Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
CAUTION: The following post is of an adult nature. If you are not comfortable reading such things, please click away now. If you are under 18, please also click away now. (Technically, this post isn't recommended for consumption by religious people, either. Yes, I know that's ironic because I am one. But I felt that it was necessary to write this because I'm trying to make a point.)
...So I happened upon this video by a woman named Angela White. She is an adult film actress from Australia. She is naked in this film clip, and she is also having sex, so I do not recommend watching it if that is something that you do not want to see.
(Also, this post is kind of long; so if at any point it gets tedious for you, just scroll down to the paragraph beginning with the word "...SO...")
Anyway, this particular video is not really a staged production; it's more of a "behind the scenes" thing. Or maybe it starts out with a script, but it doesn't end that way. It takes an interesting twist at the end. And it brings up some deep concepts that will really make you think, in my opinion.
In the scene that I’m referring to, she’s with this guy named Manuel. He’s a middle-aged gentleman who appears to be from Spain, I think. Yes, I know he’s a porn actor, but I say “gentleman” because he is. He seems like a very nice guy. And I don’t say that about a lot of people.
So anyway, they’re having sex. And they both orgasm together. Which is nice. And then he gives her another orgasm “manuelly” (pardon the pun.) And then he holds her head against his chest, and he kisses her on the forehead. And then kisses her passionately on the lips. ...And then he makes her cum again. She is thoroughly spent.
Now he lifts her up and holds her close against his chest. He envelopes her in his arms. She rests there, leaning against his body. He comforts her and strokes her hair. She kisses him on the neck affectionately.
Then they adjust their positions, and she climbs up to sit on his lap, facing him, straddling him. She whispers, “I love your skin on my skin.” Then they kiss. Then she holds his head against her chest, and she rests her head on his. They kiss again. “That was so amazing,” she exclaims. Then she says, genuinely and sincerely, “Thank You.” (But she isn’t thanking him for the orgasm).
They embrace again, kissing each other on the shoulders. Then she suddenly pulls away and gasps, “You’re amazing!” “No; you are,” he replies. Then she kisses him repeatedly on the side of his neck, ...then kisses him on the lips again.
He jokingly says that he is going to complain to the union and tell them he was abused (apparently because she is holding him against his will and keeping him past the agreed-upon length of the shoot.) She laughs. She says, “If I don’t do something I will stay here for hours.” She says, “Thank you for always being so f*cking amazing.” “YOU are the amazing one here,” he responds to her.
After some more teasing banter, they pull close and hug each other again. She sighs. “That was really special.” She buries her face in his shoulder and kisses him some more. They smooch on the lips yet again.
He muses, “It’s tough after a scene like that to --” “Yeah, It’s really hard,” she breaks in. “ ‘Go take your shower and…’ ...I know; it’s really hard.” She returns to kissing him and hugging him some more. (As that is the only natural thing to do.) She rests her head on his shoulder. She kisses him again. They rub their noses together (which, tbh, was probably the cutest non-sexual thing I’ve ever seen in a porn video.)
More kissing. Including with tongue. Manuel comments, “It’s almost like we’re talking on the phone.” Angela giggles and nods in agreement. “ ‘You hang up,’ ‘No; you hang up.’ ‘No; You hang up!’ “ Manuel: “Right?” Angela: “Yeah.” Angela: “You hang up first!” Angela then turns to the director and tells him that he will have to be the one to “hang up” (end the scene.) (Since neither of them are able to let go of each other.) Finally she says, “Okay... I guess I’ll let you get back to real life, and I’ll get back to real life, and…”
....But she keeps kissing him. (And he is fully on board with it. He wants to stay with her just as much as she wants to stay with him.) They just keep holding each other and kissing each other. (It seems like this could go on and on forever. So the average audience member might get bored; right? But I can’t break away, because it’s such a beautiful thing. It’s moments like these that are the ones that you just have to witness.) “It’s a good day,” he says. “An amazing day,” she says. “That was really special,” she repeats.
They break apart. Then they chat about random silly things. Then Angela says, “I’m lost for words. Having conversations are difficult now.” “You’re so good,” says Manuel. “How do I get away from you?” "Yeah, you’re gonna have to run away,” says Angela. “I don’t know how you break from a scene like that,” she continues. “I’ve never had a situation where the scene’s over and I don’t want it to be over and I don’t know what to do. It just feels so weird to be like, ‘okay, now let’s go back to our normal lives’... Now I’m getting all emotional.”
“This is very special,” says Manuel. He comes over and hugs her. She starts to cry. “Thank you.” she says. “That was really good.” (But she isn’t thanking him for the sex. She’s thanking him for staying with her. And holding her. And being loving and affectionate to her. And not just fucking her and then leaving her immediately, as most of the male actors do.)
He holds her tightly. She cries. She weeps silently. But they are tears of happiness. (...Or maybe they are mixed emotions?) He holds her. Angela: “That was really good. Thank you. That was really amazing.” Manuel: “You are so f*cking special.”
They finally manage to break apart from each other (for the last time this time?) “F*ck,” she exclaims. “Okay, let’s, like, try and.. Idk… I guess I just gotta, like, ...idk… snap back to real life. I don’t know how you do that.”
He gives her a tissue to wipe the tears from her face. Now she seems to come back into the moment. They chat for a bit, discussing the scene and what just happened between them. They compliment each other once again. He leaves to take a shower, and she continues talking to the camera, just expressing her thoughts and sharing how great that was for her.
She sighs. “That was really special. I’m really happy. That was amazing.” She smiles sentimentally. She goes on: “So I guess now, like, after that fantasy, amazing sex,... I have to go back to everyday life…” She just sits there, thinking.
Then the scene ends.
But at the very end, she says, “This is what I’m here for.” (I can’t tell if she’s talking about porn in general or if she’s talking about moments like the one she just experienced.) “I really felt something. And you don’t always do that -- like, not every day. Not for a scene. So to really feel something in a scene is really very special.” She sighs again. “I’m living for those moments.” Another sigh. [End.]
...SO… Here’s my point. This is why I shared this whole scene with you: I did it because I wanted you to see a rare moment in the adult film industry. And I wanted to illustrate the contrast between just raw sex and the flip side of that, which is passionate intimacy.
Most porn doesn’t have intimacy. Most SEX doesn’t even have intimacy. People just get together and join their bodies together and get off. That's it. Just a physical act. Sometimes there is meaning behind it, but many times there is not.
And so many people these days don't have relationships because they're not willing or able to go beyond the surface level things -- sexual, physical things -- and really be vulnerable with each other and share their true feelings and emotions with each other. And no one is willing to commit, because they are all scared. Scared that the relationship will end. No one has faith anymore. No one has hope.
So in this current cultural climate of disillusionment and malaise, that is why so many young women enter the world of porn. They become adult models and actresses because... yes, the money is good… and the sex is good (though sometimes it isn't, tbh. They just fake a smile and pretend to enjoy what is happening to them until the director calls "cut."). ...But the other reason is that they don't believe that they will find a real relationship. A true, passionate, caring relationship. Their own fairytale love story. Because most men are bad. Or at least the ones they've encountered, and the ones they're aware of. So why even try? Why even bother? Why not just use your body to make movies and get paid for it? After all, it is a decent way to get rich quick. That is the prevailing mindset, anyway.
But the thing is, adult film actresses are lonely. They usually don't have much of a life outside of the circle of people that they work with. And they don't feel love. Because sex is just part of their job. You go to work, you do it, then you go home. And you're a cat lady at night.
That's sad, isn't it?
That's why the scene I described to you above was such a rare moment. That's why Angela was so touched, and why she got emotional and she cried.
But here's the really sad part: Many people who are not in adult films do the exact same thing. They have Friends With Benefits relationships. They have hookups. They have One Night Stands. But they don't have true intimacy. And they don't have love. Many of them will go through life having never experienced the feeling of being loved at all. They may have a lot of sex, with a lot of people, but they will die alone.
What about you? Is that what you want for your life? Or do you want something more?
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