Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Ok... So, that book. Yeah, THAT one.
First, let's reprise 4 things we DO know about ... that book.
1)
It's really bad. (In fact, it's so bad that I genuinely thought it was intended as a burlesque, or a lampoon, when I first read it.)
2)
The title character is a fucked-up creepy psycho stalker with mommy issues. There's nothing authentically dominant about him whatsoever. He has a troubling attraction to helplessness and naïveté, and the story sure as hell doesn't help equally naïve readers distinguish between dominance and abuse.
3)
The story certainly doesn't do BDSM or its cognoscenti any favors, either. (The title character is said to have first become submissive, as the result of, essentially, statutory rape -- and then somehow evolved into this faux-dominant poser. There are so many things wrong with this portrayal that I don't even know where to start counting -- or where to stop facepalming.)
4)
But... it's a cultural sensation nonetheless.
Its effects have spilled over into the public consciousness, the incidence rate of STI's among the post-menopausal crowd, and even the inventory turnover of hardware stores.
Yep.
__
OK, that's the background.
Now, let's talk about a MORE insidious effect of That Book -- about which I haven't heard as much chatter, either in real life or on the internet.
Thanks to that book... For a lot of people, fuckin' can't just be fuckin' anymore.
THAT.
The most pernicious effect of this whole 50 Shades phenomenon, as I see it, is that many of the book's devotees have started to view EVERY sex act through the lens of "domination" and/or "submission".
EVERY SINGLE THING.
For these unfortunates... fuckin' has lost its ability to just be fuckin'. Sex can't just be sex anymore -- it HAS to be power games, all the time.
Don't get me wrong here -- I LOVE sexual power games. Deep in mah darkest deepest heart of hearts (yes, I actually have a heart), I'm one of the most sexually submissive creatures that ever rolled off the machines of God's North American manufacturing works. I had lurid fantasies at age 11 that would make post-apocalyptic warlords blush. I can have blinding orgasms just from being slapped across the face -- by the man I love -- with the perfect verbal lashing to accompany it... let alone more intense things. #fuckyeahmarriedlife
...AND STILL.
Still.
Even for a degenerate like me... MOST fuckin' is just fuckin'. MOST sex is NEITHER "dominant" NOR "submissive" -- but MOST sex includes a healthy complement of making sweet hot intense emotionally invested luuuuvvv.
...And THAT's the biggest problem this 50 Shades phenomenon has caused -- ALL THAT has been lost, for many of the book's biggest aficionados.
For far too many 50 Shades fans... BDSM limits, rather than enriches, their sexuality.
I've seen and heard discussions -- not only on the internet (where every imaginable manner of weird discussion prevails), but even in real life -- about things like whether it's "inherently submissive" to go down on a woman.
Sweet hell, I even heard a serious conversation once between a couple of thirtyish guys -- in the real, live, living breathing world -- about whether it was "submissive" to KISS a woman.
I SWEAR.
Yeah, they were a little tipsy... but... SRSLY?
Worst case scenario, there's going to be a whole army of disaffected women whose faux-"dominant" boyfriends are afraid to go down on them. Or even KISS them.
And however many thousands of men AND women with, essentially, stunted sexual growth. Unable to just make sweet love.
NO sex act is inherently "dominant" or "submissive".
Not a single one.
As an analogy, consider the word "bitch". "Bitch" is a word.
Think of all the different ways a man could say "Bitch" to a woman.
• He could be sniveling and butthurt, and it'll just make him seem even more pathetic.
• If she's afraid that she's rubbed someone the wrong way, he could say it sarcastically, and -- ironically -- comfort her.
• He could glower at her with fire and anger -- and passion -- in his eyes, and scream it at her because he loves her so much and hates her so much... all at once.
• He could say it while he fucks her into sweet orgasmic bliss -- to let her know in no uncertain terms that she's his bitch.
Etc.
You get me.
With ANY sex act, it's the same.
The THINGS you do in bed are like words. They can communicate absolutely anything you want them to communicate. If you read something as "inherently submissive", then that's your fault, for having such a limited point of view.
With the right lover, ANY sex act can be "submissive"... or "dominant"... or loving... or degrading... or maybe all of the above, all at once.
Or none of the above. Because sometimes, fuckin' is just fuckin'.
#BATTLEROYALE #TeamRJ
What Girls & Guys Said
18 32Tbh, despite my lifestyle, I have never read the book or seen the film.
I DID watch the doco though :)
Documentary? Like, about what?
The FSOG documentary called "Sex story: Fifty Shades Of Grey" It explores the whole FSOG backstory. It also interviews the author.
Anything interesting from it? (either the good or the bad kind of "interesting")
I really liked the doco, especially the authors honesty where she confessed to researching almost everything online or via interviews with bdsm escorts etc. Naturally the doco is full of many haters and critics, begrudging her and her books success. I personally just envy it :P
yeah, I mean... I'm looking to it as a blueprint for success in the current market, tbh. It's objectively a bad book -- but it was still wildly commercially successful. Which means the field is wide open for a *better* book. (If the field had less potential, then the book would actually have to be decently good to achieve that much success. But, this is pure first-mover advantage.) So, I just may go ahead and write one, one of these days here.
I'll look forward to that while I still struggle with my screenplay that I manically keep editing and rewriting. Cheers xo :)
This comment won't have much to do with the take buuuttt...
The way you talk about some guys being attracted to innocence and awkwardness in a girl makes me wonder if you think guys who like those traits in a girl are less of men or are destined to be rapists or something. Cause this isn't the first time I've seen you allude to your opinions about that.
Well, there's innocence and there's innocence. And there's "attracted" and there's "attracted". You know what I mean? It's one thing to have a certain kind of adoration, for a woman who's managed to float through life without getting caught up in so many of its troubles. *That* is neither rapey nor creepy; it's perfectly wholesome (as are the guys who usually exhibit it). On the other hand, it's quite another thing to be drawn to someone who just doesn't understand what the fuck you're doing, and thus can't really offer any sort of genuine challenge to it. That's like playing a game on level 1 for yr whole life, or just using cheat codes or something. It's a major character flaw -- not to mention how badly it can fuck up the innocent counterpart who just isn't ready for it.
Perfectly well written.
I read the first book and half way through, I stopped reading it. Terrible represention of a sub. It wasn't even bdsm. More like a guy forcing a naive girl into sex slave acts, which she didn't want to be part of and had no idea wth was going on! But since she didn't want to lose a hottie with mommy issues, she dealt him. Ughh
Ikr? And... what, exactly, was the CG character supposed to be *attracted* to? Her literally falling on her face TWICE in the first couple chapters? Ahahah Also did you catch the Ana/Mia references? (as explained in tenseven's thread here) Fucking fuck.
Never read the book. Was unfortunate enough to waste part of my life on the film. The script/acting was like watching a two year old trying to make a join the dots drawing. It was always going to be crap, but somehow they managed to make it even worse.
I just feel so sorry for Don Johnson.
My biggest problem with the books (yes I read them) was he was more of a stalker then anything else. The BDSM was fanciful, but within the realms of possibilities. As for his history of being a sub first then a Dom is based on real life, many people learn how to be a Dom by studying under another Dom. I certainly have a few ex lovers who I worked with who became quite dominant in their lives, and from many discussions I've had with both armature and pro Doms it's the usual path.
Now I've done both porn and live BDSM shows so... and I was in those circles for quite a while (I still have a semi active fetlife account). I've also considered doing a shibari exhibition, but I've been out of it for the most part since before those books broke.
Interesting, thanks for yr comment. I can see "studying under another Dom", but that's worlds away from being submissive and then just magically flipping a switch. That's... insulting, to those of us whose orientation (in terms of dom/sub) is deeply hardwired -- it's totally trivializing something that isn't trivial, and that is in fact part of our fundamental sexuality. In my case, I had submissive fantasies long before I even had sexual fantasies at all. For me, being fundamentally submissive is every bit as hardwired as being 100% straight... so, the way the CG character is written, to me, reads analogously to "This character was straight as a teenager, but then became gay." Uhhhm not how life works.
I can see that. From my experiences if someone wants to Dom, at least well, they must submit. No it's not ideal but you can't effectively control the situation unless you understand sub space, you know that place in your mind where you just become the sub. But subbs do not need to be a Dom, as the whole thing is about letting go of control. Did you see my mytake about sub males? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a21609-a-brief-overview-submissive-men Honestly though there are too many mistakes an inexperienced Dom can make, some even life threatening.
I read it lol, I didn't like it either. Something about the main girl rubbed me the wrong way, she was wide eyed and helpless. Then when she let him go too far then got angry about it, like why didn't she just tell him to stop? He can't read her mind. I like your style of writing, it has the clarity that walls of text lack 👌🏾
ahah thanks for the kind words <3 Yeah, I'm not sure what the author was trying to paint as *attractive* to the CG character. I mean... in the real world, slipping and falling on yr face multiple times is not how you land the hot guy ahah
It was a twilight fanfiction and that book is weirdly abusive too. They both feature "plain jane" main characters so the readers can project themselves through her. The awkwardness and indecisiveness is horrible to read in my opinion. I prefer characters who may not start out perfect but go through character development into baddies 😄 I hear you're going to write a book? That's an amazingg idea. 😁 If you have any works that you've finished I'd love to read them.
I've had some short stories published (under various names ahah) but nothing on such a terribly ambitious scale. I mean, if you count random scenes on my hard drive that I've just typed up in moments of boredom, plus all my handwritten notebooks of sexually-frustrated-girl-fantasies from all those years, I've got literally hundreds of pages of erotic scenes to work with. If I can actually make up a coherent plot, and characters with mass appeal, I should just be able to pull the scenes from that giant "library", and then write them into whatever plot. I've just never created the plot of a story longer than about 10 pages before, so... yeah. Am gna try to throw something together this fall, if all works out well.
I mean, if short stories are your specialty then why not make a collection of short stories? They can be of the same two characters getting together in different ways but would be easier to write because each individual story will have it's own arc that contributes to the book's overlying concept.
ahah girl if I'm actually gna get off my ass and hit up literary agents, I *first* want to be a shameless sellout. Short stories don't really sell that well in North America (as opposed to, say, Colombia, where short stories are practically part of the national patrimony). I'd want to push something onto the mass market, get some passive income going, and *then* mb put other stuff out there. In other words, I'm perfectly content just having a bunch of smut on mah hard drive, unless I can actually write something that will suddenly make millions of dollars flow into our household ahhaha. We shall see.
Lol I wish you the best of luck 😄 I'm sure you can cook up better content than 50 shades but coming up with ideas is difficult. I've always been good at descriptive writing and improving on other people's ideas (spellcheck, cutting all fluff words) but I could rarely come up with my own, original stories. That's the difficult part that takes talent and luck.
oh, yeah, I'll probably just pick a few friends of mine, meld together a few of their more memorable personality traits, and make characters out of that... kinda like a Frankengirlfriend lmao. I would absolutely SUCK at inventing characters who don't already exist in the real world. I read a study once, about how only introverted people tend to be able to do 2 things -- (1) invent characters that aren't just a reprise of real-world people, (2) act out roles that aren't basically identical to their real-world personalities. (For instance, Jack Nicholson is one of the VERY few extroverts in Hollywood, and you'll notice that he literally plays *exactly the same character* in every single one of his movies... and all those characters are exactly the same way he is in real life.) I am not introverted at all, so, it makes sense that I would have to make a character by just basically gluing together pieces of my real-life girlfriends. I know enough REAL shit that's happened to REAL people
that's pretty far beyond the pale, that "making up stories" totally wouldn't be a problem at all. I mean, I have a few friends whose life stories are so incredible -- and/or so incredibly weird -- that it honestly took me over a year of knowing them to become fully convinced that they weren't full of shit.
I've noticed that extroverts act pretty much the same whoever they're with whereas introverts fill in roles depending on what the situation is. I'm an introvert through and through, so I find myself unconsciously molding myself into others' ideas of me rather than actually me. I've been an imitator since I was young (loved acting out scenes from my favorite movies). Even so much that I started trying to imitate extroverts so I could stay the same no matter how influenced I felt by people around me. Molding a character from your friends would add a very real edge to your writing. Believable characters are always the best, the unpredictable, rash ones that feel human emotions rather than being empty voids that we channel ourselves through (cough, bella swan, cough).
Interesting perspective. I know there's a tendency for introverts to be jealous of extroverts in social situations (... because duh social situations), but, what doesn't get noticed as often is the reverse (when we're jealous of introverts). Specifically, when I was going through my worst teenage depressive episodes -- and especially because I also had sleep problems that put me into what I called a "time ghetto" (where I'd be awake when everyone else was sleeping) -- I just felt SO all alone. In a way that introverts probably don't, and CAN'T, understand, because being introverted brings with it a certain kind of comfort in being alone. It was basically everything bad all at the same time, and no one else to dump it on (except my dad, who'd wake up and drive me down to the shop so I could do some welding, or osmething to burn it away).
Grass greener. I've never felt that alone in a time ghetto (*looks at time* ah I'm in one right now) but social situations that aren't going smoothly strain me so much. I seriously enjoy company if I'm in the right mindspace, like some days when I'm just on a roll (everything goes smoothly, I don't mess up). I wish that it would always go smoothly since those "on-a-roll" days make me the happiest and I treasure them. Your father sounds like a very good man, I read another reply about when he made you make a door after you broke yours. That is proper parenting 😂 I wonder how disciplined I'd be if my parents took that approach.
yeah, srsly, I won the father lottery
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2027602-it-s-father-s-day-what-are-your-thoughts-feelings-about-your-dad
He meant business, that's for sure. Kept all our asses in line, usually without even having to raise his voice or his hand.
He's a single father, so maybe he felt the need to be twice the man in order to raise you guys up. Good thing he was because this site would be trash without you.
"this site would be trash without you"
^^ ahah
uproxx.files.wordpress.com/.../...e-knope-trap.gif
fr there are plenty of other cool peeps on here tho
There are but a lot seem to withhold their wisdom rather than sharing it. You, on the other hand, let it spill on everyone who reads whether they like it or not 😂
lol... privileges of fast typing, I suppose
I've never read the book or watched the movie but your take reminds me of a Family Guy episode where Brain writes a book for the masses lol. Wish it Want it Do it. Its dumb and idiotic but sells.
lol yeah -- as I wrote down there in tenseven's thread, I'm tossing around the idea of pushing something onto the mass market. Something *better* -- but that will still sell. I just gotta make a formula for what sells, first.
Well we know what sells. Sex does lol. But the angle you wanna approach. And maybe it's not even erotica maybe it's even "how to" like let's wipe away the bullshit of what was 50 shades of grey and create how to have great sex in matriage. Write on your experiences. Just thoughts in my head.
yah, I'd definitely sneak something of that kind into the story -- but I wouldn't want to write anything that was explicitly a self-help book. People got walls up, against that sort of thing... they'd be much more open to taking "advice" from a fantasy character, regardless of whether they consciously recognized that taking advice is what they were doing. It isn't just women, either. I'm sure WAY more men have been influenced by Tyler Durden, Danny Ocean, or Bud White than by anything explicitly thrown at them as a self-help title.
ahhh my lips are sealed lol.
i think this is the first time I've ever disagreed with you. but to each their own.
Yeah, I remember you appreciated the book. Hey, you're far from the only one... the author is, after all, worth something like $85 million now. lmao.
haha true... i mean i know its not very realistic, but most books aren't. All movies and books give us a unrealistic outlook on life in general, but that doesn't mean we should stop enjoying them. I think that since you're very experienced with BDSM, it makes you look at the things that happen in the book very analytically. I, on the other hand, have little to NO experience hahah so its a fun read. Do i think it sounds hot? yes. But I've always liked the idea of a dominant man, even before the book. I don't know why.
True, but, girlfriendddd the character development! Why couldn't they have made the main character awesome in at least *some* way? Her signature move is to fall on her face! Also, tbh, the things that trouble me the *most* aren't the BDSM-related things. I'm more troubled by the fact that CG is literally a stalker -- he shows up unannounced at the protagonist's workplace, literally hundreds of miles from where he lives -- and that readers basically give him a pass on the psycho-stalkerness because he's rich. I know, I KNOW, this could all be written off as more fantasy... like, in the same way rape fantasies aren't actually about rape, you could say this isn't *really* a stalker so much as an ideal "smitten man". And that's probably what's happening in the minds of many readers -- they just aren't *processing* the fact that this guy came HUNDREDS OF MILES to stop UNINVITED into yr JOB! lol... Now that I think about it, I'm probably projecting a lot of my own personal bias onto that
part, because I had LOTS of issues with men basically trying to suffocate me / impinge on my privacy, back when I was single. So I suppose I'm personally hypersensitive to that, still, even after all these years. More to the point, though, I eventually want to sell something to the same mass market -- so, really, I need to tune into the tastes of readers like you, not so much readers like myself.
I think they're trying to say that you fall for a persons imperfections. At the beginning I will admit she acted like a clutch. But when Christian grey found out more about her, it made sense to me. He never really experienced what it was like To be with someone so innocent, kind of reflecting back to his childhood in my opinion. It was kind of a parallel to when his dominant made him submissive when he was still very innocent. He is able to get away with the stalker thig because he was famous. Literally everyone wanted to be with him. It would kind of be like a more attractive and younger version of trump.
Clutz not clutch lol
See, the thing with "imperfections" is... well, just look at that word. Im- + perfections. "Imperfections" aren't a thing, unless the rest is basically perfect. (: When the entire character is basically one giant imperfection... well, yeah, then it's not really an "imperfection" anymore lol. I do see yr point about a second chance at lost innocence. That's an interesting thought -- one that hadn't occurred to me before -- and I CAN see the appeal there. So actually that goes a decent way toward helping me understand the appeal. Thanks! __ "He is able to get away with the stalker thing because he was famous." See, now, yeah, THAT just doesn't sit well with me. You can see that, right? Do we really want to teach readers that *stalking* is OK if yr net worth has enough digits? Ugh Again... heavy personal bias admitted. Double bias, actually. Previously described issues with men not leaving me the fuck alone -- and I think you know how I feel about men who flash cash (right?) STILL.
hahah okay i agree, i agree. it is weird.. but once again it's just a book. He's hot as hell and wants a nobody. It kind of gives hope to all those girls who have a fetish of being with someone important. I'm not saying it's right, but it's just creative writing. how do you feel about men who flash cash?
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2058998-what-are-things-that-people-are-normally-attracted-to-that-does
very interesting. is there a specific situation in which that actually happened? in my experience, when a guy is successful, it is because he has good work ethic and intelligent. His social skills haven't fully developed because he's been so focused on school and work, but that can develop over time. I agree money is usually not good indicator if that is ALL he talks/brags about, but money generally implies they have other good characteristics in my opinion.
^^ Hence my comment that wealth COULD be "not a turn-off", **IF** the guy keeps it so close to the chest that basically no one knows about it. (Did you read the follow-up post on that thread? I wouldn't have linked it if it were just 2 words... lol) Still wouldn't ever be a turn-on... but at least in that case it might not be a turn-off. Traditional "ambition" would still pose some problems, though. For instance, my sleep schedule is incompatible with the traditional business day, so, I couldn't offer much meaningful logistical support to someone whose work was tied to that kind of schedule. But, ANY kind of conspicuous consumption? ANY kind of gratuitous displays of wealth, with the expectation that I'd be impressed by it? Fuck no, that's it, I'm done.
hahah yeah i did. i agreed with "My subconscious just starts screaming at me, 'This man has NOTHING else to offer.'" it does put up a little bit of a red flag but it is better than a guy who doesn't even take you out to dinner. lol i've had that too, where they are just so frugal they would rather not go out at all.
lol I eat at sit-down restaurants... like... once or twice a year (for client meetings). that'd actually be preferable for me. now if the dude didn't like dressing up and going OUT out, *then* there would be issues ahah
Haha me too. I prefer making my own food too... But the guy im talking to literally hasn't even really asked me on a date. We usually chill at his place, go on walks etc. but the fact that we haven't been out is starting to annoy me.
Have you said anything about it? If not, just bring it up (politely, obvs). Tbph, for me it's 75 percent "I have a shit-ton of amazing clothes, so I need to wear them places", and 25 percent about actually going places ahah. Dead srs. Totally my primary motivator for going to see-and-be-seen type places with mah man. Them dresses ain't gna wear themselves! (: Beyond that, it's more about the people than about the places. A lot of people in my network (and/or their spouses) are big on "entertaining", so a big percentage of my social life these days -- which intersects a lot with my business life -- is spent in people's houses. And now that lots of my girlfriends are moms, we don't have as many girls' nights, although we still try for at least one a month. But, yeah. If you feel like you need to go out more, then say something!
haha thats funny.. idc about the clothes aspect.. its more just switching things up. and yeah i should. but its still pretty new and i hate the idea of coming across high maintenance. lol
It's not "high maintenance" if you want to go out and do things *together with him* lol. ("High maintenance" would be more like if you were trying to set some minimum $ amount that you wanted him to spend on you... as opposed to him not wanting to take you out and DO things with you, which is a perfectly reasonable objection.)
Well spending money is inevitable when you leave the apt. Ya know? And for instance he literally just asked me to come over tonight.. Hahah he's been studying all day so he'll probably just want to chill. I don't know I feel like it's a sign he's not taking me seriously. How would you take that?
Well, I suppose I'd have to know more abour the situation. Is he a student who's just scraping by and genuinely just doesn't have any disposable income? When I was at Cal State, I knew a few students for whom even a few bucks here and there could be a big deal, because their budget was just *that* tight. Is he exhausted or mentally fatigued? Is this midterm season or something? (Summer term?) Etc.
He actually has finals this week lol and last week he had 9 regular exams. He doesn't get much sleep cause his school tarts at 7 and he's always texting me until 11-12 at night. I'm not sure about the money situation. He is getting his doctorate though so that's not cheap lol
Well... In that sort of situation, then, it's going to depend very much on the dude. I hate oversimplifying the world, but for the moment let's just say there are introverts and extroverts. • If he's extroverted -- as you presumably are -- then going out would help him blow off a lot of that stress and "even himself back out" or "get his mind right"... even if he's sleep-deprived. • If he's introverted, then, honestly, socializing would become another source of stress. On top of everything else, that could really break things. So, it comes down to understanding his situation, really. A PhD hmm? In what?
He's guna be a chiropractor. He's very extroverted lol I'm actually pretty shy at first, especially when it comes to guys. I'm worried that I'm just "convenient" for him. Yeah he could be spending his time with other people too, but still. I think it's weird he doesn't plan ahead
Yeah, if he's actually the more extroverted one then that does strike me as weird, and I don't think you're out of line at all to be concerned about it. If I were you, I'd just bring it up the same way you brought it up here. Tell him you enjoy yr time with him, but that you're sometimes afraid you're just a "convenient option" for him -- and that you just need him to prove it to you, through actions, if he values you more. I wouldn't bring up the extrovert/introvert thing in a conversation like that, but, yeah. Unless he thinks YOU would rather just chill, and he's just reading you wrong... do you think that might be a possibility?
I checked the beginning of 50 Shades of rape and I wasn't impressed by it. It seemed like a waste of time to me, so I did not even begin with it.
Yes, that book is REALLY bad. So bad It's overrated.
Just ugh!
And people actually overthink it? Damn!
Could you be interested if you read it as unintentional camp/comedy? ... or even as a pure marketing lesson?
Merely for scientific purposes (which it most probably lacks of but thanks to you, I know it now) but that book will never be read by me.
Actually on second thought, the equivalent of 50shadesofraep for men is kind of like porn. Porn CAN (it must not, it CAN) influence it's audience how sex should be and then hold expectations of like the performing pornstars on porn videos. Total BS. The same applies for the media and the scripted movies, how girls believe love should be and start comparing with their boyfriends to the perfectly directed movies. Just keep it all real.
Eh, nah, I see what you're doing there, but that analogy doesn't work. The effect I'm observing here is interesting in that it doesn't come *directly* from the book. (As opposed to the porn effects you're describing, which absolutely DO come directly from the porn scripts.) I mean... when I hear GUYS talking about whether kissing/cunnilingus/whatever is "inherently submissive", obviously it's 99/100 odds that these guys have never read the 50 Shades book. No, what I think is ultimately happening here with *guys* is that 50 Shades put that whole ball into their court in the first place -- but then there's the influence of the whole PUA/internet dudebros/etc thing, where they are OBSESSED with trying to appear "dominant" all the time, to the point of fault. It's really the unholy alliance of THOSE two things that's creating the problem on the boy side. On the girl side, the only thing that's new here is the sheer number of millions of readers who've read this book, because it was
marketed as trade paperback rather than a "romance novel". Honestly, that's the biggest difference on the girl side, is just magnitude. I mean... girls have always read romance novels and had fantasies. But girls tend to be WAAAYYYY better than guys at drawing a line between fantasy and reality, and at keeping each thing on the proper side of the line.
Hm yeah, I was trying to make a point with that. "when I hear GUYS talking about whether kissing/cunnilingus/whatever is "inherently submissive"," Ehrrr, I have my own way of thinking in that regard but this given case I cannot say anything for sure because I haven't read 50 shades o raep myself, however I don't think it is relevant to this book. It's kind of dull. As for my own opinion on it, I think kissing girls is just an act to show affection? I never had a girlfriend and I'm also a virgin, so that's what I think. Submission is not relevant here. As for the obsessive appearing "dominant" men, I believe they believe in that stereotype. There was some statistics, that also proved, that females prefer being submissive and men to be dominant. But I do know, that it depends from person to person. Merely relying on stats gives you only an assumption with a highly likely rate of applicable preference.
So what do you think that caused it to be so succesful?
First-mover advantage, mostly. Almost entirely. There really wasn't anything else like it on the mass market before. I mean, there were like 10,000,000,000 fanfics, but this was the first one that really got launched onto the mass market by a major publisher. Honestly, this could have been one of thousands of other fanfics -- this author just happened to be in the right proverbial place at the right time.
So in other words... Luck lol
Well, the author did have a substantial following in the fanfic community. So it wasn't *totally* out of nowhere. But, as for why hers blew up and the zillion other Twilight fanfics didn't? Yeah mostly luck.
When I was a kid the "Story of O" was making the rounds again after the free love thing was peaking. Ever read it?
@Intraluminal Yep, it's right here on mah shelf... in Catalan, of all possible things.
https://s3.postimg.org/ewtbmgg37/image.jpg
Look at media in general: with the exception of the sports world, there exists a strand of pop culture that is inherently fake: dispassionate, uninspired music with decent beats (everything ever made by Drake or Kanye, etc.), scripted "reality" tv shows with meandering, senseless stories featuring adolescent control over emotions, and terribly written novels that sell on childish interpretations of sex. Even sports has the ever fake WWE, but at least they wear that fakeness like a badge on their sleeve.
My next take is *almost* about that exact thing lol
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a30582-in-praise-of-mindless-entertainment
My point here goes beyond just "It's fake" or "It's uninspired", though -- the real point is that there could be pernicious effects on how people view their own sexuality (or, worse, the lens through which they see things like stalking).
" I'm one of the most sexually submissive creatures that ever rolled off the machines of God's North American manufacturing works. "
Thats a very interesting statement,
It brings to mind an image of Jesus having angels assemble your body on a conveyer belt in detroit
lol well, the running joke is that I was supposed to be a boy, but I accidentally got stamped into a girl body on the assembly line. So pretty much yeah
I'm sure there is a reason that you are a girl
like, besides "I got the sperm with the X chromosome on it"?
Yeah
I do believe there is a metaphysical reason people are the way they are
I do too in theory, but I don't even entertain the thought that I'm smart enough to try to understand it.
The sad thing is all of these (butthurt) people fail to realize it's fiction and its sole purpose is entertainment. Taking cues from fiction (not to mention, poorly written one) and applying it in real life is... sad :<
2 cents
I appreciated that take.
I read that book a few years ago and I had close to none sexual experience. Were you right about it influencing people's views on sex? That's totally true. I think ever since I've read that I've had that sexual fantasy about forced, dominating role play.
This book is poison for the naives.
But you seem smart enough to educate yrself about these things further. Most aren't.
I'm glad I didn't read the book or see the movie. It's kinda funny that Tyler Perry (I think that's who it was) made a parody of it called "50 shades of Black." I actually wanted to see that movie more (maybe I'll rent it now of these days).
I did remember hearing the "outlash" from the 50 shades of Grey movie though. Not good.
I haven't seen the movie. Ironically, I think (iirc, from what I read) the protagonist was portrayed as at least *somewhat* more capable -- or, if you will, at least somewhat less of a dipshit, with at least a modicum of agency over her own fate -- in the movie.
Hmmmmm most interesting... I will study this again and then give you my remarks...
Lmfaooo at you if you think these nerds even get laid OP I see this question like everyday baha I've never heard about chick mentioning that she wanna be dominated or wanna be dominant or shit. And I've never said shit like that eigther, u just pick amd pound lmao those words are creepy
yah, at yr age it isn't much of a thing yet
Bdsm is just a game, I can enjoy it only with one woman , where the perversions are emotional before physical
It's only about compatibility , we both understand it and want it
Bdsm became popular cause it's cool to say you are into it, but in real most of these fans are not into it
Never read it, never plan on doing it.
Masturbating is the most awkward time of the day.
Just you and your computer screen. If you look at it from the outside it's almost ridiculous, no?
Nah... if it's a man I'm into, I *love* watching him pleasure himself. (And it's a quick study in EXACTLY what feels best to him, too -- all I have to do is copy whatever he's doing with my own hands, and then add some extra flourishes of my own, and... bam, instant perfect lover. I swear, girls are stupid if they don't take advantage of this. It's like an answer key to the boy's pleasure.) I wouldn't want to see it with some random dude... but, when you've got a girl who's into you someday, she'll like it.
Pardon my ignorance, but how hard can jerking a man off be?
Just move up, move down, simple stuff.
Yeah, well...
s1231.photobucket.com/.../DiedWaiting.jpg.html
That's both of us by the time a girl is into me :P
Manual stimulation is one thing about which boys are surprisingly particular. I mean, I don't know you, but I'm betting you have yr own preferred pressure, and tempo, and hand placement, etc... and you probably don't deviate from any of those things pretty much ever. In fact, if you are like most boys I know, you probably can't even use the other hand, because it will just feel *wrong*. And if you changed the pressure/tempo/placement much, that would ruin it too. Right?
Eh, I just grab it and waggle it up and down rapidly. Sorry, was that too much info?
hah, hardly. LOL Women have the same kind of diversity in our self-stimulation, by the way. There are differences in our preferred sensitivity, pressure, location, speed, etc -- and even a surprising amonut of variation in actual clitoral anatomy. If you PAY ATTENTION to how a woman stimulates herself, you will seriously be miles ahead of most other guys as a lover.
Lady, last time I paid serious attention to something was in the summer o' the 56 and I wasn't even born then :P No, but seriously, I'm not someone known for being perceptive of his surroundings. Thankfully, it's not something I'll ever have to worry about.
That's something you can work on (just pick random aspects of yr environment and... pay attention to them, until you develop more of an intuition for them, one at a time)
Nah, that's hard. Who has time for things like that?
Time? lol Paying attention to stuff takes the same amount of time as not paying attention to stuff!
I'm lazy XD
Nice take..
I never read that though...
Thanks!
Welcome