Why does he control so much his sexual and attraction urges?

[Anonymous]

So I have a crush on this guy in my group of friends, he never really talks about girls or hooks up with any girl he says that " love is not worth it" and " relationships are a pain" he is really hold back in those kinds of stuff but ai know he feels something for me by the way he laughs of everything I say and always smiles when I show up. ( among other stuff) one time when we were alone we were almost going to kiss but he stopped after he realized what he was going to do. People tell me I'm out of his league loads of time and when people think we are together they act really surprised even one guy told him " how did you manage to get a girl like her ". I was going to kind of give up and assume he didn't have any attraction or urges but then I noticed that when he is severely drunk he gets closer to me and touches me a little bit inappropriately nothing to serious but for him to do that is shocking at least. So that made me think that maybe he does have urges he just controls them really well, why does he do that? How can I help him me less controlled ? Or alcohol is the only solutions? P.s He knows I'm into him

[Cromartie]

This is a bad idea. Alright, here we go:

YOU ARE NOT THE PRINCESS. HE IS NOT THE BEAST.

The referencei s to Beauty and the Beast in which the Beast is an upset thing that is upset and must find true love to stop being upset and return to being hot. The problem here is that he doesn't want to do this and purposefully mentally suppresses his own actions without the whole "Curse" element. You may way to leave that sh*t locked up because if you unleash this monster it might be something you really, really wish you had never seen before.

Okay, your little hormones are telling you that he's something or another and it's a great idea. I get that. It's a bad idea. Your hormones are lying. Your brain is lying. You are smitten. If you think about it logically you want a man who literally does not want you because he's apparently divided between his CONSCIOUS SELF and his MAN NATURE. You get him drunk and he's a horny little beast. You have him sober and he won't touch you. So unless you're into alcoholic boyfriends/ sexual encounters/ whatever ( which may be your fetish, I don't judge) this is a really, really bad idea.

Did I mention it was a bad idea. If you choose to continue let me know and I will help you manipulate him so that you can ruin your own life and come back in 3-6 months to tell me that I was right, you were wrong, and this was dumb.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps he's been in enough relationships that ended in a break-up. Enough of those can close a man's heart and have their mind take over. The heart pushes him to go for it, but his mind might be reminding him about how awful his previous relationships were.

When he says "Love is not worth it; relationships are a pain," it is probably a method he uses to motivate himself to stay out of it. He might still want to be with someone (real badly), but also fears having to go through another break-up, which could ultimately end a friendship as well.

As for when he was [severely] drunk... While being drunk does make someone act on subconscious desires, it means very little since it impairs better judgment. Having better judgment is what defines the person. Plus, it isn't a healthy solution anyway.

What can you do? Well, you CAN try giving him signs of interest for a little while and then stop for a period of time. Then just stick by him as a "friend." Smile, talk, what have you. I think you'll eventually have him following you around (hopefully not in a creepy way).

[katiesmuff]

Could be he got hurt couple of times in relationships and is now avoiding it happening again.

[Cromartie]

No. No. No no no no no no no no no. No. No! No. No. No. No. ... No. No. No no no no. NO. Now, this isn't to you, answerer, but in general: This is bullsh*t. It is the most overused and worst excuse for poor behavior ever because while some people find it "hard to move on" I admit anytime you give the object of your affections the bandage treatment you're f***ing yourself in the ass. Always assume that it is a conscious choice not fueled by emotional ruination because it prevents Caretaking.

[Cromartie]

"Caretaking" which has many names is when a person sympathizes with their object of affection that is consciously rejecting them by means of giving some element of a wounded puppy to them. The dog that bites you was not necessarily grown-up in a tight cage with angry men kicking it all the damn time, right? So why do that with people? It is more than likely that this dude got "hurt" years ago, if at all, and came up with some bullsh*t mantra trying to play cool.

[Anonymous]

I think he just feels extremely intimidated