5 year relationship but I want to have sex with other men?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for around 5 years now and he is the most caring and genuine person ever, we love eachother so much and I want to marry him and Spend my whole future with him. Over the last month I have started to want to explore having sex with other guys but maintaining a loving relationship with my boyfriend (I have never acted on this by the way) I have tried to ignore my feelings but recently I have been away on holiday with my friends and family, my brothers best friend was there and we were getting on so well and all I was thinking about doing was having sex with him/something of the sort but then feeling incredibly guilty about it after. I’ve only recently started having these thoughts, honestly a month ago I would have been repulsed at myself for having these thoughts (they wouldn’t have even happened) the only thing that I can think of that may have had some contribution to it is changing anxiety/antidepressant medication? Does anyone have any advice?

[TheBigGuy9]

Don’t let lust control your life. Sex is an instant feel good feeling, right? Then feel horrible afterwards. I can tell you that from experience. Are those instant happiness trips worth happiness that is everlasting? Maybe not as high as the “stranger sex,” but it is constant.
There is also a different kind of good feeling that comes from you being able to control yourself around that. I speak from experience on that as well.
I know why you crave it. It’s the Devil tempting you. But like I said it is a “short piece of happiness” that collapses under the weight of everything else.

[Hanrej]

Talk to him about it. You could either open up the relationship, do threesomes or some hotwife/cuckold roleplay. Plenty of couples explore their sexuality with other people, the worst part is the angst you feel before bringing up the question.

Just hope your boyfriend is a calm guy you can talk to about everything and it should at least be an interesting conversation.

Have fun.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

I would say try avoiding any guy you may feel attracted to (which is perfectly natural) and try to spend more meaningful time with your current boyfriend. I wouldn't recommended anything beside that since at least you haven't cheated and you sound like you still love your boyfriend (which explains the guilt).

Just try avoiding situations where you might do something wrong, even drinking with the wrong people could lead to something bad.

[Asker]

Thank you :) that’s a good plan.

[AsaKyo]

"I’ve been with my boyfriend for around 5 years now and he is the most caring and genuine person ever, we love eachother so much and I want to marry him and Spend my whole future with him."

Why does every story like this start with stuff like that? You obviously don't love him or want to spend your life with him if you're actively wanting to sleep with other men.

[Guy13]

Stay away from SM, porn, OF, TV and/or anything else highly sexual !!

[RobT312]

5 years…. maybe u just want to get more adventurous sexually. I think u can do it without cheating. My girlfriend and I wanted to get more adventurous around the 5 yr mark…. we tried anal, tried a threesome, etc. but never cheated

[Curmudgeon]

Asker, that eas addressed to @userxvi. My point is, don't pre-judge people. But back to you: Anyway, if he's a great guy, you should put the silly infatuation aside and just stay.

[Berethor]

Sounds slutty.

[Asker]

Why? Because I want to explore my sexuality?

[Asker]

But of course if it was you in the situation that would be fine obviously

[Berethor]

A man is like a key, a woman is like a lock. Purge those slutty thoughts from your mind.

[exitseven]

Think about how you would feel if he found out about it. He would dump you or if he didn't the relationship would never be the same and ask yourself if it would be worth it.

[Light909090]

Do what you want as Long as your current boyfriend doesn’t and never finds out it’s as if you never cheated.

[BarryLiverstone]

Was your boyfriend on the trip?

[Asker]

Yes he was

[BarryLiverstone]

Sounds like you are spending lots of time with the other guy so that’s built your sexual attraction towards him. When you told your boyfriend what did he say?

[userxvi]

Hopefully he see's your post and he dumps your ass because lord KNOWS that if 6 or so months ago he said the exact same thing you said here now (before you were having these feelings) you would have none of it

[Asker]

I haven’t told him anything. Technically what I’m doing is emotionally cheating right? It eats me up inside.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are not cheating. You can be attracted to other people. It’s ok.

[Asker]

@userxvi what’s wrong with you? Im asking for constructive feedback. Why are you attacking me?

[BarryLiverstone]

Userxvi is a bully and wants you to be upset by his words. Best to ignore him as he isn’t being polite.

[Asker]

That is what I shall do :) thank you for understanding and taking your time to respond to my question.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. It’s possible the change in medication is also affecting your hormones as the body is having to adapt. Do you feel a lot of guilt in how you feel about someone else?

[Asker]

I definitely do feel a lot of guilt because my boyfriend does everything right and the boy on the trip is my brothers BEST friend who was innocently trying to have a good time. It started a few weeks after my medication changed so perhaps you’re correct. I’ve never had these thoughts before.

[Curmudgeon]

@userxvi she is what *she does*, not what she thinks about for a fleeting moment but does not do. Thoughts are fleeting mostly.

[BarryLiverstone]

One thing that would alleviate your guilt is to share how you feel with your boyfriend. You trust and love him after five years and if you are honest he can hear you and give you feedback. You clearly didn’t cheat on him and finding someone else attractive is normal. He also finds others attractive so communicating about your feelings can only strengthen your connection with him. Has he ever told you he’s attracted to someone else?

[Curmudgeon]

@barryliverstone maybe not? Maybe just keep this buried?

[Asker]

I think he would understand if I brought it up with him because he’s that great. He hasn’t told me about finding others attractive but I’m sure he thinks like me (just not as intensely).

[BarryLiverstone]

The challenge with keeping this buried is not only does she feeling guilt and worry but she will continue those feelings and reflect on them again. Also after 5 years devoted to someone keeping things from them tends to block the connection. She trusts and loves her man so keeping things from him makes less sense as what else should she not tell him?

[Asker]

@Curmudgeon have you ever had something similar? I would appreciate the advice.

[Asker]

You make a very valid point, Barry, I will have a think about ways I can bring this up if I think it’s getting in the way of my relationship.

[Curmudgeon]

Asker, I have. For instance, I was and still am very physically attracted to women who look Iike my ex. Bu I don't bring that up with my girlfriend who looks much different, because she is a great lady and why hurt her feelings?

[Curmudgeon]

But I don't bring that up, even though she knows already. Why rub that in so to speak?

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s not rubbing it in. For example you could see a movie together and tell her the actress is hot. Is that rubbing it in?

[Twalli]

Urges are fine. Acting on them is the problem.

[Danger1213]

So have you gone to your boyfriend about this and seeing what he says. Also if he gave you permission to have sex with other men do you think you could?

[Zygum]

As you have your ideal partner, who love you and care you, so be sincere and loyal to him, forget other men

[d3n0939]

she is using him.

[Zygum]

@d3n0939, who, I did not understand

[Asker]

@d3n0939 I’m literally not - I didn’t realise you knew everything about me

[d3n0939]

no one needs to read genome to know if a tiger bites or not. So is to know if someone is a low life

[Asker]

@d3n0939 I’m absolutely not using him. If you had any brains cells you would realise that. 5 years is a long game

[userxvi]

Certified women moment.

[Ironic_Method]

Oh yeah, because only women have these thoughts.

[userxvi]

Okay simp

[Asker]

He’s just not a simp though for stating facts?

[userxvi]

Okay the simp comment was a bit out of line I will admit, but the "I love him but I want to fuck other dudes" it totally a women thing. Guys never say this

[Asker]

I think you’ll find it’s not gender selective. Anybody can have these feelings.

[Ironic_Method]

What... both genders have these thoughts all the time. Men probably more so on average.

[Curmudgeon]

@Ironic_Method of course not only women have those thoughts, but you miss the point. A man with such thoughts is considered a scoundrel if he acts on them, while a woman who acts on them is all too often forgiven or even celebrated for "finding her true self". Surely you are aware if this? If not, then yes, you ARE a "simp".

[Ironic_Method]

You sound like a bitter old man. Just because your insignificant experiences find yourself judging a certain way in your circle, doesn't mean it's the norm. Sounds like you both have some issues to work through.

[userxvi]

@Ironic_Method Yeah I have issues because I find disgust and disgrace in unfaithfulness. I've never been cheated on. Honestly you guys sound like a bunch of simps/cucks sitting here holding her hand comforting her

[Asker]

Since when have I actually been unfaithful? Do you understand the post? Have you read it properly?

[Ironic_Method]

I've never been cheated on either, but having the understanding that it's normal to want to have sex with more than one person seems like basic human comprehension. Weird that you pretend that once you're in a relationship it suddenly becomes impossible to not have sexual thoughts about others. Acting on it without support from your partner is still bad. These aren't mutually exclusive ideas.

[Curmudgeon]

@userxvi well, she has not done it yet. Now is the time to be sympathetic but firmly urge her NO. Save the condemnation for after she actually does it.

[userxvi]

I wonder if you would feel in the same way if it was your girlfriend telling you these things? That while she was out all she could think about was banging another dude. I guess everyone is at their own stage of evolution some more ruled by their brain stem then others

[Curmudgeon]

@userxvi Actually, my girlfriend knows I have such feelings, but I don't bring them up, why hurt her? And I certainly don't act on them. Point is, hold your fire for now. We can tear into her after she actually does something.

[Asker]

Get off my page you lonely old creep userxvi

[Asker]

@Curmudgeon after she actually does something? I’m right here… reading what you are saying I don’t want to act on my urges, I’ve said that. Why hold fire and threaten me with verbal abuse before anything’s even happened?

[userxvi]

Gladly

[Asker]

Fuck off @userxvi

[Onashir]

I have a lady friend that is in wonderful marriage. But when she wants have rough sex from a bigger fat cock she just gives me 45 minutes notice and request how she wants. She is been my fuck buddy for a while and wonderful happy marriage. Compromise

[Cheerfull009]

It is cheating on your sincere and loyal partner, it shows he loves but you don't love him

[Anonymous]

I assume he was the one who asked you out and hit on you

[Anonymous]

Then its time to move on unless you can make some sort of arrangement.