A message to Indian people about slut shaming...

A message toto Indian people about slut shaming...

Let's face the hard cold facts. Women are treated like crap in India. Not victimising women or hating on men just stating my observations of years of living in mumbai. Well many might say that "India is where women are treated like goddesses... Blah blah"... But I'm pretty sure most of those people barely treat women like humans. What they actually mean is " if a woman is ready to follow my bullshit conservative behaviour I might not call her a slut". Cool! If you are one of those guys ( or girls) read my message so that it knocks some sense into your head. Even if you are not. Go ahead it won't bite.

1. Culture is a choice not a compulsion

Yes people, just because you think living mentally in the eighteenth century is the definition of a good girl then I might ask you to shove it. Some girls are reserved and that's cool but those who are not don't deserve to be called names. Everyone is their own person and you NEED to respect that. If a girl wants to follow tradition its not a problem but if she doesn't its not your place to tell her to. Keep it to yourself.

Lesson learned: Mind your own business.

2. We are human too

I am human. Other girls are human and we are not an extension of our fathers or husbands. We are not property. We are not a burden. We are human beings and we can make our decisions.You make yours.

Lesson learned: Mind your own business.

3. Virginity and morality have no connection

Yeah this ones most important because I have come across people who perceive that a girl is "unclean" because she's had sex before marriage or even talks about sex. Wow! Understand that sex is a need of your body. You didn't pop out of nowhere. Get off your high horse and see things the way they are. Morality is behaviour and a girl virginity is something called none of your business.

Lesson learned: mind your own business.

4. What she wears, talks about and does is none of your concern.

I don't deserve rape because I don't cover myself head to toe in 36° in summer. I don't deserve rape because I said the word sex out loud I don't deserve rape if I date a guy . You deserve to be slapped because you yell out the word slut whenever a girl passes by.

Lesson learned : mind your own business.

I am not generalising all people based on them being Indian. I just have noticed many people do the above things(89℅ of people around me).

So I'm just saying live your own life and leave others alone.

Peace!!!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree that many girls go through some harsh things in India. Families treat girls like bullshit due to their narrow mindedness. But my experience while living in the capital is as follows:

    1. Being a Punjabi living in Delhi, I can wear whatever the hell we want, gulp down glasses of beer, party with my family and friends like no tomorrow and yet I am very much connected to my culture. Not because someone forces it on me, but because I love my culture, the teachings of our God and wants to follow the path of goodness.

    2. I want to be a writer, and my entire family enthusiastically supports me so much that sometimes, I feel like procrastinating, but they kick my ass (not literally) ad ask me to complete my novels. I am very much independent and can take my decisions.

    3. None of my friends have ever said that virginity and morality have a connection. They are quite open minded. But yes, for your parents, it's an issue. I don't find it offending though. I am really not keen on jumping on the bed and losing my virginity before marriage. Not for any morals or stuff, but simply because I am not emotionally ready. And society judges every freaking thing so I don't give a fuck about the society.

    4. Guys and girls around me wear whatever they want, speak in whichever the way they want. I cuss in front of my parents, and they don't care. Lol.

    Now, there are so many narrow minded people here. We can't shut the mouth of each one of them, but yes, India IS changing. You will find some stupid people in every part of the world. Though I hope that some stupid Indians gain some sense and understand that our way of life doesn't push any of us to deserve rape or any harsh punishment, and some guys need to fucking stop being justice and saying that you got raped because you were wearing this or that. Like, shut the fuck up, you horny assholes who just can't keep it into your pants!

    • Yeah you said what I wanted to

    • You have refined the thought here. Kudos to that. Well, just to keep things in perspective, lets refine it further. Eve Teasing can be healthy, as well as ahem, the kind described above. Secondly, what people think comes up to their face, so you can predict the person to avoid, and the person to stick with. Lastly, you have all sorts of people around. So, keep in mind what you speak or do. Like, a display of high confidence and a bit of aggression can ward of such people away. And ya, this topic is something I would like to know about more ( I have been to delhi only a few times, that too for a day or so).

    • I don't think eve teasing is something healthy. Making sexual comments about someone's body if she or he is not comfortable with it isn't healthy.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Finally! Someone gets it right.
    I am an Indian guy. And this is, by no means, Racist.
    It simply outlines the mentality of every other Indian you will meet online, or in real. Women are seen as Sex objects. NO! No point in denying it. I have seen enough stuff around me to speak the truth. Women are raped, paraded naked, killed, and have their clitoris cut for what? Trying to marry another guy after their previous husband died? Have a boyfriend? Wear short clothes?
    People in my country avoid the real truth. 70% of the people lack moral values towards sex and women. Here, 'Talking' about sex is considered a taboo, so the method of teaching people correct social and moral values regarding to sex doesn't even exist. The members of my country throw the blame of a rape onto the woman, saying, "Women should not wear short clothes." But don't consider the fact that it is our own culture, that has changed, and women are not respected, or treated the way they should be.
    The religious or cultural values they want us to follow, clearly state a woman should always be treated well. But when it comes to that, we see the same people, who make these allegations abuse their wives and daughters.
    Change your thinking, people. Probably you will make some more progress towards humanity.

    • That's right. I am Indian too by the way.

    • Nice to meet you!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • The only opinion I have (or can reasonably have, As I am not from india myself) on this is that saying "Lesson learned: mind your own business." over and over, is not making an actual point. It's just repeating your self and over stressing something where I am sure there are actually good and valid points to be made off of the paragraphs that preface the assertion... Just saying, issue aside, you can do better then that.

  • VERY well written & described. YES I am all for this & more stopping not only here in India but also everywhere. However, if I start with the very beginning of why such things started, it'll be a long story. I have described the why many times in many of my opinions - if you can get down to reading them :-)

    Let's accept this for a fact from someone who is your father's age, well traveled even in the pre internet era so I have loads of friends from various countries.

    ALL countries & cultures w/o an exception have every single thing you have written going on in various degrees within them, just that those countries sweep them under the carpet while India is making strides exposing them openly w/o caring for how it will affect the Rupee value ;-)

    While what made it famous the Nirbhaya case was happening, Stubenville too had it's shame in a similar manner. BUT while the former has been publicized, the latter didn't really make news.

    Here is something which a lot of people will come up debating, but scarcely is there smoke w/o fire :-)

    https://i.imgur.com/3G1c8I4.jpg

    indianexpress.com/.../

    In other countries / continents even more bizarre things happen - even in the developed countries but these are always swept under the carpet.

    These situations are global and not stuck to one nation. Today India wants to curb such things which is why they are out in the open with it while others are happy with a readily available topic while not bothering with their own backyard. Just a matter of time when people of the world unite and more skeletons will come tumbling.

    By publicizing such incidents India is making strides towards creating awareness & curbing such instances.

    If you think, young lady that women in other countries don't face this, you are highly mistaken & so are those who claim they don't :-)

    On the contrary other countries should be urged to open up 2 curb this menace.

    Going anon & making stale statements is for losers. These r those who sit behind desks & do nothing but 'gossip'

    • This is about being human and not being born as a homosapien, it's not about a country or a culture or a race, it's about humanity and those who are human in the real sense will see sense in what I've written and not run around trying to degrade 'Indians' or 'Africans' or any particular race BUT act on it in their own backyard first :-)

  • @penguinclub

    I suppose you're just frustrated. Most of your points are just half-truths. Couldn't even believe you say this in spite of living in Mumbai, which is supposed to be among the least conservative Indian cities. Or maybe you just happened to come in contact mostly with the ;wrong' kind of people.

    I stay in Bangalore, and none of what you say happens here on a regular basis. You might go ion to say that since I'm a man, I may not have realized it. But no, it is pretty obvious that you're just venting out your anger here.

    If you didn't already know, ALL laws in India are HEAVILY in favor of women, so it is very easy for women to LEGALLY exploit men. A couple have consensual sex and later breakup, but still the woman can accuse her ex of 'rape' and have him arrested. And in India adultery is a crime ONLY if committed by men, while women get away scott free. Don't even get me started about the Dowry Law, which thousands of women 'misuse' to get their husbands and in-laws imprisoned and/or take away half the assets. And of late, women are lodging cases of 'improper touching' against men, although they can't even prove what it was and the men are promptly booked.

    Perhaps the best way to sum up Indian laws:- The court has said that "The words of a woman alone are enough to convict a man, no further evidence is needed". Can it get any worse than this?

    So there you have it, we men have it just as bad, if not worse, than women. Because India is a country which believes that 'Women are angels sent from heaven' while 'Men are evil monsters whose sole aim in life is to exploit women'.

    • Laws are of no use if they are not followed in society. I agree that there is prejudice against men too but usually what I have seen is that if a girl gets harassed then she's the one blamed.

    • Not always. The fact is, innocent men are being harassed by evil women with the backup of stupid laws, while the evil men (who actually harass women) are usually escaping the law. Everything is so damn messed up in India.

    • Hahaha you say it better than I do. I agree completely!

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  • I think Dubai is a lot worse than India, despite them respecting cows more than women. In Dubai, they say women aren't allowed to drive because instead, they get driven around by men like they're royalty. It's just one of their excuses to make women fall for and comply with it, making them believe they're considered first class citizens when they're very much, not that. Saudi leaders say foreign women like being raped so that's why we're allowed to drive, whereas Saudi women don't so they're not allowed to drive, though I'm pretty sure those women get raped way more than us, they just keep quiet because they fear their safety. That's how messed up they are and they think they're totally right.
    What I'm getting at is, there's not much you can do about it when it's imprinted in their culture and religion. They won't listen to you either because they view women as second class citizens who don't have the right to be heard.

    • True.

  • It totally depends on people.
    If you had any bad experience/s in the past with some guys doesn't mean ALL guys will treat you the same way.
    I'd never treat a girl the way you've described in your article.
    After spending this much years studying in MBBS, I've observed and studied human behavior thouroughly and after reading this article I can definitely tell that you wrote this to show hatered towards Indian guys due to your own bad experience.
    But remember not ALL GUYS ARE THE SAME and that applies to Indian guys too.

    • Exactly. None of the girls in my whole extended family (8 girls) would agree to the crap she has put up there. And look she has already declared me as an asshole with my one comment. Shows her judging skills.

    • No I don't think I hate Indian guys. I have written about people in general. My best friend is a guy He is not like that. I also said I don't generalise guys or people because they are indian. Read the whole thing.

    • @Take Owner - I've read your whole article, Sis. Why do you think other Indian users found this article inapproapriate besides me?

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  • I absolutely love this. I'm American and even here we will constantly hear about girls being slut shamed and I myself have suffered through slut shaming. Thanks you for this insight

    • Thank you. Lol just look at the haters.

  • I don't understand why Indian people are getting so offended by this or why some are being so immature about it. It's very well known that women are not treated the same there. It's obvious that not everywhere and not everyone is the same and participates in these types of things. And it's perfectly fine to point that out. But equality is needed in some places more than others, so what's the harm in expressing herself and targeting those area's specifically. Things need to change all over the world, for both genders and there's nothing wrong with her speaking out about it, especially at such a young age, I think it's great.

  • While I agree to most part of your take but it's my humble request to you is that "DON'T INSULT MY COUNTRY"

    • I'm Indian living in India. And I know what I experience and it wasn't insulting it was the truth.

    • I know the girls' perspective about us, you are in no exception. But these things will deteriorate the reputation of our country.

    • Instead of caring about reputation see why our country's reputation is bad. Take off your rose tinted glasses and let go of ego. The truth is there in front of you. I am not the only girl who gets treated like crap here.

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  • Thank you for bringing this issue to our attention. And to the commenter who said she should move out west, slut shaming is just as rampant here (at least in Arizona). It's true that people aren't openly physically abusive about slut shaming, but I dated a guy in high school who convinced me to do a bunch of shit I didn't feel comfortable with then spread it around school and called me a slut after I ended it. He was considered a normal guy and everyone sided with him and attacked me verbally and emotionally. I'm over it (it was years ago), but my experience wasn't uncommon for the west (again, I can only speak for a few places in Arizona).

    • Something of that sort happened to me too. All I'm trying to say is that people should mind their business. Anyway thanks for sharing.

  • I lived in Mumbai for a while. I agree a moral police exists but I usually see the youth and college students crowds opposed to them.

    Your personal experience might be bad. I had guy and girl friends in the same Mumbai. They don't agree with the slut shamming.

    You should visit the clubs in the west suburbs and go to the south of Mumbai. Meet a more educated class of people. When you say 89% of people around you, where in Mumbai do you stay?

    • I'm from a well educated family and some of my friends are too. But that's the problem. Even the people who call themselves educated and those who are "high class" act like douchebags.

    • Give me an instance of what happened? Having a sister I know my mom and dad had rules for what she can't wear. But I never found those too conservative - not even close to having to cover head to toe. Anyways she hardly ever used to follow :-P But I never found my parents' concern medieval-era-like. In fact I have at least know one girl (she lives in Worli) that is very much a feminist and particular about this topic.

    • A guy at my college spread a rumor I wasn't a virgin as if its any of his business. And almost everyone of my friends ditched me. Isn't that enough? Okay there is one thing more. Once a complete stranger came up to me and told me to pull my tops neckline up and when I wouldn't, she did it herself.

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  • This is spot on! Very interesting post girl :)

    • Thanks.

  • I have many friends from India... only one of them thinks like this. There are guys and girls who treat girls like what you described... NOT only in India!!
    I've met few people in Korea and Canada who share the same opinions with you as well. Especially girls from Asia... there are many many more people who don't share this mentality.. It depends on people.

    • This is exactly what I'm trying to say. Thanks Mei for proving my point ^_^

    • Lol I just hope she meets better people, good people in her life 😅 @DanteSparda seriously not ALL Indian guys or Korean guys or any men from any other men oriented conservative culture are like this 🙊😕 please go out more and please meet more open minded good people in the world 🙊

    • Right ! Couldn't hv said it better.

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  • there's more human slavery in india right now than anywhere else in the world combined. granted they're a huge country. statistically they have one of the highest populations. but china and the united states also have high populations and not even close to the number of sex slaves or otherwise

    • percent wise its second only to haiti or pakistan, which have a small fraction of the total number of enslaved due to the fact that their populations are significantly less. but all 3 are vile in their treatment of women or just people in general

  • Your opinions lack a lot of clear judgment

    First your talking about a country with over a billion people. If there were a billion Americans, they probably would be 20% more obese people than today. Also your talking about a poor poor region of the world. Any poor area will have a little more aggressive behaviours since the political infrastructure is weak

    Third, your history is weak on Indian and it's why your opinions lose merit. Men were more valued because of the physical labour they were able to perform over their female counterparts. But that is changing real fast

    Look how many women are Indian actors, models, miss universe. Clearly out of a billion people there's also many that are not how you described. And in the same token, out of a billion people which most are poor, clearly your going to see it in a negative way

  • It sounds rather like tribalism, street harassment and school bullying rather than slut shaming. You probably live in a very conservative area.

    • Lol in fact the people I usually cone in contact with are the least conservative ones ( or they say so) but they still do all that.

    • Maybe you need to leave... For another area... Can't fight the mob mentality.

  • Yes we are rapist and sexist. The men of other world are greek gods. Please leave this godamn country and marry those foreign guys and have children. We aren't stopping you. If your family is.. then that's your problem.

    • I never said Indian men were rapists. Don't jump to conclusions. I meant to say look around you and tell me. Am I wrong in what I have written? Don't start making up your own things and getting offended.

    • She obviously doesn't knows that number of rapes in US are 16 times that of India but nevermind let her have her moments of glory.

    • No i recommend indian women to really go and settle with foreign guys. They all treat every women like Queens. They have spacious home, money , cars and what not. Why live among us sex hungry men?

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  • *criticize culture*
    "peace!!!"

    conclusion [ based on asker ] is we can't have peace, unless we all have the same ideas.
    oh look hitler was right.

    • I am not asking everyone to have same ideas. I am saying that people with different ideas should respect each others personal space. Read the content and then speak. Don't jump to conclusions.

    • dont tell me what to do, hitler

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  • sexism is everywhere. india is full of child prostitutes.

  • Made my day. Very true!

    • I'm glad it did.

    • And I'm from Kolkata. Nowadays in every part of India, guys WILL stare at you if you're wearing revealing dresses. Or even if you're pretty or have a good shape. It's from my experience. As some retards watch me as I have a good figure. -_-' I mean what is it to look at? Never seen a girl?

    • So true

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  • Slut shaming is everywhere and there's lots of it, not just in India. I've lived in India for a couple of years while living in US almost all my life. I seriously don't know which country has more slut shaming but there's more awareness in the States though.

    • Very true but I have experienced only India so I am saying this only about my people. Cause I know what it is. But yes slut shaming is everywhere I heard but have the right to speak only of what I experienced.

    • But keep in mind, slut shaming isn't any less in US or even in other Western countries. You might think it is but no way. The awareness is much higher in US though. And the guy that spread false rumors about your virginity, well even in US that happens and you'd have had a lot of friends not talking to you after that. In US, many would call the girl slut too and say she's a slut for being underage yet still having sex with a college guy.

    • I never said it doesn't happen in the US. I'm just saying I am writing about where I live and what I have experienced. That's it. Just because I write or criticise doesn't mean I am saying other countries are really free of bull shit. Get your facts right.

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