When a guy friend rejects your offer of 'no strings attached' sex ...

[Anonymous]

If a guy friend turns down your offer of one night of casual sex with no strings attached, is it because he's simply not attracted to you? He said it was because he thought it through carefully but in the end, didn't want to mess up our friendship. Is that the real reason or it is just a kind excuse and the reason is because he's simply not attracted to me? For clarity, neither of us are dating and we are pretty good friends but not like best friends or anything.

[MrOracle]

IMO, he probably knows that he IS one of those guys who tends to develop feelings if he has sex with a girl, and since you are good friends, it might destroy that if he developed feelings and you didn't. He's smart enough to know this.

I'm pretty certain that if he DIDN'T feel so strongly about your friendship, that he would have jumped on the idea, and I'm sure there's a part of him who would love to have sex with you. But he's doing the right thing here; the hard thing, and making the sacrifice, to keep from hurting you and being hurt himself later.

It has nothing to do with his attraction to you physically. He's just one of those rare guys who does the right thing, even though he has to deny himself some instant gratification. You should be very happy about that, because lots of guys wouldn't be so upstanding.

[Asker]

thanks for your answer :) this is a bit of a side question and I know every guy is different but guys can develop feelings even after one night of sex? I wasn't offering an open-ended friends with benefit scenario but just a one time deal ...

[MrOracle]

Some guys can, yes. Especially if there is already a little seed of those feelings in him. Guys often know and are friends with girls they are attracted to, who are either taken, or don't have those feelings for him. They are happy to continue being friends, but there's always that little seed there, that if it was watered, would start to grow. Guys go great lengths to prevent that from happening when they know it won't work. Of course, some guys don't work that way at all.

[kheserthorpe]

Does he generally have casual sex?

How often does he get laid?

Does he flirt with you?

[Asker]

i don't know how often he gets laid and yes sometimes we flirt but always just playfully and for a comment or two before we both start laughing. He does have casual sex sometimes and when he was thinking it over, he even said that if I wasn't someone he cared about, he would just tell me to come right on over.

[kheserthorpe]

Sounds like he is keeping his frienships and hookups separate.

[Asker]

oh so it's not just him not being attracted to me that way? not that I'm devastated or anything but you know, it's not particularly nice to think that you're not attractive to someone else.

[kheserthorpe]

Yeah, I understand. Of course guys get that feeling all the time. If the thought about it carefully, he was weighing it up. If he wasn't attracted to you at all, he would have known right away. I guess the flip side though is if he was massively attracted, he probably would have risked the friendship

[wordsOFwisdom]

I'm thinking he's not attracted to you. No man regardless thinks emotionally. Our hormones take over.

[l-hedoniste]

He could be telling the truth. Or, he may think NSA sex is a bad idea. Or, he may think NSA sex is a bad idea, for him.

[peacenic]

he might not be Your best friend but he is definitly a REAL Friend :D

[NerdInDenial]

There's always some attachment. One of you will develop feelings. He may not want to do that, or have an awkward atmosphere if he does agree to it.

[Anonymous]

Not all guys are into no strings attached casual sex, if such a thing exists.

[Anonymous]

it means he's not that type of guy. That's it.

[Anonymous]

"is it because he's simply not attracted to you?"

Not necessarily, no.

"He said it was because he thought it through carefully but in the end, didn't want to mess up our friendship. "

Then that's most likely the reason.