Why are women "sluts", but men aren't?

I was told - "You had sex with me before you even knew me." Now, although we had moved too fast (third date), it does take TWO to tango... right?! I've noticed this about a lot of men (of course I know this doesn't mean ALL men)... they always talk about a woman either being a tease or a slut... with no in between. If two people have sex before knowing each other as well as they should, I would think BOTH people are responsible, yet it seems no one ever questions the man's judgment, only the woman's. What are your thoughts? Note :: I don't need personal advice about my situation or anything, my boyfriend and I were simply talking about it, but I was curious what other people thought about these generalizations about men and women and where they come from - curiosity. Thanks!
Updates:
+1 y
I'm mostly referring to a situation in which a couple has sex too early in a new relationship. "Too early" is also always moot... but what I was trying to figure out is why "society" has chosen the women to bear the brunt of being the responsible party in any consensual sexual act? If a man and woman have sex "too early", everyone looks to the woman as the responsible party, saying, "You shouldn't kept your pants on!" - but I've never seen this directed at any man in my life.
+1 y
My own mother has even said that I "sabotaged" a relationship because she thought my boyfriend and I had sex too soon... even SHE didn't put ANY of the responsibility on him, it was ME that sabotaged the relationship. This is what I don't understand, haha! Thanks for all the feedback :)
1 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • Being a slut isn't reflective of only one gender; guys can be just as slutty.

    Though nature is always manipulated as an excuse to why they sleep with outrageous amounts of females.

    Naturally, men do have a higher sex drive, but there's a fine line between a male with a sexually healthy / fufilled lifestyle, than a male who just goes out and whores himself for the sake of whoring.

    It's pretty pathetic when you think about it, as these more slutty men just have sex for the recreation and pleasure of it, as opposed to the intimacy / connection sex was made for. Just a bunch of empty sex - wth is the point? And same for the women who go slutting around as well.

    I think the term slut is abused anyway; some people are a bit more prudish and throw it around at anyone who's getting laid more than they are. I don't even think slut is insulting to men, because for men it means they get a lot of nookie - and in male society, that's not exactly something that's frowned upon. I've never ever heard a guy call another guy a slut... unless he's gay. But that's a word females throw around constantly, and it's very insulting - so perhaps there's something more deeply rooted in the whole gender oriented slut thing.

    Perhaps it may do with the fact that women seek out fathers rather than sexual lovers; men have the urge to impregnate, women have the urge to produce. Impregnating doesn't have such drawn out effects as the body that has to carry the child for term. And with it majorly being mom's responsibility to care for the child - naturally women seek out that companionship for the sake of the child / future children. A man can get several women pregnant, but a women ultimately has to deal with the terms of that circumstance. So it's kinda odd when a women is sleeping around so much; as logically it doesn't make sense. Why risk becoming pregnant with so many different men - you can't take care of all those children, and it cost the women so much time.

    But then again, multiple pregnancies isn't a factor this day and age thanks to contraceptives; so it gives women that option to enjoy sex. But as we can all see, that's having some interesting effects as far as the increase in STD's, societal double standards, warped gender oriented ideals etc...

    And sex has been turned into something for recreation, as opposed to that intimate / connecting experience it's suppose to be.

    So, it's a little more complex than just " women are sluts, but men aren't?" as there are a lot of factors to this odd scenario that's unfolded in society.

    But humans are known for screwing with nature in order to gain what we want. So I guess this is kind of a consequence of that :(

    • Lol sorry for the epicness :P

    • I am someone who ALWAYS takes responsibility for my blunders (to a fault, I'm afraid), so I guess it just angered me a bit to think that I was the ONLY taking the responsibility. I can acknowledge when I've used poor judgment - so I guess I just don't like the "I did nothing wrong, you slept with ME before you even knew me" rationalization. I don't consider myself a "slut" as I've only slept with men that I've been committed to... so the term is irrelevant really. Responsibility is the key...

    • Exactly; your definitely not a slut. People are just so quick to codemn others nowadays for whatever reason. But eh - it's just a word. So long as you know whole heartedly it doesn't apply to you, then just ignore it.

    • Show All
  • You don't understand, most guys actually don't label girls as sluts until they hear rumors about her giving head to __ in the lockeroom.

    The male version of a slut is a douchebag. There are a lot of douchebags or those guys that f*** and dump her. I know several male friends who HATE douchebags and a**holes. They are trustworthy guys.

    And the whole are you a slut or a tease? Is because men know us women play mind games, and sometimes we are confusing. (I am lol) When your making a sexual advance, he is wondering if your doing it just cus, or if you are trying to get something out of him.

    Also, people shouldn't have sex until they are in a relationship with that person for like 2 years. Our modern society may look less harshly on sex, but it does it inressponisbly by teaching 5th graders about sex when they don't need to know it that badly, saying that as long as you use protection, its "okay" and other things.

    Men got taught by their friends and older brothers that its all aobut "gettin some" and not treating a lady fairly.

    Women got taught by there brains that "we have so much in common! He must be a great guy!" means we should do stuff with him.

  • I would take the male opinions on GaG with a grain of salt.

    Many of them are bitter that they can't get sex(even the old ones) and they degrade women who do have sex because "women can get sex easier"

    I'm sorry, but what irks me is a lot of dudes have had sex, yet criticize women who've had sex an degrade them, they basically expect virgins.

    I'm a virgin, so what makes the guys on girlsaskguys think that a virgin girl wants a "used up" trashy dude?

    Anyways, girls call girls whores and sluts for no reason other than jealousy. If they dislike you, you're a slut, if you're prettier than them, you're a slut.

    There's nothin wrong with sleeping around as long as you're safe about it & keep it private

    You're only a hoe when people know

Most Helpful Guys

  • Men and women are equals. This does not mean that they are equal in every single thing they do. For example, men are, on average, physically stronger than women. It is much easier for a semi attractive (even a 6/10) woman to go out and get laid. The same cannot be said about men. Men have to work at it, have some skill (game) and thereby get a woman to sleep with them. It is a LOT harder for an equally attractive man to get women than it is the other way around. This is one of reasons behind why we, as a society, naturally celebrate men who are successful in bedding multiple women; while at the same time shame women who bed multiple men.

    Let us briefly visit the topic of virginity from both perspectives. Virginity in a man is not a desirable state or label when it comes to an attribute that the opposite gender wants. This is because he has obviously not been preselected by other women. However, female virginity is not looked at negatively in the least by men. If she looks decent, no man cares if the girl is a virgin or not. In fact, a female virgin is often wanted more.

    Now don't get me wrong, men LOVE sluts. We will never turn down an opportunity to sleep with a good looking slut. Partly because she's good in bed, partly because it's sex. But any decently intelligent, self-respecting man will know that it is a terrible idea to emotionally involve himself (i.e. date) with a slutty girl. That would be a very dumb move. Why would any man want to get emotionally involved with a girl who's had 15+ sexual partners? We would just be setting ourselves up for failure. There are many nice worthy girls out there who don't have daddy issues and haven't slept with an entire fraternity house. But, by all means, fvck the brains out of sluts in the meanwhile.

    Most guys can detect when a girl is a slut by the first few dates and by what he hears about the girl from other people and from the girl herlself. We put this information together and figure out if she is dating material or not. If not, I like most guys, will still go in for the prize but have no intention of following through with dating the dirty little tart.

    To put it simply, a lock that can be opened by many keys is a useless lock and of little worth. But a key that can open many locks is a master key and is valuable.

  • I haven't been a part of this "sleeping around" world, but anyone can understand the principles here. Its as old as the Adam and Eve story. She ate the fruit, then he ate the fruit, but quickly HE said "she made me do it!" Guys for whatever reason are avoiding personal responsibility and thus are participating as you say equally with the females, but pointing the finger at you guys. Its wrong. Dead wrong. Now, a bit of my personal view. I think women used to have a better handle on how men are. They knew by giving it up early he would generally lose respect and interest. Now, being a guy, he'll likely push for it, but if he's a guy worth making a relationship with, he'll wait till you're ready. I think this dynamic has been lost by the female push to leave the pedestal and degrade themselves to the males level, in the process losing respect for not "taking the high road." It kinda sounds like it sucks in a way to be held to a higher standard but I think it will always be that way. So, guys are wrong for their mentality, but as long as girls give it up more and more easily, I don't see that the guys will be motivated to change.

    • Another, more simplistic point as simple seems to carry more weight on GAG, women have traditionally held the keys to sex, so they've been expected to guard it. Guys have traditionally played the role of trying to "pick the lock" and get into your pants. If you unlock the door and let us in, its too easy and you're labeled a slut, code for a poor guardian of your sex. Now, if a guy can pick a lot of "locks" and get more sex, he is viewed as crafty and a master of seducing women to open the lock

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

11 20
  • i think these generalizations come from the past really. the difference between guys and girls is that guys have always been praised for all the girls they got with while girls were looked down upon because that's not how a nice girl is to be. guys were usually never judged when it came to this I think mostly because they can't get pregnant to put shame in the family. but like I said, it is the past and some things are becoming more equal in this catergory, not completely but getting there. girls that are more promiscuous that others are just experimenting to me to get a feel for their sexuality and the same goes for guys. the difference between that and a slut to me is someone male or female that has no repect for their body to use protection, cheats, and getting with many people in one day.

  • Because boys are players. I think it'd be kind of weird to call a guy a slut unless they were gay. lol.

    • You could call him a gigolo! Just because he doesn't get paid in cash does it make him any less-sluttier? Well, there are already enough women who can pay a guy to go to bed now... though both genders would like to pretend not!

    • Hahaha! Well, I didn't just mean that specific term, haha... but in general - if sex happened too fast, it seems only the women usually wear the scarlet letter.

    • I think that's just the old world talking. The modern world is beginning to change that stereotype. (:

  • I think because most men don't care if you call them anything, whereas most women do care, due to social standards, traditions, history, etc... However, if women stopped caring about being called these names, and most importantly stopped calling each other with them, then my guess is that the problem would be solved.

    It's just a thought, I'm not sure it makes sense. I hope it does. :)

  • A woman has the power to bring life into this world, on a level that a man does not. It has always been, that the responsibility for this power, falls on the woman. It may not be fair, but then again, it isn't fair men, don't have the same reproductive power that a woman has. It is just one of those things, where you have to take the bad, with the good.

  • If you don't give it up, you're a tease. If you do, you're a slut. The only way to win this game is not to play. Too bad girls refuse to learn this.

    • Soooo... don't date? How do you "not play"?

    • You don't date...jerks who buy this nonsense. I don't date women who buy this nonsense (and discover, by happy accident, that I date a MUCH better cut of woman this way.)

  • Ya...thats were I call a man a...ManWhore...it pretty much means the same thing as a slut lol

  • My friend explained this to me once this way:

    A key that can open several locks is a master key.

    A lock that can be opened by several keys is a sh*tty lock.

    • I don't agree though lol, just thought it was funny.

    • But a lock that can decide which keys it let's unlock it is a f***ing MAGIC LOCK!

  • People who deem people sluts or 'manwhores' are characteristically uninteresting. I see there as being two groups of people in this world - those who are and are not interesting. Among the uninteresting there is much inter-genderary warfare, inter-racial warfare, inter-sexual warfare, whatever. But its all elementary because they're all the same thing - sh*t.

    I hang out with interesting people, who fornicate or do not fornicate and discuss or do not discuss it and that's about the extent of it. =] While the word 'slut' is tossed around is never meant, and its flippant use is as much as insult to the people who use it seriously as it is to the victim of its use. I don't give a f*** who f***s who and I wouldn't wanna f*** someone who did. I think I'm lucky for this ^_-

    • such a pretentious little f***

    • You know just how to get into my panties, big boy ;)

  • I read this joke on the internet once.

    Why is it when a girl sleeps around she's a slut, but when a guy sleeps around he's a player?

    Think about it this way, when a key can open any lock, it's a master key. But when a lock can be opened by any key, it's a crappy lock.

    • Sometimes I wish I had a d***, hahaha!

  • It comes from the perception that a man is either always eager, or should be. Therefore, under that false premise, it's assumed that the woman is always the sole holder of the keys.

  • they are its called man whores , society is just sexist

  • Because my mom could be a slut, any woman can be a slut. In order for a man to be good at picking up girls he has to have a fake job, be a good liar, etc. There are bad looking sluts, there aren't any bad looking studs.

    • But that doesn't really explain why women are the ones responsible for making sure sex doesn't happen too soon... and if it does, everyone tells the woman "Oh, well you were too easy." - it seems men don't ever have these worries...

    • I don't agree. Just excuses...or rationalisation.

  • triarchalic times/societies men divide women in sainte and such in whores. Men could make in sex what they want, so I think the most european languages don`t have a special counter.word for slut in relation to a man.

  • I agree. Guys sometimes pressure the girl to sleep with them, and then later they're like, "YOU are a slut." Um... well then YOU must be a jackass. Guys are weird sometimes.

  • It's a stupid word anyway. I don't get why sex is so demonized by some people. What two consenting adults choose to do between the sheets, is no-one's business but their own. As long as you're not cheating, then being promiscuous is fine.

  • because the genders evolved to have a fundamentally different relation to sex and reproductive strategies.

  • I never call women sluts. I don't think anything of a girl who happens to like sex, and happens to be good at getting it. If she's stupid or irresponsible about it, then I'll think she's stupid or irresponsible.

  • read into human evolution and why men and women act the way they do and you will come up with a decent answer...its not hypocritical it actually makes sense

    • Please enlighten us with a short summary of what you're talking about...

    • For men, a good evolutionary strategy was to screw as many fertile women as possible. For women, it was to hold off and only screw the best man who came by in a given year. Obviously, we don't need to be slaves to that, but its there. You can go further into it if you're interested, how men vs. women cheat, and why men tell their friends not to marry sluts and women _hate_ sluts. Its interesting, but again, I believe we _should_ try to move beyond some instincts.

    • We've evolved, so enough with the evolution bs.

    • Show All
  • its to warn other guys that want serious relationships away from a girl that is promiscuous

    it works, also the male version is called douchebag or manwhore

    girls can do the same thing but they don't because they praise a guy that gets alot, means he's good with women I guess?

  • It may because it's easier for a girl to get someone to sleep with her, than it is for a guy

  • Show More (11)