Will I loose his trust? (Bondage related)

[Anonymous]

So I want to try some bondage stuff with my boyfriend, but I want to be the one in control, and one of my fantasies isjust controlling a man and bringing him from pain to a huge orgasm I pretty much wanna tie him up, suck his d***, blind fold him, flog him a little big, but the main thing is I want to get a strap on and f*** him in the butt while playing with his balls or stroking his d*** part of this fantasy is him saying our "safe word" but me going on with it...b.c I know he doesn't want anything near his butt, he's just one of those guys, but I really want to control him and do this my only fear is that I'll loose his trust and upset him if I ignore the safe word...what do you think?

[sawno]

Here is a workaround : Feel free to act your fantasy as you wish but like everyone else said you should NEVER EVER ignore a safe word. What you can do is tell him that part of the fantasy is him asking you to stop or begging you to stop if he doesn't like something. If he is in the situation where he wants to take it but doesn't feel comfortable he will beg you for mercy and to stop in which case you can continue and fulfill your fantasy. However if he uses his safe word instead stop IMMEDIATELY. Make sure he knows that he knows you make up your own mind if you continue or not if he uses anything but the safe word and it will be fun for both (I hope :P).

But just to confirm what everyone else says, if i had a girlfriend and i agree'd to be tied up and i told her what i like and don't and she starts doing something else i wouldn't mind directly but if i tell her to stop (And she ignores it) and then use my safe word to make sure it will end she has to respect that or else i would feel abused and never trust you again. And if i can't trust a girl there is no chance in me staying with her.

[Anonymous]

Never ever ignore the safe word - that's what it's there for.

I'm telling you now that if you were my partner and you did it to me, I'd never trust you again.

And once I was free from the restraints, I'd beat you till my knuckles burst. Smashed face, smashed teeth, the whole 9 yards. You'd be lucky if you could crawl to hospital when I'm finished with you. And then I'd call the police and report you for rape, and take my chances with the law.

Because I'm the victim, you're the criminal perpetrator, and I was defending myself.

You have no idea what you're f***ing with, if you ignore the safeword in BDSM play. You're dealing with people who KNOW how to inflict pain and who take great pleasure in it. You could wind up in pieces at the bottom of a lake.

[Asker]

I don't think he'd ever hit me

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah - and I'm sure he thinks "She'd never ignore the safe word" You step over that line, there are consequences.

[InquisitiveMale]

You're image of BDSM is a little screwed. It's not about pain and we don't necessarily like inflicting pain. It's about control. Pain just happens to be the best enforcement tool and when it's used in common scenarios it's typically quick/sharp or dull/throbbing; not overpowering. It provides an unknown factor creating a little fear and anticipation which heighten the senses making the main focus, the pleasure, also that much more enjoyable.

[InquisitiveMale]

That's what this little fantasy she has is about... she doesn't want to hurt her boyfriend (at least it doesn't seem that way), she simply wants to have complete control and utter submission on his part which being a dom myself, I completely understand. There is no bigger turn on for someone like me.

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds to me like you're more into the B side of things and the Dom/sub. I'm talking about Sadism and Masochism. They are also part of that community, and are absolutely about causing pain but within perfectly defined limits as controlled by the masochist.

[Asker]

exactly, I don't want to hurt him at all.

[InquisitiveMale]

I'm all about the A&B and not so much the C. As are most. Bondage and disciple... awesome. Dominance and submission... even better. Sadism and masochism... not even a little... okay maybe a little. But what bugs me is most immediately think of the C aspect. You did. And that is maybe 1/10 of the community. Yes, it's an aspect of it but it should be last in line.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah - but she was talking about violating the guy anally with a strap on while ignoring him when he says the agreed upon safeword. I put it to you, that that sort of rape belongs firmly in the C category.

[InquisitiveMale]

I'd be an idiot if I said it wasn't but knowing myself... I've fantasized about braking the safeword before but it wasn't in the context of C which is why I immediately recognized my own traits in the QA.

[InquisitiveMale]

The thing with dominance is it's not really dominance if the submissive has the power to say no...

[Opinion Owner]

And this is why I personally think you people are f***ed up. The submissive always has the power to say no. One could argue that the submissive is the one with the real power in the Dom/sub relationship. As the Dom, you get to ignore the sub crying "No!" "Stop" and all the variations thereof. That's where you can get your rocks off. If they cry "Blue dolphin!" or whatever the safe word is, you have to f***ing stop. That's the rule.

[InquisitiveMale]

Sounds like you have some literary knowledge on the subject but no practical knowledge. Yes, the sub does have power. That's not up for argument. The catch is they submit and relinquish control of the situation and the outcome. They do it willingly. That is where I get my rocks off. It's not from her saying no but rather her saying yes. Knowing they'd do almost anything to please you. That's an experience that has to be had first hand to understand. Reading isn't a substitution.

[InquisitiveMale]

And for the record... In my relationship we don't use safewords... not that they would be any good when you're tied up and your ability to speak has been taken away... We go more by feel. That's another reason I love BDSM. You learn more about the person in one session then you would in a years worth of vanilla sex.

[xHoneyxBeex]

What? Why would you do that? That's called rape. No matter how much you try to defend those actions, penetrating him and ignoring the safe word is rape. I mean that's what the safe word is for and I'm almost certain he would never trust you again.

[Anonymous]

I would advise against doing something he doesn't like. He will be extremely pissed off, and definitely not trust you in the bedroom

[kheserthorpe]

That would be rape,so yes I imagine you'd lose his trust.

[kheserthorpe]

Taking someone tied up, and doing a sex act in spite of them explicitly not consenting (i.e. using safe word and you ignoring it) would be rape. You can't use bondage as a situation to make him do something he doesn't want to do. You can use bondage as a situation for him to fantasize that he hasn't consented to something he feels guilty about enjoying. There's a profound difference.

[InquisitiveMale]

I agree. No need for elaborate answers. It would be rape.

[madhatters4]

most guys don't want things in the butt. if this is a fantasy you really want fulfilled and the dude isn't into it then you would have to find a dude who is. simple as that. it's not like you're asking for a small thing you are essentially asking to shame him and if he's not into there's little chance you are gonna convince him

[Sarah_cheeky_tease]

If she's dominating the guy shouldn't have a say cause she's in control

[madhatters4]

you do have a say. maybe not in the actual moment but you have to establish rules beforehand. otherwise you run the risk of violating the trust you bestow in a person who is going to be the dominant partner...right? say you and I were into a bdsm relationship. I was the dominant and you said specifically "nothing anal" and I went ahead and did it. That would obvisouly skew your sense of trust in the person and you'd be less likely to do it again. a bdsm relationship is about mutual enjoyment. not one person enjoying and the other person dreading.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

If you want to ignore an agreed upon sexual limit and ignore his lack of consent, you certainly are raping him. No matter how many quotes you put around the words.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

um. If you shove something up his ass without him agreeing to it - you're pretty much committing a sexual assault.

[rando-shi]

i am like him, I don't want anything I'm my ass, if you will do that , not only I will leave you but I will gave you a punch in face as goodbye

that what are saying is rape, you are doing something that I don't want to do,

[Anonymous]

It's not just that he's afraid of seeming gay, anal sex can also be permanently detrimental to the sphincter muscles of the anus. I like being BDSM sub, but I'd never take it in the butt no matter how much I love my mistress.

try spanking him instead, or look into anal electrode torture methods if you really want to hurt his hole.

and as others have said, don't ignore the safe word. ever.

What you could do, however, is have him beg you to stop at a certain point. Not with the safe word, but regular pleas. done right, it can be very convincing once you're in character. I know this because I've also been dom, with a woman who liked to feel like she was being forced.

good luck!

[Opinion Owner]

It said elsewhere it was about control for you, not pain. in that case, try grabbing his balls and making threats. that works on me xD

[Anonymous]

That would be called rape.

I'd be surprised if he ever let you near him again. There are lines and you want to decimate them.