A terrorist organization has planted an explosive device in my vagina, what would you do?

Question

A far right terrorist group, fighting promiscuous behaviour in the name of Jesus, has secretly planted an explosive device in my vagina. In the middle of sex we receive a warning that it will explode if you stop, pull out, slow down under 50 thrusts per second or ejaculate.

It will take the bomb disposal squad an hour to arrive.

What's your delay tactic to save us?

razelove · Accepted Answer

Well that's a porn adaptation of the movie speed...

First I'd ask how they so handily gained access to you, and what else are you hiding in there? Typically you can feel any foreign objects, like my problem with the IUD isn't that it's birth control, it's those strings stabbing into my penis.

So, time to be practical, I'm not going to want to perform under those conditions. there's some pressure sensor for that 50 thump per minute criteria, time for a stick and filling up the bath tub in case you explode. Sure, it'll chafe pushing the stick in as I pull out.

Then pull out my magnifier and hemostats, see if despite any damage done I can pull that out, into the water and get you out of the tub. Seems more like something the left would do, they're more into the elaborate set-ups.

ChrisMaster69 · Accepted Answer

Only one thing for it.

get the miners helmet on, cut the rope holding my to the plank of wood and climb inside, and see if can defuse it.

light the miners torch, just in gas any explosive gasses and watching out for fanny tremors the creature that lurch’s in the deep recesses of the batter passage.

check you map and head on wards, making sure to watch out for fanny batter falls, you don’t want to get stuck here.

your final destination is via mass transit Fallopian tube, to the womb with a view.

here you will find the ticking time bomb, only one this for it, drop your pants and get mixing you need a good load of baby batter ready and give it some Spider-Man web slinging action.

Tamera952 · Accepted Answer

HAHAHAhaahahHAHA!!! I fucking LOVE this question. You made my day seriously! Very creative and I literally almost spilled my coffee laughing out loud when I just read it -- Seriously cracked me up. I looooove it and look forward to people's answers. ;)
LMFAO

Grl2live_nlearn4u · Accepted Answer

This is really funny. I think the guy better be good at what he's doing because it seems like it's mostly on him when I read the rules. Oh and yes it's better to say far left too.

MrOracle · Answer

Whoa! I'd call in Keanu. He'll know what to do.

Jessica405 · Answer

Go out with a bang! An effin' big bang! 🤣🤣🤣

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

This is one of those times I'm really glad I wasn't born with a penis😂 But hopefully your orgasm is banging before the big boom💣🧨💥

katiesmuff · Answer

That is going to be one bang of a fuck!

DaisyM23 · Answer

How can one do 50 thrusts in a second?

nevernevernever · Answer

50 thrusts a second? you're already dead

HeyMikeyLikesIt · Answer

lol we are both fucked because Im gonna cum no matter what, Ill keep thrusting my soft dick into you though until it blows

ohshee · Answer

Okay who you been talking to who told you my fantasy about you the first thing we're doing is calling your grandma telling her she needs to order some fast food restaurant stuff then we need to tell her no dirty talking just in case I get more turned on and then I'm looking straight into your eyes and telling to get off the phone we have more important things to do

TheCunningLinguist · Answer

It sounds like we know what to do and since it takes my hours to climax, we're all good. Once the bomb is removed, I may have to spend a few hours kissing your kitty until if feels better afterwards. 😉😋

Bellatris · Answer

I can easily imagine a couple of the people here on GAG that I've come across who would probably join such a terrorist group.

The_Maphio · Answer

See how much of a mess it will do once the thing goes off. Should be interesting.

jshm2 · Answer

Wasn't that a South Park episode? The "Snuke" was planted in Clintons vagina, was a long time back though...

Agape93 · Answer

Ha! That’s easy 😏 looks like I’m hitting some more cocaine, tightening the strap ons straps and going to town.

Dargil · Answer

How did they get it in?

Apope16 · Answer

I have magic fingers that save the day

DanishSaint · Answer

I would never in the world miss the chance of licking a vagina packed with explosives...

MannySimms · Answer

Say no to drugs...

exitseven · Answer

you have quite the imagination. I would tell you to hang on tight because you will be in for the ride of your life. You will probably tell the bomb squad to come back later.