Why have sex if you can just jerk off?

[nenemomo]

I guess this question is more aimed at guys, but I'd love to hear what girls have to say. If your goal is to have an orgasm, why would you have intercourse, even if it's just a hook up? Why not just masturbate? Is it to boost your ego that you slept with someone?

[Bruce]

Good for you, you have a lot of insight into your own feelings,

Women ask the best questions...and yours is another of the best.

... A girl I worked with told me she could not come with a guy and asked if I could help her cum.I hoped I could, but the bottom line was, she had a wonderful body...

and I wanted to be able to penetrate that beautiful body...

.and did without much foreplay,

very little, lubrication, if any,

and the sex was REALLY "like the guy is just masturbating inside me"

...That is the way I felt after it was over...I was just 'masturbating inside of her... I felt 'good' that I was inside her...and it was an ego thing for me...

I didn't ask her before, nor after, if she could masturbate to an orgasm on her own...I didn't know her well enough to ask her that.

My advice...don't continue letting guys screw you in the hope of having an orgasm with them...via their penis...When you want to cum...make yourself cum...you sound like a smart, aware woman,...if all you want many times is to cum...then keep the stiff penises at arms length,and masturbate yourself to orgasm.

You are 21, and unless you are in a long term relationship, most guys around that age could not care less if you have an orgasm or not...they are more interested in getting between you open legs for about 3-4 minutes and leaving you with the mess to clean up.

Been there and done that with many women when I was in my early twenties...

You are in the drivers seat...Find a partner that cares / loves you that will help you have a fulfilling sexual relationship...

I can see the "down arrows" now...

Bruce

[toulouse]

Up arrow ^ ^

[nenemomo]

Wow nice honest answer. my respects to you sir

[KERMlT]

It depends on who it's with.

Jerking off or sex with some random person. Winner is Jerking off.

Jerking off or sex with your partner you aren't in love with. Winner is a toss up.

Jerking off or sex with someone you lust for. Winner is sex.

Jerking off or making love with someone you are in love with. No contest, making love.

When someone masterbates, they are usually in a comfortable place. Bathroom alone maybe in the shower, in bed late at night watching a video, etc. It is true that it is difficult for anyone to climax under stress. At gunpoint, self conscious about your body, can't get work out of your head, exhausted, etc.

It just sounds like you haven't allowed yourself to let go. I have a friend like that who allows stress to affect her intimacy. The best days are when she is sick or tired. Those are the easiest days for her partner to get her off.

So, try to relax and get comfortable. Mood music, setting (like a comfortable spot), pleasant aromas, etc. If that doesn't work, then evaluate who your partner is. It's possible that your feelings for them aren't sexual or not of love. It is possible that your body is not producing testosterone (yes, women do produce very small quantities of this) to increase your libido. Review any medication for side affects that diminish sex drive. Hope what I said helps.

[nenemomo]

Wow great answer

[liltaylz911]

well. the point of sex is to get excited over the opposite/same sex. the thought of being able to make another person reach their orgasm or watching their reaction to sex is exciting. I would rather be with someone I love and get pleasured, than being alone in the quiet, its just strange. of course, if you're bored, then sure! why not masturbate. but you cannot do it by yourself alll the time. there is a chance you can become addicted to sex without even having it(masturbating) so I would watch out if you do it 24/7. ok would rather have some hot girl on ur *private* part, or yourself? I much rather have a guy with me. instead of on my own. its a confidence booster & I just enjoy it

[nenemomo]

Confidence booster. that's a good point

[Anonymous]

I don't even have to read the rest because I have been thinking of is lately ha, ha..

OUtside of the fact that it is more fun & mysterious to climb in to or sink into some one else' body, there is the thing that , if you master bate, yo are in control, when you approach climax, you have to use more focus t the very time you want to just sink into oblivion... Sooo basically you are working at cross purposes.

Also, I gotta reiterate, that it is sooo awesome being with a person I mean it's a whole other word. There is just NO COMPARISON.

NOw, I'll go read your post . :-)

[Anonymous]

Element od surprise - it is like the difference between trying to tickle yourself rather than someone else doing it...

& Of course the spiritual side of things..

Sort of amazing when you really like the person you feel like yo are on a different planet.

idk - To me, there is no comparison...

Unless yo are mis-enthropic & prefer to be alone- then yes, it would make sense to make love to yourself ,whom you can trust , you know if you are doing it right & you will know if you cheat. ^ ^

:-)

[bobair]

I'm going to assume you're missing the most important ingredient for good sex - intimacy.

50% of the pleasures you can feel during sex come from the empathy you have for your partner. I feel good mostly because I empathize with my girlfriends dramatic moaning and grinding.

If you don't care how your partner feels, then you're either with the wrong guy OR you're a psychopath (someone with no empathy.)

Let's just hope it's a bad choice in men.

But while you're waiting around for Mr. Right to show up then you SHOULD take care of yourself. As much as possible. And on camera.

Hugs,

~ Robby

My blog ( link )

[indifferently]

Empathy is akin to delusion are you sure you don't mean spiritual communion?

[bobair]

Empathy, which literally translates as 'in feeling', is the capability to share another being's emotions and feelings.

[toulouse]

Psychosis : A severe mental disorder in which thought and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality. Delusion: Idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument, typically a symptom of mental disorder. Empathy : The ability to understand and share the feelings of another. -(I think you meant LACK of empathy - which most definitely, is akin to delusion.) :-)

[bobair]

Thanks toulouse!

[angel-gt]

you might have not found the right guy . or you are more of a foreplay person . (I am one myself . would rather give oral to my girlfriend for hours than have sex . not that I dislike it but its my choice)

[angel-gt]

First of all I'll have to agree with the opinion that an orgasm shared is not half an orgasm as it applies for problems but it is double . Anyway . The fact that you cannot experience a strong orgasm can be actually tracked in two possible places . (at least according to freud)

1st. . You have not reached the 5th level of sexual maturity(or the fourth , which means that you feel ultimately uncomfortable with sex and generally sharing something that tender with others)

or 2nd . You are in need of reassurance of your abilities at sex at such a level that when your partner does not provide it , you cannot feel the pleasure .

and no...it is more like masturbation = 3/10(more than 2 times and you feel like an ape)

sex=10/10 and you feel complete

[toulouse]

What is this about levels?

[play-wright-boy]

Why go out for a fine meal when you can put something in the microwave? Why fly a kite when you can just pop a pill?

Bonus points if anybody knows which TV character I'm paraphrasing here.

[nenemomo]

I think I'd actually go for the pill. but I agree with the fine meal part

[NirvanaintheDark]

Omg seinfeld lol

[anysound]

well if all you want is an orgasm then I suppose so but sex is a much more satisfying feeling that if you just jerk it, and plus you get to be real close with someone. I mean humans have an inborne desire to have sex, if we didn't then the species wouldve been dead 6000 years ago when we decided to just jerk it all day than to do what is required to continue living and the fate of the species, maybe that's less relevant today with all the people and all but back when there was just a few people within miles and miles imagine where we would be at if they decided theyd rather have jerked themselves than to find a mate?

[zebcore6]

rather than to boost my confidence when I am having sex it makes me feel good to make my partner feel good. so as long as they get there's them I'm happy weather I got mine or not. I've heard of some girls not being able to come during sex but I bet there's a guy out there who can do it for you.

[Rainbows]

Orgasms are more pleasurable when you get to share them with other people.

[Camilus]

That is an awesome statement ... do you think I would get more women when I went out to the club if I told them I just want to share my orgasm with them? lmao

[setcheck67]

Depends man some women would actually get turned on by that. Remember no girl is the same.

[dave_b_quick]

We are wired for sex, god designed us that way. There is such a magnetism between the male brain and the female form that it takes all our education, resolve, and self-control to keep from acting really stupid and jumping on anything with a skirt, or a waistline, or a sweet curve of the butt or bosom, or a femine face. Masturbation is only a limited and very temporary release from our main purpose in life: getting into your pussy. A professional sex worker I interviewed observed that men are born from the female womb, and then spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in.

[tyt_2012]

That is so interesting.

[mrledzep]

There is something in the connection that makes it so much more for me at least. Plus an orgasm from a girl is more pleasurable for some reason. Maybe the closeness is key I don't know. A lot of the female orgasm comes with what is going on in your head, if you are into it then it can be incredible if not it might not even happen.

[ArizonaRX]

Here's an analogy for you.

Jerking off for men is like tuning up your car. It's fun to get in there and tinker with the car to make sure it's going to work at peak performance. But, tuning up your car all day just leaves you wanting to race.

So Jerking of is great, but having sex is the big race.

[bersaba]

For everyone:

"Why eat baked beans when you can eat pizza."

Sex feels better than masturbation. Of course, sometimes you just want a quick wank without the 'drama' that comes from sex, but on the whole sex feels better.

-----------------

As for you personally and your problem with "can't orgams during sex", my cousin-in-law used to have this problem. She had pretty troubled sex life (was date raped when she was 17). What I told her to do was to pay attention when she masturbated to what, specifically, was working for her. Then when she had a partner (she was single at the time), hopefully she could tell the partner what to do and what worked.

She also told me later that she felt she had to learn how to orgasm, and once she started doing it, it became easier.

Now, I'm not sure if that's true for all people, or just her, but I figured it might help.

[MusicFan]

Sex feels way better than masturbation to me. Why? Because it's something intimate between my girlfriend and I.

A huge part of it is to make it good for her.

[oceanavenue]

Good answer. this is the exact same with me and my boyfriend, it bonds us and we have fun together as a couple, something masturbation can't do.

[unn0129]

I don't know how this is going to sound, but a lot of times, my orgasms are a lot more sensitive and feel a lot better when a girl is doing it to me. Not to mention, you can't really give yourself a blow job, not that you'd want to anyway, just saying that sometimes its just funner to relax and let her work her magic on you.

[yengesi]

Why drink fine wine when you could get drunk on Boone's? Masturbation works, but it's never as good as sex.

[nenemomo]

But why is it not as good as sex?

[yengesi]

If you don't know, there's no point in trying to explain it. If you really can't have an orgasm with intercourse, maybe you should consider seeking medical and/or psychological advice. That's really not normal.

[NirvanaintheDark]

Actually its really common.

[sirlixalot]

like I said below...the woman should always get off first, but some men are only out to bust a nut, whether their girl gets off or not. I'd feel like sh*t if I got off and didn't please my girl. that's why I love eating pussy, because it just about guarantees the woman an orgasm. besides, there's no better feeling than having sex with a woman.

[katiesmuff]

It is nice to have someone else do the work to get me off.

[l-hedoniste]

Why jerk off when you can just have sex?

Besides, I'm not all that curious about what my orgasm face looks like.

[CallMeLucas]

Sex is something that is MEANT to be done with someone else. Its only natural that it would be better and more enjoyable with another person.

[cjwright79]

I do do that. I'm interested in sex and everything but when it comes to actual girls in my actual town, there's just no point in trying to force the issue. I'm happy to let sex come to me.

[Camilus]

Masturbation orgasm = 3/10, Sex orgasm = 10/10

[alexis4you]

Agree!

[Dorby]

Yeah I mean it, when I just could been jerking off instead =D

What is so beautiful about the female genital anyway?

Just hear the words as... *vagina*, *hymen*, *labium* *mucous membrane*... doesn't make me feel so excited.

Haha.. (Kidding! I'm just messing with y'all)

Just ask my 'willie' what he thinks ;)

[toulouse]

Haha willie lol

[Dorby]

I usually call him...Billy.

[tongakid]

Here's one good reason...

When you masturbate, there's no girl to tell you that "I need you inside me". And when I masturbate and I don't hear that, it'll take longer.

I love having sex with my girlfriend because of what I can give and do to her. I'd also rather the emotional attachment and connection that sex, and more importantly love making, can provide.

She said that to me for the first time a few days ago. It was the hottest thing I've ever experienced. Hearing her "need" me made me feel like I had to go and not let her down.

If masturbation was enough, I'd never want a girlfriend.

So if masturbation is enough for you, why have a boyfriend? Why not suppliment with "friends" that you do stuff with?

What is missing from your life that would have you ask such a question (if you don't mind me asking)?

[toulouse]

I'd like to know too. If sex with the bF is disturbing & I imagine having someone masturbating inside you must be up there o the disturbing list- Why not dump the Boyfriend - What is the obligation or bond keeping you there? In my opinion - Masturbating inside one , sex or on sex, is grounds to get dumped. :-)

[Littletad]

Because regardless of how good jerking might be, nothing beats being with a woman. Of course that's my opinion.

[friendlygirl]

Sometimes the guy wants more than just his hands. Sometimes it feels better with a partner.

[missducky]

I like it because it lets me make someone else feel really good while they are doing the same thing for me

[eSHkidd]

I think a better question is why jack off? I can't speak for her girls, but when I jack off its cus I'm single and I'm trying to pretend I'm having sex. I would love having real sex over it anyday. If I wanted to get off 4 times a week and my girlfriend wanted 4 too, I woudlnt be jacking off cus I have her. But if there are times when she didn't want sex at all and I had to release, that's when I would use porn.

[The_Box]

I posted this question a while back and I got one person get really mad about me asking, another person post some irrelevant biological debate, and another say I was too young to be allowed to care.

In other words, I really want to know this.

[Camilus]

What the HELL is your problem, it's obvious we'd rather have sex so we can reproduce and have kids...DUHH. You'll understand when you grow up, sport.

[alexis4you]

HAHA!

[Camilus]

That was a joke BTW (Just so you don't get p*ssed off)

[enlightenment]

bahahahhahaha

[Porter21]

I agree with you!
I would rather masturbate than have sex myself! I can masturbate any time I want I can masturbate anywhere and everywhere I want!
I have been masturbating every day for over 50 years! I love to orgasm! I love to cum all over my hard cock!
I am masturbating as I type this!!
It feels sooo good when I cum!

[Riksounds]

For me it's the energy I feel from the woman! Her scent, Kissing, Tasting her, Her soft feminine skin, her hair, her eyes, Her soft sexy voice whispering erotica in my ear, Her breasts, what she wears! It's about intimacy and the sensation of two bodies intertwined and as one in many ways! Now I'm Horny!

[Thatguy16]

It's a thing god intended for us to do and sticking your penis into a girl you love and being intiment together gives you the best feeling that could never be matched by masterbating.

[DanielSan]

um because jacking off is not a good orgasm...lmao?

the whole point of jacking off is to try and get the feeling of sex.

are your really this stupid?

[nenemomo]

Hahaha I can't believe you asked that

[nenemomo]

Hahaha I just keep replying cause you're hilariously cantankerous. you have a good day now

[DanielSan]

To bad your a baby and report questions....

[KINGZERO]

Obviously you haven't met a "talented guy". Once you do then the last thing your gonna be thinking about is him "masturbating inside you". And also tell the guy what you like that gets you off,a lot of guys really like it when they get the girl off before they get off. It's like trophy hunting to us in some ways. Some guys can't even pop until they do get the girl off,even if it takes hours. Anyway happy humping & be safe.

[Swampwater]

i'm kind of terrified of getting a girl pregnant. my life would pretty much be over in my estimation, especially if it was just a one night stand and she was a total bitch. what's it all worth? a few cheap thrills and your life is decided for you.

[yengesi]

Condoms are your friend. Ortho-Nova is her friend. Nothing is perfect, but there's no reason to be so terrified of something so preventable.

[WavyCherry]

Sex over masturbation. Erm, I'd choose sex anyday. Sometimes, I can't achieve the level of pleasure like I do when I have sex. Also,. it's nice to get an orgasm without doing any work.

[robtheman]

there are two purposes for humans to travel and reproduce , that's why masturbation is so pointless and derogatary it will never compare to somthing that our body is hardwired to do

[Alistair]

well sex is more satisfying for me then just "jerking off" and your first update makes it sound like your just being lazy lmao

[Heideeeeee]

Why have sex? Well lets see here... Lets just say you are deeply in love with a man and he in the best thing that has ever happened to you in your entire life. You have such a strong feeling for him that whenever he kisses you, your entire body just shivers and you feel like your heart is beating 1000 beats a second. Now after a while with being with this man, you finally decide that you would like to give your body to him. This is what some may call love, this act of passion and two soul mates having passionate and love filled sex.Which is supposed to be the best sex EVER and without a doubt better than just "jerking off". Ofcourse with me, it wouldn't be with a man, it would be with a girl.

It seems in today's society, we mostly look at sex as just another way to have pleasure and forget what it really means to give your body to someone else. Which is why I still remain a virgin and am still waiting for someone to who I would willing give me virginity to.

[tigerguy]

because sex feel better, way much better on a guys d*** and having a d*** inside of a girls p**** is pleasureable for the girl

[smileymary]

Is not the same thing dude.

[sweet18]

Because humans have a biological need for intimacy.

[dreamishobby]

hmmm you sound like d one who's not been given any orgasm!

[7F0Y3NP]

The whole point of having sex with someone else, besides reproduction, is because it's way more fun than having sex with your hand. Pheromones are real and they're stronger than f***ing crack (although crack does make a lot of things more fun), they literally control the behavior of another individual. Point is we are programmed to respond to pheromones so unless you have your hypothalamus, and anterior pituitary removed, there will be a desire for sex with another person. That is why masturbation just doesn't cut it.

[slsmith0]

Try to be more dominant in the sex. instead of letting him have his way, you have your way. my wife ges on top of me and finds a spot that her clit just rubs on me. it is not as pleasurable for me but it still fills good and it lets her have a good scream. It does take time and for me if takes waiting to orgasm but it is worth it. when you do think about it all sex is is a way to pleasure yourself and another. in my marrage it also helps build the bond my wife and I have, and soon it will be for making children. Hope you find the pleasure so you can injoy the rest later in life.

[nenemomo]

So cute!

[KillerrMike]

If I get laid a lot I'm called a stud. If I masturbate a lot I'm called a loser who can't get any.

Which would you choose?

[Drast]

Sex feels better. Plus I gain pleasure from my partners satisfaction.

[JackPershing]

Jerking off. No risk of STD or pregnancy. No money wasted wining and dining. No putting up with head games, drama, or cheaters. Be free and spend your money and energy on yourself. If you want a loyal companion get yourself a canine.

[rakar]

girl I've thought about that to, some time I feel that men just want us for sex and that's it but I don't know

[BigB91]

cuz someone else making you do it is a million times more gratifying due to certain, sights, textures smells and noises...

[nenemomo]

That's actually kinda hot

[girl_lover]

well it might be just so you can talk about it to your friends or something...if your at a bar or something and your talking about your girlfriend you can say...yeah I taped that... or else youde be saying...no I just go into the bathroom and wack off...no

[TessaG]

Most women cannot have an orgasm through intercourse. It's a fact. Kudos to the lucky ones who can. You might try different positions since some hit your 'sweet spot' a lot easier. There's nothing wrong with cumming by having your partner go down on you. For some women, if you're still throbbing from that orgasm and your partner slips inside you, you'll be able to have a second orgasm that way. Mix things ups. But more than anything stop worrying about it and ENJOY.

[senioritus]

intercourse feels waaaaay better dummy! And your ten times hornnyer with a girl.

[Anonymous]

Having sex gives you even more pleasure, and when done appropriately, shows that you love the person your making love with. Masturbation is fun, but after a while gets boring, most of the time a guy will masturbate while thinking of having sex with or doing something sexually with a girl he likes, I believe it is the sane with girls as well. And it ferls much better to know you are close to another person in that way.

[Anonymous]

Um...so many reasons...

Because you want to get close to someone else

Because it's boring if you control everything

Because you don't get the thrill of wondering what comes next

Because nothing imitates a live warm body well enough

Because you don't have to watch p*rn or stretch your imagination

Because 4 hands are better than 2

Because 4 hands, 2 tongues and a penis are even better

Because you might actually like giving pleasure to someone else

[Anonymous]

I realize the question is 4 months old.

To me, sex isn't about the pleasure; Rather, it's more about the emotional connection to someone when you engage in intercourse. To me, Sex is when souls touch.

But then I'm a rather eccentric person.

I also believe virginity should be saved only for someone who has saved it for you, and you should only ever consummate with said person.

But again, Eccentricity and all.

[nenemomo]

O how beautiful! wish I weren't so cynical

[Anonymous]

I think women accomplish more when they masturbate lol because most women say they don't orgasm during sex anyway and guys can damn near get off anywhere plus do you know how lame guys feel after they've yanked one lol as compared to believing we just won gold in the bedroom

[Anonymous]

now that I'm old enough to vote I want to try a fleshlight

[Anonymous]

Why restrict yourself to one or the other? Having sex is a nice change of pace.

It gets you out among people and burns a few extra calories.

[Anonymous]

if you just want to jerk off then go watch porn or something. you don't need sex to jerk off.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like maybe you've hooked up with some very inconsiderate men. I have pact with my girlfriend...I don't get off unless she does first...if that means me eating her first every time we have sex, then that's what I do...and trust me, she loves for me to eat her and while she's getting off, then start the intercourse...almost guarantees multiple orgasms on her part every time! I know where you're going with the question, because no one knows your body the way you do, and no one knows your "trigger spots" like you do, so it's inevitable that when you masterbate, the sensation is very pleasurable, especially if you know how to use your imagination! I say let someone eat you first to ensure orgasm, then resort to intercourse. Otherwise, if you're going to stick to masterbation, just don't end up being one of those women that have to go to the emergency room to get a vegetable or fruit removed cause you got it stuck! LOL