Sexual Relationships
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Advice on partner watching porn in a relationship?

Guys, okay so I need a little advice here. I’m a female who is uncomfortable with my man watching porn behind my back and trying to hide it from me and lying about it. My husband knows how much it hurts me everytime I catch it. He swears he will stop and I always end up catching him again. He swears he watches it to get new ideas for us and not for pleasuring himself. But it’s making me really insecure and feeling like he’s not attracted to me and that I’m not doing enough for him. Mind you, we have sex almost every night. And it’s never boring. My question is, why do men continue to do this after knowing how much it hurts their woman? And is he lying when he says it’s not for his pleasure but rather new ideas?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Here we go again.

    The reason why he is hiding it from you is because he is sick and damn tired of you creating an argument over nothing because you got insecurity hangups.

    It's mere fantasy and nothing more.

    It has nothing to do with you being attractive or not. It has nothing to do with you not providing enough sex or not doing the right things. It has nothing to do with you or any other girl out there. You are not being compared to anyone else.

    You could be the hottest shit on the planet and guess what? The guy would still check some porn out.

    You are not some magical unicorn that can make any man stop in their tracks and never check out another girl or find others attractive (including finding you attractive)

    Don't tell me you don't glance at other guys or check their bodies out from time to time, because you're not fooling anybody with that crap.

    You find some of your guy friends attractive. You probably had co-workers you found attractive. I'm sure some of your partner's friends are attractive to you.

    So don't even try and suggest you're some 135% loyal woman who only looks at her partner and stares at the ground every time you go out in public. Don't even suggest the idea that you don't have fantasies or things running through your brain that are sexual and that are about someone else other than your partner, because nobody is buying that crap.

    It's OK to admit that and it's perfectly normal. It's mere fantasy. It's when you start taking actions on those fantasies that real problems exist.

    Guys masturbate, whether we're in a relationship or not, that's just reality. Whether we masturbate thinking about our partners, or we're masturbating to porn or we're masturbating by imagination only, the end result remains the same. We're fiddling with ourselves to get some pleasure.

    And you and everybody else on this planet are allowed to do the exact same thing. It's your body, just as it is his body and nobody has the right to dictate what we do with ourselves and our own bodies. You have the right to masturbate too. How you go about it and what you use while doing it is nobody else's business.

    Do you seriously think your partner is sitting there, scrolling through countless videos and images and actually comparing whether this random girl is more attractive than you?

    Do you seriously believe that if there was a video of a girl he thought was less attractive than you, that he wouldn't view it anyways?

    The girls and the guys in porn are irrelevant and in real life, the majority of guys out there wouldn't want to actually be involved with anybody in the videos they watch. They're there for the imagry and eye candy. They're there for the scenes and to perform the actions that stimulate arousal. As soon as the video is done, it's onto the next video, with different people, different bodies, different situations. In 2 mins, whatever girl it was in the last video, they're forgotten about and onto the next one, who is forgotten...

    • Are they physically attractive? Most are, sure. That's part of their job. But a real relationship is more than just sex and physical attraction and when it comes to porn, that's all they are. People argue that porn objectifies women, but actually everyone in porn are objects, though the guys moreso, since at least the girls get interviews and you see their faces, where the guys usually are just dicks and torsos with their faces obscured... Made into actual objects for the girl to use. Anyways, I digress. Guys will usually jump from video to video. Most guys don't even watch the whole videos and skip to the views or angles that interest them. Guys also put them on mute, not just to avoid being caught or end up in an awkward situation, but because most of the time, whatever anybody says in porn is annoying, cheesy or a straight turn off. Which leads to the other thing about us guys. We're visual creatures and porn allows us to see angles during sex that are usually impossible for us to see when we're having actual sex. Those camera angles help us connect visual stimuli to what we actually feel that we can't see, which makes sensations more intense. And lastly, your partner isn't hiding his porn from you to avoid hurting your feelings. He is hiding it to avoid these arguments you create over a private matter related to only him, that is none of your business (unless he allows it to be your business) and he is trying to avoid you embarrassing him over something almost everybody (male and female) does. Him Masturbating isn't about You, it's about him and the only problem is you and your insecurities. Nobody said you couldn't watch porn and masturbate, if you don't, that was your decision.

    • Damn boy that was a NYT best seller novel u just wrote

  • Porn is just entertainment kind of like watching WWE wrestling , it’s set up and staged So he shouldn’t really have an issue with not having to watch it considering it hurts your feelings and if he is watching it all the time then it sounds like something is missing from his life that he is seeking a thrill of false reality next time you catch him tell him you want to see the kind of porn he is watching and ask him questions to what is turning him on about it maybe there is something you aren’t doing in the bedroom that he wishes u would do that caught his attention on porn , he probably is turned on by how the girls in porn are submissive to their men that the second he is going to cum they get on their knees and let him give them a facial or something a long those lines , cuz to be honest porn doesn’t really do anything it mainly opens doors to try new things in bed , so if he was watching porn and not having sex with you then that would be an issue. But in your case that doesn’t sound like the issue

Most Helpful Girls

  • They continue to do this because you didn't screen them about them doing this before you date them. He has a p*** problem Oh, and he doesn't have any respect to you. Your the wife he can have sex with and one thing I know is that when that happens he is not sexually satisfied. And that is the result of masturbation and over pornography consumption, besides having premarital sex before marriage. I think you put your foot down and let him know what he's doing is fornicating against you, is considered abuse, and is hurting your sex life with him. and if he don't change and get help for it he will lose you and be stuck with his hand. Don't do this to yourself. Your worthy to be loved! Not treated like a whore. And ignore these idiotic people who don't care about your well-being and probably don't even care about other people. This is why divorce rates is up and why so many women choose divorce. He is not doing it for no new ideas, you don't need no new ideas for sex. Sex is a self expression of love! If he has to do all that then he don't love you and you're wasting your time. Men continue to do it because you allow it to happen. If more and more women put their foot down and refused sex before marriage many of these men will wake up. They don't wake up because of women are too weak to do anything about it.

  • It is true, watching porn does give them ideas on how to make the bedroom experience enjoyable. Why I think u have great sex every night!!! Most men will not ask u what to do in bed, a man needs to know that he conquers in the bed, that he satisfies his wife and that things are not boring in bed. But Too much porn can be addicting and crippling if he is pleasuring himself while looking at this. This can mess you up to the point where he can only feel pleasure when looking at porn and also masturbating should be done to help a man last longer. Constantly masturbating to porn might lead to premature evacuation.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Why do you even care?

    How is porn bad and hurtful to you?

    This is more a problem with you than a problem of your husband's.

    There is nothing wrong with watching porn. You ought to let him watch porn. In fact, YOU ought to try it yourself.

    And ask "why am I so offended by this?".

  • Either put your foot down and tell him enough or you are out of there, or stop complaining about it. Once someone becomes addicted to porn it is no different than being addicted to booze or drugs and not easy to stop. Sometimes they have to lose something before they finally realize what it is doing to them. If you sit there on your hands nothing will ever change. Get tough or go home.

  • Alright I'm going to suggest you guys sit down and try to watch some porn together. See what he likes and what you like to watch in turn. Maybe this will help shake things up plus your man gets to watch some porn

    • I did this just today. Hopefully this will work for us!! Other than this, our relationship is solid and we are very happy together and still sleep together ALL THE TIME. Thanks for responding!

  • Watching porn is totally normal tho and should be hurting anyone's feelings.
    Its definitely not cheating, he's watching other people have sex it's not like he's doing it himself.
    Imagine if your watching a horror movie where people get murdered. It's not like you yourself is murdering anyone. Its just for the enjoyment of watching

  • watch it with them... it can be a huge turn on to share the experience, maybe give each of you some new ideas to spice things up

  • he's not hiding it from you he is trying to prevent from hurting your feelings. You need to work with him on the porn issue, it's not anything negative towards you. He just likes it. Its a thing

  • sounds like he is addicted to porn but doesn't want to upset you so is trying to hide it from you, not very sucessfully it would seem.

  • Either u let him do it or hell just do it behind your back. Your choice. Its just porn, not a big deal. Maybe you should watch some too or even watch it together.

  • He is addicted.

  • Quit trying to control. You think just because you don’t like it he should stop that is peak entitlement on your part he is a grown ass man and could do what he wants. He is full-filling his sexual needs. If you don’t want him watching porn then suck him off whenever he wants so he doesn’t have to watch porn to cum

    • Sweetie we have sex just about every single day multiple times. It’s not a control thing. We are MARRIED. He should be fulfilling his sexual needs with his WIFE. But you’re still a young man and the way this world is now, the younger ones don’t really know the morals and respect of a commited relationship and marriage. You will though once you find that one special lady.

    • Obviously not enough I’d he has to watch porn to jerk off. Guys need to cum multiple times a day

    • Guys do not have to come that much lol. The health benefits pretty much show only needing once a month to get them. If you're coming that much every single day, you either have an excessively high sex drive or an addiction to masturbation

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  • Because he has a right. It's dumb to get bothered by porn. If you're that insecure don't be in a relationship because something is clearly wrong with you that it bothers you. You don't own him so you can't tell him what he can and can't watch or masturbate to.

    • Love ur outlook on this. Couldn't agree with u more

    • Okay well that your opinion in which you are entitled to. It don’t say that mine is dumb or wrong. You do not know me, or the things I have went through since childhood. And lastly you’re 18!! I thought the same way at that age!! Also, the younger generation these days lack morals and respect and have totally screwed up the idea of what love is and a commited relationship. It’s all just fun and games it seems like. But when it becomes more like an “addiction” it’s a serious problem as with any other addiction. I appreciate your opinion but the negativity behind it in tone that you said it, was very rude. Haven’t you been taught to not judge others? That you never know what someone has been through and or is going through? Sire he that right. I never said he didn’t. But when he’s been asked to watch it with me instead of behind my back and trying to hide it, going as far as having a separate phone just to watch it on, that’s a problem. You will learn one day sweetie. Just like I did.

    • What's wrong with him wanting to watch alone and maybe masturbate alone? Some people sometimes like time to themselves for that. And you're making him feel ashamed of that. Hence the other phone and lying.

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  • Men are swine; complain in church. Watch it with him and give him a handjob during the show.

  • Well, if you have non boring sex everyday, It's probably an addiction. And It's only him, most other guys would be more than satisfied.

  • I don't get this fascination with guys watching porn. It's a normal activity and the fact that you pressure him about it is causing him to lie. Which is adding to your anxiety. And is causing a bunch of issues in your relationship. Do you really have a problem with what your guy does in his spare time? Then just buy a chastity cage and be done with it. Because you are being controlling and manipulative over this.

  • You're jealous of a bunch of pictures and videos?

  • He's completely full of shit. Tell him to make you his sole sexual outlet or he's not getting anything but a divorce.
    You're lucky you're getting any - most 'porn-widows' suffer with little or none, while he jerks off to porn. It's a sick addiction. Besides which, it's all FAKE.

  • You want some advice? Get therapy.
    You honestly think it's healthy in a relationship for one partner to demand the other never masturbate or even think of anyone else ever, because said partner has a bit of childhood trauma mixed in with a bit of good old fashioned insecurity?
    If you have unresolved PTSD that effects your relationships to this extend, then you are not ready for a relationship.

    Like if i experienced gaslighting childhood trauma that gave me trust issues, to the point i can't trust my partner without having the passwords to all their accounts and seeing their phone everyday, then my problem is not that my partner is telling me to fuck off, my problem is that i have trust issues.
    Understand?

    The only problem your man has from this OP is that he's not man enough to stand up to you and tell you to fuck off for telling him when he's allowed to touch his own dick.

    • This.

  • Compromise

  • You need to get over it, your insecurity is not his fault.

    Also, stop trying to spy on his internet habits.

    This is a problem that you have to deal with on a personal level. It has nothing to do at all with him. It’s all in your mind.

  • I don't know why he's trying to hide it and lying is never good in a relationship, but that's as far as I go towards admonishing him. I get that you're insecure about this and what he's doing is feeding that feeling, but what needs to be addressed here is your insecurity, not his porn watching. Sounds like your man has a high sex drive and needs to empty his balls midday from time to time. It gets painful and induces stress and irritability when we get backed up, and it's important for guys to have a sexual release. If you two are going at it every night then you aren't unattractive to him. A guy who wasn't into you wouldn't marry you and fuck you every day. It's true that you're not doing enough to take care of his sexual urges, but you shouldn't have to force yourself either. If he's supplementing the gap in your sex drives with porn then that sounds healthy to me. Fact of the matter is there are two alternatives to porn here; first is you fuck him more even if you don't want to, and second is he gets a mistress. Both of those sound worse to me than him beating his meat to some porn vids every now and then, and I'm betting they sound worse to you too. Something you need to understand about guys and porn is it's not a replacement for a real girl. It doesn't fill the same craving in us, and isn't something you should feel threatened over. It isn't and never can be a replacement for physical contact. I recommend you see a therapist about your insecurity though. It's not healthy to be insecure in a relationship, and it won't go away if he stops the porn. It'll just manifest somewhere else.

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