Would you consider this behavior sleazy?

last night my boyfriend and his friends got drunk and started bragging about sex stuff. he said that he had sex with a girl this summer with his friend in the room while his friend was having sex with another mutual friend. he also bragged about how he banged a girl while his friend was banging a girl and the two girls made out. neither of those girls were his girlfriend (I'm actually his first girlfriend in 2 years). I don't know I am kinda grossed out by hearing this. (not to point where I would say anything but I'm thinking about it) I just personally wouldn't feel comfortable with any of that. what do you guys think? sleazy or acceptable youthful experience? would you let this information influence your opinion on your s/o if you knew they did that stuff in the past? (yes I know the past is the past but still)
Updates:
+1 y
Someone made this point earlier, to all you guys saying this is acceptable behavior how would you feel if you found out your girlfriend did this? Would you still wanna be with her or would you think she is nasty sauce?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • well, there are a couple of things to consider, here. For one thing, men at that age tend to lie about their sexual experiences - a lot. For example, every guy I had went to high school with apparently had sex on a nightly basis, however only a handful of the girls had any sex, ever. It's either a statistical anomaly, or a lie.

    The second thing is the reason men tell these lies and are, thus, equally eager to tell people these things when they are the truth: we want everyone to think that we are amazing at sex. We have it in our heads (at that age) that women must apply the same criteria for sexual ability that we do, and our criteria is generally that of kink, speed, size, variety, frequency, and (to a lesser extent) duration. The idea is if we tell stories about how we have rapid kinky sex twenty times a day for hours, but have to constantly alternate through multiple girls because they can't handle the enormous size of our penis for as long as we need them too - the idea behind this is that we get the information out there that we are the best at sex that there is, and thus every girl will want to sleep with us. Naturally, we discover that this approach doesn't work so well later on in life, but that's beside the point: your boyfriend has not yet learned that lesson.

    Now, I've tried to explain this in completely neutral terms. You may find your boyfriend's behavior 'sleazy,' but I'm telling you it is entirely natural and even expected. Yes, it is true that if a woman talked that way, a lot of people would probably find her 'sleazy.' But the reason for that is because, as I implied, women have different criteria for sexual ability. If a woman, instead of listing her qualifications by a man's criteria, went on to tell examples of her sexual abilities by a woman's criteria (whatever those may be - I'm guessing romance and such), she would not be considered sleazy. However, if a man tried to announce his abilities by giving examples that meet a woman's criteria, he would probably be labeled as gay. It is a double standard, but one I think is justified on the basies that it works both ways and the two genders are simply different.

    • Well I get what your saying but I don't think he was lying the two friends he did those things with backed him up and though I don't know the girls, I can imagine the type of women they are and their the type who would be okay with that sort of thing. I think I am just uncomfortable with him talking about it so causally like its so acceptable. But I am trying not judge him for it.

  • I never did anything like that in the past.

    I was too much of a goodie goodie.

    If I were single again, would I be willing to? At this point, probably yes.

    Given I'm willing to, would I judge a partner who had? No. Not now.

    I probably would have been uncomfortable with it when I was younger.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Not necessarily that it HAPPENED [assuming it did, lol, guys often lie or exaggerate about things like this with their friends], because people can do whatever. But more that he's talking about the experience in such a manner to his friends in front of ME. I'd feel he was being insensitive and disrespectful to me and how I might feel. Like sure, talk as much as you want to your friends and enjoy 'guy time', but don't do it in such a manner when I'm around. I've always been one of the guys, I don't mind that kind of talk and I'm used to guys not censoring themselves around me. I don't care what your friends talk about, hearing it doesn't bother me, but I don't want that kind of talk from my boyfriend about other women right in front of me, like I don't matter. It tells me you care more about impressing your buddies than you do about my comfort, and demonstrates to THEM that being disrespectful to me is okay. If you don't show me respect and show others that you show me respect, that subliminally tells them that it's okay to slight me as well. And that's not cool with me, lol. Lead by example in situations like those. =P

    So I'd be irritated that he acted like I'm insignificant in that way, and I'd bring it up to him as soon as we were alone, because I'm not one to cause a scene, I think that's kind of distasteful too and wouldn't want HIM to feel like I'm 'undermining him' in front of his friends. But I'd address it separately to his friends if HE didn't end up dealing with it, or show that it wasn't going to happen again, because repeated treatment like that will send me packing, lol.

    • I can always count on you to mine the gem of wisdom out of the situation.

    • Hahah, I could say the same though dear. =P

    • @QA: Oh, and thanks for BA! =]

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  • OMG last night a very similar thing happened to me! OK I'm chillin with my boyfriend and his fam and their gf’s , i’m sitting on his lap and starts talking about some chick he banged a few weeks ago right before we got offical. I knew he did cause he’s told me before, but their are some things you just don’t say in front of your girl. I mean if your into kinky sh*t then wel power to ya, but me personally I feel like a man should never talk about that stuff in front of his girl with a room filled of people. Even if everyone is OK with talking about sex. I just feel it’s very distrespectful , it’s something younger guys think is cool to brag about. Older guys have realized that you don’t treat a lady like that, this is one of the main reasons I stick to older mature men. If I were you i’d talk to him about it just tell him how it made you feel, I get he was drunk but still that’s not proper.

  • I think it was highly inappropriate for him to do that, especially in front of you.

    Sleazy? Honestly, I'd just say it was an acceptable youthful experience as you put.

    On a side note, it's funny how the guys seem to say it's the past, but had this been a dude asking about his chick bragging about it, they'd be all over "dump the whore" and whatnot.

    • lol I totally get what you are say! oh the double standards. and yeah he was really drunk and I gave him a not so happy look when he was telling that story but I didn't say anything.

    • ^Have to admit some truth there Ms Texas...<3<3<3=D

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Not so much sleazy as much just plain trashy. This would definitely influence my opinion, I would want to know if he's put this life behind him and is ready for a real relationship yet or not. I'd also be curious to what else happened in his past (I like to have honest relationships with partners where we can talk freely of our pasts).

    • yes I am also more curious about his past but I don't want to pry, I feel like if I mention this to him he is gonna think I'm being insecure or something when really I just am sorta putoff by hearing this.

    • If I were you I would be like "So what else haven't you told me about your past?" in more of a defensive tone than a sad one.

  • I don't see any problem with it as long as all those in the room were OK with it. Group sex isn't all that rare!

    • i mean I guess not. but I just feel like it be so awkward and sex is already so awkward (for me) that there is no way I could add more people into it. I feel like I am boring, sexually I mean.

    • I agree you would have to be very comfortable with yourself and body. Me, I couldn't give 2 sh*ts who sees me naked or is watching as I am getting my p*ssy filled and it has been watched many times now. I have come to the realization that basically we are all the same and what is the big deal about it. Many others do not think like this which is their choice!

  • No I would not think of that as sleazy...merely immature...in fact...very similar to the way I acted...about 35 years ago...(:(:(:

  • i wouldn't care if he did it but bragging about it to me in front of his friends is low class. I would rather not hear about it.

  • I'm just going to say it

    Unacceptable, sleazy, and inappropriate. Is it a youthful experience? Is it the past? Yes but that doesn't make any less wrong. Yes it would influence my opinion of him especially since he was bragging about it. Wow, this guy obviously does not care about what you think.

    • i'm happy other people are finding these as sleazy as I'm finding it. I'm afraid to say anything to him cause I don't want him to think I'm being stuck up or something cause I mean idc if he has had sex before me (obviously that's gonna have happened) this just really came out of left field and surprised me. the other stories they guys were telling were not great either but I'm not dating them so they didn't bother me.

  • I think it's a little disrespectful if he is talking about it with you around. I'd be turned off by it if I knew my girlfriend was talking about and that she did it in the first place, but I don't buy into "the past is the past" bullsh*t though.

    • lol yeah I mean I understand it was in the past but I just feel like that's just so not something I would ever do. its makes me kinda uncomfortable:/

  • Acceptable youthful experience.

    The past is the past, after all.