Do you think I should be honest about what I want when I meet Mr Good Enough? Should I tell him that I want it to be with no strings attached? Do you think he would be okay with it?

    • "Your answer is very practical" The first rule of my sex life: it must work. "Do you think I should be honest about what I want when I meet Mr Good Enough?" Honesty, best policy, etc., etc. Saves you from unwinding a lie later. "Should I tell him that I want it to be with no strings attached?" In life generally, tell him what you want. Otherwise, you force him to guess.

    • "Do you think he would be okay with it?" Easiest to keep looking until someone is; better to have someone who's happy with you, then someone trying to whip themselves into happiness--it's usually a wasted effort. Good luck!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • erm I had the same thougths as you, not a random person but I don't fall in love easily, but I'm not 22 but yeah I lost it to a good friend of mine, maybe you could ask a good friend ? I always wanted to loose my v to a friend because my boyfriends never last long and I always end up hating them but I've never ended up hating one of my mates soo

    • I've never thought about losing it to any of my friends, because I don't want things to be awkward between us afterward. There is a friend of mine who likes me more than just a friend, it's that I'm a bit shy when it comes to these things ... I don't feel the same for him ...if he was OK with just having sex, no strings attached it wouldn't have been a bad option.

    • well I did it with a freind who had no feelings for me it wasn't the slightest awkward

  • Sounds like you have made up your mind, but honestly, if you stayed a virgin, the guy you do end up in a relationship with, will take this as a massiv compliment to him, and would probably trasure you, but its your choice,x

    • I know, but the clock is ticking , I waited so long and my love is still not around.

    • To land the worthy one, can take patience, but surely he is worth it if he ends up a desire, I bid you good luck anyway,x

    • Thank you! :P

  • I gave up my v-card to a random guy I didn't even tell him I was a virgin. cause 1 I didn't want to rember giving it to some guy I really loved and then hate him for it. 2 I didn't want to have to wait for the right moment 3 didn't want to have that akaward talk with my boyfriend about it . 4 I hate putting emotions into sex I just wanna have pleasure. If you want it to be special then id say do it with somone you love but if you don't want emotions in it then hook up with a random person. THINK ABOUT IT FOR A LONG TIME. don't just do it think about it cause you can regret it .

    • Thank you very much for your advice, I appreciate it! I will think about it, because I understand it's not an easy step to take.

  • Whatever you do, have some self respect and care and wait for someone who likes you. It's worth the wait. You're being naive thinking that you need to lose your virginity asap. Maybe you just find that your life is not exciting anymore...I lost it to someone random and regret it each day. Lose it to someone you don't want to forget.

    • Thank you for your advice! I'll try ... it's hard. I'm getting older each year and missing something in my life. If I lose my virginity I can at least get on with it, become sexually active and when I meet my prince charming lol everything will be settled. But If I wait for the right person he can be here tomorrow, he can be here next month or in 10 years or maybe never.

    • That's definitely how I felt at the time I was thinking about losing my virginity. And you could find Mr. Right, only to have it all fall apart 6 months later - or sooner. I know that I wish I had asked one of my older sisters for advice about it, but that prob would have been pretty uncomfortable. Just do it when you're ready then, but not because you have this notion of scarcity in your head. Sex doesn't have to be a rush.

  • NO ! First of all ... there's no rush to lose your virginity. Ok, so you don't necessarily wanna wait til marriage..that's ok...BUT...comma...at LEAST...find a guy who's going to respect you and not just want to put another notch in his "joe macho studnuts" belt. You don't necessarily have to be in love with him...although it WOULD enhance the experience...but the bottom line Hon...is don't be in such a heated rush. That's how mistakes are made. Hope that helps.

    • I would love to find someone special and share this experience with him, but it's not that easy :( I found the right person for me but it didn't work out. I'm losing hope here ... I don't fall in love very easily, this can take me years :(

    • Sweetie don't lose hope. Just don't hop in bed with the first male that you see. As usual, Stubbsy is right on the nose. Get out to social events and it'll happen with the right guy. Patience.

    • Okay, I'll try to be patient ... Thank you :)

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  • Virginity comes ones, so to speak. And you can never get it back.

    Take it from me, make it worthwhile with someone you care about - and who cares about you.

    I was so heartbroken when, after I lost my virginity to a woman... um... February 23, 1991 at approximately 7:25 pm EST :-) she wanted nothing more to do with me and ran off with another woman. I really wish at that point I could have taken it all back. But no.

    Don't regret your actions. Make the moment count.

    • What if I don't come across the one I really care about? Should I stay a virgin till I'm 40? Life is cruel on some people. If I lose my virginity to someone I just like physically it won't hurt me afterward if he leaves me or if he doesn't call me because I simply wouldn't give a damn. Thank you for your reply btw!

  • You should honor your promises. Nowadays its a rare thing to keep a promise. It also shows you have courage to stick to your convictions. Your only 22 year old. Don't get married until your 25yo. You go through a lot of changes during this time. Stick to having fun with your girlfriends, date a few guys, but wait.

    I dated a virgin who was saving herself. We were both 17yo. After 6yrs she left me and got married 2 years later, then got divorced 2yrs later. She admitted years later she rushed into marriage for all the wrong reasons.

    • I'm not rushing into marriage, I just want to get rid of my virginity :P Because I feel that I'm missing something in my life.

  • I don't think guys would think there is something wrong a girl who is a virgin. I don't understand why you feel you have to get rid of it so fast. I mean you don't have to wait for marriage or "Mr. Right" but you should find someone who at least respects you.

    • I know, I know ... everybody around me is not a virgin, my friends all have boyfriends. I just feel left out.

  • regret loosing mine to a slut, specially when I was used to make her ex boyfriend jealous, then I went on vacation got back found out she banged her ex and his buddy

    • Oh that's too bad :S Forgive me if I sound ignorant, but I thought losing virginity didn't mean much to guys. I guess I was wrong.

    • well most guys don't really care but I could be wrong

  • alright yes I'm only 17 but lose it to someone you care about I did and yea we broke up but I was in love with him. don't do it with some random guy on a drunk dare that's not fun. you wake up feeling worthless the next morning. it's not fun. if you can't find that someone untill you're married to him then so be it.

    • Thanks for the advice :)

  • Do whatever you want.

    • Thank you for the reply :)

  • You reLly should wait there is a great article on why its good to wait on this site if you got to articles at the top of the page and look under sexuality its there somewhere, I'm not really good with words but that guys is and he doea a great job with the topic

    • Thank you for your reply :) I'm just afraid that I will see my youth pass me by without experiencing love/sex.

    • and what's wrong with that, do you want to be a care free youth that can potentially mess up their chances to be with the love of their life in the future, contrary to popular belief, most people no longer get married, and men do value a womens virginity when it comes to that long term commitment. you got to ask yourself, do you want to be a modern women, because modern women get modern relationships and modern families which is friends with benefits and being a single mom, or do you want to be a little old school

    • Oh trust me I am very oldschool, to the point that I feel that I don't belong in this society. I have a difficult time liking guys because most of them are not what I'm searching for. I have a strong preference for traditional guys but can't find any and as you see I'm losing hope. My friends all have boyfriends, they seem much more happier than I am. I am haunted by the thoughts of me becoming a 40 year old virgin. It sounds silly I know, but I just can't help it.

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  • No! Absolutely not! You don't know what deceased they could have!

  • Idk if you already lost it but I think it should be to someone meaningful that way when you look back at it you won't regret

  • I meet a girl that took my breath away just hearing her voice. I even cried. Everytime she said something I wanted deep down to marry her. Everytime! And she was feeling the same about me. Blew me away. I'm not a virgin but I can without a question say I felt a question if it was meant to be every moment. I wish I was a virgin. But what I did do is tell myself and her in a letter I'm saving myself for someone special that if I was involved with anther I would never meet. And I was right I said no to many that wanted me to pay attention and didn't and found her! Every action has a reaction that can change your life . Sex is just that. A virgin is a gem! No ones one. Virgins don't have bagadge. Ask guys how they see them before thinking somethings wrong. I know I wouldn't worry about a virgin cheating. Love is love to a guy who loves you and wants to take you forever...

    • Uhm, virgins can cheat

  • 12 months ago I was you except only about to turn 20 and wondering the same thing. I had never so much as had a date let alone anything else, now I'm 8 months into an amazing relationship. Just try to put it aside, that's what I did I was thinking god, I'm turning 20 and never been kissed, then I thought, forget it and have a great time and I did, I had an amazing night with friends and met my now boyfriend that night.

    What I'm trying to say is don't give up so soon wait and just enjoy yourself and it will happen, and yes I do know how annoying this advice is because I had heard it myself and thought, what crap advice is that, but it turns out it works, as soon as you stop stressing it will happen.

    • No your advice is defnitely not crap! I appreciate it a lot ... it's just that I've been saying this to myself all the time, waiting for the right guy. I fell in love with someone but it didn't work out :( I kinda lost hope there ...

  • dont worry about what others think. do whatever will make you happy. Parents always expect you to be somethign they didn't even honor when they were your age so don't listen to them. like mine they say oh save it for love and blah blah but when they were young my dad went into my moms room when they were teens late at night through the window. so yeah. parents are people to talk about waiting to have sex

    • If my parents were okay with it, I wouldn't be dealing with all the drama -_- ... now I have to be all secretive about it. Thank you for your advice!

    • think about it when are parents ever OK with anything? lol thinking everything is out to get us all paranoid.

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