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What are the pros and cons of being a surrogate mother?

I'm 18 in 2 months, my sister and her husband have just found out they can't have children. My sister asked me and my older sister if we would be a surrogate mother for them, my older sister said no because she couldn't give up a baby. I said yes (once I turn 18). What are the pros and cons? I want to do this because my sister would make a fantastic mother and I'm still young so I don't want children myself yet (my older sister has children so it would be harder for her to give the baby up). But I'm scared of giving birth. My sister and her husband are so grateful, my sister cried and said it means so much to her.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • -Getting pregnant is a first point

    -Being pregnant for 9 months a second point

    -Giving birth a third

    -Giving up the baby a fourth

    Each is emotionally important.

    Specially giving up the baby after 9 months of pregnancy risks to be hard, very hard.

    Moreover, you will also then be the mother of your own nephew, isn't it?

    Living through that kind of situation/experience and not being destabilized by it can ask for a degree of maturity most people don't have at your age.

    [my older sister has children so it would be harder for her to give the baby up]

    I'm not quite sure I understand her reasoning why it would be LESS hard for you.

    IMHO it sounds as if there is a bit of emotional pressure put on you.

    Your sister and her husband can adopt a baby and educate it:

    There's really much more (rewarding!) work and importance in education than in conceiving/bearing and giving birth.

    IMHO the REAL father and mother of a child are the ones who educate it, raise it, NOT the ones which furnished an egg and some sperm.

    • If you want my opinion in short: Don't do it!!

  • You should really discuss this with the older fertile sister. It is a shame to ruin your body at such a young age. I won't address the emotional issues but I would think your older sister would be in a better position to deal with those also. Your first pregnancy is usually devastating to your body. You should really be aware of how things will change for you before you commit to this.

    Also, how are you contemplating getting pregnant? Invitro and implanting are very expensive procedures. Having sex with your brother in law is free, but may come with some devastating emotional baggage. You, your sister and her husband, may have a lot of trouble with doing it the inexpensive way.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Apparently I'm in the minority here, but dear God, you are a good person! I can't say I would do the same for my sisters (thankfully not a problem!), so kudos honey. You have a good heart. If more of us were like you, I think the world would be a better place.

    Now. Like everyone has said, this is a very serious thing you would be undertaking, and it comes with some major consequences. Physically, emotionally, and mentally, there will be pros and cons that could enhance your life or ruin it. Socially, and school-wise, well, I'm sure you've already thought of it. But you have to really analyze this: it will take a toll on your life, no matter the happiness you'll give your sister and her husband.

    I've never been through it, so I can't give much advice. But there is tons of info. on the net, and I just googled it and found tons of support group, experience sites, etc. You should do the same, and see what you think after you have information from people who have done this.

  • Wait, think about some things.. Are you planning on going to college? Because if you are, it is going to be SO hard to go to college and be pregnant. Also, you're young. People will look at you differently because they won't know the circumstances. Your body will never be the same, and for someone so young, you should be able to enjoy your body while its at its prime. Also, no matter how much you think it won't be, giving up the baby will be HARD. It will take an emotional toll on you. I honestly think the actual birth is the last thing you should be worried about..

    If you don't mind all these changes, then go for it. But I highly suggest you stop and think real hard about it.

  • I will tell you as a mother of 2 It will be hard for you to give up that baby, even if it is your first. The feeling toward that baby grow while it is inside you and you have no idea what you are in for. I understand you want to do this for your sister but there are other option. They can take your eggs fertilize them and put them in her. This way not only do you have to worry about the bond you will have with the baby from carrying it for 9 months but she will have that bond. Talk to her about that option. Neither of you know what it feels like to have a life growing inside of you. It is amazing just ask you other sister who said no.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • That is just weird! Your sister asked her underage sister to be a surrogate mother. What did your parents say or do they even know?

    • That's why I'm waiting until I'm 18. My parents are not happy about it.

    • I understand your parents.

  • I wouldn't do it, I'd tell them to adopt. There's too many people in this world already. I'd see no reason why I should suffer for almost a year just because they don't realize that.

  • I'm pregnant right now so I can tell you that not only will it take a toll on your body but you will also form an amazing bond with the baby. I couldn't imagine carrying a baby for so long and then having to give it away. From the first kick to the little hiccups you will fall in love with the baby. Plus being so young it will hinder things. What about school or work? What about a social life? Really think about this because right now I think it's not a good idea.

    • Shlei, Indeed, I overlooked her school, that's a supplementary difficulty I hadn't thought about.

  • I would do it, I mean don't you want to party with your friends. I know you're trying to be selfless and try to help your sis but maybe you should tell her that she should adopt or something. I mean are you sure you can stop eating fast food and junk food for 9 months, and take the vitamins and everything. Personally I think your too young to do it.

  • are you out of your damn mind? is your sister?

    your giving up your LIFE so your sister could have a child. tell her to find another woman there's PLENTY out there or adopt.

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