Why women make such a big deal about sex? I mean what is wrong with just casual sex?

We guys are more relax about sex, women on the other hand make such a big deal about it, why?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • The main reason that women are less relaxed about casual sex than men is for one simple reason. Babies. Men are afraid of getting women pregnant, for women the risk is far more real. We have to carry the child for 9 months, raise it, support it and pay for it for 18 years +. Now if you have a man you can trust who will help you to support and raise the child, that's great- if it's a casual fling, they might help to support you financially, but there's much much more to that to raising a child.

    The simple matter is, men are designed to spread the seed, women are designed to protect the progeny produced- and they won't take that risk with just any man.

    If we want to go in to hormones, women have a higher level of oxytocin produced during sex so they intrinsically 'bond' with the person they're having sex with. That means that you're more likely to get hurt at the end of the day if it's just casual.

    Anthropologically speaking, women as idols of fertility have both more to lose and more to gain from having sex with various people. If they choose someone that's weaker say or whose chemistry will not make strong children then you're risking the life of the tribe and as such are risking the increase in humanity. As such for THOUSANDS of years, women have had immense pressure put upon them to choose carefully the partners they share their body and hence their fertility with as the wrong partner could mean disaster for human survival. No it's not paid attention to much anymore, but we're animals too and it's built in.

    And finally, for several thousand years women were used as chattel. They were possessions to be exchanged to increase the wealth of position of one family or to create alliances with new tribes/families/countries to aid protection on both sides. It was also for the production of children and later on heirs to a man's fortune/land and as such it was absolutely necessary that a woman be on unimpeachable behavior and virtue. Otherwise, it criticised the legitimacy of that family tree. Religion also added to this and no one can deny the impact that organised religion has had on our world for the last 3-4 (ish) thousand years. In the Judeo-Christian religion women are the harbingers of original sin and as such any breach of behavior will send you straight to hell.

    It is VERY hard to separate yourself from the idea that you should preserve your virginity for your husband/life partner for any of the above reasons, given that even 60 years ago they were still commonplace. We have more to lose. So most of the time, we'd rather not take the risk.

    And THAT dear friends, is why women make such a big deal about sex.

    • Oh and I meant to add, that until even 70 years ago, the number ONE reason for death in women under 50 was childbirth complications.

    • Have you ever heard of a condom?

    • Yes, and condom's are only effective 97% of the time. Hell, I have a friend who was on the implant AND using a condom and she still got pregnant. Her boyfriend left, she miscarried, she's now infertile and it's completely ruined her. So yes, I've heard of a condom...next argument please?

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  • Because women get attached. Trust me, we crave the sex like crazy sometimes. But we can't help getting physically attached. In fact, there are even studies that prove that during sex women's brains produce a hormone that leads to attachment, that men's brains don't release during sex. So as a woman, I can't help but do a little cost-benefit analysis. Is a few hours of amazing sexual pleasure here and there really worth it for a guy who only wants my body when there is a great risk that I will walk away feeling more than that (even if it takes a few nights rolling around in the hay to start getting attached) ? Because the truth of the matter is, it's hard for us to separate great sex and attraction from emotion. That's just the natural gender difference between men and women, no matter what society dictates. Plus, if we were all just having casual sex, what about the idea of family? Or fulfilling relationships? Or emotional satisfaction in a relationship? If the only thing that matters anymore is sexual pleasure, I think life would be dull and un-fulfilling. Put a kid in the candy shop for too long and he'll eventually want to leave, no matter how exciting it was at first.

    • men release the same chemical & you can not compare amounts because it takes different amounts to effect different peopler. just like it takes way more testosterone for men to be affected than it takes fir women. and there is no we. not all women get attached just because they have sex. mind over matter, just like anything else that reqiures judgement & reason. if you don't want to get attached you wont,. if you do, you either want to, or you are being lazy & using chemicals as an excuse. you dint HAVE to.

  • Wy do some make such a big deal about relationships. to some people its a natural sequence of life,. other people run from it.

    sex is natural to some special to others, relationships are natural to some, and a source of anxiety for others, if you were OK with a relationship you would not be having casual sex.

    so as log as you are asking why can't everyone be cool with casual sex, you should be answering why can't you be cool with a committed relationship.

    Its likely,m you are as freaked out by the idea of a committed relationship, as someone else feels about casual sex. If you are not running to change your view, why do you expect others to?

    also,m what is so great about casual sex, why is it so important to you? I'm not arguing one way or the other-- just curious.

Most Helpful Guys

  • There's nothing wrong with casual sex.

    When I ask they usually respond:

    Pregnancy, stds... Uhhm, probably forgetting something. But people can just wear condoms so that doesn't matter.

    So yeah, most of the people who have a problem with it feel that casual sex is immoral.. Which is a very stupid view.. Many people who believe it is immoral are religious though.

  • Casual sex is for people who really don't give a rip about each other. Meaningful sex is for people who love each other.

    Sadly, I have yet to experience either, but whatever. Not all guys are as relaxed about it as you might think, dude. And the women who make a big deal out of it probably have the right idea.

    • Naaahhh I don't think so, I treat the people that I have had sex with well.

    • You might, but there are quite some guys who just get off you. Say smth like "oh that was fun..you can go now". Roll over to the side, wait until you really got out of the bed to get dressed. Don't believe it? It happened to my friend just last weekend.

    • I'm sorry to hear that Fc. Just take solace in the fact that not all of us guys are like that.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Because girls get labeled for having sex, girls are also the ones who reap the consequences if pregnancy occurs since most guys are too p**** to stand up and be fathers

    • Why do guys make such a big deal about sex anyways? I know y'all think y'all have some god given right to sex with any chick, but that attitude should change perhaps?

    • I don't think so I just want to have sex just because it feels good and its a great way to end a night.

    • Then do so and get praised, but girls don't get praised for having casual sex

  • not to sound harsh on my own sex but I think that the reason a lot of girls make a big deal about sex after they've already had it on a one night stand or something is because they tell themselves they're cool with casual sex but deep down they expect more from the guy. so having a one night stand can turn a perfectly normal and well-adjusted girl into a jealous-text-you-twice-a-minute-all-day kind of girl. I'm not saying that's the case for all girls but I happen to know a lot of girls who do themselves a disservice by thinking they''re cool with casual sex when they're not.

    and why are women different from men in this respect..oh, it's just our mystique! ;)

    • that would mean she already made a big deal out of casual sex BEFORE the casual sex. that does t answer why its a big deal in the first place. it does not explain why she does want it to be more in the first place,. I do not see a reason about sex in your answer, just about the particular guy.

    • sheeesh lol okay how about this: there have been some studies done that suggests that sex releases a certain hormone in both men and women that gives us the desire to bond after sex but in women that when combined with the estrogen in our bodies it has a stronger effect.

      check this out, specifically the 2nd page:

      link

    • “Oxytocin seems to have been ‘designed’ by nature to make a man and woman feel bonded after sex, so they would stay together and raise children,” she says. “Today, the physiology of men and women still plays out according to this pattern. But estrogen seems to increase the calming and bonding effects of oxytocin, while testosterone seems to mute them. That's why women tend to feel more attached after sex than men do.”

  • I personally have thought how great it would be to just have casual sex. I'm open to the general idea of it only because I like sex. I'd prefer not to got through the dry stage of being single. However, I want the security of being single when I need or want to be. People don't appreciate anything in this world that comes easy. If men and women all hooked up on casual terms there would be an interdependence of the sexes. Men would stop pursuing. Women would stop caring to be pursued and as a result not care to take care of themselves. Men wouldn't feel like men because nothing would set them apart from other men if the conquests were shared and not valued. Nothing would drive them to compete.

    Everything you do in life is done to impress... against the standards others make. We all unconsciously want to be better than the rest. And we all want loving companionship. To a genuine partner we can achieve both.



    • lol not at all! Dating and sex is not a game and a competition of who is better and what makes people more of a woman of a man. I am sorry if you see dating and sex as a game and as a something to get social status and defines you somehow?

    • You misinterpret. Why do men and women try so hard on personal appearances? For the attention of their peers and opposite sex. Why don't they just remain natural as they on and rely on a more natural attraction? Because then nothing would set them apart from the rest. It's not a game of social standards. We respond to stupid standards society sets. It's the mating game. Tanning, hair dying, expensive jewelry, new clothes (when we have plenty to wear) etc, what do they really serve a purpose?

    • yeah but I am not sure how that explains that dating is a game or something that defines your manliness? So in your opinion I guess if you are single you wouldn't be man enough?

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  • Women get way more powerful orgasms then men XD It's only natural. your orgasms are weak. While we can have orgasms that just shoot thgough the roof XD

    • What's that got to do with some women not wanting casual sex?

    • Yeah.. except 75% of women can't climax without help of toys or tongue and 10-15% can't climax at all.. that's one hell of a roll for a chance of having strong orgasms..

  • It's just demeaning.

  • tisk, because sex is a little different for guys dude, its more intimate for them, they look more for a connection...so it's more about timing, readiness, setting, feelings, emotions, connection, rapport, trust, bond with them than with us.

  • simple cause people don't all think alike. people may come form a certain religious background or cultural background and they might be more respectful in terms of certain things than other cultures.

  • Nothing!

  • For some men sex is only about fulfilling their sexual needs, but with most women it is about an emotional and physical connection between two people.

    • lame

    • Okay what's so lame about that?

    • I don't know many guys who dint want a emotional connection, they just don't like saying so, in public. they don't want to be judged.

  • double-standards, men get praised for sleeping around meanwhile women get frowned upon for doing it

    • No body needs to know!

    • But he's really making a point. Women and young girls are worried of just being used, unless you're looking for a prozzie. Real women are the ones who keep their dignity and have sex when they're in a stable, and loving relationship.

  • Women get more attached easily. We can't help it, its hormones. Guys don't care. They can easily leave a girl and move on to the next. Its casual haha

    Us girls are easily insecure too. To have someone see you naked and then leave is really discouraging. Guys don't look at it that way. They look at it as just casual sex obviously lol

    Personally I think casual sex is wrong because sex wasn't meant to be tossed around and for you to just do it with anyone.Sex is more then casual. If I'm going to let you see me naked I'm going to have to trust you first and know that you won't leave afterward. Just one of the many reasons I'm waiting till marriage. Its nice to know that a person will love me no matter how I perform in bed.

    • you can't blame hormones for your actions, is called accountability. if you don't want to be attached you wont. you just have to make that decision. you can't blame sex for your feelings, that's your responsibality, if you can't help it, you either secretly want to be attached or just being lazy.

  • Most women treat sex as something special and emotional where as guys treat it as a physical necessity. Also, women have a much higher risk associated with casual sex ie. pregnancy, stds.

    • I thought this was kinda funny after I read your other question!

  • Women don't come as easily as men. Most women need to be turned on and stimulated in order to reach an orgasm. If a woman is crappy in bed most men can still come. If a guy is bad in bed, well a woman just wasted a night getting some random dude off.

    Is a woman really going to go around banging men left and right if there's no guarantee she's going to get off every time?

    Plus women are more discriminating. A hot man will lower his standards to get laid by banging someone he may not be attracted too. You usually won't see a female who's a perfect ten that would be willing to screw a 1000 pound man just to get off.

    • what a funny answer lol

    • this is 100% accurate

  • Because we don't orgasm in every sex specially if we are not comfortable and we don't know the guy...IT IS A BIG DEAL it isn't always good can you understand that?

    Is not that simple to let in as to put him...

    It hurts if the girl is not turn on by the guy

    So casual sex is not as good as a sex wiith emotions envolved...

  • Would you marry someone you know has had sex with more than 30 men?

    Are men viewed in the same way when they sleep with that many women?

    Why is that?

    • yes I would if she was clean

    • yes I would

    • Haha Lies lies!

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  • First, if we go having casual sex, we are a slut. If a guy does, he is "the man," so of course a guy is going to be relaxed about it!

    Second, if we get pregnant, it is mostly our problem. Sure, you may have to pay child support, but we have to actually care for the child for 18 years.

    Third, I think guys do make a big deal about it. If a girl you are dating has sex with another guy (only casual sex, she has no emotional attachment), you would probably freak out. Even if you wouldn't, most guys would.

    Personally, I think casual sex is disrespectful and gross. You are getting naked in front of someone you don't really care about and risking getting pregnant or getting a STD. Plus, you are treating the person as a sex toy. And, let's face it, embarrassing things can happen during sex. No need to go into any detail about them, but do we really want some person we don't really know who doesn't really care about us seeing that?

    • 1. That is a problem kinda created by women-because it is harder for men to have sex, they are seen as "the man" because women are hard to get (guess who's fault is that?) Whereas women can get laid much more easily so there is nothing to be praised for. 2. Women have much more control over pregnancy.. she decides she wants to keep it? Or not? Decision made. Guy can't say sh*t. She says she is on the pill when she is not.. ok, baby on the way. If there was a pill for guys, everyone would be on it, I guarantee it. 3. Is the same as the first one. It is easier for you so women come off more sinister then men. Plus is hard to believe there is no emotional attachment, as people here point out there very much must be, when women have sex. And what argument is that? Both sexes would freak out. Smh. What the world really need is more openness. Having healthy convos about sex and breaking the shyness and awkwardness and educating people. Talking about STDs and have testing more available and cheaper.. and breaking the taboo of getting tested and so on.

  • I have no interest in being physical with a guy who has no emotional attachment to me and could just as well screw the girl next to me or the one he just saw on the street as me. I am not a sex toy, I am a person, I have feelings and I want to be with someone who really cares about me.

    For me, personally, I cannot allow myself the vulnerability it takes to have an orgasm with a guy who doesn't care about me. I absolutely need to know that the guy I am with thinks I am amazing, that I am the woman for them, that they find me sexy and lovable and one of a kind.

    Guys' can stick their d*ck into pretty much any hole and end up getting off but it doesn't work like that for a girl.

    Oh, and for the record, I don't think a guy wanting sex is wrong, I just don't want to be involved with someone who is out for a quick fix. That is what masturbation is for.

  • because it is a big deal for us. men and women are wired differently. I don't know about you but I have never heard of a guy crying his eyes out because a girl that he slept with decided she wanted nothing more to do with him after she got what she wanted. women are more emotionally tied to their sexual partners and men are not. so women are not wrong because we don't think the same way about sex as you do, we are just trying to protect our emotions. I see hot guys all the time that I wouldn't mind f***ing but I wouldn't do it because I have to think about the emotional ramifications after the act. if I was a guy I would just run through women because I wouldn't get attached from sex.

    • I have seen many times guys get very hurt by being used. they just don't talk about it in public.they also have the sense to f*** a girl they don't like. most want a connection as well, & if they like the girl of course they are sad,. sex is not about thinking, either way you look at it its physical or emotional, its feeling., no one really has sex logically. its the decision they make whether or not have sex that they use reason for, afterward its al chaos. that you control or you do not control.

  • it is a big deal. it's invasive and personal

  • I've always been one to think sex is just something fun you can do when you're old enough. And I really do believe that, it's fun and exciting and I love it. Howeverrrrr, unfortunately the first time I did have no strings sex it ended up being more complicated than that. As much as I viewed the act as just fun and not a whole declaration of love, a few days later I did end up feeling.. it's hard to explain, it's not like attached but maybe connected? Like he's one of the few that's seen me like that and that makes us closer. And when he did get a girl friend about a month later, after telling me that "he would date me but he's just not ready for that right then" it HURT. As much as I'd love to do casual sex and wish I could, I can't and not just because of some strange hormone or because I think it's something special. I really don't know why, and I know that doesn't answer your question :P

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