Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
(Disclaimer: I've opted for gender-neutral language throughout this take, since men, women, and nonbinary individuals can all be survivors of rape. Feel free to share your opinions, but please be respectful and keep any victim-blaming or hate speech out of the comments. Thanks!)
I'm writing this in response to a myTake I read earlier about "why women fantasize about rape" or something like that. And all I have to say is:
I've never understood this mindset. No wo/man of sound mind fantasizes about being raped. And, if you do, then you have more problems than anyone on this site can help you with and should seek professional help immediately.
"But rape fantasies put consent in the hands of the woman!"
Uh, no. Just the word rape implies that whatever you're doing is not consensual~ how can you possibly get off to that, especially when you probably know someone who has been raped or assaulted?
According to RAINN.org, 1 in 6 American women will be the victim of completed or attempted rape in her lifetime. In addition, one person in the US is raped or assaulted every 98 seconds; if you still have your so-called "fantasies" after that, then...
People who have these so-called "rape fantasies" are actually fantasizing about being dominated, an activity that is consensual and may involve the use of a safe word.
For those who are unsure, I've included this super-handy guide to both:
Problem is, too many people have been reading/watching this tripe and think it's "romantic".
I'm convinced that this book is at least partly responsible for the rise in people with "rape fantasies". Unfortunately, it's not an accurate depiction of BDSM. It's abuse. And, let's face it, if Christian Grey was just an average dude instead of (what society considers to be) a hot billionaire, more people would see this shite for what it is.
I was sexually assaulted by a (now-ex, thankfully) partner in my early 20s and told no one; naturally, I've never seen the films or bought the books, nor would I ever date or sleep with someone who tried to romanticize that experience.
Actual rape is not romantic: it's violence. It's guilt and anxiety, fear that you'll be hurt worse if you don't give the perpetrator what s/he wants, and trauma that will last a lifetime. And, if you can get off to any of that, I've already told you where I stand.
Exactly what's on the tin.
What Girls & Guys Said
15 26Most women do in fact have rape fantasies. Most likely the OP as well.
You're right. I read the same myTake and the writer mentioned that "rape fantasy" is a strong phrase. I have a few female friends who have assured me that some women fantasize about being "dominated" in a BDSM setting. Does that mean they have a "rape fantasy?" Yes, but honestly I think our terminology should change. Bottom line, some women may enjoy BDSM but no one (of sound mind) has a true "rape fantasy" in which they want raped. Good myTake
They shouldn't call it rape fantasies to sound "cool and edgy" it's a spit in the face of people who've actually been sexually assaulted, I trust you're fine now.
GOOD ONE BABE
Just to be clear from the start, real life rapists and people who assault others are wrong... however...
How many people have had a fantasy or thoughts about killing someone? "I could just kill him/her." They thought about it. They even thought what weapon and how, but those are just thoughts; they aren't reality or action. There ARE quite a few women who have a fantasy of being raped, aka, forced into a sexual situation against their will, by another. There are quite a few romance novels, movies, porn, etc., that do very well selling this very story line... because people get off on it, so to say people don't fantasize about it, is not accurate at all. It's what you feel should not happen.
The thing to remember is that our thoughts are not necessarily our actions. What people think and dream and fantasize about are not always what they want to actually happen to them. That's why they are fantasies or just thoughts in the head which every single person is entitled to have including yourself---and frankly I'd rather have someone think terrible things, then to actually go out in the world and do them.
Now of course, It makes sense for someone like yourself having actually gone through rape or assault to feel like, how could anyone EVER think of something like that, but then again, how could anyone ever think of killing someone or write novels or create movies about murdering people in the most heinous ways? This no more means the murder thinking person, or author, or movie maker needs a psychologist, then the rape thinking one, because again, if it's never actualized and it's something private in their head or fictionalized in a book/movie, your only issue is that someone has thoughts you do not personally agree with, and obviously given the context of your personal situation, it is personal to you.
Rape fantasies is the most common female fantasy (although the word "rape" is replaced with "forced sex" because of the negative the word holds.)
So when you claim that
"No wo/man of sound mind fantasizes about being raped. "
62% of women admitted fantasizing at least one of the eight scenarios:
Forced by a man: 52%.
Raped by a man: 32%.
Forced oral by a man: 28%.
Forced while incapacitated: 24%.
Forced by a woman: 17%.
Forced anal: 16%.
Raped by a woman: 9%.
Forced oral by a woman: 9%.
okok but let's try to resonate here : they dont have fantasies about actual rape. Usually, they get forced sex by men they find attractive, in an environment they judge erotic and in a way they would love to be fucked. In fantasies, you have control over what happens, since it's your head that creates everything. you don't get hurt in a physical way and you don't feel scared. In real life, no woman would want to get raped, i'm sure
@404notfound Forced sex is rape. You can't make excuses out of it. It's still rape is it's someone they find attractive and is forcing them. Fantasy or not, if they are fantasizing about being forced to have sex against their will, they are fantasizing about being raped.
I use to have very low self-esteem when I was younger and there was a time from ages 12-14 when I thought that if I got raped, at least I knew someone wanted me, that I was desirable. I'm ashamed of those thoughts now, well I guess I was back then as well but I can't even admit that I felt that way in the past.
Now that I am older, my self-esteem is much better but I lack confidence in my sexuality. I have yet to find myself as a sexual person. I didn't grow up with sexual education and as a result, I don't know much about my body and sexual side.
I have had what some would call "rape fantasy" before, well not really fantasies but scenarios that have gotten me off a time or two. It was mainly about someone wanting me. Not me actually being raped. Just someone not able to control themselves around me. Being dominated and desired, I guess.
Well, I'm happy to see that you've survived your rape without suffering any life changing emotional trauma. Many are not so fortunate. If you'd done some deep research on subjects such as, rape, sexual abuse, PTSD and BSSM than you would have put a different spin on this My Take. You have no idea of how deep the rabbit hole really goes. And, once the damage is done, no shrink can ever fix it,
i kept the gory details of my own experience out of this because, frankly, they're no one's business. and i'm happy to see that you've made all sorts of assumptions about me based on a short piece on a site like gag, but i digress. it's not like every person who's ever been raped or assaulted is going to put on a glowing green sandwich board and be like, "look at me, i'm traumatized", after all.
im so sorry you had to go trough this... my ex partner now went via this and it ended up killing our realtionship, allthough i fight for her return everyday i know the ptsd trauma has destryed her. its so sad to watch a women you love dissapear and fade away from your life when you just want to be there and comfort and love and protect them
rape fantasy needs another name lol
So your hung up on the reality that often we have multiple meanings for words, academically defined or not, fluent to the whims and changing tides of culture.
Do one on the overuse of 'creep' by girls next.
okay, short version of the 'creep' mytake: a creep is a guy who: -stands too close, stares, or touches someone after being made aware that the attention is unwelcome; -continues to pursue someone after s/he says they aren't interested. yes, language evolves over time. but 'rape fantasy' is an oxymoron.
Great Take finally someone else gets it.
Having been there myself I'm so sorry you had to go through it to
Nice mytake, but I kinda have fantasies about me being raped by some hot Amazon girl.
Anything about foot fetish? I have some weird fantasize
rape destroys lifes and the lives of the rape victims partner and family its a vicouis circle
thanks for the gender friendly post its not something we get much these days. Im just happy to finally read a mytake that isn't attacking me or another group of people. I agree though, you can't want rape because if you really do want it, it isn't rape BUT I think ''rape fantasies'' are more firgutive than literal. its more of a role playing thing.
I role-play rape fantasy with my husband and it's one of my favorite sexual fantasies. To each there own.
I do have a rape fantasy and I role-play it with my boyfriend. It's not something for everyone and I wouldn't take offense if people thought we're crazy. At the end of the day my boyfriend and I don't hurt anyone and what we do in the bedroom is between us.
If having a rape fantasy is bad, they shouldn't all violent movies also be considered bad? Would watching scenes with killing be offensive or insensitive to people who have friends and family members that were murdered?
i could understand that if people had murder fantasies. but, as with rape 'fantasies', you should be seeing a psychiatrist if you get off on the idea of killing people.
Just don't normalise it like it's a common fantasy.
I don't like 50 shades of grey but I do have rape fantasies.
Me and my love roleplay all the time.
You might not get it, but it's simply power play.
I HATE rape but I actually like it when I resist my partner and he does it anyway.
If I say, "am tired. not tonight" it doesn't count because I consented to him a while back that am into it. Actually turns me on and makes me feel desired even though I initially wasn't in the mood.
Can sometimes get very forceful! But we love it!
Just because YOU don't enjoy this kind of sexual chemistry. That does not mean it doesn't exist.
Am not even ashamed of it cause I know its fun as hell. Gets rid of tension and is a healthy thing to indulge.
oh and by the way. It's called rape fantasy because in a consensual relationship it can sometimes feel like actual rape at first. But then after we high five each other when we are breathless for the realness of our roleplay. I love how much my partner gets into it. He really respects my fantasies. My exes just wanted me to act like a pornstar.
Without going on - I just feel I should cover everything. People do not say "I like being raped" they say, "I have a rape fantasy" But the best way to describe it is FORCED fantasy. So they enjoy reading it (erotica called bodice rippers), watching porn that has fake forced acts and setting up scenarios with lovers for it to happen.
and this, ladies and gentlemen, is why actual rape victims aren't taken seriously. the very idea of forced or non-con fantasy is why people blame victims or dismiss them entirely. why don't we turn all crimes into 'fantasy'~ then, when someone murders another person and says "oh, but she wanted it", the killer gets a slap on the wrist and walks free. oh, but getting off on murdering someone (or being murdered) is fucked up, you say? how is getting off on being violently raped any less fucked up? would you go up to the family of a murder victim and say, "oh, i heard so-and-so was murdered. i fantasized about that just last night"? replace the word 'murder' with 'rape', and you'll surely see where i'm coming from. i've read many erotic novels in my time, but have never run across one that glorifies rape and non-con. it is my sincere hope that no one with these bizarro 'fantasies' is ever raped or assaulted, because i assure you that there's nothing romantic about any of it.
Why do people watch movies with murder and other kind of thrillers? Unfortunately it IS human nature to live in a fucked up twisted fantasy. Doesn't mean those that play killing video games don't take REAL crimes seriously. Sorry. But your logic is flawed.
I have been raped despite having this fantasy. Do not make assumptions please. Luckily however I can distinguish between REALITY and FANTASY.
Real rape is about control and VIOLENCE. Fantasy is about power play and desire.
if that's true, that's even more fucked up. but, from a purely psychological angle, i'd be interested to know if the trauma and psychological damage from actually being raped is what causes people to idealize it because they think it's normal. so let's say i kill things in video games. those are pixels, not people; the settings and scenarios are works of fiction with no roots in the real world~ that's fantasy. now let's say i have a murder fetish. in that case, the scenarios i'm imagining are likely not fictitious, but involve real people; that's not fantasy~ that's called premeditated murder, especially if i act on it. just the term "rape fantasy" defies logic. acting out fantasies involve consent, communication, trust, and mutual respect between partners; rape does not. there's a huge difference between "please hurt me" and "please don't hurt me". if i tell you to stop, that means you stop. there's nothing 'hot' about being forced against your will.
I hope I don't trigger you or offend you with these things. Cause we all deal with trauma differently. RAPE - Someone forces you completely against your will. An act of violence. De-humanising. Objectifying. No respect for human dignity. FORCED CONSENSUAL SEX (AKA RAPE FANTASY) - The partner you love and trust. The submissive person relinquishes control. The fantasy is that he desires you so much, he becomes this masculine aggressive guy that is just so sexy. Sometimes I really don't want to have sex. But he will just grab me and kiss me deeply. Restrain my hands.. I'll pretend I don't want it. SO WE PLAY FIGHT until we are so hot and heavy. I am actually resisting. I love feeling how much stronger than me he is. You get the jist! What isn't hot about that? (unless ofc you aren't into that)
I say, "Please don't" and he says, "You are mine." That's the fantasy. What's so hard to understand lol
It's like. When someone you love tickles you - you don't want it but you still laugh and its fun. Same thing but sexual.
and that's exactly why i say rape fantasy defies logic. you, yourself, just admitted as much by using the phrase "forced consensual sex". the key word is 'consensual'; rape, by definition, is not consensual, and therein lies a huge difference. it's not a rape fantasy: you like being dominated. as for tickling, laughter is a physiological response to a stimulus. but it doesn't mean that the person likes it~ i sure as hell don't.
I think we should be tolerant of deviants, not judge and shame them for being different. If this woman has rape fantasies, we should accept that. It's definitely not my thing (I wouldn't be able to participate), but I recognize that different people fantasize about different things.
I'm scared that your partner is an abusive rapist and you are normalizing it in your mind because you don't want to confront the idea that you are being raped. I think you need help.
Thank you so much for this ! The whole thing about how its suddenly trendy to have "rape fantasies" because you saw 50 shades of Grey is starting to make me sick. Romanticizing and making rape into something kinky is something I didn't think wed be doing in this generation, but I guess I was wrong.