Advice for my situation as a newly single late 20s mom?

[Anonymous]

I was engaged with an infant but my partner struggled with sex and intimacy for many years which I kept expecting to improve. Long story short we had not had sex in a year went to a therapist and I just realized that I’m not feeling motivated to do the work to fix it or attracted to him anymore. He feels somewhat the same. We broke up and last I was single I was 23 and had my pick of the litter. I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere now. 20yr old guys want their own family, and early thirties are mostly taken. People aren’t getting divorced yet. I also want to get laid so badly but also don’t want to feel used especially if the sex is bad as is much casual sex. What advice do you have for me navigating this situation? Anything that comes to mind I will hear!
ps yes I am committed to my son and being a great mom as well as loving myself. I don’t need a man to complete me but fuck I need to get laid and would like to have companionship again some day.

[Pogi-Paddy]

The only thing I can say is don't sell yourself short and keep looking for the positive as you trudge forward in life. It isn't going to happen instantly but in time, things will fall into place. And then you will look back on this difficult time and you will and probably smile.🌹

[Asker]

That’s sweet thanks

[Pogi-Paddy]

You're welcome, good luck with your situation.🌹

[Anonymous]

Sexless sucks. I'm in a sexless marriage. Feel your pain.

as for "some day" I think the reality is that the pool of compatible divorced men will grow as you age and they might be the best permanent partner.

maybe right now you just need a boyfriend? More serious than a hookup, sex and a connection, but not necessarily a long term match? Could be a young guy who enjoys a relationship now. Could be an older guy if you find any attractive where the sex is good and there's a connection but maybe not who you'd spend your life with and see him age first.

[Asker]

This sounds like a good compromise, now where to find him 🤔 sorry about your sexless marriage its so tough, your supposed to only have sex with one person the rest of your life but that person doesn’t have sex with you, doesn’t make sense - of course it’s complicated though.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah exactly. I signed up for monogamy not mutual celibacy. For you: depends what you're looking for exactly. You may be looking in the right places just not clear enough about what you're looking for (which could either scare some guys away or you might be rejecting because you can't see yourself with them in 10 years). If you're kind of more open you're looking for someone to date and have fun with and be close but that's all.. might help

[Asker]

Yeah for sure guess I just gotta get out there and see. I always dated with such serious intentions in the past, it’s new territory for me the casual stuff but I’m sure someone out there will be on the same page

[Opinion Owner]

There's nothing weird about wanting someone to be a for-now-boyfriend. Or a monogamous friends with benefits. Whichever works for you and your life.

[Asker]

For sure thanks for the advice

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

I say see a therapist first to work out your emotions about your ex. Also you can date someone who is a single dad or someone who likes children and has never had one. If the child is a girl be extremely careful about having a live in partner because men who are not family are the biggest threat to little girls.

[loves2learn]

I think you might need to get on tinder and get that out of your system. Get laid and then focus on rebuilding your life.

[Asker]

Might need to 😅

[loves2learn]

Seriously, girl. Get that taken care of off. You will feel better.

[joeldalton]

Whoops you fucked up.

[Asker]

not really we started a family intentionally. If your 39 you know that life doesn’t always go the way you originally intend.

[Montano_lady]

I don’t know I want to get laid too but too shy to approach girls

[Asker]

Yeah certainly might take some getting out of our comfort zones I guess

[Luckycharms12]

You are young im sure good looking be yourself have fun and sure be fine

[Rudon00]

I'm feeling you. I can Identify. Because currently I'm feeling the same way. I'm feeling totally sexually repressed andit because I don't want to be having causal sex with just anyone but I'm waiting for the right person. Given I'm a virgin currently.

Have you been exploring masturbation lately?

[Asker]

Wow I’m impressed at your self control! I do masturbate which helps somewhat but still a different experience

[Rudon00]

Thanks my friend. Yeah masturbation can only do so much before you then realize its not that fulfilling and satisfying. There is something more that is missing that masturbation cannot provide. But can be discover when you have a partner you truly can explore Intimacy with

[Metalhead7]

i think you should improve the quality of your life, start with daily things and it will start to change something.

[Jmmmfi4]

trust me tons of guys would love a 23 year old

[Anonymous]

What state are you located in? Also be glad that as a woman you're not expected to make the first move or talk to guys first

[Asker]

I have made moves before but I am in Canada

[Opinion Owner]

Well that's nice and awesome to know but be glad that as a woman that's not expected of you, historically and traditionally that burden has always been on guys shoulders, has making the first move ever been successful for you?

[Asker]

Sorry your feeling defeated by that, yes my ex who I was with for 5 years I initiated first

[Opinion Owner]

You started talking to him first or you asked him out first? Just asking because I've always hated and resented that tradition, gender role with a huge passion, how it's always expected of the guy

[Asker]

I asked him to practice with me And got his number. You don’t have to do what society tells you but like anything the more you go after stuff the more opportunity you will get. It’s also perfectly great to just be even keeled and let a woman come to you! My ex was shy so that’s more his style

[Opinion Owner]

It just still seems rare in this day and age for relationships to be initiated by the woman

[Opinion Owner]

How many kids you have?

[Anonymous]

Women need men like a fish needs a bicycle. No decent man will want you now that you had a kid with some immature cuck

[Asker]

Lol you sound triggered

[Opinion Owner]

No not at all. In fact I am a male feminist. I am saying that men are awful because none of the good ones will go out with single mothers like you. You'll be stuck with loser guys that have herpes or are temporarily between jobs. It's not right that they do that just because you already have a kid by some immature loser

[Asker]

I see what your saying, well I don’t disagree that I’m probably going to have to do a ton of sifting.

[Opinion Owner]

Hey, Here is a piece of advice that my mother gave to my sister in your situation. Focus on your child for at least 10 years. Use toys to masturbate. nothing should be more important than your kids